Monday, February 27, 2006

You know....

Yesterday, although the wind was very cold, the sunshine was so "spring like". How encouraging to see the spring bulbs beginning to peek out beneath their cover of leaves, the grass beginning to have a tint of green.

Spring is in the air. The robins are too numerous to count in our yard, the ducks and geese I have spotted making their way back and my soul is in the stage of awakening. I absolutely LOVE the ending of winter.

I Love the underlying current of an energy that has been rather sluggish these past few months. I Love watching the rustling of nature as it is beginning to toss and turn its' way out of a winter bed. I Love feeling the ever growing warmth of sunshine streaming in through the window, as it gets closer to my section of the world.

I Love watching our sons grow into a "next" stage. I Love being in the next room listening to them laugh and talk. Making memories for a lifetime. Creating moments to talk about in future "remember when" times. I Love being a wife and having my husband come home from a week long trip. I Love being the other half of someone. Someone to share, laugh, yes occasionally fight, love with. I Love being the other half of him and sharing our two sons. I Love the memories that we have, the family we have. I Love that God kept us together.

I Love reflecting on my life and seeing my many, many blessings. I Love thinking about persons who love me and how their eyes light up when they see me. I Love being loved. I Love the relationship I share with many of those that is based IN God. I Love their prayers, their encouragement, their accountability. I just plain Love them.

I Love being In His word every day. I Love learning, listening, applying, growing In Him. I Love learning that giving is so much better than receiving. I Love getting rid of all those heavy blankets of sin. I Love getting to stretch out under the cool, crisp, clean, clothesline smelling, sheet He has covered me with in a new beginning - every day. I Love how much He Loves me. I Love as I grow in Him, I am growing more and more in His love. I Love being able to love me as He does. I Love that being able to love me takes away so many "blankets" that I have covered my heart up with - the "false sense of security blankets".

I LOVE that In Him, every moment can be spring awakening.

Friday, February 17, 2006

It is gone.

The boys just pulled out awhile ago, truck loaded to the max with all that stuff. Watch out Sally-here they come. What is rather strange is the feeling I have inside. A little scared, a little empty, a little unsure.

What if I need some of that stuff? What if I got rid of something important? Did I check all the pockets in the clothes? I had to get after the boys for looking through boxes and pulling stuff out. They're probably pulled over the side of the road somewhere, looking. Just kidding. I did laugh about calling them on the phone saying, "No, No, come back. Come back." Thank God I didn't.

Oh what pain that stuff can become.

You know, while it was sitting in the dining room, ready for it's new adventure, I felt so wonderful about all this "getting rid". It was close by in case I needed to check through it. I made myself resist the urges to do so though. Kept reminding myself that I don't NEED it.

How like my spiritual life that stuff can be. I want to keep the "Sally Stuff", the "Burn Stuff", the "Junk Pile Stuff" close at hand - in case I NEED it you know. That needless to say is what causes such inner turmoil. I can either be filled up with Him or my stuff. Can not be both.

I am so thankful that my home is totally organized and almost completely cleaned. I am so thankful that there are five rooms awaiting a fresh coat of paint. I am so thankful for new beginnings. I am so very thankful that I don't want to go back to that "stuff". I am so thankful that my "heart" is getting worked over too.

I am so thankful I am choosing Him.

And for another thought.........

Why is it no one ever pops in to say hello when everything is in order - only when it's a mess.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Joe Versus the Volcano

Did you see it? For the past two nights - the moon?

Last night it came out big, orange and moved so gracefully over the sky. Alone, the house completely dark, I was drawn to my window - just to sit there and gaze in amazement.

What a Father.

To put something up there, so far away, so controlled, so dang gone bright.

And then it began.......


What a Father.


What a Father.


What a Father.

And then - Prayers

What a Father.

My heart just opened up, under the spell (no not of the moon) of Him. I sat there unable to pry my eyes off that ole moon. I can see how some could worship that giant piece of rock. I can't understand it. How can you look and not see. Someone so much bigger and brighter and in total control. The one who made that moon.

What a Father.

And I thought about in the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano", when he is on a raft in the ocean and the moon comes up and it almost covers the whole sky, being so big. I thought about how much I would like to witness something like that. I thought about that is how I feel about my Father. I desire to have Him become bigger in my "sky" of life, to completely cover it all. To be so big I can not see anything else but Him.

And I realized, He can. Only if I allow Him to.

What a Daddy.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Spring Cleaning

For the first time in my adult life, I have almost completed the task of organizing my whole home. The basement is calling my name and that is all that remains. I have told my friends that I am preparing my life as though I were to die tomorrow. When I am gone, I don't want Curt and the boys to be focused on all this stuff - I want them to focus on each other.

Awhile ago, I was standing in the dining room, which is loaded down with Salvation Army donations, and it occurred to me - I am preparing my home not to die - but that I may LIVE. I am unable to express the right words in how freeing this task has made me feel. To look in delight at bare shelves, empty spaces in drawers and cupboards and not feel the need to fill them up with more stuff. How very uplifting.

I am also facilitating a Bible study, "Living Beyond Yourself Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" by Beth Moore. Yesterday, while on my way to join "The Joy of the Lord Is Our Strength", I found myself thinking about a guy we know. He is building a new home a field away from us, which I pass by quite often. He has become quite wealthy over the years through his business, divorced from the mother of their two children. Since the divorce they have went through the routine of making/splitting up so often that we have all lost count. Right now they are together. He is also agnostic. Money is his god. I find it so easy to pray for him. As I am driving, I dream out loud to God how wonderful it would be for him and the kids to come to Christ. And then I think about her.

She has caused some major splits amongst the us by her words and actions. Because of her, there are some who have not spoken to each other for a few years now. Bottom line - she is a pretty evil person who delights in making trouble. She really has never liked me or pretended to hide that fact. A few years ago when Curt and I separated, that same day she told him to go out with them and she would set him up with one of her friends (he declined). From that point on, I never pretended to hide the fact that I didn't like her. Some believe she's jealous of me. I rather like to overlook that this really could be the reason and just satisfy myself with gossiping about her, not liking her, anything other than feeling sorry for her. Or I should say - being Christlike towards her.

In study today, I confessed that I hate her as much as she hates me. Pretty much putting myself on her level I'd say. HATE - you know that is a very strong word. I think about what I really do HATE. I HATE satan. I HATE sin. I HATE what sin does to the innocent young children. And I realized I said I HATE her. Thankfully, I recognized that I really don't HATE her. God has a way of putting things in perspective. I am also thankful that He has convicted me and I have had a heavy heart about what I said.

Throughout my "Spring Cleaning", I am recognizing that not only am I getting rid of material stuff, but the emotional security I felt from that stuff. How sad is that to put security into a shirt that I haven't worn forever. Something Nichalas tells me off and on (thankfully not often) is, "Mom, you need to ripen up, you're bitter". How accurate he is in that I need to "mature" in my fruits. That the fruits are there within me as a gift from the Holy Spirit, but they are gifts of action. I have known that love is an action, but never until yesterday did it click that so is joy. As are all the others. It is my choice to actively cause them to grow.

Back to her. I have been playing god. I have been taking all she has done over the years personally. What if God said to me, "You know Deby, all those years you walked away from me, too bad, I HATE you." Instead He tells me that He forgives me. He tells me that because I am IN Christ, I am made perfect and sinless. (Not an excuse to live a life of sin, but to live a life for Him.) He can not be a part of sin. And because of Christ He can be a part of me. He tells me that He LOVES me.

Before, knowing that because she is outside of Christ, if she were to die today she would not be saved from, "being cast into the lake of fire, the second death (total separation from God), and judgment according to her works." (Rev 20:11-15). Even in knowing this, I just didn't care. My heart was so hard, so focused on Hating her. I didn't even want to pray for her. Not even convicted to do so. Pretty hard heart. And even then I wasn't scared.

Thank the Lord for "Spring Cleaning". For taking my hard heart and casting out the stuff. After turning it over to him, I have been able to pray, really pray for her. I am not boasting about me. I am boasting about the Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. The Fruits of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23).

I am boasting about HIM.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

In the past few months.....

I have so enjoyed reading blogs in my favorites. How wonderful that Val is back and writing - so many times I have laughed until I cried. And learning that Mindi is going to become a prof. Photographer. About time is all I can say after viewing her photos. And then there is the writings of Gil. I love to see how he is growing in the Lord. Taking time to pray for his family to get well and enjoy the rest of the winter months. My friends Erin and Cal. Erin. Praying for Ginny as she grows through this time as a g'ma. Thinking that in some ways I am thankful I am not the mother of the bride after reading some of Ret's list. And checking in again on Tina - to see that she is as bad as I am about blogging.

And for a little more truth. I couldn't figure out how to get back on my site to post. It has taken me almost one hour and finally here I am - with nothing to say. You would think after all this time something would be there, ready to be written when I finally figured it all out.

Such is life.