Last night, Nichalas and his friends attended their Senior Prom. All week I had been thinking about where to take pics since they were calling for rain. We have an old stone mansion here in town that has been turned into a museum. It is beautiful and has a wonderful front porch. There were flowers in bloom and even though it was raining, I think the pics came out. I used a "real" camera so will have to post results on a later date.
Nichalas and Lucas took girls who are just good friends and had a wonderful time. They arrived home this morning at 4:30 and Curt about had a cow when he found out at lunch. I noticed he wasn't worried enough to stay up waiting for them. I was happy they enjoyed such a late night. I knew they were at a home with parents there, good, clean fun - so I was sleeping soundly when he did get home.
I realized when we went to get his tux, and he was very ho hum about trying it on, there is a whole other side to this prom thing I am missing out on by not having a girl. He and Amber did get creative (and thrifty) by making their own flowers. Turned out very pretty, smelled wonderful and they were free! I am thankful that Nichalas has such good persons in his life to share his Senior moments with. I was thankful that Adam was also with us and then went out to eat with Curt and me later. I am amazed that I am not sad about High School coming to an end.
I am looking forward to the years ahead and what they will bring in their becoming men on their own. The paths that God will lead them down. Adam has decided to go back to school to get a degree for working with mentally challenged adults. He never would have found this out if he hadn't of quit school for a year and worked in this field. He also wants to work in organizing Homeless Shelters. Nichalas is leaning towards teaching and working in the mission field during the summers. He also is wanting to work with the homeless. I am very proud that both my sons have a heart for missions. God's missions.
2006 Prom went very well, except for the White PT Cruiser that backed into the right front bumper of our Envoy that Nichalas was driving. Curt is upset that they didn't call the police, which they should have at the time, but they are kids and not professionals in the accident department. Thank the Lord! After calling the cell number Nichalas got from the kid this afternoon, and talking to the mom - we now hear that the kid didn't back into Nichalas - Nichalas ran into him. She wouldn't give us their name or insurance company. We are letting our insurance agent work this out. Nichalas has five witnesses which may help our case.
This makes me wonder what it will be like for this kids future, not having to be responsible or accountable for actions, even accidents. I am not upset about the vehicle - more about the message the parents are giving this kid. What that means for our future world. The more I get into God's Word, the more it bothers me the message our kids are getting. Does it anyone else? How I would love to have my sons and their future children be in a world where the people are God's people, His ways are their ways - where He is first in life. So I pray. And I hope. For He blesses me with so many glimpse of persons that are living His way in a world that is not.
Persons who hold a part of my heart. You know who you are and I say, "Thank you" for putting Him first.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
From http://rickibell.blogspot.com/
21 questions
Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.
1 God
2 Curt
3 Adam
4 Nichalas
5 Bonnie
6 Loren
7 Doran
8 Tyler
9 Shelby
10 Stacy
11 Teresa
12 Steve
13 Kate
14 Kris
15 Kathy
16 Valerie
17 David
18 Isaac
19 Ben
20 Jacob
21 Lucas
Now answer the questions according to the names listed above:
How did you meet 10 (Stacy)? - Was married to my brother.
What would you do if you had never met 6 (Loren)? - I would have grown up not knowing my father.
What would you do if 20 and 15 (Kathy & Jacob) dated ?- Big age difference. Plus they worked together for me and that would have been a whole other issue. Besides, I doubt if her husband would have been very happy either.
Have you ever seen 4 (Nichalas) cry - Many, many times and very loudly - usually with a lot of screaming involved.
Would number 1 and 2 (God & Curt) make a good couple? - Yes, but not as the world sees a couple.
Describe 8 (Tyler): - My nephew whom I love and adore. He is growing up too fast, too soon. Seems to be adjusting pretty well to all that is going on in his life. My heart hurts very much for what he has been/is going through. I do love that he loves the Lord. His prayer over supper Sunday was awesome for a 10 year old.
Do you think 21 (Lucas) is attractive: - Yes, but not in that way. He's one of my "sons"
Tell me something about number 17 (David): - Another one of my "sons". I have been blessed by him in my life also, and am so proud that he is living out his dreams. I also pray that he, Isaac and Adam will continue their annual trips throughout the coming years - although I think it may be best if they gave up making movies while having a snowball fight in the rocky National Park. Or any future snow fights as it happened this year. Never know when a park ranger is around the corner.
What's 7's (Doran) favorite color? - Green
Who is 2 (Curt) going out with? - Me the lucky fellow!
What grade is 16 (Valerie) in? - She just graduated from Cake Decorating. I believe that means she has her Doctrine. So we now have to call her Dr.
What is 5's (Bonnie) favorite music? - Pop and country
Would you ever date 7 (Doran)? - That's creepy, he's my brother, so I can not even imagine that one.
Would you ever date 1 (God)? - No, but I do count Him as the very best in my life.
Is 11 (Teresa) single? - #12 is her lucky fellow.
Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3 (Adam)? - I have been for 21+ years he has been one of three special men in my life. I am blessed to count him as one of my closest friends.
Where does 18 (Isaac) live? - Indiana, Rolla, or Taylor. This guy is a mover and a shaker.
What do you think about 20 (Jacob)? - He is another one of my favorites. It has been such a blessing enjoying him in my life as he has grown into an awesome young man. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will utilize him in the future. This is one guy with such a pure and beautiful heart.
What is the best thing about 4 (Nichalas)? - He is the third of "my men". The best thing is that he loves and follows the Lord.
What would you like to tell 14 (Kris) right now? - God and so many persons love you, so much.
How did you meet 9 (Shelby)? - I went to the hospital the day she came into this world and got to hold her in my arms. My precious little niece looked up at me and smiled. For eight years now, she has had a piece of my heart.
What is the best and worst thing about 2 (Curt)? - How he came/is coming to know and love the Lord - how very much he loves me. That he chews tobacco.
Are you going to know 15 (Kathy) forever? - Well, we've been mowing together for seven years now - how could I forget someone after all the sweat and tears, and laughter.
Who is 10 (Stacy) going out with? - I haven't a clue.
Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.
1 God
2 Curt
3 Adam
4 Nichalas
5 Bonnie
6 Loren
7 Doran
8 Tyler
9 Shelby
10 Stacy
11 Teresa
12 Steve
13 Kate
14 Kris
15 Kathy
16 Valerie
17 David
18 Isaac
19 Ben
20 Jacob
21 Lucas
Now answer the questions according to the names listed above:
How did you meet 10 (Stacy)? - Was married to my brother.
What would you do if you had never met 6 (Loren)? - I would have grown up not knowing my father.
What would you do if 20 and 15 (Kathy & Jacob) dated ?- Big age difference. Plus they worked together for me and that would have been a whole other issue. Besides, I doubt if her husband would have been very happy either.
Have you ever seen 4 (Nichalas) cry - Many, many times and very loudly - usually with a lot of screaming involved.
Would number 1 and 2 (God & Curt) make a good couple? - Yes, but not as the world sees a couple.
Describe 8 (Tyler): - My nephew whom I love and adore. He is growing up too fast, too soon. Seems to be adjusting pretty well to all that is going on in his life. My heart hurts very much for what he has been/is going through. I do love that he loves the Lord. His prayer over supper Sunday was awesome for a 10 year old.
Do you think 21 (Lucas) is attractive: - Yes, but not in that way. He's one of my "sons"
Tell me something about number 17 (David): - Another one of my "sons". I have been blessed by him in my life also, and am so proud that he is living out his dreams. I also pray that he, Isaac and Adam will continue their annual trips throughout the coming years - although I think it may be best if they gave up making movies while having a snowball fight in the rocky National Park. Or any future snow fights as it happened this year. Never know when a park ranger is around the corner.
What's 7's (Doran) favorite color? - Green
Who is 2 (Curt) going out with? - Me the lucky fellow!
What grade is 16 (Valerie) in? - She just graduated from Cake Decorating. I believe that means she has her Doctrine. So we now have to call her Dr.
What is 5's (Bonnie) favorite music? - Pop and country
Would you ever date 7 (Doran)? - That's creepy, he's my brother, so I can not even imagine that one.
Would you ever date 1 (God)? - No, but I do count Him as the very best in my life.
Is 11 (Teresa) single? - #12 is her lucky fellow.
Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3 (Adam)? - I have been for 21+ years he has been one of three special men in my life. I am blessed to count him as one of my closest friends.
Where does 18 (Isaac) live? - Indiana, Rolla, or Taylor. This guy is a mover and a shaker.
What do you think about 20 (Jacob)? - He is another one of my favorites. It has been such a blessing enjoying him in my life as he has grown into an awesome young man. I look forward to seeing how the Lord will utilize him in the future. This is one guy with such a pure and beautiful heart.
What is the best thing about 4 (Nichalas)? - He is the third of "my men". The best thing is that he loves and follows the Lord.
What would you like to tell 14 (Kris) right now? - God and so many persons love you, so much.
How did you meet 9 (Shelby)? - I went to the hospital the day she came into this world and got to hold her in my arms. My precious little niece looked up at me and smiled. For eight years now, she has had a piece of my heart.
What is the best and worst thing about 2 (Curt)? - How he came/is coming to know and love the Lord - how very much he loves me. That he chews tobacco.
Are you going to know 15 (Kathy) forever? - Well, we've been mowing together for seven years now - how could I forget someone after all the sweat and tears, and laughter.
Who is 10 (Stacy) going out with? - I haven't a clue.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Mower maintenance
How frustrating - my mower is up on the fork lift, ready to have the blades removed so I can sharpened them - can not get them off as the bolts are too tight. UGHHHHH - yes, there are moments when I wish I had man arms.
How frustrated I am (again) at my HS Counselor who would not let me take auto mechanics my Sr. year. "Girls don't take or need classes like that, Deby" (I ended up taking Wood Shop and Welding - and man oh man have I ever used those skills in my life - Thank you very much Mr. Armstrong. Okay, welding I have used off and on.) My throttle isn't working on my mulcher Z and I can not figure out how to get it fixed. I have tore it semi-apart and checked the wires - which are connected and working. I have bumped a lever and the engine roars away - only to die down when I take away the screwdriver. Since I am unable to run behind it and hold the lever with a screwdriver while attempting to mow at the same time, it is off the trailer in the barn waiting for my man, who comes home this weekend.
He'll be overjoyed just being able to work on my equipment - again.
On a very serious note. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful and talented husband (who got to take auto mechanics in HS).
How frustrated I am (again) at my HS Counselor who would not let me take auto mechanics my Sr. year. "Girls don't take or need classes like that, Deby" (I ended up taking Wood Shop and Welding - and man oh man have I ever used those skills in my life - Thank you very much Mr. Armstrong. Okay, welding I have used off and on.) My throttle isn't working on my mulcher Z and I can not figure out how to get it fixed. I have tore it semi-apart and checked the wires - which are connected and working. I have bumped a lever and the engine roars away - only to die down when I take away the screwdriver. Since I am unable to run behind it and hold the lever with a screwdriver while attempting to mow at the same time, it is off the trailer in the barn waiting for my man, who comes home this weekend.
He'll be overjoyed just being able to work on my equipment - again.
On a very serious note. I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with such a wonderful and talented husband (who got to take auto mechanics in HS).
Spring so far.........
Wow, it is almost the end of April. Tax day has come and gone - didn't get the big stuff back - unc sam gets to have more of the green stuff from us. I wouldn't mind paying in the taxes, if I could see that where it went was how it was meant to be - not for the lining of gold in the top of the pole persons.
I have went completely out of my comfort zone this past week. With Curt selling his business and going to work for his cousins - JH Concrete - I decided to continue spraying three of my commercial clients for weed control. I took the test and passed two years ago to be legal (my score was higher than my husband!) and so far had only been spraying beds and along fence lines using my hand sprayer or backpack. I am now into bigger and more expensive chemicals. If you need to know how much, for type of control Chateau, Sahara, Helosate and a Surfactant needs to be mixed into a 200 gal tank - I know! But the very best part of all this is, after working 12-14 hours a day, pulling hose, and walking back and forth over 13 acres - I ended up losing 12 pounds. Since beginning my spring season I have lost 20 pounds. Yes, I am kicking myself when I realize that if I had not gained over the winter, I would now be 10 pounds from my goal. Now, only 35 pounds to go.
Okay, perhaps it's a little sad that I am more excited about the weight loss than going out of my comfort zone and accomplishing this task. I also stuck with Weight Watchers Core plan throughout until this weekend. Pizza, fried steak, mashed tates and gravy. At least I didn't eat as big of helping as usual.
Just to help you take your mind off your own problems. Can you imagine sitting down with a cup of jo and enjoying the Sunday paper - when suddenly..............
House Blasted by 3,000 Gallons of Sewage
By Associated Press
CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Utility workers trying to blast out a grease clog from a sewer line forced 3,000 gallons of raw sewage into a couple's home, forcing them to abandon their house while hoping that the city makes good on a promise to clean up and repair the damage.
Mac and Meg McCormick say city leaders have also promised to pay for their stay in a hotel until the repairs are complete. The couple doesn't have any of the agreement in writing, and city officials have declined to discuss the case because it's ongoing.
"We feel we have no choice but to put our trust and faith in the hands of the city," Meg McCormick said this week as movers hauled damaged furniture from her house. "And I'll be honest, that's a little scary."
Scott Denham, the risk manager for Charlotte and Mecklenburg County, declined to discuss the details of the sewage backup, but did say, "There's no question of the severity of this event."
City officials don't even know how much the repairs and cleanup will cost, Denham said. Meg McCormick said she has received estimates of $75,000 to $150,000. The house has a tax value of $101,300.
And you thought you were having a bad day.
God Bless....................
I have went completely out of my comfort zone this past week. With Curt selling his business and going to work for his cousins - JH Concrete - I decided to continue spraying three of my commercial clients for weed control. I took the test and passed two years ago to be legal (my score was higher than my husband!) and so far had only been spraying beds and along fence lines using my hand sprayer or backpack. I am now into bigger and more expensive chemicals. If you need to know how much, for type of control Chateau, Sahara, Helosate and a Surfactant needs to be mixed into a 200 gal tank - I know! But the very best part of all this is, after working 12-14 hours a day, pulling hose, and walking back and forth over 13 acres - I ended up losing 12 pounds. Since beginning my spring season I have lost 20 pounds. Yes, I am kicking myself when I realize that if I had not gained over the winter, I would now be 10 pounds from my goal. Now, only 35 pounds to go.
Okay, perhaps it's a little sad that I am more excited about the weight loss than going out of my comfort zone and accomplishing this task. I also stuck with Weight Watchers Core plan throughout until this weekend. Pizza, fried steak, mashed tates and gravy. At least I didn't eat as big of helping as usual.
Just to help you take your mind off your own problems. Can you imagine sitting down with a cup of jo and enjoying the Sunday paper - when suddenly..............
House Blasted by 3,000 Gallons of Sewage
By Associated Press
CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Utility workers trying to blast out a grease clog from a sewer line forced 3,000 gallons of raw sewage into a couple's home, forcing them to abandon their house while hoping that the city makes good on a promise to clean up and repair the damage.
Mac and Meg McCormick say city leaders have also promised to pay for their stay in a hotel until the repairs are complete. The couple doesn't have any of the agreement in writing, and city officials have declined to discuss the case because it's ongoing.
"We feel we have no choice but to put our trust and faith in the hands of the city," Meg McCormick said this week as movers hauled damaged furniture from her house. "And I'll be honest, that's a little scary."
Scott Denham, the risk manager for Charlotte and Mecklenburg County, declined to discuss the details of the sewage backup, but did say, "There's no question of the severity of this event."
City officials don't even know how much the repairs and cleanup will cost, Denham said. Meg McCormick said she has received estimates of $75,000 to $150,000. The house has a tax value of $101,300.
And you thought you were having a bad day.
God Bless....................
Monday, April 03, 2006
Recommended reading
100 Days in the Secret Place - introduced and compiled by Gene Edwards.
By taking a SLOW journey through these 1600's Christian authors, it has become such a growing experience. The writings of Jeanne Guyon, Archbishop Fenelon of France, and Michael Molinos were banned for some time because of the growth in Christianity that occurred.
These first days I am reading The Way to the Cross.
Today in the "Ways of God" - it talks about how God starts to deal with your old nature. He heads straight for the center of all that you hold most dear.
My scripture that I have been focusing on is in Psalms 139.
"Try me and know my anxious thoughts."
It amazes me how many times no matter what I am reading, how many different studies, they all tie in to one another. Funny how He works.
My anxious thoughts - turned out to be many. I am most anxious about losing Curt, Adam or Nichalas. Although I know that they would be with Him, I am selfish and yearn for more time with them here. I have found that all my anxious thoughts are based on my selfishness.
Oh, how He did head straight for the center of me. And He asked me "Who do I love more?"
At first, I had to swallow and admit - it wasn't Him - it was them or rather myself.
The anxiousness has left the building though (until I slip again)- after this confession, after much digging, I have found that by loving Him above all - I have also begun to "rest" in knowing He is in complete control.
I have found too, that my anxious thoughts begin when I try to take control - My Way - not His.
How thankful that He knows me. How thankful that He teaches me. How thankful that I grow in Him.
That is straight to my center -
By taking a SLOW journey through these 1600's Christian authors, it has become such a growing experience. The writings of Jeanne Guyon, Archbishop Fenelon of France, and Michael Molinos were banned for some time because of the growth in Christianity that occurred.
These first days I am reading The Way to the Cross.
Today in the "Ways of God" - it talks about how God starts to deal with your old nature. He heads straight for the center of all that you hold most dear.
My scripture that I have been focusing on is in Psalms 139.
"Try me and know my anxious thoughts."
It amazes me how many times no matter what I am reading, how many different studies, they all tie in to one another. Funny how He works.
My anxious thoughts - turned out to be many. I am most anxious about losing Curt, Adam or Nichalas. Although I know that they would be with Him, I am selfish and yearn for more time with them here. I have found that all my anxious thoughts are based on my selfishness.
Oh, how He did head straight for the center of me. And He asked me "Who do I love more?"
At first, I had to swallow and admit - it wasn't Him - it was them or rather myself.
The anxiousness has left the building though (until I slip again)- after this confession, after much digging, I have found that by loving Him above all - I have also begun to "rest" in knowing He is in complete control.
I have found too, that my anxious thoughts begin when I try to take control - My Way - not His.
How thankful that He knows me. How thankful that He teaches me. How thankful that I grow in Him.
That is straight to my center -
Monday, February 27, 2006
You know....
Yesterday, although the wind was very cold, the sunshine was so "spring like". How encouraging to see the spring bulbs beginning to peek out beneath their cover of leaves, the grass beginning to have a tint of green.
Spring is in the air. The robins are too numerous to count in our yard, the ducks and geese I have spotted making their way back and my soul is in the stage of awakening. I absolutely LOVE the ending of winter.
I Love the underlying current of an energy that has been rather sluggish these past few months. I Love watching the rustling of nature as it is beginning to toss and turn its' way out of a winter bed. I Love feeling the ever growing warmth of sunshine streaming in through the window, as it gets closer to my section of the world.
I Love watching our sons grow into a "next" stage. I Love being in the next room listening to them laugh and talk. Making memories for a lifetime. Creating moments to talk about in future "remember when" times. I Love being a wife and having my husband come home from a week long trip. I Love being the other half of someone. Someone to share, laugh, yes occasionally fight, love with. I Love being the other half of him and sharing our two sons. I Love the memories that we have, the family we have. I Love that God kept us together.
I Love reflecting on my life and seeing my many, many blessings. I Love thinking about persons who love me and how their eyes light up when they see me. I Love being loved. I Love the relationship I share with many of those that is based IN God. I Love their prayers, their encouragement, their accountability. I just plain Love them.
I Love being In His word every day. I Love learning, listening, applying, growing In Him. I Love learning that giving is so much better than receiving. I Love getting rid of all those heavy blankets of sin. I Love getting to stretch out under the cool, crisp, clean, clothesline smelling, sheet He has covered me with in a new beginning - every day. I Love how much He Loves me. I Love as I grow in Him, I am growing more and more in His love. I Love being able to love me as He does. I Love that being able to love me takes away so many "blankets" that I have covered my heart up with - the "false sense of security blankets".
I LOVE that In Him, every moment can be spring awakening.
Spring is in the air. The robins are too numerous to count in our yard, the ducks and geese I have spotted making their way back and my soul is in the stage of awakening. I absolutely LOVE the ending of winter.
I Love the underlying current of an energy that has been rather sluggish these past few months. I Love watching the rustling of nature as it is beginning to toss and turn its' way out of a winter bed. I Love feeling the ever growing warmth of sunshine streaming in through the window, as it gets closer to my section of the world.
I Love watching our sons grow into a "next" stage. I Love being in the next room listening to them laugh and talk. Making memories for a lifetime. Creating moments to talk about in future "remember when" times. I Love being a wife and having my husband come home from a week long trip. I Love being the other half of someone. Someone to share, laugh, yes occasionally fight, love with. I Love being the other half of him and sharing our two sons. I Love the memories that we have, the family we have. I Love that God kept us together.
I Love reflecting on my life and seeing my many, many blessings. I Love thinking about persons who love me and how their eyes light up when they see me. I Love being loved. I Love the relationship I share with many of those that is based IN God. I Love their prayers, their encouragement, their accountability. I just plain Love them.
I Love being In His word every day. I Love learning, listening, applying, growing In Him. I Love learning that giving is so much better than receiving. I Love getting rid of all those heavy blankets of sin. I Love getting to stretch out under the cool, crisp, clean, clothesline smelling, sheet He has covered me with in a new beginning - every day. I Love how much He Loves me. I Love as I grow in Him, I am growing more and more in His love. I Love being able to love me as He does. I Love that being able to love me takes away so many "blankets" that I have covered my heart up with - the "false sense of security blankets".
I LOVE that In Him, every moment can be spring awakening.
Friday, February 17, 2006
It is gone.
The boys just pulled out awhile ago, truck loaded to the max with all that stuff. Watch out Sally-here they come. What is rather strange is the feeling I have inside. A little scared, a little empty, a little unsure.
What if I need some of that stuff? What if I got rid of something important? Did I check all the pockets in the clothes? I had to get after the boys for looking through boxes and pulling stuff out. They're probably pulled over the side of the road somewhere, looking. Just kidding. I did laugh about calling them on the phone saying, "No, No, come back. Come back." Thank God I didn't.
Oh what pain that stuff can become.
You know, while it was sitting in the dining room, ready for it's new adventure, I felt so wonderful about all this "getting rid". It was close by in case I needed to check through it. I made myself resist the urges to do so though. Kept reminding myself that I don't NEED it.
How like my spiritual life that stuff can be. I want to keep the "Sally Stuff", the "Burn Stuff", the "Junk Pile Stuff" close at hand - in case I NEED it you know. That needless to say is what causes such inner turmoil. I can either be filled up with Him or my stuff. Can not be both.
I am so thankful that my home is totally organized and almost completely cleaned. I am so thankful that there are five rooms awaiting a fresh coat of paint. I am so thankful for new beginnings. I am so very thankful that I don't want to go back to that "stuff". I am so thankful that my "heart" is getting worked over too.
I am so thankful I am choosing Him.
And for another thought.........
Why is it no one ever pops in to say hello when everything is in order - only when it's a mess.
What if I need some of that stuff? What if I got rid of something important? Did I check all the pockets in the clothes? I had to get after the boys for looking through boxes and pulling stuff out. They're probably pulled over the side of the road somewhere, looking. Just kidding. I did laugh about calling them on the phone saying, "No, No, come back. Come back." Thank God I didn't.
Oh what pain that stuff can become.
You know, while it was sitting in the dining room, ready for it's new adventure, I felt so wonderful about all this "getting rid". It was close by in case I needed to check through it. I made myself resist the urges to do so though. Kept reminding myself that I don't NEED it.
How like my spiritual life that stuff can be. I want to keep the "Sally Stuff", the "Burn Stuff", the "Junk Pile Stuff" close at hand - in case I NEED it you know. That needless to say is what causes such inner turmoil. I can either be filled up with Him or my stuff. Can not be both.
I am so thankful that my home is totally organized and almost completely cleaned. I am so thankful that there are five rooms awaiting a fresh coat of paint. I am so thankful for new beginnings. I am so very thankful that I don't want to go back to that "stuff". I am so thankful that my "heart" is getting worked over too.
I am so thankful I am choosing Him.
And for another thought.........
Why is it no one ever pops in to say hello when everything is in order - only when it's a mess.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Joe Versus the Volcano
Did you see it? For the past two nights - the moon?
Last night it came out big, orange and moved so gracefully over the sky. Alone, the house completely dark, I was drawn to my window - just to sit there and gaze in amazement.
What a Father.
To put something up there, so far away, so controlled, so dang gone bright.
And then it began.......
Praises.
What a Father.
thankfulness.
What a Father.
Scriptures.
What a Father.
And then - Prayers
What a Father.
My heart just opened up, under the spell (no not of the moon) of Him. I sat there unable to pry my eyes off that ole moon. I can see how some could worship that giant piece of rock. I can't understand it. How can you look and not see. Someone so much bigger and brighter and in total control. The one who made that moon.
What a Father.
And I thought about in the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano", when he is on a raft in the ocean and the moon comes up and it almost covers the whole sky, being so big. I thought about how much I would like to witness something like that. I thought about that is how I feel about my Father. I desire to have Him become bigger in my "sky" of life, to completely cover it all. To be so big I can not see anything else but Him.
And I realized, He can. Only if I allow Him to.
What a Daddy.
Last night it came out big, orange and moved so gracefully over the sky. Alone, the house completely dark, I was drawn to my window - just to sit there and gaze in amazement.
What a Father.
To put something up there, so far away, so controlled, so dang gone bright.
And then it began.......
Praises.
What a Father.
thankfulness.
What a Father.
Scriptures.
What a Father.
And then - Prayers
What a Father.
My heart just opened up, under the spell (no not of the moon) of Him. I sat there unable to pry my eyes off that ole moon. I can see how some could worship that giant piece of rock. I can't understand it. How can you look and not see. Someone so much bigger and brighter and in total control. The one who made that moon.
What a Father.
And I thought about in the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano", when he is on a raft in the ocean and the moon comes up and it almost covers the whole sky, being so big. I thought about how much I would like to witness something like that. I thought about that is how I feel about my Father. I desire to have Him become bigger in my "sky" of life, to completely cover it all. To be so big I can not see anything else but Him.
And I realized, He can. Only if I allow Him to.
What a Daddy.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Spring Cleaning
For the first time in my adult life, I have almost completed the task of organizing my whole home. The basement is calling my name and that is all that remains. I have told my friends that I am preparing my life as though I were to die tomorrow. When I am gone, I don't want Curt and the boys to be focused on all this stuff - I want them to focus on each other.
Awhile ago, I was standing in the dining room, which is loaded down with Salvation Army donations, and it occurred to me - I am preparing my home not to die - but that I may LIVE. I am unable to express the right words in how freeing this task has made me feel. To look in delight at bare shelves, empty spaces in drawers and cupboards and not feel the need to fill them up with more stuff. How very uplifting.
I am also facilitating a Bible study, "Living Beyond Yourself Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" by Beth Moore. Yesterday, while on my way to join "The Joy of the Lord Is Our Strength", I found myself thinking about a guy we know. He is building a new home a field away from us, which I pass by quite often. He has become quite wealthy over the years through his business, divorced from the mother of their two children. Since the divorce they have went through the routine of making/splitting up so often that we have all lost count. Right now they are together. He is also agnostic. Money is his god. I find it so easy to pray for him. As I am driving, I dream out loud to God how wonderful it would be for him and the kids to come to Christ. And then I think about her.
She has caused some major splits amongst the us by her words and actions. Because of her, there are some who have not spoken to each other for a few years now. Bottom line - she is a pretty evil person who delights in making trouble. She really has never liked me or pretended to hide that fact. A few years ago when Curt and I separated, that same day she told him to go out with them and she would set him up with one of her friends (he declined). From that point on, I never pretended to hide the fact that I didn't like her. Some believe she's jealous of me. I rather like to overlook that this really could be the reason and just satisfy myself with gossiping about her, not liking her, anything other than feeling sorry for her. Or I should say - being Christlike towards her.
In study today, I confessed that I hate her as much as she hates me. Pretty much putting myself on her level I'd say. HATE - you know that is a very strong word. I think about what I really do HATE. I HATE satan. I HATE sin. I HATE what sin does to the innocent young children. And I realized I said I HATE her. Thankfully, I recognized that I really don't HATE her. God has a way of putting things in perspective. I am also thankful that He has convicted me and I have had a heavy heart about what I said.
Throughout my "Spring Cleaning", I am recognizing that not only am I getting rid of material stuff, but the emotional security I felt from that stuff. How sad is that to put security into a shirt that I haven't worn forever. Something Nichalas tells me off and on (thankfully not often) is, "Mom, you need to ripen up, you're bitter". How accurate he is in that I need to "mature" in my fruits. That the fruits are there within me as a gift from the Holy Spirit, but they are gifts of action. I have known that love is an action, but never until yesterday did it click that so is joy. As are all the others. It is my choice to actively cause them to grow.
Back to her. I have been playing god. I have been taking all she has done over the years personally. What if God said to me, "You know Deby, all those years you walked away from me, too bad, I HATE you." Instead He tells me that He forgives me. He tells me that because I am IN Christ, I am made perfect and sinless. (Not an excuse to live a life of sin, but to live a life for Him.) He can not be a part of sin. And because of Christ He can be a part of me. He tells me that He LOVES me.
Before, knowing that because she is outside of Christ, if she were to die today she would not be saved from, "being cast into the lake of fire, the second death (total separation from God), and judgment according to her works." (Rev 20:11-15). Even in knowing this, I just didn't care. My heart was so hard, so focused on Hating her. I didn't even want to pray for her. Not even convicted to do so. Pretty hard heart. And even then I wasn't scared.
Thank the Lord for "Spring Cleaning". For taking my hard heart and casting out the stuff. After turning it over to him, I have been able to pray, really pray for her. I am not boasting about me. I am boasting about the Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. The Fruits of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23).
I am boasting about HIM.
Awhile ago, I was standing in the dining room, which is loaded down with Salvation Army donations, and it occurred to me - I am preparing my home not to die - but that I may LIVE. I am unable to express the right words in how freeing this task has made me feel. To look in delight at bare shelves, empty spaces in drawers and cupboards and not feel the need to fill them up with more stuff. How very uplifting.
I am also facilitating a Bible study, "Living Beyond Yourself Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" by Beth Moore. Yesterday, while on my way to join "The Joy of the Lord Is Our Strength", I found myself thinking about a guy we know. He is building a new home a field away from us, which I pass by quite often. He has become quite wealthy over the years through his business, divorced from the mother of their two children. Since the divorce they have went through the routine of making/splitting up so often that we have all lost count. Right now they are together. He is also agnostic. Money is his god. I find it so easy to pray for him. As I am driving, I dream out loud to God how wonderful it would be for him and the kids to come to Christ. And then I think about her.
She has caused some major splits amongst the us by her words and actions. Because of her, there are some who have not spoken to each other for a few years now. Bottom line - she is a pretty evil person who delights in making trouble. She really has never liked me or pretended to hide that fact. A few years ago when Curt and I separated, that same day she told him to go out with them and she would set him up with one of her friends (he declined). From that point on, I never pretended to hide the fact that I didn't like her. Some believe she's jealous of me. I rather like to overlook that this really could be the reason and just satisfy myself with gossiping about her, not liking her, anything other than feeling sorry for her. Or I should say - being Christlike towards her.
In study today, I confessed that I hate her as much as she hates me. Pretty much putting myself on her level I'd say. HATE - you know that is a very strong word. I think about what I really do HATE. I HATE satan. I HATE sin. I HATE what sin does to the innocent young children. And I realized I said I HATE her. Thankfully, I recognized that I really don't HATE her. God has a way of putting things in perspective. I am also thankful that He has convicted me and I have had a heavy heart about what I said.
Throughout my "Spring Cleaning", I am recognizing that not only am I getting rid of material stuff, but the emotional security I felt from that stuff. How sad is that to put security into a shirt that I haven't worn forever. Something Nichalas tells me off and on (thankfully not often) is, "Mom, you need to ripen up, you're bitter". How accurate he is in that I need to "mature" in my fruits. That the fruits are there within me as a gift from the Holy Spirit, but they are gifts of action. I have known that love is an action, but never until yesterday did it click that so is joy. As are all the others. It is my choice to actively cause them to grow.
Back to her. I have been playing god. I have been taking all she has done over the years personally. What if God said to me, "You know Deby, all those years you walked away from me, too bad, I HATE you." Instead He tells me that He forgives me. He tells me that because I am IN Christ, I am made perfect and sinless. (Not an excuse to live a life of sin, but to live a life for Him.) He can not be a part of sin. And because of Christ He can be a part of me. He tells me that He LOVES me.
Before, knowing that because she is outside of Christ, if she were to die today she would not be saved from, "being cast into the lake of fire, the second death (total separation from God), and judgment according to her works." (Rev 20:11-15). Even in knowing this, I just didn't care. My heart was so hard, so focused on Hating her. I didn't even want to pray for her. Not even convicted to do so. Pretty hard heart. And even then I wasn't scared.
Thank the Lord for "Spring Cleaning". For taking my hard heart and casting out the stuff. After turning it over to him, I have been able to pray, really pray for her. I am not boasting about me. I am boasting about the Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. The Fruits of the Spirit. (Gal 5:22-23).
I am boasting about HIM.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
In the past few months.....
I have so enjoyed reading blogs in my favorites. How wonderful that Val is back and writing - so many times I have laughed until I cried. And learning that Mindi is going to become a prof. Photographer. About time is all I can say after viewing her photos. And then there is the writings of Gil. I love to see how he is growing in the Lord. Taking time to pray for his family to get well and enjoy the rest of the winter months. My friends Erin and Cal. Erin. Praying for Ginny as she grows through this time as a g'ma. Thinking that in some ways I am thankful I am not the mother of the bride after reading some of Ret's list. And checking in again on Tina - to see that she is as bad as I am about blogging.
And for a little more truth. I couldn't figure out how to get back on my site to post. It has taken me almost one hour and finally here I am - with nothing to say. You would think after all this time something would be there, ready to be written when I finally figured it all out.
Such is life.
And for a little more truth. I couldn't figure out how to get back on my site to post. It has taken me almost one hour and finally here I am - with nothing to say. You would think after all this time something would be there, ready to be written when I finally figured it all out.
Such is life.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Something to chew on..........
"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."
– Diane Ackerman
– Diane Ackerman
Thursday, October 06, 2005
I stole this.........
October 5th, 2005
LEGION
Beth and I are sitting outside waiting for our shift to start. Claude, our local homeless guy, shuffles past us.
"Hi Claude," Beth says cheerily.
Claude makes no indication that he hears her.
"How ya doing Claude?" I ask. He usually responds to me.
Claude ignores me and strikes up a conversation with a lamppost. Mumbling something about the government taking away his house he kicks the lamppost and walks away.
"I've never seen him do that before," Beth whispers.
"Must be off his meds," I reply.
"He hears voices, right?" Beth asks.
"Yep."
"How sad."
Watching Claude as he disappears around the corner I remember a line from the Gospel of Mark.
"My name is Legion, for we are many," I sigh.
Beth looks at me quizzically.
"It's a line from the Bible," I explain, "Seemed appropriate for Claude."
"I'm not familiar with it," Beth says.
"Jesus was going to this town to preach," I begin to explain, "Along the way he encounters a guy kinda like Claude. The guy's a real mess; possessed by demons, living in a cemetery, screaming and yelling all day, cutting himself up with sharp stones."
"Sounds like a nut," Beth says, "What happens?"
Jesus asks the man his name. The man replies, "My name is Legion, for we are many."
"Sounds like he was hearing voices," Beth says, "Just like Claude."
"Maybe," I reply, "In any case, Jesus takes pity on the man and casts the demons into a herd of swine. The pigs, about two thousand of them, run off the edge of a cliff and drown themselves in a lake."
"Wow," Beth says, "What happened to the crazy guy?"
"He was completely healed."
"I wish that would happen with Claude."
"That'd be nice - but that's not the meaning of the story," I say.
"What is?" Beth asks.
"When the people in the town hear about the pigs going into the drink they're terrified. They go tell Jesus to take a hike. They don't want him anywhere near their city."
"Why?" Beth asks.
I sigh and look at my watch, "Are you up for a mini theology lesson?"
Beth smiles. "I've got nothing better to do," she says.
"What were Jews doing raising pigs?" I ask.
"Huh?" Beth says.
"Pigs are unclean animals. Jews are not supposed to eat them. Why is there a herd of pigs outside of a Jewish town?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there were non kosher people living in Israel at that time too; Roman soldiers, Greeks, Phoenicians. Someone in that town was selling those pigs to make money."
"I don't follow," Beth says.
"Bottom line," I say, "That herd of pigs was somebody's business."
"Ok."
"And Jesus destroyed that business without a second thought. Destroyed it for someone he didn't even know."
"Wow."
"What do you think would happen if a Holy Man came along and cured Claude of his demons - but destroyed the Bistro in the process?"
"I'd be out of a job."
"Would you like that?"
"No."
"Does that jibe with how you think of God?" I ask, "Him throwing you out of work?"
"Not at all."
"But that's precisely what happened with the pigs. You better believe the guy tending those pigs lost his job. Maybe he caught a beating too."
"That's not a very nice thing for God to do," Beth says.
"Beth," I reply, "God isn't always nice."
"Guess not."
"The world places no value in people like Claude and the possessed man," I say, "What do you think they're worth?"
"I don't know."
"To us they're nothing. But to God they're everything."
Beth is silent.
"I think God's sense of economy is very different from our own - so different it's scary. To him the plight of one vagrant is more important than all the money in the world. And He'll plunder our treasure to save him."
"That would piss people off," Beth says.
"You bet it would," I reply, "But maybe we get pissed because we realize we've been investing in the wrong kind of treasure. If we all acted like human beings, if our treasure was compassion, people like Claude might have it a little easier."
"True."
"The townspeople, instead of being happy that their brother was saved, send Jesus away. They're only interested in maintaining the status quo and their own comfort. They're unwilling to open their hearts. So, in the end, the townspeople were possessed by demons far worse than anything inside Legion. That's the true meaning of the story."
Beth looks at me.
You should've been a priest," she says.
"Me?" I say with a laugh, "I like sex too much."
"You think about this kind of stuff a lot though."
"It's a curse sometimes," I say, "Trust me."
"Well, thanks for telling me that story."
We go back inside and get to work. A vague unsettled feeling falls over me. At first I think I feel weird after waxing all philosophical outside. Truth be told? Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.
No. That isn't it. The funk stays with me all night.
When I get home I turn on the computer and start to write. I can't think of anything so I write about my conversation with Beth. Writing this blog can be tedious at times. I can't seem to wrestle my words into coherent form. Then again I can't seem to write anything lately. I've been a bit depressed. It's been almost a year since my ex and I broke up.
I grab a beer and go out on the porch. I listen to the wind stir the leaves in the trees.
Then I hear the demons.
They whisper about promises not kept and promise unfulfilled. They mock my choices, dangling before me lives and possibilities that could have been. The demons chatter incessantly, their voices growing. They are many. They are Legion.
The lights of passing cars cast a flickering pattern of light and shadow across the floor.
One of the shadows lingers.
"You're a failure," it whispers.
I look towards the corner. The shadow congeals, grows darker, and rises from the floor.
Standing erect the yawning blackness moves to within an inch of my face.
This is my demon.
"And you will be alone until the day you die," it hisses malevolently.
Suddenly I understand why I've felt unsettled since talking to Beth.
My name is Legion.
When I was talking to Beth I was preaching to myself. I'm the crazed man living amongst the tombs. I'm the one who needs to be saved.
I've been alone for a while now and I've just begun to realize how loneliness can maim the spirit. Over the past couple of months I've noticed its corrosive effects.
The demon waits. Patiently
I want someone to pluck me off the side of the road and love me with total abandon. I'm not talking about God here, not something ephemeral, but a woman, a flesh and blood woman. A woman who'll cast out my self doubt and drive it into the lake to be drowned. A woman who thinks I'm worth everything.
Maybe I'm being selfish or overly romantic. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I have to change things before that happens.
But human love, with all its heat and tumult, with all its disappointments and triumph, is still the closet thing we have to heaven on earth.
Suddenly a woman whose face I cannot see is at my side. She gently caresses my cheek. I can hear her laugh. I can smell her smell. For the first time in a long time I feel a stirring of hope.
Besides, I'm due for a little kick ass redemption.
A faint smile appears on my face.
"Why don't you take a flying leap and go fuck yourself," I tell the demon.
The demon retreats into his corner and disappears.
Well, it wasn't exactly the Rite of Exorcism, but it worked.
I put down my beer. As I get ready for bed, the crystalline laughter of a young woman floats in through the window. I pull back the curtains. A girl and boy stroll down the street arm in arm.
I go to bed.
I guess my name isn't Legion after all.
____________________________________________________________________
This came from a blog site I enjoy - although I don't agree with all he writes. This time, I wanted some input from some of you.
It was at the point where he is saying he is lost, and wants someone to "pluck him off the side of the road", that my heart was torn. It isn't God that he is looking for, but a woman. I do agree that a marriage between man and wife, when built on a foundation of God is pretty close to heaven, but so is being a mom and the love you have for your child. It is only through God that we can claim our name is not Legion, to fight off the Legion, not in our human relationships. It is only through Him that we are not wandering through the tombs of the graveyard.
It also hit me how so many don't know the Bible, which I so often take for granted. I hit me that I am not doing my job as well as I need to be.
I love his point of God's sense of economy and it got me wondering, exactly where do I have my treasure. I'll be honest, sometimes I look at the less fortunate and my first thought is they are so lazy.
It needs to be, "What Legions are they fighting?", doesn't it.
LEGION
Beth and I are sitting outside waiting for our shift to start. Claude, our local homeless guy, shuffles past us.
"Hi Claude," Beth says cheerily.
Claude makes no indication that he hears her.
"How ya doing Claude?" I ask. He usually responds to me.
Claude ignores me and strikes up a conversation with a lamppost. Mumbling something about the government taking away his house he kicks the lamppost and walks away.
"I've never seen him do that before," Beth whispers.
"Must be off his meds," I reply.
"He hears voices, right?" Beth asks.
"Yep."
"How sad."
Watching Claude as he disappears around the corner I remember a line from the Gospel of Mark.
"My name is Legion, for we are many," I sigh.
Beth looks at me quizzically.
"It's a line from the Bible," I explain, "Seemed appropriate for Claude."
"I'm not familiar with it," Beth says.
"Jesus was going to this town to preach," I begin to explain, "Along the way he encounters a guy kinda like Claude. The guy's a real mess; possessed by demons, living in a cemetery, screaming and yelling all day, cutting himself up with sharp stones."
"Sounds like a nut," Beth says, "What happens?"
Jesus asks the man his name. The man replies, "My name is Legion, for we are many."
"Sounds like he was hearing voices," Beth says, "Just like Claude."
"Maybe," I reply, "In any case, Jesus takes pity on the man and casts the demons into a herd of swine. The pigs, about two thousand of them, run off the edge of a cliff and drown themselves in a lake."
"Wow," Beth says, "What happened to the crazy guy?"
"He was completely healed."
"I wish that would happen with Claude."
"That'd be nice - but that's not the meaning of the story," I say.
"What is?" Beth asks.
"When the people in the town hear about the pigs going into the drink they're terrified. They go tell Jesus to take a hike. They don't want him anywhere near their city."
"Why?" Beth asks.
I sigh and look at my watch, "Are you up for a mini theology lesson?"
Beth smiles. "I've got nothing better to do," she says.
"What were Jews doing raising pigs?" I ask.
"Huh?" Beth says.
"Pigs are unclean animals. Jews are not supposed to eat them. Why is there a herd of pigs outside of a Jewish town?"
"I don't know."
"Well, there were non kosher people living in Israel at that time too; Roman soldiers, Greeks, Phoenicians. Someone in that town was selling those pigs to make money."
"I don't follow," Beth says.
"Bottom line," I say, "That herd of pigs was somebody's business."
"Ok."
"And Jesus destroyed that business without a second thought. Destroyed it for someone he didn't even know."
"Wow."
"What do you think would happen if a Holy Man came along and cured Claude of his demons - but destroyed the Bistro in the process?"
"I'd be out of a job."
"Would you like that?"
"No."
"Does that jibe with how you think of God?" I ask, "Him throwing you out of work?"
"Not at all."
"But that's precisely what happened with the pigs. You better believe the guy tending those pigs lost his job. Maybe he caught a beating too."
"That's not a very nice thing for God to do," Beth says.
"Beth," I reply, "God isn't always nice."
"Guess not."
"The world places no value in people like Claude and the possessed man," I say, "What do you think they're worth?"
"I don't know."
"To us they're nothing. But to God they're everything."
Beth is silent.
"I think God's sense of economy is very different from our own - so different it's scary. To him the plight of one vagrant is more important than all the money in the world. And He'll plunder our treasure to save him."
"That would piss people off," Beth says.
"You bet it would," I reply, "But maybe we get pissed because we realize we've been investing in the wrong kind of treasure. If we all acted like human beings, if our treasure was compassion, people like Claude might have it a little easier."
"True."
"The townspeople, instead of being happy that their brother was saved, send Jesus away. They're only interested in maintaining the status quo and their own comfort. They're unwilling to open their hearts. So, in the end, the townspeople were possessed by demons far worse than anything inside Legion. That's the true meaning of the story."
Beth looks at me.
You should've been a priest," she says.
"Me?" I say with a laugh, "I like sex too much."
"You think about this kind of stuff a lot though."
"It's a curse sometimes," I say, "Trust me."
"Well, thanks for telling me that story."
We go back inside and get to work. A vague unsettled feeling falls over me. At first I think I feel weird after waxing all philosophical outside. Truth be told? Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.
No. That isn't it. The funk stays with me all night.
When I get home I turn on the computer and start to write. I can't think of anything so I write about my conversation with Beth. Writing this blog can be tedious at times. I can't seem to wrestle my words into coherent form. Then again I can't seem to write anything lately. I've been a bit depressed. It's been almost a year since my ex and I broke up.
I grab a beer and go out on the porch. I listen to the wind stir the leaves in the trees.
Then I hear the demons.
They whisper about promises not kept and promise unfulfilled. They mock my choices, dangling before me lives and possibilities that could have been. The demons chatter incessantly, their voices growing. They are many. They are Legion.
The lights of passing cars cast a flickering pattern of light and shadow across the floor.
One of the shadows lingers.
"You're a failure," it whispers.
I look towards the corner. The shadow congeals, grows darker, and rises from the floor.
Standing erect the yawning blackness moves to within an inch of my face.
This is my demon.
"And you will be alone until the day you die," it hisses malevolently.
Suddenly I understand why I've felt unsettled since talking to Beth.
My name is Legion.
When I was talking to Beth I was preaching to myself. I'm the crazed man living amongst the tombs. I'm the one who needs to be saved.
I've been alone for a while now and I've just begun to realize how loneliness can maim the spirit. Over the past couple of months I've noticed its corrosive effects.
The demon waits. Patiently
I want someone to pluck me off the side of the road and love me with total abandon. I'm not talking about God here, not something ephemeral, but a woman, a flesh and blood woman. A woman who'll cast out my self doubt and drive it into the lake to be drowned. A woman who thinks I'm worth everything.
Maybe I'm being selfish or overly romantic. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I have to change things before that happens.
But human love, with all its heat and tumult, with all its disappointments and triumph, is still the closet thing we have to heaven on earth.
Suddenly a woman whose face I cannot see is at my side. She gently caresses my cheek. I can hear her laugh. I can smell her smell. For the first time in a long time I feel a stirring of hope.
Besides, I'm due for a little kick ass redemption.
A faint smile appears on my face.
"Why don't you take a flying leap and go fuck yourself," I tell the demon.
The demon retreats into his corner and disappears.
Well, it wasn't exactly the Rite of Exorcism, but it worked.
I put down my beer. As I get ready for bed, the crystalline laughter of a young woman floats in through the window. I pull back the curtains. A girl and boy stroll down the street arm in arm.
I go to bed.
I guess my name isn't Legion after all.
____________________________________________________________________
This came from a blog site I enjoy - although I don't agree with all he writes. This time, I wanted some input from some of you.
It was at the point where he is saying he is lost, and wants someone to "pluck him off the side of the road", that my heart was torn. It isn't God that he is looking for, but a woman. I do agree that a marriage between man and wife, when built on a foundation of God is pretty close to heaven, but so is being a mom and the love you have for your child. It is only through God that we can claim our name is not Legion, to fight off the Legion, not in our human relationships. It is only through Him that we are not wandering through the tombs of the graveyard.
It also hit me how so many don't know the Bible, which I so often take for granted. I hit me that I am not doing my job as well as I need to be.
I love his point of God's sense of economy and it got me wondering, exactly where do I have my treasure. I'll be honest, sometimes I look at the less fortunate and my first thought is they are so lazy.
It needs to be, "What Legions are they fighting?", doesn't it.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Mom's have bragging rights.
I have to share this past weekend in regard to Nichalas.
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF HIM......
He and three friends participated in the Midwest Monster Race. They were the youngest participates ever in the history of the race. They haven't let anyone under 18 before, as it is so taxing mentally and physically. Our team was awesome in their sportsmanship, team work, endurance, determination, everything.
This race consisted of.........
A 40 mile bike ride over roads and rough terrain. During this ride one team member dove into the swimming pool (Brrr) to collect 2 gold coins, 3 IL quarters from a pile on the bottom. They also had to paddle two inner tubes across the Quincy Bay and back. Upon arriving back at South Park they had to each carry one 40lb sandbag around the entire walking path and then complete 8 different obstacle courses. Next they ran 5 miles to Quinsippi Island where they had to move a sandbag pile from point A across the field to point B, dig a 36in hole with a post hole digger and complete a navigation course collecting 5 different city names. Then onward for another 7 mile run back to South Park to complete the race.
They finished (7 teams dropped out) in a little over 11 hours. One of the top placing team members was 63! This has so motivated me into getting into shape. If everything works out, I may be on a team with Nichalas, and two of my cousins. Curt and Adam aren't as excited as I am about this so I am unable to get a commitment from them. Although they are probably thinking about getting me committed, and not into this race!
Another thing this has motivated me to do is the Great Rivers Bike Ride. They average 60 miles a day for a week. My cousin is interested, as is my mom! Mom and dad said they would follow us in their camper so we wouldn't have to tent it.
Now - if I can figure out how to leave my business for one week, I mean really leave it behind, and enjoy the time off. Or perhaps I will have to wait a few years.
Either way - it feels so wonderful to be motivated again.
I also am now only 2lbs away from my goal weight! Not that it is the weight I want to weigh, but after six weeks of maintaining that or under - no more $$$$$$ to the WWLPP!
I AM SO VERY PROUD OF HIM......
He and three friends participated in the Midwest Monster Race. They were the youngest participates ever in the history of the race. They haven't let anyone under 18 before, as it is so taxing mentally and physically. Our team was awesome in their sportsmanship, team work, endurance, determination, everything.
This race consisted of.........
A 40 mile bike ride over roads and rough terrain. During this ride one team member dove into the swimming pool (Brrr) to collect 2 gold coins, 3 IL quarters from a pile on the bottom. They also had to paddle two inner tubes across the Quincy Bay and back. Upon arriving back at South Park they had to each carry one 40lb sandbag around the entire walking path and then complete 8 different obstacle courses. Next they ran 5 miles to Quinsippi Island where they had to move a sandbag pile from point A across the field to point B, dig a 36in hole with a post hole digger and complete a navigation course collecting 5 different city names. Then onward for another 7 mile run back to South Park to complete the race.
They finished (7 teams dropped out) in a little over 11 hours. One of the top placing team members was 63! This has so motivated me into getting into shape. If everything works out, I may be on a team with Nichalas, and two of my cousins. Curt and Adam aren't as excited as I am about this so I am unable to get a commitment from them. Although they are probably thinking about getting me committed, and not into this race!
Another thing this has motivated me to do is the Great Rivers Bike Ride. They average 60 miles a day for a week. My cousin is interested, as is my mom! Mom and dad said they would follow us in their camper so we wouldn't have to tent it.
Now - if I can figure out how to leave my business for one week, I mean really leave it behind, and enjoy the time off. Or perhaps I will have to wait a few years.
Either way - it feels so wonderful to be motivated again.
I also am now only 2lbs away from my goal weight! Not that it is the weight I want to weigh, but after six weeks of maintaining that or under - no more $$$$$$ to the WWLPP!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Run, Tami, Run
It was a marvelously bright, clear, cool morning, and hundreds of spectators had gathered on the hillsides to witness the Texas Regional Cross-Country Races at Mae Simmons Park. Most of the spectators were parents and family members who had traveled many miles, in some cases hundreds, to watch just one race. Their faces were intent, their eyes always fastened on the only runner they were interested in, and often when the runners were far away and could not hear their shouts of encouragement, still their lips would move, mouthing the precious, familiar names, and one other word. Sometimes they would say the name audibly but softly, as if for no ears but their own, and yet it seemed that they hoped to be heard.
"Run, Jimmy," they whispered urgently. "Run, Tracy, Run."
The cross-country race is two miles for girls, three for boys. It is a grueling run - physically and mentally exhausting - over hills and rough terrain. There were ten races that morning, beginning with class 5A boys and girls. Each race had from 80 to 120 competitors. The course ended where it began, but at times the runners were nearly a half mile away.
As the class 5A girls' race came to a close, I watched a forty plus year old mother - who was wearing patent leather shoes and a skirt and carrying a purse - run the last 100 yards beside her daughter.
She saw no other runners. As she ran awkwardly, her long, dark hair came undone and was streaming out behind her. Giving no thought to the spectacle she made, she cried,
"Run, Tami, Run! Run, Tami, Run!"
There were hundreds of people crowing in shouts and screaming, but this mother was determined to be heard. "Run, Tami, Run!" she pleaded. The girl had no chance to win, and the voice of her mother, whose heart was bursting with exertion and emotion, was not urging her to win.
She was urging her to finish.
The girl was in trouble. Her muscles were cramping; her breath came in ragged gasps; her stride was broken. She was in the last stages of weariness, just before collapse. But when she heard her mother's voice, a marvelous transformation took place. The girl straightened, she found her balance, her bearing, her rhythm - and she finished. She crossed the finish line, turned and collapsed into the arms of her mother.
They fell down together on the grass and then cried, and then they laughed. They were having the best time together, like there was no one else in the world but them. God, I thought, this is beautiful. Thank you for letting me see it.
As I drove away from Mae Simmons Park, I couldn't get that scene off my mind. A whole morning of outstanding performances had merged into a single happening. I thought of my own children and of a race they are running - a different and far more important race, a race that requires even greater stamina, courage, and character. I am a spectator in that race also. I have helped them train, I have pleaded, instructed, threatened, punished, prayed, praised, laughed, and cried. I have even tried to familiarize them with the course. But now the gun is up, and their race has begun, and I am a spectator. My heart is bursting - I see no other runners.
Sometimes their courses take them far from me, and yet I whisper,
"Run, children, Run."
They do not hear, but there is One who does. Occasionally they grow weary because the race is long and demands such sacrifice. They witness hypocrisy, and there are many voices that call to them to quit this race, telling them that they cannot possibly win. They lose sight of their goal, and they falter and stumble and I cry,
"Run, children, run. Please run."
And when they come to the last 100 yards - how I long to be there, to run beside them. What if I am gone, and there is no one to whisper, to shout, "Run" in their ears? What if they lose sight of the great truth that in this race, it is finishing that counts?
Dear God, please hear my prayer.
If they cannot hear my voice, if I must watch from beyond this arena, please run beside them as You have so often run beside me. Strengthen their knees that they might finish.
And when they cross that eternal finish line, may I be there to embrace them and welcome them home.
May we cry and laugh and spend eternity together.
Rocking Chair Tales - John Wallen Smith
"Run, Jimmy," they whispered urgently. "Run, Tracy, Run."
The cross-country race is two miles for girls, three for boys. It is a grueling run - physically and mentally exhausting - over hills and rough terrain. There were ten races that morning, beginning with class 5A boys and girls. Each race had from 80 to 120 competitors. The course ended where it began, but at times the runners were nearly a half mile away.
As the class 5A girls' race came to a close, I watched a forty plus year old mother - who was wearing patent leather shoes and a skirt and carrying a purse - run the last 100 yards beside her daughter.
She saw no other runners. As she ran awkwardly, her long, dark hair came undone and was streaming out behind her. Giving no thought to the spectacle she made, she cried,
"Run, Tami, Run! Run, Tami, Run!"
There were hundreds of people crowing in shouts and screaming, but this mother was determined to be heard. "Run, Tami, Run!" she pleaded. The girl had no chance to win, and the voice of her mother, whose heart was bursting with exertion and emotion, was not urging her to win.
She was urging her to finish.
The girl was in trouble. Her muscles were cramping; her breath came in ragged gasps; her stride was broken. She was in the last stages of weariness, just before collapse. But when she heard her mother's voice, a marvelous transformation took place. The girl straightened, she found her balance, her bearing, her rhythm - and she finished. She crossed the finish line, turned and collapsed into the arms of her mother.
They fell down together on the grass and then cried, and then they laughed. They were having the best time together, like there was no one else in the world but them. God, I thought, this is beautiful. Thank you for letting me see it.
As I drove away from Mae Simmons Park, I couldn't get that scene off my mind. A whole morning of outstanding performances had merged into a single happening. I thought of my own children and of a race they are running - a different and far more important race, a race that requires even greater stamina, courage, and character. I am a spectator in that race also. I have helped them train, I have pleaded, instructed, threatened, punished, prayed, praised, laughed, and cried. I have even tried to familiarize them with the course. But now the gun is up, and their race has begun, and I am a spectator. My heart is bursting - I see no other runners.
Sometimes their courses take them far from me, and yet I whisper,
"Run, children, Run."
They do not hear, but there is One who does. Occasionally they grow weary because the race is long and demands such sacrifice. They witness hypocrisy, and there are many voices that call to them to quit this race, telling them that they cannot possibly win. They lose sight of their goal, and they falter and stumble and I cry,
"Run, children, run. Please run."
And when they come to the last 100 yards - how I long to be there, to run beside them. What if I am gone, and there is no one to whisper, to shout, "Run" in their ears? What if they lose sight of the great truth that in this race, it is finishing that counts?
Dear God, please hear my prayer.
If they cannot hear my voice, if I must watch from beyond this arena, please run beside them as You have so often run beside me. Strengthen their knees that they might finish.
And when they cross that eternal finish line, may I be there to embrace them and welcome them home.
May we cry and laugh and spend eternity together.
Rocking Chair Tales - John Wallen Smith
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Our own worst enemy.
Why do you suppose that most persons paint themselves in such an ugly portrait, when those looking in see such beauty? Why do you suppose that most persons talk/think of themselves in a way they would never talk to/of someone else. Or why is it that we are always so quick to point out our downfalls, brush off compliments, think the worst of who, how we are?
Why is it that usually, WE are our worst enemy?
After all, it is in God's image that we are created. We are all made by Him, therefore, we ALL have His goodness within us. Yes, some of us discard it, cover it up fairly well, yet we all start out with it. Even those darling little monster children, who became monsters due to lazy parenting......that is a whole other issue.
I wish I knew how to convey what it means to read the comments on my blog. How uplifting and surprising that I am thought of the way I am. I wish that I wasn't surprised - that I already believed the goodness about me. Not to be big headed, but to be In Him, knowing me, seeing me, and particularly LOVING me - as He does. As apparently quite a few others do also.
I wish that others who struggle with this enemy would have the same thing. To be in that place in Him. To not fall to the lies that we create about ourselves. Even those who have had a pretty good upbringing fall prey to the lies. Is it society that teaches us that it is conceited to think and recognize the best things about ourselves? Why is it that we are so able to love others, some pretty unlovely, and yet not ourselves?
I wish that everyone would drop the barriers. That the things they usually reserve for the time after the person is dead, will be said while they are living. I wish that everyone who is hearing these things will believe. Not because it makes them feel better, but because it makes Him shine brighter. You see, when we discard the lies, the junk, the darkness, He is even brighter. And the brighter He becomes in "Me", the less "Me' begins to matter. The day that I fall in love with "Me" as He loves "Me", I have finally found that secure place in Him. For you see, He is what really matters. Not "Me". (It's really not all about ME!)
I am amazed as I go through each day the many, many blessings that come my way. The simple things, the big item things. Just so many. My relationship with Him, His word, my family, friends. The amazing thing called oxygen and that my lungs, my body processes it. That God made us to walk upright, how our necks hold our heads up all day. The persons He puts into your life when He knows you need them, when you don't even have a clue. How man has been gifted to create so many things and utilize them. Cars, mowers, computers, toasters, dish soap, shampoo, medicines, so much.
I wish that all who correspond with me through this site will know how very much they have come to mean to me. How it is only through Him that such a bond exist. How I so enjoy reading about your lives, your thoughts, about you.
My prayer is that each of you will truly and without a doubt believe and know -
O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thought from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the day, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of the came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you!
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139.
Why is it that usually, WE are our worst enemy?
After all, it is in God's image that we are created. We are all made by Him, therefore, we ALL have His goodness within us. Yes, some of us discard it, cover it up fairly well, yet we all start out with it. Even those darling little monster children, who became monsters due to lazy parenting......that is a whole other issue.
I wish I knew how to convey what it means to read the comments on my blog. How uplifting and surprising that I am thought of the way I am. I wish that I wasn't surprised - that I already believed the goodness about me. Not to be big headed, but to be In Him, knowing me, seeing me, and particularly LOVING me - as He does. As apparently quite a few others do also.
I wish that others who struggle with this enemy would have the same thing. To be in that place in Him. To not fall to the lies that we create about ourselves. Even those who have had a pretty good upbringing fall prey to the lies. Is it society that teaches us that it is conceited to think and recognize the best things about ourselves? Why is it that we are so able to love others, some pretty unlovely, and yet not ourselves?
I wish that everyone would drop the barriers. That the things they usually reserve for the time after the person is dead, will be said while they are living. I wish that everyone who is hearing these things will believe. Not because it makes them feel better, but because it makes Him shine brighter. You see, when we discard the lies, the junk, the darkness, He is even brighter. And the brighter He becomes in "Me", the less "Me' begins to matter. The day that I fall in love with "Me" as He loves "Me", I have finally found that secure place in Him. For you see, He is what really matters. Not "Me". (It's really not all about ME!)
I am amazed as I go through each day the many, many blessings that come my way. The simple things, the big item things. Just so many. My relationship with Him, His word, my family, friends. The amazing thing called oxygen and that my lungs, my body processes it. That God made us to walk upright, how our necks hold our heads up all day. The persons He puts into your life when He knows you need them, when you don't even have a clue. How man has been gifted to create so many things and utilize them. Cars, mowers, computers, toasters, dish soap, shampoo, medicines, so much.
I wish that all who correspond with me through this site will know how very much they have come to mean to me. How it is only through Him that such a bond exist. How I so enjoy reading about your lives, your thoughts, about you.
My prayer is that each of you will truly and without a doubt believe and know -
O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thought from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the day, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of the came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you!
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139.
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