"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."
– Diane Ackerman
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
I stole this.........
October 5th, 2005
LEGION
Beth and I are sitting outside waiting for our shift to start. Claude, our local homeless guy, shuffles past us.
"Hi Claude," Beth says cheerily.
Claude makes no indication that he hears her.
"How ya doing Claude?" I ask. He usually responds to me.
Claude ignores me and strikes up a conversation with a lamppost. Mumbling something about the government taking away his house he kicks the lamppost and walks away.
"I've never seen him do that before," Beth whispers.
"Must be off his meds," I reply.
"He hears voices, right?" Beth asks.
"Yep."
"How sad."
Watching Claude as he disappears around the corner I remember a line from the Gospel of Mark.
"My name is Legion, for we are many," I sigh.
Beth looks at me quizzically.
"It's a line from the Bible," I explain, "Seemed appropriate for Claude."
"I'm not familiar with it," Beth says.
"Jesus was going to this town to preach," I begin to explain, "Along the way he encounters a guy kinda like Claude. The guy's a real mess; possessed by demons, living in a cemetery, screaming and yelling all day, cutting himself up with sharp stones."
"Sounds like a nut," Beth says, "What happens?"
Jesus asks the man his name. The man replies, "My name is Legion, for we are many."
"Sounds like he was hearing voices," Beth says, "Just like Claude."
"Maybe," I reply, "In any case, Jesus takes pity on the man and casts the demons into a herd of swine. The pigs, about two thousand of them, run off the edge of a cliff and drown themselves in a lake."
"Wow," Beth says, "What happened to the crazy guy?"
"He was completely healed."
"I wish that would happen with Claude."
"That'd be nice - but that's not the meaning of the story," I say.
"What is?" Beth asks.
"When the people in the town hear about the pigs going into the drink they're terrified. They go tell Jesus to take a hike. They don't want him anywhere near their city."
"Why?" Beth asks.
I sigh and look at my watch, "Are you up for a mini theology lesson?"
Beth smiles. "I've got nothing better to do," she says.
"What were Jews doing raising pigs?" I ask.
"Huh?" Beth says.
"Pigs are unclean animals. Jews are not supposed to eat them. Why is there a herd of pigs outside of a Jewish town?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there were non kosher people living in Israel at that time too; Roman soldiers, Greeks, Phoenicians. Someone in that town was selling those pigs to make money."
"I don't follow," Beth says.
"Bottom line," I say, "That herd of pigs was somebody's business."
"Ok."
"And Jesus destroyed that business without a second thought. Destroyed it for someone he didn't even know."
"Wow."
"What do you think would happen if a Holy Man came along and cured Claude of his demons - but destroyed the Bistro in the process?"
"I'd be out of a job."
"Would you like that?"
"No."
"Does that jibe with how you think of God?" I ask, "Him throwing you out of work?"
"Not at all."
"But that's precisely what happened with the pigs. You better believe the guy tending those pigs lost his job. Maybe he caught a beating too."
"That's not a very nice thing for God to do," Beth says.
"Beth," I reply, "God isn't always nice."
"Guess not."
"The world places no value in people like Claude and the possessed man," I say, "What do you think they're worth?"
"I don't know."
"To us they're nothing. But to God they're everything."
Beth is silent.
"I think God's sense of economy is very different from our own - so different it's scary. To him the plight of one vagrant is more important than all the money in the world. And He'll plunder our treasure to save him."
"That would piss people off," Beth says.
"You bet it would," I reply, "But maybe we get pissed because we realize we've been investing in the wrong kind of treasure. If we all acted like human beings, if our treasure was compassion, people like Claude might have it a little easier."
"True."
"The townspeople, instead of being happy that their brother was saved, send Jesus away. They're only interested in maintaining the status quo and their own comfort. They're unwilling to open their hearts. So, in the end, the townspeople were possessed by demons far worse than anything inside Legion. That's the true meaning of the story."
Beth looks at me.
You should've been a priest," she says.
"Me?" I say with a laugh, "I like sex too much."
"You think about this kind of stuff a lot though."
"It's a curse sometimes," I say, "Trust me."
"Well, thanks for telling me that story."
We go back inside and get to work. A vague unsettled feeling falls over me. At first I think I feel weird after waxing all philosophical outside. Truth be told? Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.
No. That isn't it. The funk stays with me all night.
When I get home I turn on the computer and start to write. I can't think of anything so I write about my conversation with Beth. Writing this blog can be tedious at times. I can't seem to wrestle my words into coherent form. Then again I can't seem to write anything lately. I've been a bit depressed. It's been almost a year since my ex and I broke up.
I grab a beer and go out on the porch. I listen to the wind stir the leaves in the trees.
Then I hear the demons.
They whisper about promises not kept and promise unfulfilled. They mock my choices, dangling before me lives and possibilities that could have been. The demons chatter incessantly, their voices growing. They are many. They are Legion.
The lights of passing cars cast a flickering pattern of light and shadow across the floor.
One of the shadows lingers.
"You're a failure," it whispers.
I look towards the corner. The shadow congeals, grows darker, and rises from the floor.
Standing erect the yawning blackness moves to within an inch of my face.
This is my demon.
"And you will be alone until the day you die," it hisses malevolently.
Suddenly I understand why I've felt unsettled since talking to Beth.
My name is Legion.
When I was talking to Beth I was preaching to myself. I'm the crazed man living amongst the tombs. I'm the one who needs to be saved.
I've been alone for a while now and I've just begun to realize how loneliness can maim the spirit. Over the past couple of months I've noticed its corrosive effects.
The demon waits. Patiently
I want someone to pluck me off the side of the road and love me with total abandon. I'm not talking about God here, not something ephemeral, but a woman, a flesh and blood woman. A woman who'll cast out my self doubt and drive it into the lake to be drowned. A woman who thinks I'm worth everything.
Maybe I'm being selfish or overly romantic. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I have to change things before that happens.
But human love, with all its heat and tumult, with all its disappointments and triumph, is still the closet thing we have to heaven on earth.
Suddenly a woman whose face I cannot see is at my side. She gently caresses my cheek. I can hear her laugh. I can smell her smell. For the first time in a long time I feel a stirring of hope.
Besides, I'm due for a little kick ass redemption.
A faint smile appears on my face.
"Why don't you take a flying leap and go fuck yourself," I tell the demon.
The demon retreats into his corner and disappears.
Well, it wasn't exactly the Rite of Exorcism, but it worked.
I put down my beer. As I get ready for bed, the crystalline laughter of a young woman floats in through the window. I pull back the curtains. A girl and boy stroll down the street arm in arm.
I go to bed.
I guess my name isn't Legion after all.
____________________________________________________________________
This came from a blog site I enjoy - although I don't agree with all he writes. This time, I wanted some input from some of you.
It was at the point where he is saying he is lost, and wants someone to "pluck him off the side of the road", that my heart was torn. It isn't God that he is looking for, but a woman. I do agree that a marriage between man and wife, when built on a foundation of God is pretty close to heaven, but so is being a mom and the love you have for your child. It is only through God that we can claim our name is not Legion, to fight off the Legion, not in our human relationships. It is only through Him that we are not wandering through the tombs of the graveyard.
It also hit me how so many don't know the Bible, which I so often take for granted. I hit me that I am not doing my job as well as I need to be.
I love his point of God's sense of economy and it got me wondering, exactly where do I have my treasure. I'll be honest, sometimes I look at the less fortunate and my first thought is they are so lazy.
It needs to be, "What Legions are they fighting?", doesn't it.
LEGION
Beth and I are sitting outside waiting for our shift to start. Claude, our local homeless guy, shuffles past us.
"Hi Claude," Beth says cheerily.
Claude makes no indication that he hears her.
"How ya doing Claude?" I ask. He usually responds to me.
Claude ignores me and strikes up a conversation with a lamppost. Mumbling something about the government taking away his house he kicks the lamppost and walks away.
"I've never seen him do that before," Beth whispers.
"Must be off his meds," I reply.
"He hears voices, right?" Beth asks.
"Yep."
"How sad."
Watching Claude as he disappears around the corner I remember a line from the Gospel of Mark.
"My name is Legion, for we are many," I sigh.
Beth looks at me quizzically.
"It's a line from the Bible," I explain, "Seemed appropriate for Claude."
"I'm not familiar with it," Beth says.
"Jesus was going to this town to preach," I begin to explain, "Along the way he encounters a guy kinda like Claude. The guy's a real mess; possessed by demons, living in a cemetery, screaming and yelling all day, cutting himself up with sharp stones."
"Sounds like a nut," Beth says, "What happens?"
Jesus asks the man his name. The man replies, "My name is Legion, for we are many."
"Sounds like he was hearing voices," Beth says, "Just like Claude."
"Maybe," I reply, "In any case, Jesus takes pity on the man and casts the demons into a herd of swine. The pigs, about two thousand of them, run off the edge of a cliff and drown themselves in a lake."
"Wow," Beth says, "What happened to the crazy guy?"
"He was completely healed."
"I wish that would happen with Claude."
"That'd be nice - but that's not the meaning of the story," I say.
"What is?" Beth asks.
"When the people in the town hear about the pigs going into the drink they're terrified. They go tell Jesus to take a hike. They don't want him anywhere near their city."
"Why?" Beth asks.
I sigh and look at my watch, "Are you up for a mini theology lesson?"
Beth smiles. "I've got nothing better to do," she says.
"What were Jews doing raising pigs?" I ask.
"Huh?" Beth says.
"Pigs are unclean animals. Jews are not supposed to eat them. Why is there a herd of pigs outside of a Jewish town?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there were non kosher people living in Israel at that time too; Roman soldiers, Greeks, Phoenicians. Someone in that town was selling those pigs to make money."
"I don't follow," Beth says.
"Bottom line," I say, "That herd of pigs was somebody's business."
"Ok."
"And Jesus destroyed that business without a second thought. Destroyed it for someone he didn't even know."
"Wow."
"What do you think would happen if a Holy Man came along and cured Claude of his demons - but destroyed the Bistro in the process?"
"I'd be out of a job."
"Would you like that?"
"No."
"Does that jibe with how you think of God?" I ask, "Him throwing you out of work?"
"Not at all."
"But that's precisely what happened with the pigs. You better believe the guy tending those pigs lost his job. Maybe he caught a beating too."
"That's not a very nice thing for God to do," Beth says.
"Beth," I reply, "God isn't always nice."
"Guess not."
"The world places no value in people like Claude and the possessed man," I say, "What do you think they're worth?"
"I don't know."
"To us they're nothing. But to God they're everything."
Beth is silent.
"I think God's sense of economy is very different from our own - so different it's scary. To him the plight of one vagrant is more important than all the money in the world. And He'll plunder our treasure to save him."
"That would piss people off," Beth says.
"You bet it would," I reply, "But maybe we get pissed because we realize we've been investing in the wrong kind of treasure. If we all acted like human beings, if our treasure was compassion, people like Claude might have it a little easier."
"True."
"The townspeople, instead of being happy that their brother was saved, send Jesus away. They're only interested in maintaining the status quo and their own comfort. They're unwilling to open their hearts. So, in the end, the townspeople were possessed by demons far worse than anything inside Legion. That's the true meaning of the story."
Beth looks at me.
You should've been a priest," she says.
"Me?" I say with a laugh, "I like sex too much."
"You think about this kind of stuff a lot though."
"It's a curse sometimes," I say, "Trust me."
"Well, thanks for telling me that story."
We go back inside and get to work. A vague unsettled feeling falls over me. At first I think I feel weird after waxing all philosophical outside. Truth be told? Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.
No. That isn't it. The funk stays with me all night.
When I get home I turn on the computer and start to write. I can't think of anything so I write about my conversation with Beth. Writing this blog can be tedious at times. I can't seem to wrestle my words into coherent form. Then again I can't seem to write anything lately. I've been a bit depressed. It's been almost a year since my ex and I broke up.
I grab a beer and go out on the porch. I listen to the wind stir the leaves in the trees.
Then I hear the demons.
They whisper about promises not kept and promise unfulfilled. They mock my choices, dangling before me lives and possibilities that could have been. The demons chatter incessantly, their voices growing. They are many. They are Legion.
The lights of passing cars cast a flickering pattern of light and shadow across the floor.
One of the shadows lingers.
"You're a failure," it whispers.
I look towards the corner. The shadow congeals, grows darker, and rises from the floor.
Standing erect the yawning blackness moves to within an inch of my face.
This is my demon.
"And you will be alone until the day you die," it hisses malevolently.
Suddenly I understand why I've felt unsettled since talking to Beth.
My name is Legion.
When I was talking to Beth I was preaching to myself. I'm the crazed man living amongst the tombs. I'm the one who needs to be saved.
I've been alone for a while now and I've just begun to realize how loneliness can maim the spirit. Over the past couple of months I've noticed its corrosive effects.
The demon waits. Patiently
I want someone to pluck me off the side of the road and love me with total abandon. I'm not talking about God here, not something ephemeral, but a woman, a flesh and blood woman. A woman who'll cast out my self doubt and drive it into the lake to be drowned. A woman who thinks I'm worth everything.
Maybe I'm being selfish or overly romantic. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I have to change things before that happens.
But human love, with all its heat and tumult, with all its disappointments and triumph, is still the closet thing we have to heaven on earth.
Suddenly a woman whose face I cannot see is at my side. She gently caresses my cheek. I can hear her laugh. I can smell her smell. For the first time in a long time I feel a stirring of hope.
Besides, I'm due for a little kick ass redemption.
A faint smile appears on my face.
"Why don't you take a flying leap and go fuck yourself," I tell the demon.
The demon retreats into his corner and disappears.
Well, it wasn't exactly the Rite of Exorcism, but it worked.
I put down my beer. As I get ready for bed, the crystalline laughter of a young woman floats in through the window. I pull back the curtains. A girl and boy stroll down the street arm in arm.
I go to bed.
I guess my name isn't Legion after all.
____________________________________________________________________
This came from a blog site I enjoy - although I don't agree with all he writes. This time, I wanted some input from some of you.
It was at the point where he is saying he is lost, and wants someone to "pluck him off the side of the road", that my heart was torn. It isn't God that he is looking for, but a woman. I do agree that a marriage between man and wife, when built on a foundation of God is pretty close to heaven, but so is being a mom and the love you have for your child. It is only through God that we can claim our name is not Legion, to fight off the Legion, not in our human relationships. It is only through Him that we are not wandering through the tombs of the graveyard.
It also hit me how so many don't know the Bible, which I so often take for granted. I hit me that I am not doing my job as well as I need to be.
I love his point of God's sense of economy and it got me wondering, exactly where do I have my treasure. I'll be honest, sometimes I look at the less fortunate and my first thought is they are so lazy.
It needs to be, "What Legions are they fighting?", doesn't it.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Mom's have bragging rights.
I have to share this past weekend in regard to Nichalas.
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF HIM......
He and three friends participated in the Midwest Monster Race. They were the youngest participates ever in the history of the race. They haven't let anyone under 18 before, as it is so taxing mentally and physically. Our team was awesome in their sportsmanship, team work, endurance, determination, everything.
This race consisted of.........
A 40 mile bike ride over roads and rough terrain. During this ride one team member dove into the swimming pool (Brrr) to collect 2 gold coins, 3 IL quarters from a pile on the bottom. They also had to paddle two inner tubes across the Quincy Bay and back. Upon arriving back at South Park they had to each carry one 40lb sandbag around the entire walking path and then complete 8 different obstacle courses. Next they ran 5 miles to Quinsippi Island where they had to move a sandbag pile from point A across the field to point B, dig a 36in hole with a post hole digger and complete a navigation course collecting 5 different city names. Then onward for another 7 mile run back to South Park to complete the race.
They finished (7 teams dropped out) in a little over 11 hours. One of the top placing team members was 63! This has so motivated me into getting into shape. If everything works out, I may be on a team with Nichalas, and two of my cousins. Curt and Adam aren't as excited as I am about this so I am unable to get a commitment from them. Although they are probably thinking about getting me committed, and not into this race!
Another thing this has motivated me to do is the Great Rivers Bike Ride. They average 60 miles a day for a week. My cousin is interested, as is my mom! Mom and dad said they would follow us in their camper so we wouldn't have to tent it.
Now - if I can figure out how to leave my business for one week, I mean really leave it behind, and enjoy the time off. Or perhaps I will have to wait a few years.
Either way - it feels so wonderful to be motivated again.
I also am now only 2lbs away from my goal weight! Not that it is the weight I want to weigh, but after six weeks of maintaining that or under - no more $$$$$$ to the WWLPP!
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF HIM......
He and three friends participated in the Midwest Monster Race. They were the youngest participates ever in the history of the race. They haven't let anyone under 18 before, as it is so taxing mentally and physically. Our team was awesome in their sportsmanship, team work, endurance, determination, everything.
This race consisted of.........
A 40 mile bike ride over roads and rough terrain. During this ride one team member dove into the swimming pool (Brrr) to collect 2 gold coins, 3 IL quarters from a pile on the bottom. They also had to paddle two inner tubes across the Quincy Bay and back. Upon arriving back at South Park they had to each carry one 40lb sandbag around the entire walking path and then complete 8 different obstacle courses. Next they ran 5 miles to Quinsippi Island where they had to move a sandbag pile from point A across the field to point B, dig a 36in hole with a post hole digger and complete a navigation course collecting 5 different city names. Then onward for another 7 mile run back to South Park to complete the race.
They finished (7 teams dropped out) in a little over 11 hours. One of the top placing team members was 63! This has so motivated me into getting into shape. If everything works out, I may be on a team with Nichalas, and two of my cousins. Curt and Adam aren't as excited as I am about this so I am unable to get a commitment from them. Although they are probably thinking about getting me committed, and not into this race!
Another thing this has motivated me to do is the Great Rivers Bike Ride. They average 60 miles a day for a week. My cousin is interested, as is my mom! Mom and dad said they would follow us in their camper so we wouldn't have to tent it.
Now - if I can figure out how to leave my business for one week, I mean really leave it behind, and enjoy the time off. Or perhaps I will have to wait a few years.
Either way - it feels so wonderful to be motivated again.
I also am now only 2lbs away from my goal weight! Not that it is the weight I want to weigh, but after six weeks of maintaining that or under - no more $$$$$$ to the WWLPP!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Run, Tami, Run
It was a marvelously bright, clear, cool morning, and hundreds of spectators had gathered on the hillsides to witness the Texas Regional Cross-Country Races at Mae Simmons Park. Most of the spectators were parents and family members who had traveled many miles, in some cases hundreds, to watch just one race. Their faces were intent, their eyes always fastened on the only runner they were interested in, and often when the runners were far away and could not hear their shouts of encouragement, still their lips would move, mouthing the precious, familiar names, and one other word. Sometimes they would say the name audibly but softly, as if for no ears but their own, and yet it seemed that they hoped to be heard.
"Run, Jimmy," they whispered urgently. "Run, Tracy, Run."
The cross-country race is two miles for girls, three for boys. It is a grueling run - physically and mentally exhausting - over hills and rough terrain. There were ten races that morning, beginning with class 5A boys and girls. Each race had from 80 to 120 competitors. The course ended where it began, but at times the runners were nearly a half mile away.
As the class 5A girls' race came to a close, I watched a forty plus year old mother - who was wearing patent leather shoes and a skirt and carrying a purse - run the last 100 yards beside her daughter.
She saw no other runners. As she ran awkwardly, her long, dark hair came undone and was streaming out behind her. Giving no thought to the spectacle she made, she cried,
"Run, Tami, Run! Run, Tami, Run!"
There were hundreds of people crowing in shouts and screaming, but this mother was determined to be heard. "Run, Tami, Run!" she pleaded. The girl had no chance to win, and the voice of her mother, whose heart was bursting with exertion and emotion, was not urging her to win.
She was urging her to finish.
The girl was in trouble. Her muscles were cramping; her breath came in ragged gasps; her stride was broken. She was in the last stages of weariness, just before collapse. But when she heard her mother's voice, a marvelous transformation took place. The girl straightened, she found her balance, her bearing, her rhythm - and she finished. She crossed the finish line, turned and collapsed into the arms of her mother.
They fell down together on the grass and then cried, and then they laughed. They were having the best time together, like there was no one else in the world but them. God, I thought, this is beautiful. Thank you for letting me see it.
As I drove away from Mae Simmons Park, I couldn't get that scene off my mind. A whole morning of outstanding performances had merged into a single happening. I thought of my own children and of a race they are running - a different and far more important race, a race that requires even greater stamina, courage, and character. I am a spectator in that race also. I have helped them train, I have pleaded, instructed, threatened, punished, prayed, praised, laughed, and cried. I have even tried to familiarize them with the course. But now the gun is up, and their race has begun, and I am a spectator. My heart is bursting - I see no other runners.
Sometimes their courses take them far from me, and yet I whisper,
"Run, children, Run."
They do not hear, but there is One who does. Occasionally they grow weary because the race is long and demands such sacrifice. They witness hypocrisy, and there are many voices that call to them to quit this race, telling them that they cannot possibly win. They lose sight of their goal, and they falter and stumble and I cry,
"Run, children, run. Please run."
And when they come to the last 100 yards - how I long to be there, to run beside them. What if I am gone, and there is no one to whisper, to shout, "Run" in their ears? What if they lose sight of the great truth that in this race, it is finishing that counts?
Dear God, please hear my prayer.
If they cannot hear my voice, if I must watch from beyond this arena, please run beside them as You have so often run beside me. Strengthen their knees that they might finish.
And when they cross that eternal finish line, may I be there to embrace them and welcome them home.
May we cry and laugh and spend eternity together.
Rocking Chair Tales - John Wallen Smith
"Run, Jimmy," they whispered urgently. "Run, Tracy, Run."
The cross-country race is two miles for girls, three for boys. It is a grueling run - physically and mentally exhausting - over hills and rough terrain. There were ten races that morning, beginning with class 5A boys and girls. Each race had from 80 to 120 competitors. The course ended where it began, but at times the runners were nearly a half mile away.
As the class 5A girls' race came to a close, I watched a forty plus year old mother - who was wearing patent leather shoes and a skirt and carrying a purse - run the last 100 yards beside her daughter.
She saw no other runners. As she ran awkwardly, her long, dark hair came undone and was streaming out behind her. Giving no thought to the spectacle she made, she cried,
"Run, Tami, Run! Run, Tami, Run!"
There were hundreds of people crowing in shouts and screaming, but this mother was determined to be heard. "Run, Tami, Run!" she pleaded. The girl had no chance to win, and the voice of her mother, whose heart was bursting with exertion and emotion, was not urging her to win.
She was urging her to finish.
The girl was in trouble. Her muscles were cramping; her breath came in ragged gasps; her stride was broken. She was in the last stages of weariness, just before collapse. But when she heard her mother's voice, a marvelous transformation took place. The girl straightened, she found her balance, her bearing, her rhythm - and she finished. She crossed the finish line, turned and collapsed into the arms of her mother.
They fell down together on the grass and then cried, and then they laughed. They were having the best time together, like there was no one else in the world but them. God, I thought, this is beautiful. Thank you for letting me see it.
As I drove away from Mae Simmons Park, I couldn't get that scene off my mind. A whole morning of outstanding performances had merged into a single happening. I thought of my own children and of a race they are running - a different and far more important race, a race that requires even greater stamina, courage, and character. I am a spectator in that race also. I have helped them train, I have pleaded, instructed, threatened, punished, prayed, praised, laughed, and cried. I have even tried to familiarize them with the course. But now the gun is up, and their race has begun, and I am a spectator. My heart is bursting - I see no other runners.
Sometimes their courses take them far from me, and yet I whisper,
"Run, children, Run."
They do not hear, but there is One who does. Occasionally they grow weary because the race is long and demands such sacrifice. They witness hypocrisy, and there are many voices that call to them to quit this race, telling them that they cannot possibly win. They lose sight of their goal, and they falter and stumble and I cry,
"Run, children, run. Please run."
And when they come to the last 100 yards - how I long to be there, to run beside them. What if I am gone, and there is no one to whisper, to shout, "Run" in their ears? What if they lose sight of the great truth that in this race, it is finishing that counts?
Dear God, please hear my prayer.
If they cannot hear my voice, if I must watch from beyond this arena, please run beside them as You have so often run beside me. Strengthen their knees that they might finish.
And when they cross that eternal finish line, may I be there to embrace them and welcome them home.
May we cry and laugh and spend eternity together.
Rocking Chair Tales - John Wallen Smith
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Our own worst enemy.
Why do you suppose that most persons paint themselves in such an ugly portrait, when those looking in see such beauty? Why do you suppose that most persons talk/think of themselves in a way they would never talk to/of someone else. Or why is it that we are always so quick to point out our downfalls, brush off compliments, think the worst of who, how we are?
Why is it that usually, WE are our worst enemy?
After all, it is in God's image that we are created. We are all made by Him, therefore, we ALL have His goodness within us. Yes, some of us discard it, cover it up fairly well, yet we all start out with it. Even those darling little monster children, who became monsters due to lazy parenting......that is a whole other issue.
I wish I knew how to convey what it means to read the comments on my blog. How uplifting and surprising that I am thought of the way I am. I wish that I wasn't surprised - that I already believed the goodness about me. Not to be big headed, but to be In Him, knowing me, seeing me, and particularly LOVING me - as He does. As apparently quite a few others do also.
I wish that others who struggle with this enemy would have the same thing. To be in that place in Him. To not fall to the lies that we create about ourselves. Even those who have had a pretty good upbringing fall prey to the lies. Is it society that teaches us that it is conceited to think and recognize the best things about ourselves? Why is it that we are so able to love others, some pretty unlovely, and yet not ourselves?
I wish that everyone would drop the barriers. That the things they usually reserve for the time after the person is dead, will be said while they are living. I wish that everyone who is hearing these things will believe. Not because it makes them feel better, but because it makes Him shine brighter. You see, when we discard the lies, the junk, the darkness, He is even brighter. And the brighter He becomes in "Me", the less "Me' begins to matter. The day that I fall in love with "Me" as He loves "Me", I have finally found that secure place in Him. For you see, He is what really matters. Not "Me". (It's really not all about ME!)
I am amazed as I go through each day the many, many blessings that come my way. The simple things, the big item things. Just so many. My relationship with Him, His word, my family, friends. The amazing thing called oxygen and that my lungs, my body processes it. That God made us to walk upright, how our necks hold our heads up all day. The persons He puts into your life when He knows you need them, when you don't even have a clue. How man has been gifted to create so many things and utilize them. Cars, mowers, computers, toasters, dish soap, shampoo, medicines, so much.
I wish that all who correspond with me through this site will know how very much they have come to mean to me. How it is only through Him that such a bond exist. How I so enjoy reading about your lives, your thoughts, about you.
My prayer is that each of you will truly and without a doubt believe and know -
O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thought from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the day, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of the came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you!
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139.
Why is it that usually, WE are our worst enemy?
After all, it is in God's image that we are created. We are all made by Him, therefore, we ALL have His goodness within us. Yes, some of us discard it, cover it up fairly well, yet we all start out with it. Even those darling little monster children, who became monsters due to lazy parenting......that is a whole other issue.
I wish I knew how to convey what it means to read the comments on my blog. How uplifting and surprising that I am thought of the way I am. I wish that I wasn't surprised - that I already believed the goodness about me. Not to be big headed, but to be In Him, knowing me, seeing me, and particularly LOVING me - as He does. As apparently quite a few others do also.
I wish that others who struggle with this enemy would have the same thing. To be in that place in Him. To not fall to the lies that we create about ourselves. Even those who have had a pretty good upbringing fall prey to the lies. Is it society that teaches us that it is conceited to think and recognize the best things about ourselves? Why is it that we are so able to love others, some pretty unlovely, and yet not ourselves?
I wish that everyone would drop the barriers. That the things they usually reserve for the time after the person is dead, will be said while they are living. I wish that everyone who is hearing these things will believe. Not because it makes them feel better, but because it makes Him shine brighter. You see, when we discard the lies, the junk, the darkness, He is even brighter. And the brighter He becomes in "Me", the less "Me' begins to matter. The day that I fall in love with "Me" as He loves "Me", I have finally found that secure place in Him. For you see, He is what really matters. Not "Me". (It's really not all about ME!)
I am amazed as I go through each day the many, many blessings that come my way. The simple things, the big item things. Just so many. My relationship with Him, His word, my family, friends. The amazing thing called oxygen and that my lungs, my body processes it. That God made us to walk upright, how our necks hold our heads up all day. The persons He puts into your life when He knows you need them, when you don't even have a clue. How man has been gifted to create so many things and utilize them. Cars, mowers, computers, toasters, dish soap, shampoo, medicines, so much.
I wish that all who correspond with me through this site will know how very much they have come to mean to me. How it is only through Him that such a bond exist. How I so enjoy reading about your lives, your thoughts, about you.
My prayer is that each of you will truly and without a doubt believe and know -
O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thought from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the day, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of the came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you!
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
As I walk through the valley...........
Perhaps it is because I am no longer on anti-depressants, that I am on a very serious life eating change (diet), that time is going so quickly - I don't know but these past few months have had such dark days.
So many times I wanted to blog, there just wasn't anything there. No energy, no thought pattern, just nothing. And I am not even blond! Graying, but not blonde. Work was very, very slow due to the drought. My life came to a sit still for much of August as I recovered from a Stress Fracture in my left foot. I could only use my Z mower, only be on my foot 10 minutes an hour, not a lot of exercise going on - thus my WWLPP results were very, very, very, slow. Did I mention very? By the time I arrived to a destination, 10 minutes were up!
I also drifted away from our Father and sat down. As I wrote to a friend, I sat down by the septic tank of life. Bible reading stopped, prayer life - I felt like I was talking to nothing. Do you ever feel so empty inside? I haven't been sad, hurt, angry, bitter, or anything - just nothing. Kinda hard to write about something so exciting.
And now, I am coming out of this valley. Bible reading has resumed - what instantaneous rewards come from this. I realize (again) why I felt as though I was talking to nothing, was it was all one sided. My side. And I really don't have anything to offer when it comes to taking over His side of the conversation.
The stress from being on the WWLPP. I am sure this is the stress that broke my foot. Not from exercise mind you. Actually, the WWLPP has been a blessing. I have now lost 28 pounds since May. Only 43 left to go...........That is so much more encouraging than saying 50 something! I (and my family) have enjoyed the meals prepared from the WW cookbooks. There are some fantastic chocolate items for very few points to satisfy that craving all women get. Particularly in the morning. For me it is usually around 2 - 3 am. That and my fat free milk! Two weeks ago, I went in for my weigh in - just knowing for sure that I had met my 10% goal. So excited, I walked in and happily got on the scales. My friend, Bobette, wrote down my new weight, so excited for me. I was completely crushed. The good news, I had lost 4 pounds that week. The bad news - I had missed the 10% by 4 OUNCES!!!! Nichalas asked why I didn't take off my clothes. It has taken me another two weeks to get my mind going again. After that letdown, I just didn't care. Down went a whole sleeve of Chip Ahoy Chocolate Cookies, Oreos, anything. Then I kicked back in and on weigh in yesterday - I made it! It only took me two weeks to lose 1 1/2 pounds. Now another 6 and I begin maintenance - 6 weeks on that and I won't have to shell out the $$$ unless I go over my goal. So pray for me and my big butt, big gut, and big mouth - that it will abide by the WWLPP recommendations.
The reason WWLPP has been such a blessing is that my weight had me in a place where I was embarrassed to be seen. It was preventing me from living a life, not just for God, but for my family, friends, myself. Through my relationship with God and WWLPP, I am getting my head and body back together and finally living again.
While attending a wedding last weekend with Curt, I kept trying not to cry. The couple - Whitney and Tommy - are so perfect for each other. They are so in love with God and so in love with each other. I tried not to cry as I wished that Curt and I could have started with that. I tried not to cry as I prayed that our sons would know that. I tried not to cry as I watched them look at each other, totally and completely in Him and in love. Wow. Do you realize how many marriages would work if they started out like that - In and on Him. He was the main guest at this event, as well as the main member of their family. I am so honored that Whitney has asked me to become part of her life. I am so excited thinking about what things I will learn from her. I am excited knowing that I am now the "older woman" scripture talks of teaching the "younger woman" and it doesn't bother me a bit. I am excited to be walking with Him again.
Who knows, perhaps she can set Adam up with someone!
Another thing that has set my priorities, again, one of my "daughters" mother will be going tomorrow morning so they may remove one of her breast. We are praying that everything will be successful. This lady is such a jewel to so many. Her faith and her walk have always been such an inspiration to me. Many times she has helped me in my walk, and in her humbleness - she wasn't even aware how much she was teaching me.
Life - it really is full. It really does fly by. It really does give blessings when you live it through Him. How much I have to be thankful for.
As I come out of this valley - I count so many things He has blessed me with. I smile, laugh, and enjoy. I also am thankful for those I have come to know through Blogsville. What a neat town to walk in.
So many times I wanted to blog, there just wasn't anything there. No energy, no thought pattern, just nothing. And I am not even blond! Graying, but not blonde. Work was very, very slow due to the drought. My life came to a sit still for much of August as I recovered from a Stress Fracture in my left foot. I could only use my Z mower, only be on my foot 10 minutes an hour, not a lot of exercise going on - thus my WWLPP results were very, very, very, slow. Did I mention very? By the time I arrived to a destination, 10 minutes were up!
I also drifted away from our Father and sat down. As I wrote to a friend, I sat down by the septic tank of life. Bible reading stopped, prayer life - I felt like I was talking to nothing. Do you ever feel so empty inside? I haven't been sad, hurt, angry, bitter, or anything - just nothing. Kinda hard to write about something so exciting.
And now, I am coming out of this valley. Bible reading has resumed - what instantaneous rewards come from this. I realize (again) why I felt as though I was talking to nothing, was it was all one sided. My side. And I really don't have anything to offer when it comes to taking over His side of the conversation.
The stress from being on the WWLPP. I am sure this is the stress that broke my foot. Not from exercise mind you. Actually, the WWLPP has been a blessing. I have now lost 28 pounds since May. Only 43 left to go...........That is so much more encouraging than saying 50 something! I (and my family) have enjoyed the meals prepared from the WW cookbooks. There are some fantastic chocolate items for very few points to satisfy that craving all women get. Particularly in the morning. For me it is usually around 2 - 3 am. That and my fat free milk! Two weeks ago, I went in for my weigh in - just knowing for sure that I had met my 10% goal. So excited, I walked in and happily got on the scales. My friend, Bobette, wrote down my new weight, so excited for me. I was completely crushed. The good news, I had lost 4 pounds that week. The bad news - I had missed the 10% by 4 OUNCES!!!! Nichalas asked why I didn't take off my clothes. It has taken me another two weeks to get my mind going again. After that letdown, I just didn't care. Down went a whole sleeve of Chip Ahoy Chocolate Cookies, Oreos, anything. Then I kicked back in and on weigh in yesterday - I made it! It only took me two weeks to lose 1 1/2 pounds. Now another 6 and I begin maintenance - 6 weeks on that and I won't have to shell out the $$$ unless I go over my goal. So pray for me and my big butt, big gut, and big mouth - that it will abide by the WWLPP recommendations.
The reason WWLPP has been such a blessing is that my weight had me in a place where I was embarrassed to be seen. It was preventing me from living a life, not just for God, but for my family, friends, myself. Through my relationship with God and WWLPP, I am getting my head and body back together and finally living again.
While attending a wedding last weekend with Curt, I kept trying not to cry. The couple - Whitney and Tommy - are so perfect for each other. They are so in love with God and so in love with each other. I tried not to cry as I wished that Curt and I could have started with that. I tried not to cry as I prayed that our sons would know that. I tried not to cry as I watched them look at each other, totally and completely in Him and in love. Wow. Do you realize how many marriages would work if they started out like that - In and on Him. He was the main guest at this event, as well as the main member of their family. I am so honored that Whitney has asked me to become part of her life. I am so excited thinking about what things I will learn from her. I am excited knowing that I am now the "older woman" scripture talks of teaching the "younger woman" and it doesn't bother me a bit. I am excited to be walking with Him again.
Who knows, perhaps she can set Adam up with someone!
Another thing that has set my priorities, again, one of my "daughters" mother will be going tomorrow morning so they may remove one of her breast. We are praying that everything will be successful. This lady is such a jewel to so many. Her faith and her walk have always been such an inspiration to me. Many times she has helped me in my walk, and in her humbleness - she wasn't even aware how much she was teaching me.
Life - it really is full. It really does fly by. It really does give blessings when you live it through Him. How much I have to be thankful for.
As I come out of this valley - I count so many things He has blessed me with. I smile, laugh, and enjoy. I also am thankful for those I have come to know through Blogsville. What a neat town to walk in.
The "don't buy gas day" has been decided - SEPTEMBER 10, 2005.
IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE IN THE UNITED STATES DID NOT
PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE
OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.
AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OFOVER 4.6 BILLION
DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.
THEREFORE Sept 10TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT TO THEM DAY"AND THE PEOPLE
OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY.
THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN
AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.
WAITING ON THIS ADMINISTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS
PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?
REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME
AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE
THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD,
CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC.
WHO PAYS IN THE END?
WE DO!
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY,
WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD.
PURCHASE A DROP OF GASOLINE FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE
OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.
AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OFOVER 4.6 BILLION
DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES.
THEREFORE Sept 10TH HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT TO THEM DAY"AND THE PEOPLE
OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF GASOLINE THAT DAY.
THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF YOU FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN
AND AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT.
WAITING ON THIS ADMINISTRATION TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS
PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?
REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME
AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE
THEIR PRICES WHICH EFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD,
CLOTHING, BUILDING MATERIALS, MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC.
WHO PAYS IN THE END?
WE DO!
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY,
WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
SO DO YOUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Kelley John Walker
It was about four years ago I first got to know this young man. It was through wrestling. A good looking kid, red hair, beautiful eyes and a grin that made you forget why you were exasperated at him. A kid with so much potential. A kid with a heart that was lost and lead him down the wrong paths at times. This was a kid who helped my Nichalas with his wrestling techniques. This was a kid who answered my many questions about the sport. This was a kid who made it into the championship, but didn't perform topnotch because of some lifestyle choices that robbed him of his physical performance. This was a kid that my heart went out to, he was one of the "underdogs" that I could see had so much going for him, if he would only grab hold of that brass ring and not let go. A kid that had so many in his corner. A kid that I grew to love. A kid that my heart would cry when he won, achieved so much, or was injured or lost a match, when he was frustrated or angry. This was also a kid that became a friend.
Kelley graduated this past May. He was looking forward to tomorrows.
"Kelley John Walker and his passenger, Evan Scott Laws, were pronounced dead at the scene about 10:30 a.m. Thursday."
I cry as I think about Kelley. I cry as I remember him raising his arms above his head and stretching them as he tried to get more air into his lungs during a match. I cry as I think about his last moments on Wednesday night, "the 1985 Buick was southbound when it went off the right side of the road, struck a guardrail, became airborne and struck a tree. The car came to rest on its top in Durgen's Creek. Where the car landed is not readily visible from the road." I cry as I think about some of his choices and pray that he came to know our Lord.
I cry as I think about his dad, John, "had been driving along US 61 hunting for the vehicle when he spotted it in the creek bed Thursday morning."
I cry as I remember how he was with his little brother who so looked up to him, how he was with my Nichalas.
I cry as I realize again how quickly life can be gone. How close to home this death is.
and I cry as I remember his grin.
Kelley graduated this past May. He was looking forward to tomorrows.
"Kelley John Walker and his passenger, Evan Scott Laws, were pronounced dead at the scene about 10:30 a.m. Thursday."
I cry as I think about Kelley. I cry as I remember him raising his arms above his head and stretching them as he tried to get more air into his lungs during a match. I cry as I think about his last moments on Wednesday night, "the 1985 Buick was southbound when it went off the right side of the road, struck a guardrail, became airborne and struck a tree. The car came to rest on its top in Durgen's Creek. Where the car landed is not readily visible from the road." I cry as I think about some of his choices and pray that he came to know our Lord.
I cry as I think about his dad, John, "had been driving along US 61 hunting for the vehicle when he spotted it in the creek bed Thursday morning."
I cry as I remember how he was with his little brother who so looked up to him, how he was with my Nichalas.
I cry as I realize again how quickly life can be gone. How close to home this death is.
and I cry as I remember his grin.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Fabulous Fun Fridays
FYI - somehow, someone, has taken over my blog.
The first indication that I was no longer in control - the ablility to leave comments was no more. Since I was unable to fix the problem, I deleted the entire blog.
After receiving two e-mails (THANK YOU) and checking it out - I have found that Fabulous Fun Fridays should be called the Phoenix. It not only has resurrected itself, but obviously had a prob with it's original name.
So............FYI - I am clueless as to what is going on.
You know, I am thankful that I have a life and something like this, well......................it really doesn't amount to a hill of beans.
The first indication that I was no longer in control - the ablility to leave comments was no more. Since I was unable to fix the problem, I deleted the entire blog.
After receiving two e-mails (THANK YOU) and checking it out - I have found that Fabulous Fun Fridays should be called the Phoenix. It not only has resurrected itself, but obviously had a prob with it's original name.
So............FYI - I am clueless as to what is going on.
You know, I am thankful that I have a life and something like this, well......................it really doesn't amount to a hill of beans.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Have you ever.............
read something, or heard something, that made your heart tear. that made you feel a physical tear inside, because of the sadness that it brought.
i haven't been able to blog as of late. hormones, too busy, too --- just blank. but, i still like to read.
sometimes.
sometimes what i read makes me sad - that there is so much anger, so much evil, so much yelck in this world. but then, God takes my hand and leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.
He lead me to this site - http://memoirsbyval.blogspot.com/ - that I so enjoy being refreshed from. He lead me to a fellow sister, to someone who is so in love with Him that i am encouraged, in awe, thankful, taught, humbled. He lead me to a site that i have laughed until my eyes shed tears, that i have been made speechless, that i have read words that i still carry with me and ponder on many moons later. He lead me to a new friend.
even though we have yet to meet face to face, we have met heart to heart through Christ. even though our e-mails are few and far between, daily our thoughts and prayers lift each other up to Him. it has been through the Lord that i was able to feel connected to this precious sister. to be able to open up and vent, to just be me. and how she showered me with so much love. i am so blown away that she not only has opened up her home to me but even more so, her heart.
Valerie Suzanne, I will so miss the inspiration your words have given me. Please do not give up on that book.
i haven't been able to blog as of late. hormones, too busy, too --- just blank. but, i still like to read.
sometimes.
sometimes what i read makes me sad - that there is so much anger, so much evil, so much yelck in this world. but then, God takes my hand and leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.
He lead me to this site - http://memoirsbyval.blogspot.com/ - that I so enjoy being refreshed from. He lead me to a fellow sister, to someone who is so in love with Him that i am encouraged, in awe, thankful, taught, humbled. He lead me to a site that i have laughed until my eyes shed tears, that i have been made speechless, that i have read words that i still carry with me and ponder on many moons later. He lead me to a new friend.
even though we have yet to meet face to face, we have met heart to heart through Christ. even though our e-mails are few and far between, daily our thoughts and prayers lift each other up to Him. it has been through the Lord that i was able to feel connected to this precious sister. to be able to open up and vent, to just be me. and how she showered me with so much love. i am so blown away that she not only has opened up her home to me but even more so, her heart.
Valerie Suzanne, I will so miss the inspiration your words have given me. Please do not give up on that book.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Before taking that next drink.............
Just think, this could happen to you.
Mom Gives Account Of Wedding Crash That Killed Girl In Limo
MINEOLA, N.Y. - Two days after 7-year-old flower girl Kate Flynn died in a wedding limousine struck by an allegedly drunken driver, her grieving mother described how she cradled her daughter's severed head as others were rescued from the carnage. "As I crawled out of the car, the only thing that was left of Kate was her head," Jennifer Flynn said Monday from a lectern at Winthrop University Hospital.
"And I took her -- just that -- and sat on the side of the Meadowbrook (Parkway) and watched the horrendousness going on around me. I sat there for about an hour with her as they cut my entire family out of this crushed tin can that we survived."
Flynn's remarks, intended to emphasize the consequences of drunken driving, were met with stunned silence from reporters, photographers and TV camera crews. State police confirmed that the little girl was decapitated in the crash.
Flynn, who has been released from the hospital, was riding in the limo with four other family members after her sister's wedding.
The limo driver, Stanley Rabinowitz, 59, also was killed.
Still being hospitalized are Flynn's parents, Chris Tangney, 58, and Denise Tangney, 55, in critical but stable condition; her other daughter, Grace Flynn, 5, who is under observation; and her husband, Neil Flynn, in stable condition.
Grace and Kate were flower girls at their aunt's wedding at a country club in Bayville. The Flynns also have two sons.
Flynn's mother is running for a city council seat in Long Beach and her brother, Michael Tangney, is a Long Beach police lieutenant.
Police alleged that Martin Heidgen drove the wrong way on the southbound Meadowbrook Parkway when his pickup truck crashed into the limousine around 2 a.m. Saturday.
Heidgen, who suffered a fractured ankle, moved to Valley Stream from Little Rock, Ark., in 2004 after landing a job at a Wall Street financial company. He was arraigned Sunday and charged with two counts of second-degree manslaughter and driving while intoxicated, and held without bail at the Nassau County jail. He was ordered to return to court on Thursday.
"Horrible, Horrible," his mother, Margot Heidgen, of Valley Stream told The New York Times. "My heart is broken for them and for everybody. It's a tragedy."
Flynn said she decided to speak to reporters after reading newspaper accounts of the crash.
"Reading in the paper again yesterday that someone's in stable condition or in critical condition but they're expected to make it, it's so much more than that," she said.
"Drunk driving did this to us," Flynn said. "I don't want people to think this was a car accident. It was so much more ... Kate was stolen from us. ... But the life that she led -- and I want people to know this too -- was fabulous ... But she was taken, and it was taken with drunk driving."
"Our family has been torn apart," said Flynn. "We need prayers and we need to be left alone."
Mom Gives Account Of Wedding Crash That Killed Girl In Limo
MINEOLA, N.Y. - Two days after 7-year-old flower girl Kate Flynn died in a wedding limousine struck by an allegedly drunken driver, her grieving mother described how she cradled her daughter's severed head as others were rescued from the carnage. "As I crawled out of the car, the only thing that was left of Kate was her head," Jennifer Flynn said Monday from a lectern at Winthrop University Hospital.
"And I took her -- just that -- and sat on the side of the Meadowbrook (Parkway) and watched the horrendousness going on around me. I sat there for about an hour with her as they cut my entire family out of this crushed tin can that we survived."
Flynn's remarks, intended to emphasize the consequences of drunken driving, were met with stunned silence from reporters, photographers and TV camera crews. State police confirmed that the little girl was decapitated in the crash.
Flynn, who has been released from the hospital, was riding in the limo with four other family members after her sister's wedding.
The limo driver, Stanley Rabinowitz, 59, also was killed.
Still being hospitalized are Flynn's parents, Chris Tangney, 58, and Denise Tangney, 55, in critical but stable condition; her other daughter, Grace Flynn, 5, who is under observation; and her husband, Neil Flynn, in stable condition.
Grace and Kate were flower girls at their aunt's wedding at a country club in Bayville. The Flynns also have two sons.
Flynn's mother is running for a city council seat in Long Beach and her brother, Michael Tangney, is a Long Beach police lieutenant.
Police alleged that Martin Heidgen drove the wrong way on the southbound Meadowbrook Parkway when his pickup truck crashed into the limousine around 2 a.m. Saturday.
Heidgen, who suffered a fractured ankle, moved to Valley Stream from Little Rock, Ark., in 2004 after landing a job at a Wall Street financial company. He was arraigned Sunday and charged with two counts of second-degree manslaughter and driving while intoxicated, and held without bail at the Nassau County jail. He was ordered to return to court on Thursday.
"Horrible, Horrible," his mother, Margot Heidgen, of Valley Stream told The New York Times. "My heart is broken for them and for everybody. It's a tragedy."
Flynn said she decided to speak to reporters after reading newspaper accounts of the crash.
"Reading in the paper again yesterday that someone's in stable condition or in critical condition but they're expected to make it, it's so much more than that," she said.
"Drunk driving did this to us," Flynn said. "I don't want people to think this was a car accident. It was so much more ... Kate was stolen from us. ... But the life that she led -- and I want people to know this too -- was fabulous ... But she was taken, and it was taken with drunk driving."
"Our family has been torn apart," said Flynn. "We need prayers and we need to be left alone."
Friday, July 01, 2005
Right in the middle of my soap opera, too.
Mary Nelson, still shaken after a deer jumped through a small living room window of her home Tuesday afternoon, surveys the damage as she recounts what happened. "I was sitting right here watching TV when it came in. I heard this explosion. Next thing I knew, a deer was in my living room," Nelson said. "It rammed the wall and then went into the bedroom, tore it up and went into the other bedroom and made a mess of it, too." The deer eventually exited through a bedroom window.
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