It was exactly one year ago today my family was here in our living room at 5 in the morning, standing in a circle, holding hands and praying to our ABBA. Selfishly asking for safe travels, to keep two pieces of our hearts on this earth awhile longer, before they departed on their journey back to Phoenix. I remember from the moment I was standing at the end of the walk and seeing their red taillights turn out of sight, I kept busy. Reality didn't set in until I was spending my morning time in His Word and He spoke to me in this verse. We would not see them again until Christmas.
I remember in the nights leading up to their departure, sleep wasn't my companion. Again, I am finding myself in the same sleeplessness. I find myself fighting to not count down the days until next Wednesday knowing our next time will again be Christmas, God willing. I find myself thanking ABBA or and over for their time here and the wonderful memories we are making. I find myself thinking of others who are enduring heart pains, fighting for their lives, who have lost a child or loved one. I fight falling into the self pity party.
I have found myself kneeling before Him, feeling His Hand on my head as we conversed, His beautiful moon looking down through the window. I am reminded over and over through His Words - "He picked me". In the times of my weakest moment, when I want nothing more than to break into heart wrenching sobs, He gave me the image of Mary. A young woman, dropping to her knees, no longer able to stand, because of the heart wrenching pain in seeing her son, her baby, nailed onto The Cross.
He gave me the image of this woman who drew her strength to endure from her Lord.
He gave me perception that in Him there is never an eternal separation.
Mary.
Even now, I know I am only able to perceive an inkling of what she endured being the mommy of our Savior.
I love how our ABBA gives us comfort in no matter the age of our child, we will always be blessed by the brief glimpse of yesterdays.
There are moments when looking at our young men today, for a flicker of a second I will see the little boys from yesterdays in their eyes, a certain expression, the wrinkle of their nose. Their hands able to hold my whole hand in them, when just a few yesterdays it was mine that held all of theirs. Their smiles and antics as they make new memories cause me to remember all those times of watching them grow up as best friends. Conversations today are shared with whispered words from the past darting in and out from the keepsakes in my heart.
Our ABBA gave Mary the blessing of seeing her son again after His sacrifice on The Cross. I can only imagine what it must of been like to realize without doubt she was the mommy of The Son of God. I don't have to imagine though what it is like to be the mommy of children of God.
He has given us the blessing of bringing Adam back to live nearby, in seeing him grow and being used on the mission field of Quincy. I love seeing and being part of this team mission work with Adam. The families ABBA has brought into our lives through his friendships with their kids, brings such excitement as we are introducing them to ABBA.
He has given me strength to overcome the ache within my heart of having Nichalas/Amber so far away. They are on the mission field for and in Him. He has comforted me in blessing upon blessing, of seeing their fruits for Him, to overcome the selfishness of wanting them close by. He has also shown me it is all about His time and His way. He has given me joy in hearing their plans to move back here one day.
He has given me strength to be content and thankful in all situations.
To be thankful for the gifts of Skype, cell phone, and internet in today's way of being together.
He has given me recognition how blessed we are for any time spent together.
Just as He "picked" Mary to be the mommy of our Savior, He handpicked me to be the mommy of Adam, Nichalas, and our two in Heaven and our daughter-in-love, Amber.
He "hand picked" me to introduce our sons to their Bestest Friend - our Jesus.
Our Savior.
No comments:
Post a Comment