Thankfully, after much prayer during the past couple of years I am seeing improvement. It seemed the harder I try, the behinder I would become.
There have been some who have told me, "You will be late for your own funeral".
May happen. May not. At that point and time, I won't care. (and then it really won't be my fault!)
But while I am living, I do care. I do hate walking in right on the dot. I do hate walking in behind the bride as she makes her way up the aisle. I do hate getting there after the lights have been turned down and the previews are finished.
I don't really know how it happens. The words of the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date" are sometimes going through my head as I rush about trying to get out the door and on my way. I most times have my clothes laid out, cards signed and sealed, present bought and wrapped (both of which often lay forgotten), directions gone over, and still - more often than not - I walk in late. Or almost late.
What I have come to recognize is one of the reasons is, I really enjoy being home. It comes from being an introvert. Crowds, noise, hustling and bustling - they really aren't the way I want to spend my time. But, being home all the time isn't what He has commissioned me to do.
Part of my "staying alert", is to be His vessel in reaching others. It means I have to have my lamp tended properly. The oil I use is His Word. It gives me over and over what I need to be His light for any situation He puts me in.
Being out of my comfort zone physically drains me to the point where I want nothing more than to be reclined on my couch dressed in my pj's. I am thankful for the moments He gives me to recoup, but that isn't where He wants me to invest the most of my time.
He wants me to have and live a servants heart for Him. for others. To be His hands and feet. To watch and be on the ready to serve.
On time. Out of my comfort zone.
"Then The King will say to those on His right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by My Father! Take what's coming to you in this Kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation.