For the most part, I am pretty successful in avoiding my reflection in the mirror. When I do stand before one, I am usually focusing on the hair, makeup, not my actual self.
And those moments when I do actually look at me - it is with an overly critical eye.
I am my worst enemy.
Since having Adam 30 years ago, I have struggled with my weight. Before that time, I was thin as a rail and could eat as much of anything I wanted, never gaining an ounce. It seems I wore my metabolism out during my youth. The other day I was organizing photos and realized there aren't too many of me. Seems I am also pretty good about avoiding the camera. These photos also made me wish I was as "fat" now as I was back then. Because I am always comparing my body to before pregnancy, I am coming up fat.
And ugly.
"He who gains Wisdom, loves His own soul"(Proverbs 19:8)
To love me as He loves me.
The reason He wants me to do this, is when I do, nothing else matters.
"I" don't matter because all of me is LOVED.
Instead, there are oft times -
I pick up "doubt". I begin to view the inside/out of me from the perspective of the world or self. Comparing, putting down, forgetting.
He created me.
He created all of me.
He created me in His image.
I know until I die, I have chosen to become more like Christ with each breath I take.
I also know there will be times I fail - often in a big way.
But - who am I?
to say ugly.
Not perfect.
Not enough.
Who am I? to not look at myself - as He sees me.
When looking at "me" through my eyes, I am looking through the distorted image from a sideshow funhouse.
He has shown me, if I choose to believe, through His Words and also the voices of those He has put into my life, no one sees "me" as I do. They don't see someone whose hair is out of place. whose clothes are a little tight. whose whole inside needs an overhaul.
They see someone they love.
Someone they feel is beautiful inside/out.
Just as I do them.
Isn't it sad we don't see ourselves through the eyes of those whom love us.
Isn't it sad we don't see ourselves through the eyes of our ABBA.
Our ABBA doesn't see fat.
He doesn't see ugly.
He doesn't see flaws we pick out and focus on.
He sees us as "His Beloved".
He sees us through His Son.
Our Savior.
He sees our hearts as one that is running after Him.
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