whom I happen to be married to. After getting used to Curt being gone most of the time, I am finding that when we are together it is wonderful. Because he isn't here that often, it seems as though things we used to argue about don't seem worth the time. Too bad it has taken a life change to realize this......
I am finding that we are spending so much time laughing together. How refreshing! Sunday we were in the car on the way home. All of a sudden birds started singing very loudly. I asked, "Are those real birds?" He replied, "If they are, they're in your purse".
Turns out my phone is acting up and isn't staying on the ring toned I have programmed.
We were also in Walmart earlier that day. When we walk it is often holding hands, close to each other, talking and laughing. Arriving over by the milk dept. we see a former client of ours. After saying hello, she said that she had seen Curt earlier but hadn't said anything. When we asked why, she said she didn't think he was with me. This is another client who has never seen me cleaned up.
I am eagerly awaiting our upcoming Saturday date. We will be attending for the first time ever, The Mt. Sterling Testicle Festival. All day today I have been thinking about the food. I couldn't ask for anything more - being with my man and all the fried food I can eat. (Thank God I have another spraying job to get rid of any pounds I will be gaining.)
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I just haveta say........
It is so amazingly beautiful out this spring. The grass has turned greener sooner than usual and with all the colors up against it - I thank the Lord I am able to see.
For the past few days I have felt myself shutting down. Felt the signs of depression knocking on the door of my heart. Often wanting to sob, sometimes in the wrong places. I couldn't figure why. Going through all the things in my life lately - I finally hit home.
Nichalas will be graduating very, very soon. It isn't that I want to go back in time. Perhaps have a day or two here and there to relive. It isn't that I am not excited about he and Adam being young men now, ready to embark upon the next part of their journey.
It's about regrets. It's about not living each day to it's fullest. It's about not living my life for the Lord for so many years. It's about the times I was so caught up in me that I missed being caught up in them.
After I zeroed in on the why, I felt depression turn around and leave. In its place I felt my Father fill me up. For instance - Adam has a heart for God. He has been listening to where God wants to lead him and is about to make the steps for Him. Last night Nichalas was researching in his Bible about a topic he wants to be prepared to discuss with some friends. My marriage has turned around. My walk with Him is so much closer. Family. Friends. My work. How much He has blessed me.
Yes, He fills me up in seeing the fruits of His goodness. Of how He stepped in and took all my many stumbling blocks and made them into stepping stones.
For the past few days I have felt myself shutting down. Felt the signs of depression knocking on the door of my heart. Often wanting to sob, sometimes in the wrong places. I couldn't figure why. Going through all the things in my life lately - I finally hit home.
Nichalas will be graduating very, very soon. It isn't that I want to go back in time. Perhaps have a day or two here and there to relive. It isn't that I am not excited about he and Adam being young men now, ready to embark upon the next part of their journey.
It's about regrets. It's about not living each day to it's fullest. It's about not living my life for the Lord for so many years. It's about the times I was so caught up in me that I missed being caught up in them.
After I zeroed in on the why, I felt depression turn around and leave. In its place I felt my Father fill me up. For instance - Adam has a heart for God. He has been listening to where God wants to lead him and is about to make the steps for Him. Last night Nichalas was researching in his Bible about a topic he wants to be prepared to discuss with some friends. My marriage has turned around. My walk with Him is so much closer. Family. Friends. My work. How much He has blessed me.
Yes, He fills me up in seeing the fruits of His goodness. Of how He stepped in and took all my many stumbling blocks and made them into stepping stones.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Inner Realities
(My morning devotion)
Avoid anything that drains or excites you. Your prayer life will dry up if you don't. Don't expect to feed your inward life if you live only for what is outward. You really must learn to renounce all that makes you too outspoken in your conversation. How are you going to cultivate an inner silence if you are always talking? You cannot want God and the things of the world at the same time. Don't you realize that your prayer will be affected by what you cultivate in your daily life?
Fear your excessive enthusiasm, your taste for things of the world, and your hidden ambitions. Don't get so excited over politics and parties. If you get too worked up, it will be harder to calm yourself before God. Speak little and work steadily. Let actions take the place of your flowery words.
After you learn to deal with your wandering thoughts, you must learn to come to God to renew your strength. Learn to do this even amidst the mundane tasks of the day. Keep looking to the Lord for His gentle leading. But don't be so noisy that you can't hear Him!
You will lose your way the minute you decide to go your own way. When you seek God's will alone, you find it everywhere, and you can not go astray. Wanting what God wants always puts you on a straight path. The future is not yet yours; it may never be. Live in the present moment. Tomorrow's grace is not given to you today.
The present moment is the only place where you can touch the eternal realm.
Psalm 46:10 Cease striving and know that I am God.
Avoid anything that drains or excites you. Your prayer life will dry up if you don't. Don't expect to feed your inward life if you live only for what is outward. You really must learn to renounce all that makes you too outspoken in your conversation. How are you going to cultivate an inner silence if you are always talking? You cannot want God and the things of the world at the same time. Don't you realize that your prayer will be affected by what you cultivate in your daily life?
Fear your excessive enthusiasm, your taste for things of the world, and your hidden ambitions. Don't get so excited over politics and parties. If you get too worked up, it will be harder to calm yourself before God. Speak little and work steadily. Let actions take the place of your flowery words.
After you learn to deal with your wandering thoughts, you must learn to come to God to renew your strength. Learn to do this even amidst the mundane tasks of the day. Keep looking to the Lord for His gentle leading. But don't be so noisy that you can't hear Him!
You will lose your way the minute you decide to go your own way. When you seek God's will alone, you find it everywhere, and you can not go astray. Wanting what God wants always puts you on a straight path. The future is not yet yours; it may never be. Live in the present moment. Tomorrow's grace is not given to you today.
The present moment is the only place where you can touch the eternal realm.
Psalm 46:10 Cease striving and know that I am God.
May 06, 2006 - TORN
It seems with life passing by so quickly, I am torn so often - one foot wanting to hold on to today, yesterday - the other breathlessly awaiting tomorrows.
How busy everyone is in this life, too busy perhaps. What a blessing it is that I am able to be outside in His world enjoying His beautiful nature. Every evening that I drive up the lane, out to my east in the field are four deer. I wonder where they lay low at during hunting - how do they know not to come around that weekend. Already the spring flowers are fading into the summer ahead. School is about out - Nichalas graduation. Before you know it both will be back into college this fall.
Today I played "shuttle" for my parents as their van was worked on. Now that's a treat. I do love spending time with them - but man is it exhausting. Dad can not hear very well - so many times when another conversation is going on, he begins one himself. I smile as I imagine my wee brain trying to keep up with mom talking to me the same time dad is.
I have been thinking a lot about Kevin and Ret - they are now on their "sunset honeymoon". Doesn't that sound much better than "empty nesters". While they watched two lives become one this past Saturday, I was out spraying - and praying for them. Also my sons. That they too would begin as one with someone who is totally "in" love with our Father.
This past Sunday at the Dogwood Bowl, while watching the boys play football, I sat down by Amber. She was Nichalas' date for prom. I've really never gotten to talk with her one on one. What a beautiful young woman - inside and out. I could cry as I think about how "in" love her heart is with our Father. Her excitement as she talked about Him, her chastity ring, her walk.
I know that she and Nichalas are just friends, but as I was sitting there it occurred to me that one day I would be talking face to face with a young woman whom I have prayed for probably before she was born (God willing). How exciting that time will be. Particularly if God has answered that she will love me with a yes!
So, as time marches on I find I am torn. Walking the next steps of life, the adventures ahead and carrying the many memories to look at and share. Torn because my life is so wonderfully blessed that I don't want this time to end. Then I remember what my g'ma always said.
"No matter how wonderful this stage is in life, the next is even better."
How busy everyone is in this life, too busy perhaps. What a blessing it is that I am able to be outside in His world enjoying His beautiful nature. Every evening that I drive up the lane, out to my east in the field are four deer. I wonder where they lay low at during hunting - how do they know not to come around that weekend. Already the spring flowers are fading into the summer ahead. School is about out - Nichalas graduation. Before you know it both will be back into college this fall.
Today I played "shuttle" for my parents as their van was worked on. Now that's a treat. I do love spending time with them - but man is it exhausting. Dad can not hear very well - so many times when another conversation is going on, he begins one himself. I smile as I imagine my wee brain trying to keep up with mom talking to me the same time dad is.
I have been thinking a lot about Kevin and Ret - they are now on their "sunset honeymoon". Doesn't that sound much better than "empty nesters". While they watched two lives become one this past Saturday, I was out spraying - and praying for them. Also my sons. That they too would begin as one with someone who is totally "in" love with our Father.
This past Sunday at the Dogwood Bowl, while watching the boys play football, I sat down by Amber. She was Nichalas' date for prom. I've really never gotten to talk with her one on one. What a beautiful young woman - inside and out. I could cry as I think about how "in" love her heart is with our Father. Her excitement as she talked about Him, her chastity ring, her walk.
I know that she and Nichalas are just friends, but as I was sitting there it occurred to me that one day I would be talking face to face with a young woman whom I have prayed for probably before she was born (God willing). How exciting that time will be. Particularly if God has answered that she will love me with a yes!
So, as time marches on I find I am torn. Walking the next steps of life, the adventures ahead and carrying the many memories to look at and share. Torn because my life is so wonderfully blessed that I don't want this time to end. Then I remember what my g'ma always said.
"No matter how wonderful this stage is in life, the next is even better."
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Help!
Below are a few of the photos from Prom, attempt for Nichalas' Senior pic and misc. of Adam. I am noticing that my older photos don't publish too bad, the new ones though.........is there a secret to getting them to look nicer? less blotchie? I am thinking Mindy may be able to help me here. Thanks.
Adam & Baby Bear (who is 21 also)
While going through photos & etc. to get things together for Nichalas' graduation, I reunited Adam with Baby Bear. I remember when he went into the hospital for tubes to be put into his ears, the nurses and doctors said they had never seen such a loved bear. When brand new, he was about three times this size! He also had a rainbow on his belly with a button (Baby Bear, not Adam) and it played music. All the little kids were so fascinated by this little bear. I don't think he will make it through to Adams future kids - unless he is just to look at.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
2006 Prom
Last night, Nichalas and his friends attended their Senior Prom. All week I had been thinking about where to take pics since they were calling for rain. We have an old stone mansion here in town that has been turned into a museum. It is beautiful and has a wonderful front porch. There were flowers in bloom and even though it was raining, I think the pics came out. I used a "real" camera so will have to post results on a later date.
Nichalas and Lucas took girls who are just good friends and had a wonderful time. They arrived home this morning at 4:30 and Curt about had a cow when he found out at lunch. I noticed he wasn't worried enough to stay up waiting for them. I was happy they enjoyed such a late night. I knew they were at a home with parents there, good, clean fun - so I was sleeping soundly when he did get home.
I realized when we went to get his tux, and he was very ho hum about trying it on, there is a whole other side to this prom thing I am missing out on by not having a girl. He and Amber did get creative (and thrifty) by making their own flowers. Turned out very pretty, smelled wonderful and they were free! I am thankful that Nichalas has such good persons in his life to share his Senior moments with. I was thankful that Adam was also with us and then went out to eat with Curt and me later. I am amazed that I am not sad about High School coming to an end.
I am looking forward to the years ahead and what they will bring in their becoming men on their own. The paths that God will lead them down. Adam has decided to go back to school to get a degree for working with mentally challenged adults. He never would have found this out if he hadn't of quit school for a year and worked in this field. He also wants to work in organizing Homeless Shelters. Nichalas is leaning towards teaching and working in the mission field during the summers. He also is wanting to work with the homeless. I am very proud that both my sons have a heart for missions. God's missions.
2006 Prom went very well, except for the White PT Cruiser that backed into the right front bumper of our Envoy that Nichalas was driving. Curt is upset that they didn't call the police, which they should have at the time, but they are kids and not professionals in the accident department. Thank the Lord! After calling the cell number Nichalas got from the kid this afternoon, and talking to the mom - we now hear that the kid didn't back into Nichalas - Nichalas ran into him. She wouldn't give us their name or insurance company. We are letting our insurance agent work this out. Nichalas has five witnesses which may help our case.
This makes me wonder what it will be like for this kids future, not having to be responsible or accountable for actions, even accidents. I am not upset about the vehicle - more about the message the parents are giving this kid. What that means for our future world. The more I get into God's Word, the more it bothers me the message our kids are getting. Does it anyone else? How I would love to have my sons and their future children be in a world where the people are God's people, His ways are their ways - where He is first in life. So I pray. And I hope. For He blesses me with so many glimpse of persons that are living His way in a world that is not.
Persons who hold a part of my heart. You know who you are and I say, "Thank you" for putting Him first.
Nichalas and Lucas took girls who are just good friends and had a wonderful time. They arrived home this morning at 4:30 and Curt about had a cow when he found out at lunch. I noticed he wasn't worried enough to stay up waiting for them. I was happy they enjoyed such a late night. I knew they were at a home with parents there, good, clean fun - so I was sleeping soundly when he did get home.
I realized when we went to get his tux, and he was very ho hum about trying it on, there is a whole other side to this prom thing I am missing out on by not having a girl. He and Amber did get creative (and thrifty) by making their own flowers. Turned out very pretty, smelled wonderful and they were free! I am thankful that Nichalas has such good persons in his life to share his Senior moments with. I was thankful that Adam was also with us and then went out to eat with Curt and me later. I am amazed that I am not sad about High School coming to an end.
I am looking forward to the years ahead and what they will bring in their becoming men on their own. The paths that God will lead them down. Adam has decided to go back to school to get a degree for working with mentally challenged adults. He never would have found this out if he hadn't of quit school for a year and worked in this field. He also wants to work in organizing Homeless Shelters. Nichalas is leaning towards teaching and working in the mission field during the summers. He also is wanting to work with the homeless. I am very proud that both my sons have a heart for missions. God's missions.
2006 Prom went very well, except for the White PT Cruiser that backed into the right front bumper of our Envoy that Nichalas was driving. Curt is upset that they didn't call the police, which they should have at the time, but they are kids and not professionals in the accident department. Thank the Lord! After calling the cell number Nichalas got from the kid this afternoon, and talking to the mom - we now hear that the kid didn't back into Nichalas - Nichalas ran into him. She wouldn't give us their name or insurance company. We are letting our insurance agent work this out. Nichalas has five witnesses which may help our case.
This makes me wonder what it will be like for this kids future, not having to be responsible or accountable for actions, even accidents. I am not upset about the vehicle - more about the message the parents are giving this kid. What that means for our future world. The more I get into God's Word, the more it bothers me the message our kids are getting. Does it anyone else? How I would love to have my sons and their future children be in a world where the people are God's people, His ways are their ways - where He is first in life. So I pray. And I hope. For He blesses me with so many glimpse of persons that are living His way in a world that is not.
Persons who hold a part of my heart. You know who you are and I say, "Thank you" for putting Him first.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
From http://rickibell.blogspot.com/
21 questions
Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.
1 God
2 Curt
3 Adam
4 Nichalas
5 Bonnie
6 Loren
7 Doran
8 Tyler
9 Shelby
10 Stacy
11 Teresa
12 Steve
13 Kate
14 Kris
15 Kathy
16 Valerie
17 David
18 Isaac
19 Ben
20 Jacob
21 Lucas
Now answer the questions according to the names listed above:
How did you meet 10 (Stacy)? - Was married to my brother.
What would you do if you had never met 6 (Loren)? - I would have grown up not knowing my father.
What would you do if 20 and 15 (Kathy & Jacob) dated ?- Big age difference. Plus they worked together for me and that would have been a whole other issue. Besides, I doubt if her husband would have been very happy either.
Have you ever seen 4 (Nichalas) cry - Many, many times and very loudly - usually with a lot of screaming involved.
Would number 1 and 2 (God & Curt) make a good couple? - Yes, but not as the world sees a couple.
Describe 8 (Tyler): - My nephew whom I love and adore. He is growing up too fast, too soon. Seems to be adjusting pretty well to all that is going on in his life. My heart hurts very much for what he has been/is going through. I do love that he loves the Lord. His prayer over supper Sunday was awesome for a 10 year old.
Do you think 21 (Lucas) is attractive: - Yes, but not in that way. He's one of my "sons"
Tell me something about number 17 (David): - Another one of my "sons". I have been blessed by him in my life also, and am so proud that he is living out his dreams. I also pray that he, Isaac and Adam will continue their annual trips throughout the coming years - although I think it may be best if they gave up making movies while having a snowball fight in the rocky National Park. Or any future snow fights as it happened this year. Never know when a park ranger is around the corner.
What's 7's (Doran) favorite color? - Green
Who is 2 (Curt) going out with? - Me the lucky fellow!
What grade is 16 (Valerie) in? - She just graduated from Cake Decorating. I believe that means she has her Doctrine. So we now have to call her Dr.
What is 5's (Bonnie) favorite music? - Pop and country
Would you ever date 7 (Doran)? - That's creepy, he's my brother, so I can not even imagine that one.
Would you ever date 1 (God)? - No, but I do count Him as the very best in my life.
Is 11 (Teresa) single? - #12 is her lucky fellow.
Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3 (Adam)? - I have been for 21+ years he has been one of three special men in my life. I am blessed to count him as one of my closest friends.
Where does 18 (Isaac) live? - Indiana, Rolla, or Taylor. This guy is a mover and a shaker.
What do you think about 20 (Jacob)? - He is another one of my favorites. It has been such a blessing enjoying him in my life as he has grown into an awesome young man. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will utilize him in the future. This is one guy with such a pure and beautiful heart.
What is the best thing about 4 (Nichalas)? - He is the third of "my men". The best thing is that he loves and follows the Lord.
What would you like to tell 14 (Kris) right now? - God and so many persons love you, so much.
How did you meet 9 (Shelby)? - I went to the hospital the day she came into this world and got to hold her in my arms. My precious little niece looked up at me and smiled. For eight years now, she has had a piece of my heart.
What is the best and worst thing about 2 (Curt)? - How he came/is coming to know and love the Lord - how very much he loves me. That he chews tobacco.
Are you going to know 15 (Kathy) forever? - Well, we've been mowing together for seven years now - how could I forget someone after all the sweat and tears, and laughter.
Who is 10 (Stacy) going out with? - I haven't a clue.
Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.
1 God
2 Curt
3 Adam
4 Nichalas
5 Bonnie
6 Loren
7 Doran
8 Tyler
9 Shelby
10 Stacy
11 Teresa
12 Steve
13 Kate
14 Kris
15 Kathy
16 Valerie
17 David
18 Isaac
19 Ben
20 Jacob
21 Lucas
Now answer the questions according to the names listed above:
How did you meet 10 (Stacy)? - Was married to my brother.
What would you do if you had never met 6 (Loren)? - I would have grown up not knowing my father.
What would you do if 20 and 15 (Kathy & Jacob) dated ?- Big age difference. Plus they worked together for me and that would have been a whole other issue. Besides, I doubt if her husband would have been very happy either.
Have you ever seen 4 (Nichalas) cry - Many, many times and very loudly - usually with a lot of screaming involved.
Would number 1 and 2 (God & Curt) make a good couple? - Yes, but not as the world sees a couple.
Describe 8 (Tyler): - My nephew whom I love and adore. He is growing up too fast, too soon. Seems to be adjusting pretty well to all that is going on in his life. My heart hurts very much for what he has been/is going through. I do love that he loves the Lord. His prayer over supper Sunday was awesome for a 10 year old.
Do you think 21 (Lucas) is attractive: - Yes, but not in that way. He's one of my "sons"
Tell me something about number 17 (David): - Another one of my "sons". I have been blessed by him in my life also, and am so proud that he is living out his dreams. I also pray that he, Isaac and Adam will continue their annual trips throughout the coming years - although I think it may be best if they gave up making movies while having a snowball fight in the rocky National Park. Or any future snow fights as it happened this year. Never know when a park ranger is around the corner.
What's 7's (Doran) favorite color? - Green
Who is 2 (Curt) going out with? - Me the lucky fellow!
What grade is 16 (Valerie) in? - She just graduated from Cake Decorating. I believe that means she has her Doctrine. So we now have to call her Dr.
What is 5's (Bonnie) favorite music? - Pop and country
Would you ever date 7 (Doran)? - That's creepy, he's my brother, so I can not even imagine that one.
Would you ever date 1 (God)? - No, but I do count Him as the very best in my life.
Is 11 (Teresa) single? - #12 is her lucky fellow.
Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3 (Adam)? - I have been for 21+ years he has been one of three special men in my life. I am blessed to count him as one of my closest friends.
Where does 18 (Isaac) live? - Indiana, Rolla, or Taylor. This guy is a mover and a shaker.
What do you think about 20 (Jacob)? - He is another one of my favorites. It has been such a blessing enjoying him in my life as he has grown into an awesome young man. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will utilize him in the future. This is one guy with such a pure and beautiful heart.
What is the best thing about 4 (Nichalas)? - He is the third of "my men". The best thing is that he loves and follows the Lord.
What would you like to tell 14 (Kris) right now? - God and so many persons love you, so much.
How did you meet 9 (Shelby)? - I went to the hospital the day she came into this world and got to hold her in my arms. My precious little niece looked up at me and smiled. For eight years now, she has had a piece of my heart.
What is the best and worst thing about 2 (Curt)? - How he came/is coming to know and love the Lord - how very much he loves me. That he chews tobacco.
Are you going to know 15 (Kathy) forever? - Well, we've been mowing together for seven years now - how could I forget someone after all the sweat and tears, and laughter.
Who is 10 (Stacy) going out with? - I haven't a clue.
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