Most nights, the last thing I remember thanking God for, is my Curt.
Usually, I am holding his left hand and my fingers touch his wedding band. There is something about him wearing that band of gold that touches my heart. Knowing that when someone sees it on his finger, they know that he is "taken".
He is mine.
We will be celebrating 31 years together this coming June 9th, the anniversary of our first date. In that time, we have been through many ups and downs. Thankfully, we made it - only because of God's help.
Exactly 25 years ago, we were in a major down. I can remember being on my knees and begging, pleading to God, that He would save our marriage, that Curt would not leave us. I didn't know where else to turn. Thankfully, I turned to Him, because He kept us together. Almost 10 years ago we were in another major down. This time it was me who wanted out. I know that I hated our marriage and thought I even hated him. There were such harsh and painful words that I threw out at him. Wanting only to hurt and drive him away. But, he went down on his knees and begged to God that I wouldn't leave. He refused to let me go, as I refused to let him go, so many years prior.
He reminded me of a little rat terrier that had a hold of my pant leg.
I cling with thanksgiving the verses telling me how God knows my heart better than I do. He knew without a doubt, under all the anger, harsh words - my heart was head over heels in love with Curt. Through His Word, counseling, friends who fought to keep us together - we made it through the major down. Today, I am so blessed with a marriage which only requires maintenance. I go to sleep at night, live throughout each day, so very thankful and blessed beyond words, that our Abba kept us as one. Not only for ourselves, but for our sons and daughter-in-law and future grandchildren.
When I read of the relationship that Samson and Delilah shared, I wonder if he was really in love with her or was it just lust? Did he share his "secret" because he did love her or was he exasperated by her nagging? Was there ever a moment, afterwards, that Delilah regretted what she had done? Did she realize that there was something there in Samson's heart for her? Did she ever think about what she traded in for bribe money?
How much like marriage is our relationship with God. We are given the "secret" of Christ and reject it for the bribe money of satan. So many do not want to put a vested interest in relationships anymore, choosing to take the easy way out.
As some do with their relationship with God.
My heart breaks when I think about the "Delilah's" of this world. They hold in their hands the key to eternal life and cast it aside.
For the bribe money of satan.
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