This morning it was hard to wake up from the beautiful dream I was having. God has given me the gift of dreaming as though I am watching a TV show and this morning the star was our Adam when he was all of two. We were playing together. I could actually feel his little hand touching mine. Kissing the back of his neck as we snuggled. It was hard to wake up. Knowing 29 years have flown by since those days of having our sons as toddlers.
There have been times when I reflect back on my past, when I was single, my role as a wife and mommy - and I cry. I cry because hind site really is 20/20. So many things I did/have done wrong. So many moments I have caused great pain and sorrow to my ABBA. my Christ. The Holy Spirit. To others. So many moments I have wasted away. Instead of savoring and drinking in each one.
If I allowed myself, I would become anxious and think I haven't been nor will I ever be - "good enough". Such a burden is removed when I see He is so much bigger than my mistakes. When I see and believe, He uses all - all - things for His Glory. When I see He has given me "more precious moments" to "delight my soul".
satan loves when I start beating myself up with regrets. When I think about instances of what I did, said. He loves when I feel sick inside and am not seeing I am covered with the grace and mercy of ABBA. he loves when I pick back up and pack the bag of garbage around, allowing it to interfere in my living life with God.
"Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
All we are to focus on - is What and Who our ABBA is. We are to focus on Him. We are to focus on His consolations and His promises, written to each of us throughout Scripture. Not the lies of satan. Not the lies of this world. Not the lies we tell ourselves.
I so pray for Curt, myself, Adam and Ashley, Nichalas and Amber, Charlie, Ella and all our future generations, and for others, to have an uncluttered and focused heart for Him. I so pray, they will each see themselves as our ABBA sees them. "Fearfully and wonderfully made". I so pray, they will obey Him and live by His directions and counsel.
To focus on His truths.
I love when looking back I am seeing how He is cleansing my heart - taking out the garbage so to speak.
I don't know if this is true or not, but it helps illustrate how a cluttered and unfocused heart will eventually consume the all of you. In ancient Rome there was a form of capital punishment which was gruesome and terrifying. The punishment was if you murdered someone, your victim’s corpse was then chained to your back. As the sun beat down on you and as days and weeks passed, rancid odors would nauseate you as the body rotted and decayed. Infection quickly set in as it seeped into your own body and killed you. Thus the one murdered, killed the murderer.
If we allow our mistakes to be our focus, we hinder ourselves for Him. We are allowing the "garbage" to seep in and become a part of us. To slowly kill us. We are robbing ourselves from the fruits of The Holy Spirit. "But the fruit of The Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness"(Gal 5:21-23).
With each passing day, the more I guard my "treasures' from Him.
And these fruits - these fruits are my "treasures".
"And give my son Solomon an uncluttered and focused heart "so that" he can obey what You command, live by Your directions and counsel""(1 Chron 29:19)
"So that" we are living in the freedom - being all He has created us to be.