"I said to myself, "This is it. I'm finished. God is a lost cause." It's a Good Thing to Hope for Help from God. I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all - oh, how well I remember - the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on Hope: God's Loyal Love couldn't have run out, His Merciful Love couldn't have... dried up. They're created new every morning. How great Your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly Hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because The Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly. His stockpiles of Loyal Love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way"(3:18-33)
I can remember numerous times just wanting to die, but it was the vast, stark, aloneness that is most vivid. A black void within my being. The place of "nothingness".
I don't ever want to return to that place.
I don't want to forget either.
He has brought me from the bottom of nothingness - to Him. He has filled me within, throughout, every bit of me. No longer do I feel the aloneness, but there are times I feel the heaviness and hardness of life pressing in on me. The fingers of "nothingness" trying to grab hold of me and pull me down.
He has taught me that is when I need to fall down on my knees before Him. My head in His Lap, His Word coming from within my heart and drowning out the lies of doubt, which are trying to pull me under the waters of life.
He has and is showing me, I must be stripped bare, down to nothing, to become all He has made me to be. He must dress me in His Truths, so when I look into His mirror, it is His beloved I am seeing, not the destructive view of self or others.
He has taught me His Standards are what I desire to live my life by. His unconditional Love is what I sink my feet into, curling my toes up and gripping in hard. He is my hope when all feels hopeless. He has transformed my life, my whole being, into His Treasure.
He is my Rock. my bestest friend. my love.
I don't ever want to return to that place.
I don't want to forget either.
He has brought me from the bottom of nothingness - to Him. He has filled me within, throughout, every bit of me. No longer do I feel the aloneness, but there are times I feel the heaviness and hardness of life pressing in on me. The fingers of "nothingness" trying to grab hold of me and pull me down.
He has taught me that is when I need to fall down on my knees before Him. My head in His Lap, His Word coming from within my heart and drowning out the lies of doubt, which are trying to pull me under the waters of life.
He has and is showing me, I must be stripped bare, down to nothing, to become all He has made me to be. He must dress me in His Truths, so when I look into His mirror, it is His beloved I am seeing, not the destructive view of self or others.
He has taught me His Standards are what I desire to live my life by. His unconditional Love is what I sink my feet into, curling my toes up and gripping in hard. He is my hope when all feels hopeless. He has transformed my life, my whole being, into His Treasure.
He is my Rock. my bestest friend. my love.
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