Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I just haveta say........

It is so amazingly beautiful out this spring. The grass has turned greener sooner than usual and with all the colors up against it - I thank the Lord I am able to see.

For the past few days I have felt myself shutting down. Felt the signs of depression knocking on the door of my heart. Often wanting to sob, sometimes in the wrong places. I couldn't figure why. Going through all the things in my life lately - I finally hit home.

Nichalas will be graduating very, very soon. It isn't that I want to go back in time. Perhaps have a day or two here and there to relive. It isn't that I am not excited about he and Adam being young men now, ready to embark upon the next part of their journey.

It's about regrets. It's about not living each day to it's fullest. It's about not living my life for the Lord for so many years. It's about the times I was so caught up in me that I missed being caught up in them.

After I zeroed in on the why, I felt depression turn around and leave. In its place I felt my Father fill me up. For instance - Adam has a heart for God. He has been listening to where God wants to lead him and is about to make the steps for Him. Last night Nichalas was researching in his Bible about a topic he wants to be prepared to discuss with some friends. My marriage has turned around. My walk with Him is so much closer. Family. Friends. My work. How much He has blessed me.

Yes, He fills me up in seeing the fruits of His goodness. Of how He stepped in and took all my many stumbling blocks and made them into stepping stones.


ret said...

God is faithful. And so are you Deby. Lots of people have eyes to see the grass and never really see the grass. I think you probably waste a lot less time than you think...your boys are blessed to have such a wonderful mom! Enjoy this chapter, Kevin was just saying how fast we went from Shawna's graduation to her wedding day...God bless!!

Erin said...

What a wonderful testament to faith leading us out of despair! I've been enjoying the pictures you've posted, too. Your sons are such handsome young men, and it seems that they are good men as well. God bless you and all the effort you've put into their formation...it shows!!