"and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go."(Mark 10:22)
Sitting in the darkness with only the light from my laptop attempting its feeble attempt to chase out the shadows surrounding me in the living room. It was 3:30, unable to sleep, I came to read from ABBA's Love Letter to me.
I love the freedom I have in being able to read His Word pretty much anywhere, anytime, anyway. Pulling it up on Biblegate.com enables me to easily copy/paste - when my laptop is cooperating. Lately, it has been having fits and in those early morning hours it didn't let up, only continued to throw up blocks until I gave up and hit the shut down key. Perhaps it was a little resentful for being awakened and put to work at that hour! And still, it is attempting to hiccup now and then.
As it was earlier, the wind is continuing to make its way down through our little valley. Bending the tops of the trees down in worship to our ABBA. Ringing the many wind chimes hanging about in a song of pure joy up to Him. All of nature stands in admiration to Him. All of nature causes my heart to smile.
It wasn't due to worries or any other negative thoughts I was unable to sleep. He was giving me ideas for the landscaping job we are working on and my brain wouldn't shut down. How much I love when He speaks and I am listening. How much I love when my heart is not heavy with the things of this world, but in the freedom from "things" it is soaring as the winds, amongst the highest of high. With Him.
My heart hasn't been "heavy" for very long or very often, during the past few years. His Word has taught me how essential it is to "let go" the things of this world, the things that are not of Him. In following His Commands, I have been given the gift of freedom through forgiveness, in loving even the unlovely, in setting up boundaries. He has shown me the "things" I was holding onto tightly were actually holding onto me even tighter.
I was thinking about the wind as I sat in the darkness listening to its howling, whistling around the obstacles standing in its path. We are able to see it in action, to harness it for its energy, to feel it upon our faces, but we can not hold it in our hands. Just like water - we can try and cup it into our hands, but it will seep out through the cracks in our attempt to capture it.
Just like we do with anything else. The tighter we try to hold it - or them - all will eventually be squeezed out. Or it will overtake us. I thought about how I used to get my worth from our sons. How they were a reflection of how I was doing. What a burden this placed upon them. I thought about how I used to get my worth from the things of this world. How they were a reflection of who I was. How fleeting and exhausting it was. I thought about how I used to get my worth from what I did, didn't do, how I preformed. How I was craving approval from all but our ABBA.
It wasn't until I put my faith and trust into Him, that I was able to "let go".
And in a way only our ABBA can do, only He is able to endure the "holding on tightly" from us. Only He is able to provide more of Him, to fill us up completely. Only He is able to fill our every need, desire, void.
Only He is what we are to hold on to tightly and not about to let go.
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