in the pit of my stomach

I feel anxious - I wish I were able to give things totally over to Him. We made an investment today - in the markets - in which the outcome isn't a for sure win. I hate the unknown. I hate surprises. It causes sleepless nights, unable to eat, not being able to focus....

Even after praying about it, taking advice from a fellow Christian who has researched into this longer than I have, I still feel anxious. Curt has been able to let it go - but then he enjoys playing poker, etc. I enjoy playing - just not for money. So......

I am thankful that we didn't put into this so much that if it is a loss - it won't break us. I just hate thinking about hard earned money thrown away. I am thankful that if this does pan out - well.......it will be nice. So......

I guess I am taking this as a learning time to trust - after all He is "I AM" - in control of all.

It really does help to write it down. I am thankful that He helps me realign my focus.

He is...........

Yesterday, I was cooking. I put some vegs in a pan to sweat and left the kitchen for a few moments. From the other room I heard crackling - which I wondered about. Going back into the kitchen I saw that I had turned the wrong burner on.  The burner that I had left a wooden cutting board and knife beside. I didn't panic - just grabbed the board, which was in flames and threw it into the sink.

It wasn't until later that it hit me how quickly the flames could have been out of control - consuming not only the kitchen - but the whole house. It again hit me that He is......in control of all situations - even if I make the wrong choice - even if it is not on purpose. He is.......

I realized also that He is......in control of the flames of sin that surround me. That He doesn't allow them to consume any part of my heart - let alone my whole soul. He is......my protector. He is....all that I need and I pray that one day all that I am.

So - at the end of this year I reflect. How am I doing? Is He consuming me more and more? Is His Word/His ways consuming me more and more? Do my fruits show progress or black ashes?

He is......my bestest Christmas present. He is.......my true love. He is the true gift of grace and mercy. He is....I AM.