Monday, March 11, 2013

‎"28 Years and Counting" - 02/18/13 - Leviticus 7:1-8:36

God commanded what has been done this day in order to make atonement for you. (8:34)

Today our oldest son, Christopher Adam, is 28. 

I shake my head in disbelief that he is that many years old.  10,220 days plus the 270 (give or take a few) he spent beneath my heart in my womb. 

Never have I loved as I love our sons. 

Yes, I do love my Daddy, my Savior, The Holy Spirit, His Word. 

In a different way.  Yet in some of the same ways. 

Would I hesitate to give my life to save our sons?  Within a heartbeat. 

Would I give our sons lives to save others?  My heart continues to beat as I lose count of the number.

What if their lives were to save someone that I love - like my Curt?  Or our Amber?  Or others who hold a piece of my heart? 

I am ashamed to admit - I do not think I could. 

Or what if I had to sacrifice one of them to save the other? 

Just thinking about being put into that situation causes my heart pain. 

And yet, how we love as a parent to our child, is only a small inkling of how much God loves us. 

Each of us. 

Even those that have rejected, spat upon, cursed, defied Him. 

He has loved ALL - ALL - so very much that through the redemptive life and death of His only begotten Son, Jesus, He gave us reconciliation  with Him. 

He chose His precious Son to save His other precious children - us.

How often do I take for granted what He sacrificed for my atonement?  How often am I so bold that I overlook the sacrifice of His beloved Son and honor "self" instead of Him?  How often do I fall into the trap of loving our sons more than I love Him?  That I choose them over Him? 

No greater love than that of my Lord. 

There is no other love that can fill all the voids within me.  When I chose to love our sons over God, I am putting them in a place of an idol.  I am gaining my worth from them as their mom.  I am causing them to be in a position that they were not designed for.  What pressure I have put upon them. 

They are not and can not be God. 

How thankful I am that God opened my eyes to my sin in loving them in this way.   That He took my destructive way of loving them - which is what it was - and turned it all around.  So many times I thank Him for being bigger than my mistakes.  Bigger in a way that He can totally wipe out all the damage I caused and turn things around for His glory. 

That He opened my eyes years ago to see that Adam and Nichalas really aren't mine - they are His.  I am just a vessel He has chosen to use to train them up.  To guide them.  To love them to Him. 

Each season in the love of a mom to her children is such a wild ride - ups and downs, not knowing, thinking you know, unsure, doubting, time standing still, going too fast, too soon.  Much like the wind across the earth. 

I am so thankful that He has shown me how to give that love over to Him.  To rest and bask in the Fruits of the Spirit - in all my roles He is using me in. 

That He is able to love me more than I can imagine.  That His love is so unselfish.  So sacrificing.  For what is best for me.  Even when it has cost Him more than I could ever imagine.

That He gave me the gift of atonement - because He loves me. 

More even - than how much I love our sons.

No comments: