Tuesday, August 23, 2016

"Face to Face" 08/23-16 - Lamentations 3:37-5:22

"You came close when I called out.
You said, ‘It’s going to be all right."(3:57)


It may be the changing of the season. 
It may be due to all the first day of school pictures from others bringing back floods of memories with our Adam and Nichalas were little. 
I imagine it is a combination of all, plus a lot more. 
But lately, more often than not, my heart has been hit with that deep down ache to have all of our family here together.  Keeping busy helps. It helps me from thinking, counting, wishing, crying.

How blessed I am for being in an age of modern technology, to be able to speak or even see them through Skype. How blessed I am for remembering and taking out special memories to carry me through until the next time of being together.  After having all of our kids gone at once, I don't take any moments for granted. My life over runneth with blessings.

But sometimes.......
When it is the three of us working together at our business, the three of us when it had always been the four and now eight. Watching Curt and Adam as they talk or goof around, missing the third man of our hearts. Hearing bits of conversation from Adam's end when talking to Nichalas, the missing him coming through in his voice. Hearing him say, "I love you" before hanging up. Knowing they speak often and from their hearts, not superficially . Having some of our "kids" over for supper and wishing I could pick up the phone and include Nichalas/Amber.

Just being able to see them face to face and be in their presence.
There isn't a day which goes by that I don't think about and whisper up a "hello" to our two in Heaven.  I find days where I struggle knowing it will be a total of six months before seeing Nichalas and Amber again "face to face".   I try to shake it off and "buck up". To focus on all I am blessed with.  Adam, Ashley, Charlie and Ella all living here.  Seeing and being with them regularly.  Knowing there are other mom's out there who won't be seeing their children and haven't for much longer.  Some I know endure the separation until meeting in Heaven.  I try to keep the right perspective.  To not feel sorry for myself.  To see the blessings in all the lives they are touching as Warriors for our ABBA in this far away place He is using them.  
Yet there are moments when memories creep in and I find myself trying not to cry. 

And in those moments I think about how much ABBA missed His Son those three days when separated after The Cross. I think about how much His Son missed His ABBA - His Daddy.
What I am experiencing is nothing compared to what they endured.

Endured because of Love. Endured because it was the only way I could be, we could be, with our ABBA - eternally.

Blessed and thankful for this ache in my heart - as it is a reminder of just how much my ABBA loves and desires me.

 Because the all of Him desires to wrap His arms around me as we look face to face.  To be in my presence.  To "come close when I call out."
To be near and whisper in my ear, "It’s going to be all right."

No comments: