You said, ‘It’s going to be all right."(3:57)
But then there are moments of stillness and my heart is physically aching.
Aching for our Nichalas.
Aching for our Amber.
How blessed I am for being in an age of modern technology, to be able to speak or even see them through Skype. How blessed I am for remembering and taking out special memories to carry me through until the next time of being together. How blessed I am to have Adam home. After having them all three gone at once, I don't take any moments for granted. My life over runneth with blessing.
When it is the three of us working together at our business, the three of us when it had always been the four and now five. Watching Curt and Adam as they talk or goof around, missing the third man of our hearts. Hearing bits of conversation from Adam's end when talking to Nichalas, the missing him coming through his voice. Hearing him say, "I love you" before hanging up. Knowing they speak often and from their hearts, not superficially . Having some of our "kids" over for supper and wishing I could pick up the phone and include Nichalas/Amber.
Just being able to see them face to face and be in their presence.
Perhaps it was attending a family wedding this past weekend in which they couldn't be there. It may be the changing of the season. It may be due to all the first day of school pictures from others bringing back floods of memories with our own two when little. I imagine it is a combination of all, plus a lot more. But lately, more often than not, my heart has been hit with that deep down ache. Knowing it will be another four months, making it a total of six, before seeing them again. I try to shake it off and "buck up". Knowing there are other mom's out there who won't be seeing their children and haven't for much longer. Some I know endure the separation until meeting in Heaven. I try to keep the right perspective. To not feel sorry for myself. To see the blessings in all the lives they are touching as Warriors for our ABBA in this far away place He is using them.
these darn hormones.........
And I think about how much ABBA missed His Son those three days when separated after The Cross. I think about how much His Son missed His ABBA - His Daddy.
Endured because of Love. Endured because it was the only way I could be, we could be, with our ABBA - eternally.
Blessed and thankful for this ache in my heart - as it is a reminder of just how much my ABBA loves and desires me.
Because the all of Him desires to wrap His arms around me as we look face to face. To be in my presence. To "come close when I call out."