"Jehoshaphat was afraid
and turned his attention to seek THE LORD ,
and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah.
So Judah gathered together to seek help from THE LORD ;
they even came from all the cities of Judah to seek THE LORD ." (20:3-4)
It isn't often our family of eight is all together at one time.
And when we are, I struggle to be thankful for those moments and not yearn for anything more.
I struggle to not keep count of the time together versus the time apart. I struggle not to think about the "what if's" and focus on the "what is".
I struggle to not become paralyzed with fear. To not desire to herd my "chicks" under my wings and not let them go. I struggle to not be lost in the memories of yesterdays.
During those moments of being together, I am lifting each one of them up, having conversation with our ABBA who is right there in the midst of us celebrating. He gives me yet another "jewel of a day" to tuck into my heart along with the joys and the laughter.
My heart beats faster knowing there are many things which can happen.
It begins with our conception. Dying. Only ABBA knows how long our days are. The fear of one of them dying, if I allowed it, could paralyze me.
It is my greatest fear.
Even though I know - without doubt- they would be with our ABBA and four other little ones.
It is my selfishness which wants to keep them here.
I think about our dear sisters and brothers, ones who have lost their spouse or child, and draw strength from their example. It helps knowing I am not the only wife/mama feeling this way. It helps knowing our ABBA knows exactly how we feel going through these moments.
After all, He gave up His only Son. for each one of us.
Just as "Judah gathered together to seek help from THE LORD", He has placed each of us within the lives of others to help us through our journey. Help for us to remain focused on Him. He has given us The Holy Spirit and His Word to comfort and keep our eyes lifted up from focusing on "me" and focus instead on the many ways ABBA is using the treasures of our heart for His work. For His Glory.
He is continually growing us during the times we become afraid, turning our attention back towards seeking Him. ABBA - THE LORD. Our I AM. Bigger than any fear.
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