Yesterday evening, in the driveway by their car, my family stood in a circle holding hands and prayed to our ABBA. Selfishly asking for safe travels, to keep two pieces of our hearts, Nichalas and Jacob, on this earth awhile longer, before they departed on their journey to Phoenix. After I stood at the end of the walk watching their red taillights turn out of sight, I have been continually praying. keeping busy. My heart hurt most at seeing the tears from both of our sons as they hugged each other. Hearing them whisper, "I love you" to each other. How a mama hates seeing her children hurt. Even if because of the great and close love they share.
The clock read 3:30 am and I found myself kneeling before Him, feeling His Hand on my head as we conversed. I am reminded over and over through His Words - "He picked me". In the times of my weakest moment, when I want nothing more than to break into heart wrenching sobs, He gave me the image of Mary. A young woman, dropping to her knees, no longer able to stand, because of the heart wrenching pain in seeing her son, her baby, nailed onto The Cross.
He gave me the image of this woman who drew her strength to endure from her Lord.
He gave me perception that in Him there is never an eternal separation.
Even now, I know I am only able to perceive an inkling of what she endured being the mommy of our Savior.
I love how our ABBA gives us comfort in no matter the age of our child, we will always be blessed by the brief glimpse of yesterdays.
Our ABBA gave Mary the blessing of seeing her son again after His sacrifice on The Cross. I can only imagine what it must of been like to realize without doubt she was the mommy of The Son of God. I don't have to imagine though what it is like to be the mommy of children of God.
He has given us the blessing of bringing Adam back to live nearby. To work with and see him most days. I love the memories we are making with his family. To have another daughter in love, Ashley, whom I am falling more in love with each passing day. To hear Charlie and Ella call out, "Grandma Deby" on a regular basis. The life they are bringing into our home through their laughter, sounds of little feet running and playing.
He has given me strength to overcome the ache within my heart of having Nichalas and Amber so far away. They are on the mission field for and in Him. He has comforted me in blessing upon blessing, of seeing their fruits for Him, to help overcome the selfishness of wanting them close by. He has also shown me it is all about His time and His way. He has given me joy and hope in hearing their plans to move back here one day.
He has given me strength to be content and thankful in all situations.
To be thankful for the gifts of Skype, cell phone, and internet in today's way of being together.
He has given me recognition how blessed we are for any time spent together.
Just as He "picked" Mary to be the mommy of our Savior, He handpicked me to be the mommy of Adam, Nichalas, and our two in Heaven, mom in love to our Ashley and Amber, and Grandma Deby to our Charles, Ella and our future grandchildren.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude. with the honor. with the joy.