Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Val reminded me......

(You have to check out her canoe story-click Valerie on my links).

Curt and I had met my family to go canoeing on the Current River in 1985. I was reflecting upon the day as we rowed the last leg of the journey. How he had not once - but twice - literally saved myself and my dad in two major wipe outs. That he didn't even hesitate the second time, when he could have just left me there so he could really enjoy the rest of the day - we were only an hour into traveling by then. That he never yelled at me the many times I "navigated" us onto a sand bank, only grunted when pushing us off the 100th one, only ducked silently whenever I took a "shortcut" through downed trees rather than around them. Calmly rescued our things before floating away after I had "almost missed" a couple of underwater stumps - or those that were "barely able to see until you're on top of them".

So here we were, our first time alone together since having Adam two months prior. The scenery was beautiful, the last of the rowing was on completely calm water. The sunset was producing the most awesome reds, oranges, purples and pinks. I was sitting there in front of him thinking how romantic it was, how much I loved him, how happy I was.

When I asked what he was thinking about, he replied, "You know, you really shouldn't be wearing that bikini top until you've lost your baby fat. I'm counting three rolls back here."

I married such a romantic! and the way he has with words.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

"Praying the Scripture"

This comes from the book I read and reread throughout the year, "100 Days in the Secret Place" complied by Gene Edwards. What I am copying comes from Jeanne Guyon who was born in 1648.

"Praying the Scripture" is a unique way of dealing with the Scripture; it involves both reading and prayer.

Here is how you should begin.

Turn to the Scripture; choose some passage that is simple and fairly practical. Next, come to the Lord. Come quietly and humbly. There, before Him, read a small portion of the passage of Scripture you have opened to.

Be careful as you read. Take in fully, gently and carefully what you are reading. Taste it and digest it as you read.

In coming to the Lord by means of "praying the Scripture," you do not read quickly; you read very slowly. You do not move from one passage to another, not until you have sensed the very heart of what you have read.

You may then want to take that portion of Scripture that has touched you and turn it into prayer.

After you have sensed something of the passage and after you know that the essence of that portion has been extracted and all the deeper sense of it is gone, then, very slowly, gently, and in a calm manner begin to read the next portion of the passage. You will be surprised to find that when your time with the Lord has ended, you will have read very little, probably no more than half a page.

To receive a deep, inward profit from the Scripture, you must read as I have described. Plunge into the very depths of the words you read until revelation, like a sweet aroma, breaks out upon you.

After spending my devotional time doing this, I came away from a totally mountain top experience with our Father. While mowing today, I was praying and reflecting on this time with Him and realized how very tempting it would be to become a monk. Never having that communication with Him interrupted by other voices.

And then I realized that isn't how God meant for us to be. We are to be in constant communication with Him, and share Him with the world. If not for the voice of the Christians, the unsaved would remain unhearing of His great news. It also lead me to think about the voices I hear in my life. Words can not convey what a blessing it is to hear my husband say he loves me, to have heard my children call me "mommy" and now even as "mom". To hear family and friends express their love for me. To hear them share their hearts.

The Scripture is so alive with His words. My life is so alive with them and the words of those in my life.

How thankful I am that He is so big and so wonderful that His voice may always be heard even while I am hearing others.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


In the past few weeks while mowing, I noticed the corn was beginning to turn. During that time there are fields that are completely turned and looking ready for harvest. I have found over the years that I catch myself watching the bottom of the stalks, waiting for the beginning of the end to signal. The end of summer. And I have to catch myself from falling into a sadness upon seeing the brown inch its way up the green stalk. It isn't that I mind fall or winter and I do delight in spring. It's just that I LOVE summer. The terrible heat, humidity, relentless sunshine, big white clouds, thunderstorms, cool breezes that brush your skin like a kiss from God, warm rain falling upon you, green, green grass of home, trees waving in the wind or standing still providing shade and coolness.

It just doesn't seem possible that summer 2006 is near completion. I accidentally typed 2016 the other day and realized God-willing, I will see that summer too. Back in the 70's that sounded so far away and now the 70's seem so far away. I guess why I really find myself in sudden sadness is all goes too fast too soon. Am I squeezing all I can out of life? Am I enjoying His many blessings? Do I live for the moment? Are you?

As I mow, I often think of the persons in my life. I smile when I think with the touch of a keyboard so many came into it through blogsville. Praying for some I have never met, may never meet, and those I do know. Reading of their lives and thankful for the bright spots. Funny how God intertwines us. How He takes this great big world and makes it small.

I am glad He is in control.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Beef, Pork, Lamb & Turkey

Testicles - that is. Tried them all and as most childhood memories go - they weren't as good relived as I remembered. Not bad, just not good. And since I didn't condition myself prior to the event by eating fried foods, only one plate for me. Curt had two and we took a "sampler" home for those who dared. Adam refused to dare-something about them being nasty. I can not believe what a "city boy" I have at times! We gave the last of them to my dad for Father's Day and he was quite pleased.

Curt and I decided that we won't be going back in the future years. Nice to say we've been there, done that, but once is enough. Nichalas and Lucas accompanied us only to be refused at the gate. They created the rule this year that anyone under 21 was not allowed in, even with parents. What was rather ironic is that they walked down the block and ate in the tavern - by themselves.

And on another note - man is it hot out today. 97 when I last looked. The heat got to me and I am now in the AC cooling off before heading back out. I have four commercial props to spray and want to get those done. If the weather holds out, I have more spraying to do at ADM tomorrow. Next week I am to spray Huber's and hopefully, that will be it for awhile. The nice thing about it - I am taking off the rest of my weight rather quickly. Since I haven't updated WWLPP for some time........

I am now 40 pounds lighter than when I started.

Why is it that I feel so much better being at this weight now, when in the past having gained to this same weight I felt horrible? Amazing how easy it is to trick the ole mind.

Sharing my devotion from this morn.


There is a fire of Divine love.

It is this love which burns the believer and can even cause the believer to suffer. How? Sometimes the absence of the Beloved greatly affects the believer.

Sometimes the believer hears the inward voice of the Beloved calling. It is as a gentle whisper and proceeds from out of the believer's in most depths...where the Lord, the Lover, abides. It is this whisper which possesses the believer almost to the point of undoing. The believer realizes how near is his Lord and yet he also realizes how much of the soul has not yet been possessed by Him.

This intoxicates the believer and puts an insatiable longing within him to be changed into the likeness of his Lord. Therefore, it can be said of love: Divine love is as strong as death, for it kills just as surely as death kills.


May you have a blessed day.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I smile when I think about........

Seeing a g'pa pulling his little granddaughter in a big red wagon, while she pulled along her little toy dog on wheels.

Sitting at a stop light and seeing a daddy on his front porch holding his little boy in his lap just talking. How I loved the back of the boys neck when they were two. Remembering their giggles as I snuggled my nose into that soft spot just below their hairline.

Watching two girls walk down the aisle in Walmart. One was in a rather loud conversation on her cell phone, the other was text mess on hers. I could imagine one calling the other, "Want to go hang out at Walmart?". Talk about quality time together.

An elderly woman driving a huge pickup with her husband sitting in the passenger seat, thinking that will be Curt and me one day - God willing.

Seeing Jacob at K-mart today on his first day at work. Looking rather stylish in that red vest. Although he looks much better in the yellow shirt he bought special when working for me.

The four guys in their speedo's, smoking their cigars, cleaning out the pool. Adam taking a picture perfect slide.

The great efforts Nichalas and his friends went to in order to ambush Lucas with air guns. And the great "war" they all had later. They even took an air conditioner out of the window to get a roof top aim as Lucas walked up to the back door.

That the pool is finally full of clean water and the pump is going. That it is actually still summer!

Learning that Isaac and David will be home real soon.

That Nichalas called his dad this am to ask how many scoops to make coffee. Seeing Drew arrive with a huge box of donuts. Consuming most of both before taking the placement test at JW. I gathered they were afraid of falling asleep.

Although it is very dry, it is still very green and beautiful out here. The corn will soon be tall enough to hide us from the road.

Parked beside me at the pool store was an empty van - running. A little while later coming out of K-mart - an empty van - running - parked beside me. I wonder if it's following me.

That the Testy Festy is only three days away!!!!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Single mom with a weekend boyfriend

whom I happen to be married to. After getting used to Curt being gone most of the time, I am finding that when we are together it is wonderful. Because he isn't here that often, it seems as though things we used to argue about don't seem worth the time. Too bad it has taken a life change to realize this......

I am finding that we are spending so much time laughing together. How refreshing! Sunday we were in the car on the way home. All of a sudden birds started singing very loudly. I asked, "Are those real birds?" He replied, "If they are, they're in your purse".

Turns out my phone is acting up and isn't staying on the ring toned I have programmed.

We were also in Walmart earlier that day. When we walk it is often holding hands, close to each other, talking and laughing. Arriving over by the milk dept. we see a former client of ours. After saying hello, she said that she had seen Curt earlier but hadn't said anything. When we asked why, she said she didn't think he was with me. This is another client who has never seen me cleaned up.

I am eagerly awaiting our upcoming Saturday date. We will be attending for the first time ever, The Mt. Sterling Testicle Festival. All day today I have been thinking about the food. I couldn't ask for anything more - being with my man and all the fried food I can eat. (Thank God I have another spraying job to get rid of any pounds I will be gaining.)

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I just haveta say........

It is so amazingly beautiful out this spring. The grass has turned greener sooner than usual and with all the colors up against it - I thank the Lord I am able to see.

For the past few days I have felt myself shutting down. Felt the signs of depression knocking on the door of my heart. Often wanting to sob, sometimes in the wrong places. I couldn't figure why. Going through all the things in my life lately - I finally hit home.

Nichalas will be graduating very, very soon. It isn't that I want to go back in time. Perhaps have a day or two here and there to relive. It isn't that I am not excited about he and Adam being young men now, ready to embark upon the next part of their journey.

It's about regrets. It's about not living each day to it's fullest. It's about not living my life for the Lord for so many years. It's about the times I was so caught up in me that I missed being caught up in them.

After I zeroed in on the why, I felt depression turn around and leave. In its place I felt my Father fill me up. For instance - Adam has a heart for God. He has been listening to where God wants to lead him and is about to make the steps for Him. Last night Nichalas was researching in his Bible about a topic he wants to be prepared to discuss with some friends. My marriage has turned around. My walk with Him is so much closer. Family. Friends. My work. How much He has blessed me.

Yes, He fills me up in seeing the fruits of His goodness. Of how He stepped in and took all my many stumbling blocks and made them into stepping stones.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Inner Realities

(My morning devotion)

Avoid anything that drains or excites you. Your prayer life will dry up if you don't. Don't expect to feed your inward life if you live only for what is outward. You really must learn to renounce all that makes you too outspoken in your conversation. How are you going to cultivate an inner silence if you are always talking? You cannot want God and the things of the world at the same time. Don't you realize that your prayer will be affected by what you cultivate in your daily life?

Fear your excessive enthusiasm, your taste for things of the world, and your hidden ambitions. Don't get so excited over politics and parties. If you get too worked up, it will be harder to calm yourself before God. Speak little and work steadily. Let actions take the place of your flowery words.

After you learn to deal with your wandering thoughts, you must learn to come to God to renew your strength. Learn to do this even amidst the mundane tasks of the day. Keep looking to the Lord for His gentle leading. But don't be so noisy that you can't hear Him!

You will lose your way the minute you decide to go your own way. When you seek God's will alone, you find it everywhere, and you can not go astray. Wanting what God wants always puts you on a straight path. The future is not yet yours; it may never be. Live in the present moment. Tomorrow's grace is not given to you today.

The present moment is the only place where you can touch the eternal realm.

Psalm 46:10 Cease striving and know that I am God.

May 06, 2006 - TORN

It seems with life passing by so quickly, I am torn so often - one foot wanting to hold on to today, yesterday - the other breathlessly awaiting tomorrows.

How busy everyone is in this life, too busy perhaps. What a blessing it is that I am able to be outside in His world enjoying His beautiful nature. Every evening that I drive up the lane, out to my east in the field are four deer. I wonder where they lay low at during hunting - how do they know not to come around that weekend. Already the spring flowers are fading into the summer ahead. School is about out - Nichalas graduation. Before you know it both will be back into college this fall.

Today I played "shuttle" for my parents as their van was worked on. Now that's a treat. I do love spending time with them - but man is it exhausting. Dad can not hear very well - so many times when another conversation is going on, he begins one himself. I smile as I imagine my wee brain trying to keep up with mom talking to me the same time dad is.

I have been thinking a lot about Kevin and Ret - they are now on their "sunset honeymoon". Doesn't that sound much better than "empty nesters". While they watched two lives become one this past Saturday, I was out spraying - and praying for them. Also my sons. That they too would begin as one with someone who is totally "in" love with our Father.

This past Sunday at the Dogwood Bowl, while watching the boys play football, I sat down by Amber. She was Nichalas' date for prom. I've really never gotten to talk with her one on one. What a beautiful young woman - inside and out. I could cry as I think about how "in" love her heart is with our Father. Her excitement as she talked about Him, her chastity ring, her walk.

I know that she and Nichalas are just friends, but as I was sitting there it occurred to me that one day I would be talking face to face with a young woman whom I have prayed for probably before she was born (God willing). How exciting that time will be. Particularly if God has answered that she will love me with a yes!

So, as time marches on I find I am torn. Walking the next steps of life, the adventures ahead and carrying the many memories to look at and share. Torn because my life is so wonderfully blessed that I don't want this time to end. Then I remember what my g'ma always said.

"No matter how wonderful this stage is in life, the next is even better."

Thursday, May 04, 2006


Below are a few of the photos from Prom, attempt for Nichalas' Senior pic and misc. of Adam. I am noticing that my older photos don't publish too bad, the new ones though.........is there a secret to getting them to look nicer? less blotchie? I am thinking Mindy may be able to help me here. Thanks.

The group on the porch

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The group at the castle

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At the castle - the three guys

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Lucas & Nichalas

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These two have been best friends since they were two - that's 16 years.
Nichalas Senior 2006 Posted by Picasa
Nichalas & Cooper 2006 Posted by Picasa

Adam & Baby Bear (who is 21 also)

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While going through photos & etc. to get things together for Nichalas' graduation, I reunited Adam with Baby Bear. I remember when he went into the hospital for tubes to be put into his ears, the nurses and doctors said they had never seen such a loved bear. When brand new, he was about three times this size! He also had a rainbow on his belly with a button (Baby Bear, not Adam) and it played music. All the little kids were so fascinated by this little bear. I don't think he will make it through to Adams future kids - unless he is just to look at.

Adam & Neko

Adam's Senior Picture - 2003Posted by Picasa

Sunday, April 30, 2006

2006 Prom

Last night, Nichalas and his friends attended their Senior Prom. All week I had been thinking about where to take pics since they were calling for rain. We have an old stone mansion here in town that has been turned into a museum. It is beautiful and has a wonderful front porch. There were flowers in bloom and even though it was raining, I think the pics came out. I used a "real" camera so will have to post results on a later date.

Nichalas and Lucas took girls who are just good friends and had a wonderful time. They arrived home this morning at 4:30 and Curt about had a cow when he found out at lunch. I noticed he wasn't worried enough to stay up waiting for them. I was happy they enjoyed such a late night. I knew they were at a home with parents there, good, clean fun - so I was sleeping soundly when he did get home.

I realized when we went to get his tux, and he was very ho hum about trying it on, there is a whole other side to this prom thing I am missing out on by not having a girl. He and Amber did get creative (and thrifty) by making their own flowers. Turned out very pretty, smelled wonderful and they were free! I am thankful that Nichalas has such good persons in his life to share his Senior moments with. I was thankful that Adam was also with us and then went out to eat with Curt and me later. I am amazed that I am not sad about High School coming to an end.

I am looking forward to the years ahead and what they will bring in their becoming men on their own. The paths that God will lead them down. Adam has decided to go back to school to get a degree for working with mentally challenged adults. He never would have found this out if he hadn't of quit school for a year and worked in this field. He also wants to work in organizing Homeless Shelters. Nichalas is leaning towards teaching and working in the mission field during the summers. He also is wanting to work with the homeless. I am very proud that both my sons have a heart for missions. God's missions.

2006 Prom went very well, except for the White PT Cruiser that backed into the right front bumper of our Envoy that Nichalas was driving. Curt is upset that they didn't call the police, which they should have at the time, but they are kids and not professionals in the accident department. Thank the Lord! After calling the cell number Nichalas got from the kid this afternoon, and talking to the mom - we now hear that the kid didn't back into Nichalas - Nichalas ran into him. She wouldn't give us their name or insurance company. We are letting our insurance agent work this out. Nichalas has five witnesses which may help our case.

This makes me wonder what it will be like for this kids future, not having to be responsible or accountable for actions, even accidents. I am not upset about the vehicle - more about the message the parents are giving this kid. What that means for our future world.  The more I get into God's Word, the more it bothers me the message our kids are getting. Does it anyone else? How I would love to have my sons and their future children be in a world where the people are God's people, His ways are their ways - where He is first in life. So I pray. And I hope. For He blesses me with so many glimpse of persons that are living His way in a world that is not.

Persons who hold a part of my heart. You know who you are and I say, "Thank you" for putting Him first.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

From http://rickibell.blogspot.com/

21 questions

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.

1 God
2 Curt
3 Adam
4 Nichalas
5 Bonnie
6 Loren
7 Doran
8 Tyler
9 Shelby
10 Stacy
11 Teresa
12 Steve
13 Kate
14 Kris
15 Kathy
16 Valerie
17 David
18 Isaac
19 Ben
20 Jacob
21 Lucas

Now answer the questions according to the names listed above:

How did you meet 10 (Stacy)? - Was married to my brother.

What would you do if you had never met 6 (Loren)? - I would have grown up not knowing my father.

What would you do if 20 and 15 (Kathy & Jacob) dated ?- Big age difference. Plus they worked together for me and that would have been a whole other issue. Besides, I doubt if her husband would have been very happy either.

Have you ever seen 4 (Nichalas) cry - Many, many times and very loudly - usually with a lot of screaming involved.

Would number 1 and 2 (God & Curt) make a good couple? - Yes, but not as the world sees a couple.

Describe 8 (Tyler): - My nephew whom I love and adore. He is growing up too fast, too soon. Seems to be adjusting pretty well to all that is going on in his life. My heart hurts very much for what he has been/is going through. I do love that he loves the Lord. His prayer over supper Sunday was awesome for a 10 year old.

Do you think 21 (Lucas) is attractive: - Yes, but not in that way. He's one of my "sons"

Tell me something about number 17 (David): - Another one of my "sons". I have been blessed by him in my life also, and am so proud that he is living out his dreams. I also pray that he, Isaac and Adam will continue their annual trips throughout the coming years - although I think it may be best if they gave up making movies while having a snowball fight in the rocky National Park. Or any future snow fights as it happened this year. Never know when a park ranger is around the corner.

What's 7's (Doran) favorite color? - Green

Who is 2 (Curt) going out with? - Me the lucky fellow!

What grade is 16 (Valerie) in? - She just graduated from Cake Decorating. I believe that means she has her Doctrine. So we now have to call her Dr.

What is 5's (Bonnie) favorite music? - Pop and country

Would you ever date 7 (Doran)? - That's creepy, he's my brother, so I can not even imagine that one.

Would you ever date 1 (God)? - No, but I do count Him as the very best in my life.

Is 11 (Teresa) single? - #12 is her lucky fellow.

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3 (Adam)? - I have been for 21+ years he has been one of three special men in my life. I am blessed to count him as one of my closest friends.

Where does 18 (Isaac) live? - Indiana, Rolla, or Taylor. This guy is a mover and a shaker.

What do you think about 20 (Jacob)? - He is another one of my favorites. It has been such a blessing enjoying him in my life as he has grown into an awesome young man. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will utilize him in the future. This is one guy with such a pure and beautiful heart.

What is the best thing about 4 (Nichalas)? - He is the third of "my men". The best thing is that he loves and follows the Lord.

What would you like to tell 14 (Kris) right now? - God and so many persons love you, so much.

How did you meet 9 (Shelby)? - I went to the hospital the day she came into this world and got to hold her in my arms. My precious little niece looked up at me and smiled. For eight years now, she has had a piece of my heart.

What is the best and worst thing about 2 (Curt)? - How he came/is coming to know and love the Lord - how very much he loves me. That he chews tobacco.

Are you going to know 15 (Kathy) forever? - Well, we've been mowing together for seven years now - how could I forget someone after all the sweat and tears, and laughter.

Who is 10 (Stacy) going out with? - I haven't a clue.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mower maintenance

How frustrating - my mower is up on the fork lift, ready to have the blades removed so I can sharpened them - can not get them off as the bolts are too tight. UGHHHHH - yes, there are moments when I wish I had man arms.

How frustrated I am (again) at my HS Counselor who would not let me take auto mechanics my Sr. year. "Girls don't take or need classes like that, Deby" (I ended up taking Wood Shop and Welding - and man oh man have I ever used those skills in my life - Thank you very much Mr. Armstrong. Okay, welding I have used off and on.) My throttle isn't working on my mulcher Z and I can not figure out how to get it fixed. I have tore it semi-apart and checked the wires - which are connected and working. I have bumped a lever and the engine roars away - only to die down when I take away the screwdriver. Since I am unable to run behind it and hold the lever with a screwdriver while attempting to mow at the same time, it is off the trailer in the barn waiting for my man, who comes home this weekend.

He'll be overjoyed just being able to work on my equipment - again.

On a very serious note. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful and talented husband (who got to take auto mechanics in HS).

Spring so far.........

Wow, it is almost the end of April. Tax day has come and gone - didn't get the big stuff back - unc sam gets to have more of the green stuff from us. I wouldn't mind paying in the taxes, if I could see that where it went was how it was meant to be - not for the lining of gold in the top of the pole persons.

I have went completely out of my comfort zone this past week. With Curt selling his business and going to work for his cousins - JH Concrete - I decided to continue spraying three of my commercial clients for weed control. I took the test and passed two years ago to be legal (my score was higher than my husband!) and so far had only been spraying beds and along fence lines using my hand sprayer or backpack. I am now into bigger and more expensive chemicals. If you need to know how much, for type of control Chateau, Sahara, Helosate and a Surfactant needs to be mixed into a 200 gal tank - I know! But the very best part of all this is, after working 12-14 hours a day, pulling hose, and walking back and forth over 13 acres - I ended up losing 12 pounds. Since beginning my spring season I have lost 20 pounds. Yes, I am kicking myself when I realize that if I had not gained over the winter, I would now be 10 pounds from my goal. Now, only 35 pounds to go.

Okay, perhaps it's a little sad that I am more excited about the weight loss than going out of my comfort zone and accomplishing this task. I also stuck with Weight Watchers Core plan throughout until this weekend. Pizza, fried steak, mashed tates and gravy. At least I didn't eat as big of helping as usual.

Just to help you take your mind off your own problems. Can you imagine sitting down with a cup of jo and enjoying the Sunday paper - when suddenly..............

House Blasted by 3,000 Gallons of Sewage

By Associated Press

CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Utility workers trying to blast out a grease clog from a sewer line forced 3,000 gallons of raw sewage into a couple's home, forcing them to abandon their house while hoping that the city makes good on a promise to clean up and repair the damage.
Mac and Meg McCormick say city leaders have also promised to pay for their stay in a hotel until the repairs are complete. The couple doesn't have any of the agreement in writing, and city officials have declined to discuss the case because it's ongoing.
"We feel we have no choice but to put our trust and faith in the hands of the city," Meg McCormick said this week as movers hauled damaged furniture from her house. "And I'll be honest, that's a little scary."
Scott Denham, the risk manager for Charlotte and Mecklenburg County, declined to discuss the details of the sewage backup, but did say, "There's no question of the severity of this event."
City officials don't even know how much the repairs and cleanup will cost, Denham said. Meg McCormick said she has received estimates of $75,000 to $150,000. The house has a tax value of $101,300.

And you thought you were having a bad day.

God Bless....................

Monday, April 03, 2006

Recommended reading

100 Days in the Secret Place - introduced and compiled by Gene Edwards.

By taking a SLOW journey through these 1600's Christian authors, it has become such a growing experience. The writings of Jeanne Guyon, Archbishop Fenelon of France, and Michael Molinos were banned for some time because of the growth in Christianity that occurred.

These first days I am reading The Way to the Cross.

Today in the "Ways of God" - it talks about how God starts to deal with your old nature. He heads straight for the center of all that you hold most dear.

My scripture that I have been focusing on is in Psalms 139.

"Try me and know my anxious thoughts."

It amazes me how many times no matter what I am reading, how many different studies, they all tie in to one another. Funny how He works.

My anxious thoughts - turned out to be many. I am most anxious about losing Curt, Adam or Nichalas. Although I know that they would be with Him, I am selfish and yearn for more time with them here. I have found that all my anxious thoughts are based on my selfishness.

Oh, how He did head straight for the center of me. And He asked me "Who do I love more?"

At first, I had to swallow and admit - it wasn't Him - it was them or rather myself.

The anxiousness has left the building though (until I slip again)- after this confession, after much digging, I have found that by loving Him above all - I have also begun to "rest" in knowing He is in complete control.

I have found too, that my anxious thoughts begin when I try to take control - My Way - not His.

How thankful that He knows me. How thankful that He teaches me. How thankful that I grow in Him.

That is straight to my center -

Monday, February 27, 2006

You know....

Yesterday, although the wind was very cold, the sunshine was so "spring like". How encouraging to see the spring bulbs beginning to peek out beneath their cover of leaves, the grass beginning to have a tint of green.

Spring is in the air. The robins are too numerous to count in our yard, the ducks and geese I have spotted making their way back and my soul is in the stage of awakening. I absolutely LOVE the ending of winter.

I Love the underlying current of an energy that has been rather sluggish these past few months. I Love watching the rustling of nature as it is beginning to toss and turn its' way out of a winter bed. I Love feeling the ever growing warmth of sunshine streaming in through the window, as it gets closer to my section of the world.

I Love watching our sons grow into a "next" stage. I Love being in the next room listening to them laugh and talk. Making memories for a lifetime. Creating moments to talk about in future "remember when" times. I Love being a wife and having my husband come home from a week long trip. I Love being the other half of someone. Someone to share, laugh, yes occasionally fight, love with. I Love being the other half of him and sharing our two sons. I Love the memories that we have, the family we have. I Love that God kept us together.

I Love reflecting on my life and seeing my many, many blessings. I Love thinking about persons who love me and how their eyes light up when they see me. I Love being loved. I Love the relationship I share with many of those that is based IN God. I Love their prayers, their encouragement, their accountability. I just plain Love them.

I Love being In His word every day. I Love learning, listening, applying, growing In Him. I Love learning that giving is so much better than receiving. I Love getting rid of all those heavy blankets of sin. I Love getting to stretch out under the cool, crisp, clean, clothesline smelling, sheet He has covered me with in a new beginning - every day. I Love how much He Loves me. I Love as I grow in Him, I am growing more and more in His love. I Love being able to love me as He does. I Love that being able to love me takes away so many "blankets" that I have covered my heart up with - the "false sense of security blankets".

I LOVE that In Him, every moment can be spring awakening.

Friday, February 17, 2006

It is gone.

The boys just pulled out awhile ago, truck loaded to the max with all that stuff. Watch out Sally-here they come. What is rather strange is the feeling I have inside. A little scared, a little empty, a little unsure.

What if I need some of that stuff? What if I got rid of something important? Did I check all the pockets in the clothes? I had to get after the boys for looking through boxes and pulling stuff out. They're probably pulled over the side of the road somewhere, looking. Just kidding. I did laugh about calling them on the phone saying, "No, No, come back. Come back." Thank God I didn't.

Oh what pain that stuff can become.

You know, while it was sitting in the dining room, ready for it's new adventure, I felt so wonderful about all this "getting rid". It was close by in case I needed to check through it. I made myself resist the urges to do so though. Kept reminding myself that I don't NEED it.

How like my spiritual life that stuff can be. I want to keep the "Sally Stuff", the "Burn Stuff", the "Junk Pile Stuff" close at hand - in case I NEED it you know. That needless to say is what causes such inner turmoil. I can either be filled up with Him or my stuff. Can not be both.

I am so thankful that my home is totally organized and almost completely cleaned. I am so thankful that there are five rooms awaiting a fresh coat of paint. I am so thankful for new beginnings. I am so very thankful that I don't want to go back to that "stuff". I am so thankful that my "heart" is getting worked over too.

I am so thankful I am choosing Him.

And for another thought.........

Why is it no one ever pops in to say hello when everything is in order - only when it's a mess.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Joe Versus the Volcano

Did you see it? For the past two nights - the moon?

Last night it came out big, orange and moved so gracefully over the sky. Alone, the house completely dark, I was drawn to my window - just to sit there and gaze in amazement.

What a Father.

To put something up there, so far away, so controlled, so dang gone bright.

And then it began.......


What a Father.


What a Father.


What a Father.

And then - Prayers

What a Father.

My heart just opened up, under the spell (no not of the moon) of Him. I sat there unable to pry my eyes off that ole moon. I can see how some could worship that giant piece of rock. I can't understand it. How can you look and not see. Someone so much bigger and brighter and in total control. The one who made that moon.

What a Father.

And I thought about in the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano", when he is on a raft in the ocean and the moon comes up and it almost covers the whole sky, being so big. I thought about how much I would like to witness something like that. I thought about that is how I feel about my Father. I desire to have Him become bigger in my "sky" of life, to completely cover it all. To be so big I can not see anything else but Him.

And I realized, He can. Only if I allow Him to.

What a Daddy.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Spring Cleaning

For the first time in my adult life, I have almost completed the task of organizing my whole home. The basement is calling my name and that is all that remains. I have told my friends that I am preparing my life as though I were to die tomorrow. When I am gone, I don't want Curt and the boys to be focused on all this stuff - I want them to focus on each other.

Awhile ago, I was standing in the dining room, which is loaded down with Salvation Army donations, and it occurred to me - I am preparing my home not to die - but that I may LIVE. I am unable to express the right words in how freeing this task has made me feel. To look in delight at bare shelves, empty spaces in drawers and cupboards and not feel the need to fill them up with more stuff. How very uplifting.

I am also facilitating a Bible study, "Living Beyond Yourself Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" by Beth Moore. Yesterday, while on my way to join "The Joy of the Lord Is Our Strength", I found myself thinking about a guy we know. He is building a new home a field away from us, which I pass by quite often. He has become quite wealthy over the years through his business, divorced from the mother of their two children. Since the divorce they have went through the routine of making/splitting up so often that we have all lost count. Right now they are together. He is also agnostic. Money is his god. I find it so easy to pray for him. As I am driving, I dream out loud to God how wonderful it would be for him and the kids to come to Christ. And then I think about her.

She has caused some major splits amongst the us by her words and actions. Because of her, there are some who have not spoken to each other for a few years now. Bottom line - she is a pretty evil person who delights in making trouble. She really has never liked me or pretended to hide that fact. A few years ago when Curt and I separated, that same day she told him to go out with them and she would set him up with one of her friends (he declined). From that point on, I never pretended to hide the fact that I didn't like her. Some believe she's jealous of me. I rather like to overlook that this really could be the reason and just satisfy myself with gossiping about her, not liking her, anything other than feeling sorry for her. Or I should say - being Christlike towards her.

In study today, I confessed that I hate her as much as she hates me. Pretty much putting myself on her level I'd say. HATE - you know that is a very strong word. I think about what I really do HATE. I HATE satan. I HATE sin. I HATE what sin does to the innocent young children. And I realized I said I HATE her. Thankfully, I recognized that I really don't HATE her. God has a way of putting things in perspective. I am also thankful that He has convicted me and I have had a heavy heart about what I said.

Throughout my "Spring Cleaning", I am recognizing that not only am I getting rid of material stuff, but the emotional security I felt from that stuff. How sad is that to put security into a shirt that I haven't worn forever. Something Nichalas tells me off and on (thankfully not often) is, "Mom, you need to ripen up, you're bitter". How accurate he is in that I need to "mature" in my fruits. That the fruits are there within me as a gift from the Holy Spirit, but they are gifts of action. I have known that love is an action, but never until yesterday did it click that so is joy. As are all the others. It is my choice to actively cause them to grow.

Back to her. I have been playing god. I have been taking all she has done over the years personally. What if God said to me, "You know Deby, all those years you walked away from me, too bad, I HATE you." Instead He tells me that He forgives me. He tells me that because I am IN Christ, I am made perfect and sinless. (Not an excuse to live a life of sin, but to live a life for Him.) He can not be a part of sin. And because of Christ He can be a part of me. He tells me that He LOVES me.

Before, knowing that because she is outside of Christ, if she were to die today she would not be saved from, "being cast into the lake of fire, the second death (total separation from God), and judgment according to her works." (Rev 20:11-15). Even in knowing this, I just didn't care. My heart was so hard, so focused on Hating her. I didn't even want to pray for her. Not even convicted to do so. Pretty hard heart. And even then I wasn't scared.

Thank the Lord for "Spring Cleaning". For taking my hard heart and casting out the stuff. After turning it over to him, I have been able to pray, really pray for her. I am not boasting about me. I am boasting about the Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. The Fruits of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23).

I am boasting about HIM.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

In the past few months.....

I have so enjoyed reading blogs in my favorites. How wonderful that Val is back and writing - so many times I have laughed until I cried. And learning that Mindi is going to become a prof. Photographer. About time is all I can say after viewing her photos. And then there is the writings of Gil. I love to see how he is growing in the Lord. Taking time to pray for his family to get well and enjoy the rest of the winter months. My friends Erin and Cal. Erin. Praying for Ginny as she grows through this time as a g'ma. Thinking that in some ways I am thankful I am not the mother of the bride after reading some of Ret's list. And checking in again on Tina - to see that she is as bad as I am about blogging.

And for a little more truth. I couldn't figure out how to get back on my site to post. It has taken me almost one hour and finally here I am - with nothing to say. You would think after all this time something would be there, ready to be written when I finally figured it all out.

Such is life.