" King David heard the whole story and was enraged, but he didn’t discipline Amnon.
David doted on him because he was his firstborn. "
(2 Samuel 13:21)
I have often wondered why David took the "ostrich approach" when it came to being a parent. After the rape of his daughter Tamar, she would have felt worthless, but to have her father not hold Amnon, her brother, her rapist, accountable, I don't know how she endured the pain. Although Absalom, her brother took her into his home, he told her, "But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart"(13:20). Really???
David's "ostrich approach" caused so much pain. division. heartache.
His lack of holding Amnon accountable caused Absalom to wait two full years in seeking revenge for his sister through the killing of their brother. It is admirable how he was towards his sister, even naming his daughter after her, but he held onto the anger and bitterness. For two years he spent his life planning, waiting, growing a hardened heart. He allowed the sin of his brother to rob him of a life God wanted for him.
David's lack of holding Amnon accountable most likely destroyed any relationship he had or would have with Tamar. It also was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Absalom. I imagine also with the children of Absalom. The ripples were being felt down the line.
Throughout Scripture we are shown how favoritism towards another human corrupts the family unit which God created. He didn’t intend for a parent to love or treat another child superior. And when a parent does, it creates a monster. The parent isn’t parenting, they are enabling. These monsters are a breeding ground for manipulation, lying, division, and sin.
I know those who are not favored or made the scapegoat, feel they never get a break. They grow accustomed to having the worst believed about them, and being instructed their behavior must change to conform to those who are favored. It sometimes seems how everyone is to treat the favored one is much like holding court for royalty.