Tuesday, February 28, 2017

"We - His Inheritance" - 02/28/17 - Deuteronomy 3-4

 
 
 
 
 
"But you—God took you right out of the iron furnace, out of Egypt, to become the people of His inheritance—and that's what you are this very day." (4:20)
 
 
There are many times when I think about and then immediately thank Him for where He has rescued me from.
 
It is often, I realize even while I lived apart from Him, He still shielded me from what could have happened.
 
It is often, I thank Him for the times I haven't had to suffer the consequences I could have.
 
It is often I realize how He rescued me.
 
He rescued me from the fires of hell.
 
Outside of Him, our "iron furnace" is a life of being in the world. Trying to fill a void, (which only He can fill) with the secular things of this world. He removed our soul, our spirit, from "Egypt" (the world) and brings us to Him. To His place.
 
And although we are worn over, dirty, full of self - He wanted - NO......
 
He desired each one of us to be His.
 
"We" who are His Inheritance. 
 
The King of Kings, Lord of all is our ABBA - our Daddy. 
 
We become His princess or His prince.
 
We become His heir to an inheritance which all earthly things can not even compare to.
 
And each of us have a mansion with many rooms being built.
 
We shall one day live in a place where gold looks like glass.
 
But, the very best part of our inheritance, the very best part - is we will walk and be with our Daddy face to face. For eternity.
 
He will live with us in our mansion.
 
He will walk on the street of gold with us.
 
Our ABBA. Our Daddy. He is The King of Kings. Forever.
 
On the very day we accept Christ, we instantly become His child.
 
There is not a waiting, trial, or testing period.
 
It is immediate.
 
 
Bound in a never ending covenant.
 
Only broken if we choose to walk away from Him.
 
Each of us. We are His Inheritance. Sealed in His blood.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, February 27, 2017

"We - His Favorites" - 02/27/17 - Deuteronomy 1-2




"Don’t play favorites; treat the little and the big alike; listen carefully to each." (1:17)

I tried to relieve your fears: “Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; He’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what He did for you in Egypt; you saw what He did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God" (1:29-33)


I always thought it was the disrespect from others  which angered me - it isn't.  It is double standards.  It is when one is favored, allowed to do and others are not.  The damage of favoritism is felt throughout the world, the church, and into our homes.   

Favoritism has been around since Adam and Eve were kicked out of The Garden.  It is a fertile breeding ground for entitlement, narcissism, dictatorship, selfishness, jealousy, manipulation, and other unChristlike behavior.  Throughout Scripture, historical documents, we read the accounts of favoritism and its consequences.  Producing a ripple which is carried down through many generations causing so much division, bitterness, hurt, loss.  Wars are created because of it.  

One of the best things about our Abba is He doesn't rule with double standards and as a member of His family we enjoy knowing He:

"Doesn't play favorites; treating the little and the big alike; listening carefully to each."

It has taken a leap of faith to actually live and believe this in such a "me" obsessed world, because if I don't stand up for "me", favoritism will run me right over.  Our world seeps with favoritism.  Be it in a store, waiting in line and completely ignored, while the clerk waits on an obvious friend who just walked up.  Hearing of medical bills being written off for someone who knew someone, while one who is really struggling - continues to struggle.  Standing with a mom and listening to her heart break as she shares of her young son being bullied, and nothing is done to the bully.  Watching so many work their hardest, at school, their job, and being passed over for that award or promotion, for someone who is favored.  When watching the news,  hearing instances of injustice to the victim.  So often I would become angry and speak malice.  But never face to face to the person.  

I would do anything to avoid confrontation because of fear. 

Now, I know God is our defender and He has removed from me the fear and vengeful anger.  He has taken my anger and helped me to look upon those with Love and to earnestly pray for them.  I have learned and feel - our ABBA grieves.  It breaks His heart how sin is running rampant in this world and destroying those He has made in His image.  Us.

He has also taken from my heart the "need" to defend "me".  

For He is my commander in Chief  - who is not in a tent behind the army.   

He is front and center before each one of His.  

How can we not trust Him when He says He has our back?  Why ever would we continue trying to defend ourselves, when He does that for each one of His?  He knows our heart, He knows the situations we will end up in.  It continually blows me away when I look back to what and where He has brought me.  Through all those minefields - He has brought us here to the place we are today.  

To today.

"you saw what He did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a Father carries His child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God"

It isn't just for me He has done this.  He has done this for each one of His Beloved.

However do we not rely on Him and His strength?  However do we not have faith and trust in He knows what is best.   He unconditionally loves us more than we will ever comprehend.

Ever.

No matter the situation, we have to let Him be who they see.  Who they hear. He is who holds them accountable.  We have to concentrate on our relationship "in" Him and making Disciples.  We have to see the spiritual battle for what it is and not take personal what someone may say or do.  Their actions are between them and God.  Just as ours are between Him and ourself.

Being His Beloved protects us from being the victim.
He has our back.
We are all His "favorites".








Sunday, February 26, 2017

"He Lives Here Too" - 02/26/17 - Numbers 35-36




"Don't desecrate the land in which you live. I live here too - I, God (35:34)







This coming April 17th our Nichalas and Amber will be starting on a new adventure they having been preparing and training for over the past three years.  The Pacific Crest Trail.  Their first steps covering the 2650 miles begins at the Mexican border near Campo, California and ands near Manning Provincial Park, British Columbia. They are estimating to finish late August or early September with many memories made and tucked into their hearts.

I have been reading an informative book, "Yogi's Pacific Crest Trail Handbook 2016-2017" and finding many of my fears being laid to rest.  Confession:  there are still fears regarding their travels over the snow covered peaks and some of the wildlife.  But many of the thoughts I was having have been dismissed from the first hand account of one who has accomplished this hike.  Numerous times.

During these past weeks we have spent many hours dehydrating foods, creating meals, accumulating toiletries and other needed items.  Last night we began the process of sorting and putting everything in flat rate boxes for future mailing to the various post offices along the trail to replenish their supplies. 

Before helping them prepare. I had never thought about the things they will have to carry out to dispose of in the towns along the way.  All trash.  Personal care items.  In the book some people are so conscientious about the environment, they choose to bring out used TP.  Some time ago we were conversing about hiking and camping and they shared with us news regarding Mt. Everest.  Decades of mountaineering have taken a toll on the peak, which is strewn with rubbish from past expeditions, including oxygen cylinders, human waste and even climbers' bodies, which do not decompose in the extreme cold.  Because of this, there is a vast amount of garbage littering the mountain earning it the nickname "World's Highest Garbage Dump".



Nepalese officials are now telling climbers scaling Mount Everest they will have to bring back 17.6 pounds of garbage left behind from others, plus what they carry in.

When visualizing the beauty of these mountains, garbage never crossed my mind.  I started thinking about how people are here, closer to home.  While mowing it still amazes me how anyone can roll down their window and throw out all the garbage from their fast food meal.  When did this become an act of "normal" or "accepted" behavior.  What is even sadder, often times I am very hesitant to pick up others trash for fear of what is in it or contaminated with.

Isn't it amazing how there is "nothing new under the sun", and we still don't learn.  How we simply think so much of what is convenient for ourselves, we neglect to see past the end of our nose.  So many times we throw out our "trash" believing it won't matter or affect anyone else.  

But it does.

Every single action we take, or don't take, causes a ripple across the expansion of time.  In this Scripture, I apply it not only to the land I walk in, but my spiritual journey to train ourselves to be good stewards of The Temple He lives within.  Us.  

"Don't desecrate the land in which you live. I live here too - I, God."

What our ancestors did hundreds of years ago, is still a part of our lives and will be a part of the lives of future generations.  You can't escape from it - it is a part of your makeup.  Either in your genes or traditions handed down.

There is a story I have heard about a new bride fixing a ham for the first time.  Before putting it into the pan, she cut off the ends.  Her husband inquired why she was wasting so much meat and she replied it was how her mother always prepared the hams.  Upon asking her mother why, she realized it was because of following the example of her mother.   When asked why she did this, the grandmother replied, "because the pan was too short".
Our future generations have enough of their own battles to fight without having to haul around all of our trash.  This is why it is essential to take our lead of life from His Word and walk by His Standards.  It is The Truth for all situations.  He is Who we need to desire to hand down to our future generations.

I am so thankful our Savior went up the mountain and gathered all my "trash", disposing of it. I am so thankful His cleanup is all we will ever need and "in" Him - we have been power washed clean.  





Saturday, February 25, 2017

"His Home Is Our Hearts" - 02/25/17 - Numbers 33-34




“God’s beloved;...
God’s permanent residence.
Encircled by God all day long,
within whom God is at home.” (33:12)



Did you catch the best part of this verse?

"within whom God is at home.”

He is talking about you, His beloved.
You who are "in" Him and He is "in" you.

Permanently - unless you decide to kick Him out.

Just one of the many things about our Abba that amazes me. He gives us the free choice to love Him....or not.

He isn't like the intruding mother-in-law, the butt of all jokes, coming to visit and never moves out while taking over the entire house and running it her way. He comes when invited and only goes where you allow Him to. Not that He doesn't want to be everywhere, He is not intrusive. He desires for your house to become a home revolving around Him.

He loves us that much, knowing what is best for us - is Him.

He calls us "His Beloved". And when we have invited Him into our "heart home", He sees us in all stages. When we have our  best clothes on, our hair is fixed with our best face on. Our "heart home" is picked up and spotless, all areas organized and purged. He sees us at our best, and still dust bunnies flutter around our ankles - no matter how much we clean.

We shall strive to have our  "heart home" be totally in Him until our last breath.

There will be times He will see us at our worst. Our hair hasn't been combed and is wild about our head, the robe we are wearing could stand up by itself in a corner, if you could find a corner. Our "heart home" will at times be a mess, cluttered and dirty, dishes mounted upon the counter, flies buzzing around rotten food. TV is a continuous source of noise and foul language our mouths sometimes imitates. 

Because we live in the world, because we are human, there are times when our "heart home" isn't reflecting Him. Thankfully, when we have asked Him to make our "heart home" His "permanent residence" we become "encircled by Him all day long".  He holds us accountable when our housekeeping falters, encouraging and helping us to get things cleaned up and in order. He shows us that our "heart home" has to be at the ready for The Divine Appointments He has made each day. 

Our love for Him begins to prevail over our backsliding and we find ourselves desiring and continually striving to give our "heart home" over to Him. We begin to love living in our "heart home" when He isn't a guest, but a member of our family. 

When He is The Lord of our "heart home" we become blessed beyond words while submitting to His ways, following His example of keeping our "heart home" in order.  We come to love not having the "ugliness of sin", amongst the beauty of His Home - our "heart home".








Friday, February 24, 2017

"His Roots Run Deep" - 02/24/17 - Numbers 31-32




They weren’t interested in following me—their hearts weren’t in it. 
None, except for.............(32:12)





The parable of the seeds - the different soils, the conditions - His Word - our hearts.

It is so easy to forget, when my heart did not have Him in it - when I lived outside of Christ - and become judgmental, impatient to those who are lost as I once was.  

When I was young, I went with the flow.  Everyone was "accepting" Christ, so I did.  Most of us didn't have a clue what it really meant to have an intimate relationship with our ABBA.  We wanted to be seen as belonging to something.  To not stand out as outsider.  

He grew my heart to desire that I am an outsider in this world and belong to Him.

Funny how that turned out.....

Especially when His seed fell on rocky ground of my heart.

There are times when I am mowing by the bluffs and I have to just sit and stare.  In places - somehow, someway, a seed sprouted, took root, and became a rather large tree.  There in the rock the little roots wove their way into the cracks and hung on.

How thankful I am there were cracks in my heart.

How thankful I am His Word wove His way in and grew and how He transformed the rock of my heart into rich soil.  Soil He constantly using in growing seeds for Him.  

Back when my heart was a rock, I wasn't interested in following Him.  
Even more amazing is how He has drawn me into Him.  
How I now run after Him, drink Him in.  

How I am head over heels in love with Him.

I think about those in the verses Moses was referring to and am thankful He has captured me.  
And that His roots run deep within me.

"They weren’t interested in following me—their hearts weren’t in it. 
None, except for"
I am thankful to be one of the exceptions.










Thursday, February 23, 2017

"Our Husband" - 02/23/17 - Numbers 28-30




'But if her husband intervenes when he hears of it, he cancels the vow or rash promise that binds her. And God will release her." (30:8)


Through the years of walking with Him, how He has and is transforming my heart, my mind, my all.  Thankfully, He encourages me in seeing the places where I am learning.  Still occurring, but not as frequently, do I hear myself speaking before thinking.

Not as often when I am offended, is there a need to defend myself. Not as often am I nervous due to an empty space between conversations, which I believe needs filled.


But sometimes, I get caught up in the excitement of the moment and words just tumble out.


Yes, there are still moments I need a zipper on my mouth.
And it needs to be zipped more than unzipped.

During those moments when an enthusiastic "yes" will pop out before I have thought things through, what is entailed, and most times - my heart really isn't in it.  I walk away knowing I have said "yes" for the wrong reasons. 

Be it excitement, guilt, shame, my own glory.

Wrong reasons.

He is continually teaching me throughout the years it is best to be quiet and just love, listen and serve. Those times I don't say "yes", is a time someone else does, because God wants them in that place.  He is teaching me it is okay to not do, because He has something coming up in which He needs me to do.  Something in my future I hadn't planned to be in my journey.

It talks in scripture your word is to be taken for what it is - a yes, is yes.  a no, is no. 

So many times I have given a "yes", and broken my word.  Or even in the saying of "no".  How often have I said "no" to sin in my life and at the end of the day looking back, see my "no" became a "yes". 

Our "Husband" is our Savior. 
He is our Christ.

"He intervenes when He hears of it, He cancels the vow or rash promise that binds me. And God will release me."

This isn't a ticket for a ride to do as we please. 

When we entered into The Covenant with Him,  each time we sin -  we are breaking the vows we took.  Much like the wedding vows.  There will be consequences of our words.  Some will seem almost unbearable, but "in" Him - "we" get through it, covered in His Grace and Mercy. 

The more in love with Him I fall, the more I don't want Him to have to cancel my vow or rash promises.  Each time He has to, it breaks His heart. 

I want to please Him. 

To give Him joy.

I am rest assured. 
There is no question.

For although our Husband, our Christ, has gotten the short end of the stick.
Still -  He loves each one of us.
Our Christ - our Husband - He keeps His vows.  




Wednesday, February 22, 2017

"His Excellent Soup" - 02/22/17 - Number 26-27




"The Spirit is in him!" (27:18)

There is an old story, "Stone Soup",  I remember reading to the boys when they were little.

A beggar asked alms at a lordly mansion, but was told by the servants they had nothing to give him.  "Sorry for it," said the man, "but will you let me boil a little water to make some soup of this stone?"  This was so novel a proceeding, that the curiosity of the servants was aroused, and the man was readily furnished with saucepan, water, and spoon.  In he popped the stone, and he begged for a little salt and pepper for flavoring.  Stirring the water and tasting it, he said, it would be the better for any fragments of meat and vegetables they might happen to have.  These were supplied, and ultimately he asked for a little catsup and other sauce.  When fully boiled and fit, each of the servants tasted it, and declared that the stone soup was excellent.

How thankful and blessed we are when we come to our Lord we don't have to beg. He welcomes us with open arms and gives to us all that He has. Even though our status is of a beggar, He treats us as His prince or princess.

Because that is what and whom we are.

Royalty. For our ABBA is The King of Kings.

Our King! When we give our lives over to Him, we become His sons and daughters.

He gives us not only The Gift of eternal life through Christ, He gives us The Gift of His Spirit to live within each of us - His temple. How often do we take this for granted, do not think of it at all.

In Him - We are His temple.

His Spirit lives within us,

The God who created this universe and all it holds - lives within us.

Wow.

His Spirit who guides, protects, comforts, moans and groans relaying our hearts to Him, celebrates -

lives within us.
Our hearts are a vessel He fills with water, pure and clean, in which we make the choice to put in His stone. 
Our Rock. 
When I first received my Rock,  I couldn't make sense as to why He wanted it within my heart.  But then His breath blew into the embers and the flame that came from Him began to heat the water.  He added to my heart My Savior, His Son - the marrow bones becoming a broth.  Through His Word came the seasonings.  The Fruits of the Spirit, of life, His Armor, Him.  The Holy Spirit constantly stirring.  Through His family surrounding me, came the ingredients (gifts and talents) I didn't have.


And as I looked into my vessel I could see floating on top amongst the ingredients God had put in, inedible items which were poison in my soup.  Items served up on the platter of doubt by satan.  Items which I had taken off the platter and put in myself, thinking they were needed to enhance the flavor.  Sticks and decayed leaves of fear, insecurities, anger, bitterness, items of sin.  


And The Holy Spirit continually lifts up the slotted spoon, straining out the items bringing poison into the soup.

The soup He creates out of our nothing - our emptiness. The soup, that with continued stirring brings up the hidden sediments laying in the bottom or the ones plainly seen floating on the top, which He removes.

Making it The Perfect Soup.

It isn't until I am with my Abba that we will eat of the soup. It is on that day we shall taste of it together and He will declare it excellent!





Tuesday, February 21, 2017

"ABBA's Vessel" - 02/21/17 - Numbers 23-25


"Just then, while everyone was weeping in penitence at the entrance of the Tent of Meeting, an Israelite man, flaunting his behavior in front of Moses and the whole assembly, paraded a Midianite woman into his family tent. 
Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, saw what he was doing, grabbed his spear, and followed them into the tent. With one thrust he drove the spear through the two of them, the man of Israel and the woman, right through their private parts." (25:6-9)


Arrogance - it isn't one of the fruits from God.

"Paraded" right into his family tent.

 Wow!

So easy to point a finger at him. Never have I "paraded" right in front of God - sashaying along - going about "my" way.

Oh, but I have.

Times too numerous to count.

 How blessed and thankful I am that He covered me with forgiveness, grace, mercy, instead of a spear through my private parts.
Which is what I use when I sin.
My private parts.

The parts I think I am keeping private from Him. The places marked "private" in my life. Private areas that I go into and hang the "STOP Private Property" sign right in His face. Places that I do not invite Him in to live, share my life with.

He is continually weeding those private parts out of my life though. More and more I find myself flinging open the doors and desiring Him to come in, clean, organize the mess I have made. To transform those areas into a shared place In Him.

When reading the verses from today, I began to think about the difference between a vessel and a tool.

A vessel is used to contain or transport.
A tool is controlled and manipulated.

This man and woman in the verses, they were tools for satan. 
They were allowing themselves to be manipulated, trying to destroy as they were "paraded". 
How differently it could have been if they had chosen to be vessels for Him.

How differently our lives go when we choose to be His vessel and live life without any private areas.

When we have chosen to be a vessel for Him, He fills each of His with what is needed for this spiritual battle.
He always prepares us.
Always.

It is only through Him we stop allowing ourselves to be a tool of destruction, manipulation for evil. Through Him we find, more often than not, we begin to desire not to allow ourselves to be a tool on "parade" because the things of this world become distasteful.  We welcome Him in to fill every nook and cranny of our being.

As His vessel, it should cause fear inside our hearts knowing those outside of Christ in their arrogance have not repented of sin nor are they sorrowful. They are continually put themselves above God - continuing to be tools for satan.  They are lost.

It should cause fear inside of our hearts for those God will have own their behavior and they will be punished.
Straight and to the point - right in their private parts.

It is for those who are lost that we must show the way to Salvation.  All the while praying in urgency for them to become His vessel.
For it is only because of Grace we "in" Him are no longer a tool for satan and are called His Vessel.





Monday, February 20, 2017

"We Climb" - 02/20/17 - Numbers 20-22



"So take Aaron and his son Eleazar and lead them up Mount Hor
Remove Aaron's clothes from him and put them on his son Eleazar. 
Aaron will be gathered there; Aaron will die." 
(Aaron was 123 years old when he died on Mount Hor."(20:26)


While in Phoenix visiting Nichalas and Amber, I always try to climb the mountains they live near.  To make it even more of a challenge, I go off the beaten path and instead take the ones less traveled.
There is one I have "conquered" annually for the past four years and this year it again kicked me in the behind.  

Over and over as I climb, my mind thinks about Moses and I am encouraged.  His climbing Mt. Sinai to visit with God when over 80 years old and receiving the 10 commandments.  I wonder if he even had paths to follow.  As I am huffing and puffing, my body in agony I realize how out of shape I am and how in shape he had to have been not only at 80, but also at over 100.  

I realized our ABBA has provided us with many accounts of those who He has commanded to climb mountains.  Abraham (over a 100 years old) with Isaac, Moses not once but three times and the last two he also was well over a 100. 
 
 
 
 
 
This is a picture of 
Mt. Hor.
 
 
 
 
 


 



I hadn't realized until I saw a picture how this was quite a mountain to climb at any age. What did they talk about? Their life together, growing up- while apart - growing old - the journey God had taken them on? How was Eleazar feeling? Did he know, have any idea? Did Moses share with Aaron what God had said - or did Aaron already know? Did they bury him or leave his body to the elements? Did God bury him? I imagine this climb was as hard on Moses as Abraham's was with Isaac, knowing he would be coming back down the mountain without the one they were making the climb with.  

Even when we have faith and know without a doubt where one in Christ will go - death is hard......Bittersweet.
 
 In my selfishness I desire the persons to remain here with me. I think often of those who have gone before me - and how I miss them.  Our two babies - wondering what they'd look like - be like. They would have been 30 and 27 this year.  I think often about how different our lives would have been with them here.  My three grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends - missing them even more so as years go by.

The other night as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about the fact I am on the downhill side of life. At times it scares me, how quickly time flies - the years. It motivates me to get my life organized - my home, etc. It gives me a sense of urgency to look/act on opportunities and Divine Appointments He places before me.  I look and see all of the "Moses" He has put into my life and heart, making this climb with me.

I remember in 1989, while living in Kearney, MO, God suddenly weighed upon my heart for days to call my cousin, Cyndi, whom I hadn't spoken to in years.  And although I didn't have her contact information, I had ways of obtaining it.  


During those days I continued ignoring His urging and didn't make that call or write a letter until I received a call. 
 
A call telling me Cyndi had suddenly died on her couch.  During her autopsy, it was discovered she had congestive heart failure. She was 30 years old.
 
Whenever I think about not following ABBA's urging then, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Talk about wishing for a do-over. I think about her life, how lost she was, and wonder if God was trying to use me as a lifeline to Him. Or maybe just to touch base and give her some joy in reminiscing about our past times together. We were very close growing up, and unfortunately our lifestyles, choices, distance had drawn us apart. No fights or anything - just drifted apart.
 
But perhaps, He wanted to use me as a "Moses" in her climb up the mountain. 
 
I know I can not be a "Moses" to everyone, but I can be a light for Christ to everyone I meet. Even if only for a moment. He is so strong, so Awesome, and can do so much more in a moment than I can in a lifetime.

We discussed in Bible Study one time,  what tool in His tool box do we think we are.  I feel it depends on the season, the job, the need, is what determines the "tool" we are.  As I age, I pray I do not ignore His urging and am the whatever and however needed "tool" for Him.  I pray I will choose to be His tool to others, so we don't have to climb through this life alone.
 
For each one of us is dying, making our journey to the mountain top.
To remove our clothes and be gathered there.
Everyone will die.  
And we all need to be at the ready, as was Moses, no matter our age, to climb with each other.  For we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.






Sunday, February 19, 2017

"My Best Part" - 02/19/17 - Numbers 18-19


"By offering the best part, you’ll avoid guilt, you won’t desecrate the holy offerings" (18:32)



Looking back upon my life, it is easy to see Adam and Nichalas are definitely the best part of what I have ever produced.  It wasn't me - it was God who had His hand in it all and how they turned out as they have.  

I stand amazed.

How He took me - one who was of sin, who walked outside of Him for so many years.  He took my stumbling blocks and made them into His stepping stones.  I stand amazed that our sons walk in Him - only because of His grace and mercy.  

It has been hard every season, as they have grown up, to let them go.  It has been an adjustment, to say the least, of what and how my role has changed over the years.  Due to my past, I had such a void in my heart for love.  Until I became a mom - I had never experienced such a gift.  To have one look at me in delight (most times), to need me in the ways they did, that fulfilled my life and heart.  I was gaining my worth from them.  I was also putting them over Curt.  And our marriage was falling apart because of that.  

It wasn't until I gave Him my best part that my heart and life began to turn around.  Thankfully, God showed me my sin and I repented of that, before I lost "my Curt".  In holding back the offering of the boys to God, I was sinning.  I was walking in guilt.  I was making them my idol.  I was putting my self, my needs - before Him.  

I was desecrating the best part of me.

And I was fooling myself - they weren't mine.  They still aren't.  They are His.  

I am just the vessel He chose to raise them. 

His Word has showered blessings upon me that are too many to count.  His Word has helped me recognize where I need to grow, where I have grown, and what my fruits are.  

My fruits are many.  From two of them we now number six when adding our Ashley, Amber, Charlie and Ella.  All who walk with Him as well.  I stand amazed in how He has taken from me and created this family that He has used and continues to use for HIm.  Only our Amazing and Awesome ABBA could turn our mess ups into His Glory.