It used to be I wondered if God loved me. I always felt His Love, His blessings, were for everyone else and I was on the sidelines watching The Love unfold. How His Word has transformed not only my heart, but my way of thinking and seeing life.
There is no longer any doubt nor do I reply, "really?" when I hear Him tell me "how He loves me".
I have found when I am focused on Him, all my senses are on overload from His Glory showing off for me.
Dear friends of ours have an old barn where they host parties. And whenever I attend, although the craftsmanship throughout draws my eyes in admiration, I enjoy most looking out the frameless window at our ABBA's landscape beyond, while sitting at a table in the company of loved ones. His beauty of the fields, tree line, the sky, making it hard to tear my eyes away. Breathless He leaves me in showing me a "painting" which surpasses any of those painted by the hand of man.
There is a lookout spot near our home where sometimes Curt and I drive to park at the top of the ridge to watch the sky. One evening we went to watch the moon rise up and prepare for its journey of the eclipse. We waited in vain as a huge cloudbank only intensified. Every once in awhile you were able to see the brightness behind the clouds, knowing it must have been something to see. Later on at home, I awoke from falling asleep on the couch, to a room full of a soft, gentle light. I smiled as I looked out the window. Up above the clouds His great moon shinning down, illuminating the landscape before me. His timing. His way.
I am stand in awe of those He has placed within my heart in this life and eternity. How often I find myself just drinking in the beauty of Him, seen through them. People. I love seeing a glimpse of someone in the lineage through the face, mannerism, build, of their relatives. How beautiful each of us are. I could get lost in the beauty of the eyes alone, especially when seen through a magnifying glass. Their colors, shapes, even sizes. Skin. How He has made each of us our own unique, beautiful color. Hands, representing so much of life lived through wrinkles, callouses, scars - so much strength. So much strength when folded in prayer. Our feet to carry us. How He has made us to walk upright. How He has created our bodies to move from one place to another, each one in their own unique stride.
These past few years has had many of our "kids" having babies of their own. Each time, I know I will be blown away once more in His miracle of life when holding these little ones, who will be only a few hours into this world. I will once again be reminded in how He has used the different genes from one another to create another. How He has created a whole "someone" from the sperm and egg of a man and woman. Designing the woman to be a part of the process and then to give birth to new little ones. So many, many ways He has shown His Love to "us". How He adores and desires "us".
So many ways He says to us, "I love you".
And then we will reply, "really?".
As I was falling asleep last night, I prayed He would awaken me before His sun came above the horizon and this morning I smiled as He gently called me to begin my day while it was still dark outside. I smiled for I knew, even with that simple prayer, He listens. Always. He is there. Always.
It used to be I was so focused on what I didn't receive, I missed out on what He did/does give me. I was looking at the "unfairness" and not seeing the even greater of "Him". Being so focused on me, I missed out on all of "Him" around me.
Each moment I am striving to be focused into and onto Him. It is then I am able to know with the all of me - Yes, how He so loves me.