Jacob had just had an encounter with God - who gave him an immense blessing, set up and anointed a memorial pillar, and then put stipulations on his response to God. "If" God stands by me and protects me" then Jacob will have this God be his God. And in his graciousness he will "return a tenth to Him".
Oh how easy it is to look down upon people from my self appointed, self righteous, throne I put myself upon. How often sitting on that throne gets in the way of being a vessel for Him. When it becomes all about me and not Him. There aren't enough words to express how thankful (and blessed) I am for His grace and mercy - which I know without a doubt are continually pouring down upon me.
It is while sitting upon my throne that He points out the "board in my eye". The three fingers pointing back at me while I point one towards another. God has immensely blessed me over and over, and there are often times that I reply with - "If". Bargaining with God - thinking that I am lording over Him. What a joke.
Last night in group, while studying Ephesians 1, it connected about my adoption into His family. It isn't until I die that the adoption is complete. Up to that point, I have the choice of accepting Him as my Daddy. He isn't going anywhere - He won't be moving the house - it is me that can decide to accept His adoption into His family - to belong to Him. And how many times when I say, "if", am I taking steps back from accepting His adoption? Because each time I put "if" into the equation, I am actually putting myself before Him. I am not following - I am fooling myself that I am leading - not Him.
My utmost prayer requests: That I may be a vessel for Him. To break my heart for what breaks His. To create in me a pure, Christlike mind and heart.
And there I am going along, and be darned if I don't mess it up.
Recently, we ran into a "thorn". I didn't stand there and pray about our relationship, I didn't thank Him for the opportunity to allow Him to shine. No - I stood there and pretended to be nice while thinking, "I really don't like this person because of the hurt they have inflicted on me and my family".
I "if'd" the opportunity.
My heart was basically saying, "if" this person were nice, Christlike, didn't create turmoil in our lives, "if" this person loved me like they "should", then "yea, I'll love em like Christ instructed. I'll be a vessel for Him. I'll even let Him shine through me".
But I didn't. I didn't stand in faith that He would take care of my heart if I became vulnerable for Him.
I "if'd" again.
We then separated and we went on to our Bible Study group.
How Christlike is that! Again - His grace and mercy rain down. I am so thankful that He knows my heart and my struggles. That He knows I don't want to "if" the situations. That He knows I desire to please Him. For Him to use me.
And He will.
My heart is convicted. My eyes are refocused. My feet are again on the right track. May I be more into Him than into me.
May I not "if" again......
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