"God is keeping careful watch over us and the future.
The Day is coming when you'll have it all - life healed and whole."(1:5)
I refresh the page and watch the little airplane move over the different states. Two parts of my heart are making their way to Chicago for an overnight visit with friends and then taking the train tomorrow morning, journeying their way towards home.
It has been a little over five months since seeing our Nichalas and Amber. Five long months of not being physically together, sharing life. Knowing that seeing them for almost a month per year, has and is part of the plan for the next few years, making our time together even more treasured. It so helps knowing our ABBA is using them for His Glory as His Warriors. It so helps knowing He is omnipresent. It so helps knowing, without doubt, they are His.
His Word tells us to confess our sins. I am confessing.
Fear. It resides deep down within my heart and sometimes will rear its ugly, damaging, head. It utilizes every single thing it can to take my focus off of ABBA. It tries to dress me in doubt.
Fear. Fear of Curt. Fear of Adam. Fear of Nichalas. Fear of Amber. Fear of the four dearest parts of my heart being taken from this earth.
There. I confessed.
In my being human, I am also selfish. Even when knowing where they will be when not on this earth.
It crosses my mind frequently how our lives would have been so different if our two other children had of lived. I wonder what gender they are. What they look like. It used to be I was so set into self-pity and selfishness, I wasn't focusing on the many other blessings I was given from ABBA.
Living in this world is so bittersweet because of the spiritual warfare going on about us. Numerous faces run through my minds eye, those who have endured loss and heartache. Those who, like me, remember more frequently during this holiday season. My eyes tear up thinking of the pain endured - knowing those precious faces missed are now seen only through memories or photographs. Praying comfort and hope is there for them, knowing dreams of futures are put on hold until we are all together in Heaven.
ABBA reminds me. As I refresh the page and watch the little airplane journey towards Chicago, He is watching over me. Over all of us. As we journey towards Heaven. Our future.
ABBA reminds me.
"The Day is coming when you'll have it all - life healed and whole."
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