There are times when I sin in my words and the taste in my mouth is sour. There is a place in the pit of my stomach turning over in such disgust, I want to vomit. There is a blanket I want to put upon myself and hide away under it. It is called shame.
These are the times in which I find myself "flapping" my mouth. Venting, gossiping, tearing down, whining, complaining, wallowing in self-pity. There are times when my body language is speaking the same language just as loudly as the words flowing from my mouth.
I walk away from these times and guilt sets in. I know I have not left with words that will "save lives". I have been walking on the "tear down" path.
We as humans, for some reason, find it easier to believe the bad over the good. Studies show it takes a billion, zillion good comments to cancel out one bad comment from our head. And even then doubt still sneaks in and we will often pick up that one bad and start the cycle of "tear down" all over - again.
Perhaps this is why it is so hard to take The Word of Jesus for what it is.
A question from a few years back continues to go through my mind.
I have realized, it isn't I don't feel or believe I have everything I need to live my best life for God - it is that I too many times choose not to utilize what He has given me. Too many times I choose not to take the escape He promises me for every single temptation which will come my way.
This is where satan loves to jump into the "tear down" party and have us believe we haven't a chance. This is where satan and self join together to sing the chorus of "you are a loser". This is where the burden of shame will keep us.
But, THIS is when The Holy Spirit really starts to show off His Power.
I could continue to stay covered up in shame, but His Word tells me I am covered instead in His Grace and Mercy. His Word tells me I am His Beloved. Fearfully and Wonderfully made. His Word tells me He loved me so much, He gave His only beloved Son to die - for me. for my sins.
So, I stand up again - in Him. I let the blanket of shame fall to the ground, I rinse my mouth out, consume His Words, and focus on my ABBA and His Truth.
I pray I am, more often than not, leaving behind words to give others hope and Truth after they have chosen to serve "self" and not Him. To let them know they don't have to live in shame apart from ABBA, by sharing His Words with them.
His Word tells me, "something that will save my life - in fact, yours and everyone you care for."