Confession: I am an emotional eater.
All of my life I have struggled with emotional eating. It wasn't until I had Adam that my metabolism couldn't keep up with the amount of food I consumed. Looking back and knowing I was able to out eat most men and still be super skinny, is probably why I never recognized I had an eating problem.
And I do.
I do very much enjoy food. I enjoy watching cooking shows, talking/trying recipes cooking/feeding others. I very much enjoy the different taste, textures, the way different things explode in your mouth and take over - like chocolate.
There isn't anything wrong with enjoying food, but ABBA opened my eyes to the fact I was stuffing in large amounts of food, trying to fill a void. A huge void.
Today I am finding more and more often I am now turning to Him, rather than to food. The food has pretty much become something I need for nourishment. Through Him I am able to stop eating when my stomach is full and fight off the temptation of eating just to be eating. Or rather stuffing.
He has made me aware whenever I am encountering the past, I fight the urge to run to the candy stuffing aisle. Whenever sadness, fear, anxiousness, doubt, tries to envelope me, it is the savory, fat laden comfort foods I begin to crave. Whenever He is drawing me out of my comfort zone - sweets take over my imagination.
He is showing me how I need to instead turn to Him.
My body and mind have/are paying the price for this type of eating.
As I am aging, I am finding the excess weight just doesn't want to leave. It has affected my knees, my energy level, my activities, my emotions. Embarrassment has been the garment I would pick up and wear when going out in public. I sometimes allowed it to keep me from doing work for Him.
It has been an interesting discovery how ABBA has not only been cleansing my spiritual being, He has also been working on my physical and emotional. They are all tied in together.
I will never be the twig I was back in the days before Adam, nor do I want to be. There is a thing as too skinny. He has brought me to realizing it isn't only healthy and to be physically able I am striving for, it is to be spiritually and emotionally healed.
It is exciting to allow Him to completely heal and consume the all of me. It is exciting to recognize food or something else just doesn't fill me up, nor do I want "it" to. It is exciting to recognize He has been the only way I am able to take food for what it is. Nourishment and pleasure in healthy amounts. It is also exciting to accept "me" and know I am continually striving to be better in all areas of my life, including the physical. He has opened my eyes to see it took much longer than overnight to accumulate the excess pounds I am carrying, so it will take much longer than overnight to lose it. (No matter how much I desire it to be gone - overnight).
There is no other substitution for Him.
Only He is able to fill the "God-void" He created within us.
Nothing or no one else.
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