"By offering the best part, you’ll avoid guilt, you won’t desecrate the holy offerings" (18:32)
Looking back upon my life, it is easy to see Adam and Nichalas are definitely the best part of what I have ever produced. It wasn't me - it was God who had His hand in it all and how they turned out as they have.
I stand amazed.
How He took me - one who was of sin, who walked outside of Him for so many years. He took my stumbling blocks and made them into His stepping stones. I stand amazed that our sons walk in Him - only because of His grace and mercy.
It has been hard every season, as they have grown up, to let them go. It has been an adjustment, to say the least, of what and how my role has changed over the years. Due to my past, I had such a void in my heart for love. Until I became a mom - I had never experienced such a gift. To have one look at me in delight (most times), to need me in the ways they did, that fulfilled my life and heart. I was gaining my worth from them. I was also putting them over Curt. And our marriage was falling apart because of that.
It wasn't until I gave Him my best part that my heart and life began to turn around. Thankfully, God showed me my sin and I repented of that, before I lost "my Curt". In holding back the offering of the boys to God, I was sinning. I was walking in guilt. I was making them my idol. I was putting my self, my needs - before Him.
I was desecrating the best part of me.
And I was fooling myself - they weren't mine. They still aren't. They are His.
I am just the vessel He chose to raise them.
His Word has showered blessings upon me that are too many to count. His Word has helped me recognize where I need to grow, where I have grown, and what my fruits are.
My fruits are many. From two of them we now number six when adding our Ashley, Amber, Charlie and Ella. All who walk with Him as well. I stand amazed in how He has taken from me and created this family that He has used and continues to use for HIm. Only our Amazing and Awesome ABBA could turn our mess ups into His Glory.