"And I will wait on The Lord.
And I will hope in Him.
Here am I and the children whom The Lord has given me!" (8:17,18)
It can come back around and cause your heart to hurt. Raising up independent children.
Children who grow up to be strong adults.
Children who choose to be His Warriors.
Children whom our ABBA will use for His Kingdom.
Curt, Nichalas and I were playing a new card game yesterday and my mind wasn't really in it. I kept making mistakes, going out of turn. My mind was thinking about what will be occurring in just a few hours. At one point when Nichalas was teasing me, I suddenly went from laughter to tears. My heart has been breaking as I have been counting down the days and the tears are laying just below the surface.
This evening our Nichalas will be getting in their car and head out the drive towards Phoenix. Jacob will be sitting in the passenger seat as they embark on this adventure, while Amber is here for a bit longer. Nichalas has orientation beginning Monday for his new teaching position.
I struggle.
I struggle in knowing and having seen where and how our ABBA is using these two parts of our hearts there in Phoenix, and wanting them closer. How thankful I am we have Adam, Ashley, Charles and Ella, here with us, yet still I struggle knowing for the next six months there will be two large voids in our family time together. I struggle in my selfishness of wanting them here, knowing I have dear friends whose children reside in Heaven, I have dear friends whose children are in places so far away, seeing them happens years apart.
Nichalas and I were talking about their future plans and when they will be moving back here. Curt says we are one day closer to that happening than we were yesterday. He is right, but still I struggle.
My head knows, but my heart is still learning. Still breaking.
And then as I read His Love Letter to me this morning, He gives me my verses:
"And I will wait on The Lord.
And I will hope in Him.
Here am I and the children whom The Lord has given me!"
I don't struggle in knowing how close our sons are. How their wives, Ashley and Amber, have become sisters. Whom we love as our own. How we have accepted, with full hearts, the gifts of our little ones, Charles and Ella. I don't struggle in knowing He is the core of this family unit, for He is the wrapping surrounding this gift of my family.
Although they are grown young men and still I struggle in some areas as a mama, in those areas:
"I will wait on The Lord."
His time. His way.
"And I will have hope in Him."
Knowing this is but a temporary place and one day in Heaven we will be together 24/7.
I will take from my treasure of memories to ease the pain in the days between. And I shall count my many, many blessing which continually rain down upon me.
"Here am I and the children whom The Lord has given me!" For we are His.
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