"When she saw King David leaping and dancing before God, her heart filled with scorn."(2Sam6:16)
During times in my life, when I would watch from the edges, the not being included or accepted, brought about bitterness, anger and at times jealousy. For the past few years it has been my utmost prayer that He would remove those from my heart. There have been close prayer warriors in my life lifting me up. It is with great joy that in the past few months I am finally living without the "scorn". I have finally started to release the anger and bitterness within my heart to Him. I am learning to stand firm and know I am accepted and loved by Him.
I told Curt though, the hard part of not having a heart filled with scorn is that it is so open and tender. No longer hard. It would be so much easier if I were able to hate, to separate myself and when hurt is inflicted - to have apathy. I am thankful though that He has tenderized my heart. Instead of relying on me, my defenses - I am relying on Him.
"Michal, Saul's daughter, was barren the rest of her life."(2 Sam 6:23)
This verse is about not having children. While reading it though, God made me aware that it could have also been my heart. I know that He is always preparing my heart to be a warrior for Him to reach the many lost souls. They are throwing sin into the face of God and if they were to die right now - because of their fruits - I know they are living outside of the covenant. Outside of Christ. They would be going to hell. And that is what tears my heart apart. I may be the only vessel for Him they encounter. Does my "self" get in the way?
Even though it hurts so badly, I am so thankful that He has changed my heart, that it is not barren, and I am able to love - even those who are "unlovable". It is right now that they need God's love and others love more than any other time in their lives. Not when it is right for me. That is why when I pray, as I live - please may I not be seen - but, Him. That all will see Him - not me.
"And David went home to bless his family."(1 Chron 16:43)
I am so thankful that I am in the intimate relationship with Him for not only this time, but all of times. I pray that others with a barren heart will come to know Him and bear fruit for Him. There are so many in this world who are lost, lost souls. Living in a world of evil, darkness and they don't have to.
The verse that grabbed my heart today was one that gives me strength, comfort, assurance and hope:
"Give thanks to God, for his love never quits!"(1Chron 16:42)
How very thankful I am that at any moment, I am able to climb up in my Daddy's lap and feel His arms around me. Knowing that His heart is breaking more than mine, because He loves so much more than I can. Knowing that He is holding me tightly as WE go through this journey TOGETHER. Knowing that He is/will be using me for His glory.
Knowing that He loves all more than I can imagine. Not just those who are in a covenant with Him - all. May I see the urgency to love the lost to Him.
I just pray, pray, pray, all will know this too.
Before it is too late.
2 comments:
Praying that he continues to give you the strength and the continued wisdom from His Word to carry you through this time. Sounds to me like He's giving you just what you need so that you can be just what your father and your mother needs right now. God Bless you and keep you always in His tender love and care.
Thank you.
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