"Like a shepherd He will tend His flock. In His arm He will gather the lambs; And carry them in His bosom" Isaiah 40:11 I find it completely awesome that in this world, I am totally someones. Someone to love me, cherish me, discipline me (in love), someone who will never, ever, ever, leave me. Someone who calls me His very own.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
UNBROKEN - 1 Kings 2:1-9, 2 Sam 23:1-7, 1 Kings 2:10-12, 1 Chron 29:26-30,Psalm4-6, 8-9, 11
In our sermon last week, Chuck talked about making the broken, unbroken and using it for Him.
I instantly thought about my marriage.
Less than 10 years ago, Curt and I were separated. It had been over 20 years of a cycle that I just couldn't stay in anymore. I was dying - mentally, physically and spiritually. There were issues from the past, we weren't a team in anything. In the company, I was in charge of mowing. Curt handled the spraying, landscaping, etc. and he wasn't doing it. While I was working my bum off, he was playing golf, poker, or just shooting the breeze at the shop. Not only did he move out of the house, I pulled out of our combined business and started my own company. We were headed down the road to divorce.
The sad part of all of this time was that underneath all the anger, resentment, lack of trust, and hurt - we still loved each other. Before he moved out, we went to different church leaders and although they listened to Curt admit and request accountability, we never received any from them. I grew so angry at the church. I stopped going every Sunday and when I did attend - I slipped in and out quickly - not talking to anyone. I was not only hurt by my husband, but also my church. I heard over and over from these leaders how the church needed to grow in accountability - yet none was given to my husband. We tried counseling, and came away feeling justified to call it quits.
And then, God really stepped in.
Through a friend we were introduced to a counselor that gave Curt the type of help he needed. I knew I had faults too, and began to change and forgive. We began to unload and trust again. We were allowing our love for each other be bigger than the problems.
He fixed us. He knew better than we did that that is what our hearts desired.
Because I was no longer carrying Curt's company, it folded and he went to work for his cousins who are in the concrete business. It required him to be gone 2-3 weeks at a time, living in a motel with guys who weren't Christians. This situation really opened his eyes to what he had at home. It also opened my eyes to what was gone from our home - him. I remember one Sunday night as he was preparing to leave, we sat at the kitchen table, neither one wanting time to go forward and we cried. Neither one wanted to be apart from each other anymore. (Don't you love how God rekindles love).
God then blessed His business in a way that it would support us and Curt was able to come back home. I was thinking the other day how hard he works now, how much of a team we are - not only in the business, but with everything. I love looking across a property and seeing him on a mower or weed eating. Just getting to look at him, spend time with him, talk with him, every day is such a wonderful gift. We love making our new house, "our home". Being a true family with our kids. It was said between us more than once on Nichalas' wedding day how thankful God kept us together. We couldn't have imagined celebrating it with anyone else. It grew us closer to lean on each other as our kids have moved out of the home - knowing each felt that New York is a long, long ways away. I love that we have each other to miss our kids together.
Today, how we have changed! Curt and I are in His Word everyday. We pray together daily, we discuss scriptures, dreams, goals, life. We are each others best friend. When we are apart - we actually really miss each other. Our home is used for Him - a decision we both made together. God has used us to help others as they struggle in their marriage. I have overcome my anger towards church and also at God. I felt like He had let me down - I had done "all the right things" at the time nothing was given. He opened my eyes to see that it was about His time, His way - not mine. This was more about Curt's growth - than mine. Yes, He told me my faults - but my heart was already sold out to Him. The main reason Curt and I were divided was he wasn't sold out to God and I was.
This was about drawing Curt to Him. And He did. How much joy I have now that we walk together - that we learn and grow from each other. I am so blessed that my husband has become the spiritual leader of our family. How much smoother life in our home is, for that is his place - not mine.
I never take for granted that He is the Almighty God. He is also my Daddy. I am able to "look Him straight in the eye" and see how much He loves me. He isn't some far off God - He has held me close all my life, I just didn't realize that most of the time! Just like our marriage. When I thought it was almost finished, He was using it to draw us closer to Him. For Him.
God made the broken unbroken.
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I love stories of how God has restored the broken and makes them unbroken. Thanks for sharing Deby! I'm having a hard time being torn between reading your blogs because I am a couple days behind. I don't want to give anything away for myself before I get to writing myself ;) But I can't help it. Your blog is always such a treat to read :) Blessings~
I know, that's exactly how I feel! I so look forward to reading all of your words.....but wait until after I write mine. Isn't it sometimes funny how He made us. Love Him so much.
It's amazing how God can put people and situations in our life to help us to grow. Even though some of it was difficult, He uses it to mold and shape us and bring out something even better than before! We can use our experiences to give testimony to others in similar situations and that is putting His plan into action! How wise and awesome our Father is!
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