03/01/12 - "I'm not coming"

"Moses said to his brother-in-law Hobab son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses' father-in-law, "We're marching to the place about which God promised, 'I'll give it to you.' Come with us; we'll treat you well. God has promised good things for Israel."
But Hobab said, "I'm not coming; I'm going back home to my own country, to my own family."

Moses countered, "Don't leave us. You know all the best places to camp in the wilderness. We need your eyes. If you come with us, we'll make sure that you share in all the good things God will do for us." (Numbers 10:29-32)

How often do I hear, read, know God's promises - and say "I'm not coming, I'm going back home to my own country"? How often does "back home" look better to me than what He has in store for me? How often do I become too attached to "back home"?

These past two months, digging in, praying to hear each day, writing it down, has changed me. I see that I am more focused on Him. I love how His Word is growing me. Causing me to refocus on my purpose - to make/train disciples.

We finished up our last Downline Disciple class last night. He is over and over again telling me - "Watch - Do". I've been praying for doors to open. Every encounter I am wondering, "Is this the one". I am so thankful that by refocusing, I have been able to enjoy life.

Today, Terry is coming over to talk to us in regard to changes at ADM. Before, I'd be so anxious - thinking only bad thoughts. Now, I am just waiting and know He will provide. Curt and I are both wanting to be used by Him. It may or may not be through our business or this place.

Bottom line is - I am waiting on the sound of the Bugle. Numbers 10:1-10 Bugles were blown to notify the people if they were to march, stay, fight. Whatever His call. It isn't about going "back home". It is about where He is taking me.

I have recognized I have been too wrapped up in the past. I have been clinging to the "good" memories trying to fill in the void the hurts from my childhood left. Only He can fill that void. Good memories are just that - memories. And even though I have felt they fill me, actually they are robbing me of my present. Particularly with the boys. It is hard, no impossible, to treat them as adults if I am constantly remembering/focusing on them as babies and being young. God has blessed me with two awesome adult sons. I need to march on with them. Creating new memories that are okay to take out and look at occasionally. Not to live through them.

"Blow the bugles.....they will keep your attention on God. I am God, your God." (Num 10:10)

To me the bugles represent God's Word. It keeps my attention on Him. He tells me......

I am God, your God.