Job 33:29-30 "This is the way God works. Over and over again He pulls our souls back from certain destruction so we'll see the light—and live in the light!
How thankful I am for you and your control. Your way. Whenever I think back on the steps I have taken, and where I could be today without you, it shames and humbles me. How much you love me. How often you took care of me - even when I wasn't aware of your care. Through all the mistakes, you were there. Thank you.
I am so blessed - so grateful - so relieved and free - that because I am in you it is all wiped clean. No more.
Curt and I were talking last night about how when we think of how we parented - Adam especially - the way we snuffed out who you designed him to be - and tried to mold him into our image of the perfect child. It brings tears to my eyes and I even feel sick to my stomach. Curt does too.
That is my greatest wish for a do-over. How often I regret I was not the woman in God that I am today to raise them. How so very thankful I am that you are bigger than our mistakes. that you have taken both of them and they are men of you - in you. I pray Adam will forgive me - more than that - that I will forgive me.
I see now satan wants me to cling to those feelings of failure. Adam doesn't feel that way. I know he loves me and has said many times what a wonderful childhood he had. They have both shared often how they wish they could go back in time. Thank you for your wisdom that lives within me through your word. To speak truth to me when I hear the lies of satan and self.
Job 32:8 "It's God's Spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty One, that makes wise human insight possible." Only then am I able to see myself correctly - through you. "For I am fearfully and wonderfully made".
How your Word rebuilds me and strengthens me - corrects my vision.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
01/27/12 - Genealogy
Job 30-31
Job led a Godly life - and wondered "why him?" (Mat 5:45 keeps running through my mind of the rain falling on the righteous and unrighteous). As long as we live on this earth, no matter how closely we walk with God, there will always be some of the "fallout" affecting us. I am so thankful for His hedge of protection - to be under His umbrella that prevents "all" effects of sin to attack me. Even in Job - He put limits on satan.
Job makes me realize it isn't about the physical - it's about the spiritual battle. The battle for the soul. So like Job, no matter the damage to this physical life while on earth - I must as Paul says - not lose focus and finish the race. It again goes back to trust/faith/focus. TFF - no matter what.
And honestly, that can be scary to me. To lose all as Job did. And then I think of God. He who gave up His only Son for me. Again, my perspective is changed. As I think of myself, losing all I have (my family), I am scared, want to stop time. When I change and focus on Him - my Daddy - who gave up His "family" for me, I see love and yearn to be with Him. Focus - no matter what I go through will never be more than what He, Christ, and the Holy Spirit did for me.
I am thankful for how He is helping me relate - to see His Word as my genealogy. It is drawing me closer to Him. When I couldn't sleep this early am, I was going over the scriptures I had read and fell asleep between Joseph and Job. I love Joseph and all he is teaching me. I so look forward to meeting him and just listening to him. He has taught me it is "safe" to forgive and trust. To be vulnerable, because He will use it for His glory. I also was continuing to pray for the person He wants me to disciple. May I continue to watch through His eyes not mine.
Job led a Godly life - and wondered "why him?" (Mat 5:45 keeps running through my mind of the rain falling on the righteous and unrighteous). As long as we live on this earth, no matter how closely we walk with God, there will always be some of the "fallout" affecting us. I am so thankful for His hedge of protection - to be under His umbrella that prevents "all" effects of sin to attack me. Even in Job - He put limits on satan.
Job makes me realize it isn't about the physical - it's about the spiritual battle. The battle for the soul. So like Job, no matter the damage to this physical life while on earth - I must as Paul says - not lose focus and finish the race. It again goes back to trust/faith/focus. TFF - no matter what.
And honestly, that can be scary to me. To lose all as Job did. And then I think of God. He who gave up His only Son for me. Again, my perspective is changed. As I think of myself, losing all I have (my family), I am scared, want to stop time. When I change and focus on Him - my Daddy - who gave up His "family" for me, I see love and yearn to be with Him. Focus - no matter what I go through will never be more than what He, Christ, and the Holy Spirit did for me.
I am thankful for how He is helping me relate - to see His Word as my genealogy. It is drawing me closer to Him. When I couldn't sleep this early am, I was going over the scriptures I had read and fell asleep between Joseph and Job. I love Joseph and all he is teaching me. I so look forward to meeting him and just listening to him. He has taught me it is "safe" to forgive and trust. To be vulnerable, because He will use it for His glory. I also was continuing to pray for the person He wants me to disciple. May I continue to watch through His eyes not mine.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
01/26/12 - An onion
Job 28:27,28 He focused on Wisdom, made sure it was all set and tested and ready.
Then He addressed the human race: 'Here it is!
Fear-of-the-Lord—that's Wisdom,and Insight means shunning evil.'"
Do I shun evil? I feel like I am an onion and you are peeling off the layers. I have fallen in love with your wisdom. What a wonderful leader for my life. I know the issues I struggle with are its' way of cleansing me for you.
While sitting and listening in Disciple class last night, I am well aware that I sit in my comfort zone. Although I claim to love you so, I am still focusing so much on me and not on lost souls - or souls that you put into my life to disciple. I have always just been a "seed planter". Are you changing my job? Or is this about Curt? I could see that - I do see him as a disciple and I would be content to let him be our team leader. He has so much patience, gentleness, strength, wisdom - he really is a strong leader - he just hasn't seen himself that way - yet.
We have been challenged to pray every day for a person to disciple and see who God puts into our path. Help me to set aside me and focus on you. To look at the world through your eyes and not mine, so there aren't any souls I overlook. Only through your wisdom will this work - your words - your time - your way. It has to be all about you.
So today is day #1 that I begin praying for a person to disciple - please bring them into my life for you. What I hear you say through your scripture - I am giving you my Wisdom - the evil I want you to shun is that you serve your self - serve me instead.
Then He addressed the human race: 'Here it is!
Fear-of-the-Lord—that's Wisdom,and Insight means shunning evil.'"
Do I shun evil? I feel like I am an onion and you are peeling off the layers. I have fallen in love with your wisdom. What a wonderful leader for my life. I know the issues I struggle with are its' way of cleansing me for you.
While sitting and listening in Disciple class last night, I am well aware that I sit in my comfort zone. Although I claim to love you so, I am still focusing so much on me and not on lost souls - or souls that you put into my life to disciple. I have always just been a "seed planter". Are you changing my job? Or is this about Curt? I could see that - I do see him as a disciple and I would be content to let him be our team leader. He has so much patience, gentleness, strength, wisdom - he really is a strong leader - he just hasn't seen himself that way - yet.
We have been challenged to pray every day for a person to disciple and see who God puts into our path. Help me to set aside me and focus on you. To look at the world through your eyes and not mine, so there aren't any souls I overlook. Only through your wisdom will this work - your words - your time - your way. It has to be all about you.
So today is day #1 that I begin praying for a person to disciple - please bring them into my life for you. What I hear you say through your scripture - I am giving you my Wisdom - the evil I want you to shun is that you serve your self - serve me instead.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
01/25/12 - My Daddy
Job 23:16 "Is it any wonder that I dread meeting him? Whenever I think about it, I get scared all over again.God makes my heart sink! God Almighty gives me the shudders!"
How thankful I am to be In Christ, who I am resting In. My "defense lawyer", who has already won my case. My bridge to you - so I may have an intimate relationship with you. You - who are "I AM".
It blows me away when I think that YOU desire me. YOU - the creator of all, the God of all, the Most High - desire and love - me. For always have you done so - and for always - you shall continue to love me and draw me closer to you. I love that at any time I may climb up into your lap and share my joys, sorrows, just share. I love that YOU are my Daddy - my Abba.
You have been leading me to see my focus/faith/trust continually needs to be in you. You are helping me to take off, lay down and leave behind the burdens satan, and myself, have "shoulded" me into carrying all these years. Your Son has cleansed me whiter than snow.
As I shed the past, the anger, bitterness, shame - how delightful it feels. Youthful. It makes my heart and spirit feel youthful. The burdens I take on, the darkness of sin not only weighs me down, it ages me. I think of my friends who live/focus/delight in you, and their eyes - the windows of their soul - are so bright they twinkle. I want that. They are forever youthful. I am so thankful you are transforming me. That as I drink you in, delight transforms me.
How I love and adore you.
I've decided I need to keep a log of how Curt touches my heart, makes me smile - laugh each day - as I forget. Thank you for the smiles in my heart. You gave to me such a gift - all that I needed - in him - my Curt. Thank you - for I do so love him, our sons and daughter.
What a blessed life I have -
How thankful I am to be In Christ, who I am resting In. My "defense lawyer", who has already won my case. My bridge to you - so I may have an intimate relationship with you. You - who are "I AM".
It blows me away when I think that YOU desire me. YOU - the creator of all, the God of all, the Most High - desire and love - me. For always have you done so - and for always - you shall continue to love me and draw me closer to you. I love that at any time I may climb up into your lap and share my joys, sorrows, just share. I love that YOU are my Daddy - my Abba.
You have been leading me to see my focus/faith/trust continually needs to be in you. You are helping me to take off, lay down and leave behind the burdens satan, and myself, have "shoulded" me into carrying all these years. Your Son has cleansed me whiter than snow.
As I shed the past, the anger, bitterness, shame - how delightful it feels. Youthful. It makes my heart and spirit feel youthful. The burdens I take on, the darkness of sin not only weighs me down, it ages me. I think of my friends who live/focus/delight in you, and their eyes - the windows of their soul - are so bright they twinkle. I want that. They are forever youthful. I am so thankful you are transforming me. That as I drink you in, delight transforms me.
How I love and adore you.
I've decided I need to keep a log of how Curt touches my heart, makes me smile - laugh each day - as I forget. Thank you for the smiles in my heart. You gave to me such a gift - all that I needed - in him - my Curt. Thank you - for I do so love him, our sons and daughter.
What a blessed life I have -
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
01/24/12 The self-pity party
Job 21:4-22
As I read Job express his views on how unfair it is the wicked thrive - I then chew on verse 22 "But who are we to tell God how to run his affairs? He's dealing with matters that are way over our heads." Kinda puts things in perspective. Only He can see the whole paradigm.
It is my having faith and trust the He will make things right - He will seek/obtain revenge. Although I feel so vulnerable, I know I am taking steps to relinquish control (as though I actually have control lol). To focus on Him. What I can do for Him. Not wallow in self-pity - to rise above that and live for Him. Focus on Him - not compare or covet. Gets me in trouble every time. He takes care of me and provides what I need and many times what I want. It isn't about the stuff or the drama - it's about the spirit and souls.
My deepest prayer for the past year has/is to let go of all the anger and bitterness. To be free from it so when I encounter persons who "press the buttons of the past", I remain unfazed. I remain strong in Him, I remain so strong in Him that none of the Gifts of the Spirit do I allow to be robbed - particularly my Gift of Joy. I yearn to live in Him - drinking in the Gifts of the Spirit - wallowing in them - consuming them until they consume me - I so want to be free of the anger and bitterness - Job 21:25 "Others die bitter and bereft, never getting a taste of happiness." I do not want to be one of the "others"...........
As I read Job express his views on how unfair it is the wicked thrive - I then chew on verse 22 "But who are we to tell God how to run his affairs? He's dealing with matters that are way over our heads." Kinda puts things in perspective. Only He can see the whole paradigm.
It is my having faith and trust the He will make things right - He will seek/obtain revenge. Although I feel so vulnerable, I know I am taking steps to relinquish control (as though I actually have control lol). To focus on Him. What I can do for Him. Not wallow in self-pity - to rise above that and live for Him. Focus on Him - not compare or covet. Gets me in trouble every time. He takes care of me and provides what I need and many times what I want. It isn't about the stuff or the drama - it's about the spirit and souls.
My deepest prayer for the past year has/is to let go of all the anger and bitterness. To be free from it so when I encounter persons who "press the buttons of the past", I remain unfazed. I remain strong in Him, I remain so strong in Him that none of the Gifts of the Spirit do I allow to be robbed - particularly my Gift of Joy. I yearn to live in Him - drinking in the Gifts of the Spirit - wallowing in them - consuming them until they consume me - I so want to be free of the anger and bitterness - Job 21:25 "Others die bitter and bereft, never getting a taste of happiness." I do not want to be one of the "others"...........
Monday, January 23, 2012
01/23/12 Your stepping stones
Job 16:18 "O Earth, don't cover up the wrong done to me! Don't muffle my cry! 19 There must be Someone in heaven who knows the truth about me, in highest heaven, some Attorney who can clear my name - 20 My Champion, my Friend, while I'm weeping my eyes out before God. 21 I appeal to the One who represents mortals before God as a neighbor stands up for a neighbor. 22 "Only a few years are left before I set out on the road of no return.
Job is crying out to a savior - again - how very thankful I am for my Christ. for all - my Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and your Word. Thank you.
As I read Job's words, hear his anger, heartbreak, pleas for help - I can not help but wonder in years later - when his life is blessed again - as he is looking upon his "replacement children" - what went through his mind as his memories of this time came back - or did they ever, really leave. Did he become angry at God all over again? Or was he able to let it go and let God? I'm reminded again of Joseph - all he let go and let God. What a man of trust/faith. he really looked at life through your eyes. I pray I too may do so - that I will let go and let you - totally. your words "all for my glory" keeps running through my mind.
My stumbling blocks become your stepping stones.................
Job is crying out to a savior - again - how very thankful I am for my Christ. for all - my Daddy, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and your Word. Thank you.
As I read Job's words, hear his anger, heartbreak, pleas for help - I can not help but wonder in years later - when his life is blessed again - as he is looking upon his "replacement children" - what went through his mind as his memories of this time came back - or did they ever, really leave. Did he become angry at God all over again? Or was he able to let it go and let God? I'm reminded again of Joseph - all he let go and let God. What a man of trust/faith. he really looked at life through your eyes. I pray I too may do so - that I will let go and let you - totally. your words "all for my glory" keeps running through my mind.
My stumbling blocks become your stepping stones.................
01/22/12 - security
Job 12:13 "True wisdom and real power belong to God; from him we learn how to live, and also what to live for." Job 12:16 "Strength and success belong to God; both deceived and deceiver must answer to him."
I woke up this am after dreaming about persons who anger me. I lay there thinking about the "struggles" I had during this dream and heard you say, "For cryin out loud Deby - LET IT GO".
You have helped me see how my "little faith" is what keeps me hanging onto the anger - my false sense of control - my "wall of security". I am so sorry that I haven't trust/faith that you are in control - that you want what is best for me - because you love me.
I'm getting there!
I woke up this am after dreaming about persons who anger me. I lay there thinking about the "struggles" I had during this dream and heard you say, "For cryin out loud Deby - LET IT GO".
You have helped me see how my "little faith" is what keeps me hanging onto the anger - my false sense of control - my "wall of security". I am so sorry that I haven't trust/faith that you are in control - that you want what is best for me - because you love me.
I'm getting there!
01/21/12 Open my eyes
Job 8-11
How often did I see you as a God way above me, as a God of only fire/brimstone? I read as Job is crying out for a mediator and am so thankful for my Christ. I read as they struggle their way through and not knowing why all this has happened to him and I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit and your Word to lead me. I read of man having a schedule (Job10:5 5 Unlike us, you're not working against a deadline. You have all eternity to work things out.) which convicts me to utilize my time better for you. Thank you for opening my eyes to you - my heart, soul and mind are yours - I love you.
How often did I see you as a God way above me, as a God of only fire/brimstone? I read as Job is crying out for a mediator and am so thankful for my Christ. I read as they struggle their way through and not knowing why all this has happened to him and I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit and your Word to lead me. I read of man having a schedule (Job10:5 5 Unlike us, you're not working against a deadline. You have all eternity to work things out.) which convicts me to utilize my time better for you. Thank you for opening my eyes to you - my heart, soul and mind are yours - I love you.
01/20/12 - nothing better
Job 7
Started reading another translation - The Message. love this! Job 7 sounds so like me when I was so full of anger towards you regarding my childhood. I am so thankful you are pulling me out of self-pity and anger. Job was such a warrior. I am so thankful you have opened my heart to a book I used to not like - dread reading. Today - I love all of your Word.
Job lost everything - everything but you. He was angry, but didn't turn away from you. He came and spoke to you - he had an intimate relationship with you and spoke freely. I am thankful that I have that too. I pray that you'll lead me to those you want me to disciple - to show/teach just how wonderful and awesome and intimate relationship with you is. To draw near to you - there is nothing better!
Started reading another translation - The Message. love this! Job 7 sounds so like me when I was so full of anger towards you regarding my childhood. I am so thankful you are pulling me out of self-pity and anger. Job was such a warrior. I am so thankful you have opened my heart to a book I used to not like - dread reading. Today - I love all of your Word.
Job lost everything - everything but you. He was angry, but didn't turn away from you. He came and spoke to you - he had an intimate relationship with you and spoke freely. I am thankful that I have that too. I pray that you'll lead me to those you want me to disciple - to show/teach just how wonderful and awesome and intimate relationship with you is. To draw near to you - there is nothing better!
01/19/12 - Sir Job
Job 1-4
So much of Job confuses me - encourages me - saddens me - gives me hope. I'm confused because satan is with you - how can that be? It also encourages me that Job was so strong in you - a warrior for you. Example for me. Another example of being on this earth and sin is in our lives - the affects and consequences. It saddens me for Job lost everything in one day. He loved his children - otherwise the daily sacrifices he wouldn't have done. My hope though - is you. You put limits on sin - on satan - and you have a hedge of protection around us (Job 1:10 - "Hast Thou not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has on every side?". In Christ we are not alone. I am thankful for and know the kids are also in your hands.
Thank you for Job.
So much of Job confuses me - encourages me - saddens me - gives me hope. I'm confused because satan is with you - how can that be? It also encourages me that Job was so strong in you - a warrior for you. Example for me. Another example of being on this earth and sin is in our lives - the affects and consequences. It saddens me for Job lost everything in one day. He loved his children - otherwise the daily sacrifices he wouldn't have done. My hope though - is you. You put limits on sin - on satan - and you have a hedge of protection around us (Job 1:10 - "Hast Thou not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has on every side?". In Christ we are not alone. I am thankful for and know the kids are also in your hands.
Thank you for Job.
01/18/12 - my lads
Gen 48:16 The Angel who delivered me from every evil, Bless the boys. May my name be echoed in their lives, and the names of Abraham and Isaac, my fathers, And may they grow covering the Earth with their children.
How neat to think this is my family and you knew one day I would read, study and learn from them. I do so pray this for Adam, Nichalas, Amber and Adam's future bride, their children and those to come - all generations. I am so thankful you have allowed Curt and me to be the beginning of a family sold out for you. I pray all future generations will bring glory and honor to you. To be vessels in bringing others to you. How exciting, knowing we are part of this story in your Word!
How neat to think this is my family and you knew one day I would read, study and learn from them. I do so pray this for Adam, Nichalas, Amber and Adam's future bride, their children and those to come - all generations. I am so thankful you have allowed Curt and me to be the beginning of a family sold out for you. I pray all future generations will bring glory and honor to you. To be vessels in bringing others to you. How exciting, knowing we are part of this story in your Word!
01/17/12 - broken cycle
Gen 47:11,12 Joseph settled his father and brothers in Egypt, made them proud owners of choice land - it was the region of Rameses (that is, Goshen) - just as Pharaoh had ordered. 12 Joseph took good care of them - his father and brothers and all his father's family, right down to the smallest baby. He made sure they had plenty of everything.
How Joseph provided the best as Christ has/does for me. Including his brothers - and I was/am a sinner just like them. What a lesson in forgiveness this is - acceptance of what happened, being thankful for it, building from it and letting all the destructive parts go. To see how God's glory shines through everything. Forgiveness and go on. Continue on my journey to heaven. Thank you for your Word and my family that lives within the scriptures.
How Joseph provided the best as Christ has/does for me. Including his brothers - and I was/am a sinner just like them. What a lesson in forgiveness this is - acceptance of what happened, being thankful for it, building from it and letting all the destructive parts go. To see how God's glory shines through everything. Forgiveness and go on. Continue on my journey to heaven. Thank you for your Word and my family that lives within the scriptures.
01/16/12 - thankful for all things
Gen 45:5,7
5 But don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. 7 God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance.
Joseph speaks to his brothers, he said he knew God had delivered him there to save the lineage. But, why all the drama up to this point? To test their hearts? To let them see how much God is in control? To see how much they really have no power or control and let them see that their lives were literally in his hands? And again, favoritism reared it's ugly head. How Simon must have felt being held in prison until they returned for him. How the brothers couldn't hide from or deny their fathers' favoritism towards Benjamin.
God is using me as a vessel for Him to "save the lineage" - bring others to Him. As Paul writes, "be thankful for all things." I am getting there. And what a lesson in forgiveness Joseph has taught me.
5 But don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. 7 God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance.
Joseph speaks to his brothers, he said he knew God had delivered him there to save the lineage. But, why all the drama up to this point? To test their hearts? To let them see how much God is in control? To see how much they really have no power or control and let them see that their lives were literally in his hands? And again, favoritism reared it's ugly head. How Simon must have felt being held in prison until they returned for him. How the brothers couldn't hide from or deny their fathers' favoritism towards Benjamin.
God is using me as a vessel for Him to "save the lineage" - bring others to Him. As Paul writes, "be thankful for all things." I am getting there. And what a lesson in forgiveness Joseph has taught me.
01/15/12 - Spiritual famine
Gen 41
I hear you tell me to prepare for a famine - not for only for worldly, but for spiritual. To be prepared for these who are/will be hungry for you. Why you are having us go through the Disciple course. to prepare finacially, organizing, etc., to be a good steward, to exercise, to prepare my body for old age. to be discerning in my life as your Word guides me - to listen.
My biggest regret is not teaching/introducing Adam and Nichalas to the persons in scripture correctly - as our family - our geneology. Our family roots. So much more than just "stories in the Bible". Please may I with our grandchildren!
I hear you tell me to prepare for a famine - not for only for worldly, but for spiritual. To be prepared for these who are/will be hungry for you. Why you are having us go through the Disciple course. to prepare finacially, organizing, etc., to be a good steward, to exercise, to prepare my body for old age. to be discerning in my life as your Word guides me - to listen.
My biggest regret is not teaching/introducing Adam and Nichalas to the persons in scripture correctly - as our family - our geneology. Our family roots. So much more than just "stories in the Bible". Please may I with our grandchildren!
01/14/12 - favoritism = damage
Gen 37-39
I'm reading this and thinking the world isn't that old and already what a mess. Favoritism from Jacob to Joseph. How much damage it creates. I pray that Adam and Nichalas feel equally loved and treasured - for they are. I pray that my anger over past happenings didn't cause Adam to feel less. I pray he knows how much I/we love him. Always have - since I knew he was within me.
I'm reading this and thinking the world isn't that old and already what a mess. Favoritism from Jacob to Joseph. How much damage it creates. I pray that Adam and Nichalas feel equally loved and treasured - for they are. I pray that my anger over past happenings didn't cause Adam to feel less. I pray he knows how much I/we love him. Always have - since I knew he was within me.
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