Thursday, September 08, 2005

As I walk through the valley...........

Perhaps it is because I am no longer on anti-depressants, that I am on a very serious life eating change (diet), that time is going so quickly - I don't know but these past few months have had such dark days.

So many times I wanted to blog, there just wasn't anything there. No energy, no thought pattern, just nothing. And I am not even blond! Graying, but not blonde. Work was very, very slow due to the drought. My life came to a sit still for much of August as I recovered from a Stress Fracture in my left foot. I could only use my Z mower, only be on my foot 10 minutes an hour, not a lot of exercise going on - thus my WWLPP results were very, very, very, slow. Did I mention very? By the time I arrived to a destination, 10 minutes were up!

I also drifted away from our Father and sat down. As I wrote to a friend, I sat down by the septic tank of life. Bible reading stopped, prayer life - I felt like I was talking to nothing. Do you ever feel so empty inside? I haven't been sad, hurt, angry, bitter, or anything - just nothing. Kinda hard to write about something so exciting.

And now, I am coming out of this valley. Bible reading has resumed - what instantaneous rewards come from this. I realize (again) why I felt as though I was talking to nothing, was it was all one sided. My side. And I really don't have anything to offer when it comes to taking over His side of the conversation.

The stress from being on the WWLPP. I am sure this is the stress that broke my foot. Not from exercise mind you. Actually, the WWLPP has been a blessing. I have now lost 28 pounds since May. Only 43 left to go...........That is so much more encouraging than saying 50 something! I (and my family) have enjoyed the meals prepared from the WW cookbooks. There are some fantastic chocolate items for very few points to satisfy that craving all women get. Particularly in the morning. For me it is usually around 2 - 3 am. That and my fat free milk! Two weeks ago, I went in for my weigh in - just knowing for sure that I had met my 10% goal. So excited, I walked in and happily got on the scales. My friend, Bobette, wrote down my new weight, so excited for me. I was completely crushed. The good news, I had lost 4 pounds that week. The bad news - I had missed the 10% by 4 OUNCES!!!! Nichalas asked why I didn't take off my clothes. It has taken me another two weeks to get my mind going again. After that letdown, I just didn't care. Down went a whole sleeve of Chip Ahoy Chocolate Cookies, Oreos, anything. Then I kicked back in and on weigh in yesterday - I made it! It only took me two weeks to lose 1 1/2 pounds. Now another 6 and I begin maintenance - 6 weeks on that and I won't have to shell out the $$$ unless I go over my goal. So pray for me and my big butt, big gut, and big mouth - that it will abide by the WWLPP recommendations.

The reason WWLPP has been such a blessing is that my weight had me in a place where I was embarrassed to be seen. It was preventing me from living a life, not just for God, but for my family, friends, myself. Through my relationship with God and WWLPP, I am getting my head and body back together and finally living again.

While attending a wedding last weekend with Curt, I kept trying not to cry. The couple - Whitney and Tommy - are so perfect for each other. They are so in love with God and so in love with each other. I tried not to cry as I wished that Curt and I could have started with that. I tried not to cry as I prayed that our sons would know that. I tried not to cry as I watched them look at each other, totally and completely in Him and in love. Wow. Do you realize how many marriages would work if they started out like that - In and on Him. He was the main guest at this event, as well as the main member of their family. I am so honored that Whitney has asked me to become part of her life. I am so excited thinking about what things I will learn from her. I am excited knowing that I am now the "older woman" scripture talks of teaching the "younger woman" and it doesn't bother me a bit. I am excited to be walking with Him again.

Who knows, perhaps she can set Adam up with someone!

Another thing that has set my priorities, again, one of my "daughters" mother will be going tomorrow morning so they may remove one of her breast. We are praying that everything will be successful. This lady is such a jewel to so many. Her faith and her walk have always been such an inspiration to me. Many times she has helped me in my walk, and in her humbleness - she wasn't even aware how much she was teaching me.

Life - it really is full. It really does fly by. It really does give blessings when you live it through Him. How much I have to be thankful for.

As I come out of this valley - I count so many things He has blessed me with. I smile, laugh, and enjoy. I also am thankful for those I have come to know through Blogsville. What a neat town to walk in.


mindi11 said...

have i mentioned already that i am so glad you are back? i've really missed you and am so happy to hear your updates :) congrats on the weight loss! you are doing great!!

Erin said...

I'm so happy you are back, but very sad to read why you were gone. :( This, at the end bit, made me feel encouraged, though, fittingly enough:

I am excited knowing that I am now the "older woman" scripture talks of teaching the "younger woman" and it doesn't bother me a bit. I am excited to be walking with Him again.

A friend and I were talking this weekend of the lack of respect for...not even the elderly and infirm, but also just the "older", and how frightened we are by the trends (plastic surgery, "enhancement pills", etc) to prevent ANY effects of aging...anyway. We kept going back that very part of scripture and hoping that our children will be as aware and exposed as our parents amde sure we were...anyway. babbling on, and I forgot that I wanted to say I'm glad you're back (even though I already mentioned it!) and that, yes, I do know that feeling where you sit by the septic tank of life and don't pray or read the Bible...and you know, even then, that the best way out of it is to pray and read the Bible, which knowledge sometimes (almost always, for me) makes it worse!!! Funny how the human nature can drag you on and on, isn't it?

But. SO glad you are better, and back, and writing again! I've missed you!

deby said...

thanks! I have missed you guys also......except for anonymous that is.........although a jaguar on interest free credit - pay WHENEVER (never) you want.....who can resist!!!!

ginny said...

Sweetheart, You have such a wonderful heart. Do you know that I count you as one of my mentors in this bumpy life. You have such a grace about you. you probably never see it cause you are always covered with grass :o) I know what you mean about the valley but Deb, you reminded me that is just Satan trying to get in where he knows he cant. We all have to go through these times just come across on the other side stronger and wiser I hope. This life was never meant to be easy for us because it was never meant to be permanent. We are just passing through. Remember what awaits us. No bloating, no slurdge days when we eat everything but the wallpaper, no fat pants, no scales!!!Believe me I have those too. I have had 3 weeks of those and stepped on the scales and yes, they caught up with me. Not much but enough to send me into a downer...just hang on. You are never alone we are there with you and so is He!!!! Glad you are coming out of the valley and I hope that mountain top that awaits is a doosey!!!!!luv to you sweet lady!

Valerie Dykstra said...

Sorry I haven't been by in a few days. I didn't know you were up and running again. I am really proud of you on your weight loss. I wish I could say the same for myself. Alas, I keep getting cuddlier and cuddlier. :-( I knew you were in the "dark night of the soul." I am glad you are ok and feeling better. God knows I know how the "dark night" feels. God bless you as His light shines on you. And about those anonymous guys, they must be the new rage. They SOOOOOO annoy me.

Casey Ann said...

I'm very glad to see that your writing again! :) I hope to continue to hear from you. You are such a sweet person. Hope you continue to feel better each day:)

ret said...

Nice post Deby. It was really awesome to see Tommy and Whitney so in love. They are just perfect for one another. It was nice to talk with you and you look amazing! Of course I always think you look amazing :) As for your slump...what are those lyrics, standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst...I think that's how it went. Sometimes all we have to do is drink and still we thirst. Been there done that, so I know what you mean. Glad you're back!!