Thursday, April 07, 2005
Love's a funny thing
My cousin, Derick, just had a baby boy, whom they named Cooper. I am dying to send them a congrats note with a picture of Nichalas' dog (whose name is also Cooper) saying, "I hope your Cooper is better looking than ours!". I would in a heartbeat, except I don't know how his wife, Lisa, would take it. They had chosen the name Jackson, until there were two other babes born in the ward that day, given that name. Wanting to be different they went with Cooper. I would hate that they'd have to go through all the legal stuff to change it now. Besides, I imagine every time Lisa would look at her Cooper, she'd see ours. Not a very pretty pic.
Anyway, I was thinking about how much you can love your child. From the very first moment. No strings, unconditional, pure love. I remember becoming preg with Nichalas and being upset that I couldn't love another child as much as our first, Adam. It was no prob. Amazing how our hearts can do this. And then I thought about how much I love Curt. This year marks our 23rd year. What a lot of ups and downs. Thankfully, we are more ups than downs now days. How amazing it is that you can be with someone that many days and still desire their company, drink in their ways with my eyes. How I love to watch him with the boys, the animals. I just love to watch him. He delights my soul. Okay, maybe not 100% of the time, but pretty close.
I haven't many close friends. Mainly because I am lazy and connect well with the ones that you pick up where you left off at. The ones I do have - God hand chose them. They hold me accountable, they love me as I am, they love my family as their own. Most of all, they love the Lord above all. Interesting that as I have aged God has given me those closest in my heart ones that are after His heart.
So here in my body sits this muscle the size of my fist. Not all that big, but look at all it contains. So many levels, such intensity. I look at all the things that are in it and realize that even more than ANYTHING, I love Him so much more. Kinda like the vessel of neverending oil. There isn't any limit. It pains my heart knowing the times that I have hurt His, yet He loved me anyway. The time I have wasted, He used His way. The people He put into it, I grew from. How can anyone make it without Him in their hearts.
That leads me to what has been bothering me since the Pope died. I read the headlines - We are lost, We are Orphans, We are alone. Yes, he was a godly man, who did great things, but he was still just a man. (lighting didn't strike me) All these millions of people going to see his body, that were praying for him before and after his death. How many have the same level of love for God? For Christ? To me it is a lack of faith to put all that into someone you can see and not into the Lord. Then I hear how the people want the next pope to be more lenient. The verse of "tickling the ears" comes to mind. I am thankful that he stood firm and didn't abide by the popular vote. That his love for God was so much bigger than that. I pray that all the millions of people who feel orphaned will realize that through Christ they never will be. That through their pain they will develop an intimate relationship with Him.
So I look at this little four letter word - L O V E. What a very, very big word it is.