“Not I, but God." - 01/15/13 - Genesis 35:28-29, 40:1- 41:57

^"Joseph answered, “Not I, but God." (41:16)

Joseph is such an example of being Christlike - for every recorded action towards him, he reacted in a kind way.  Even to God. 

Was there ever a point in his life that he got angry and shook his fist at God?  He had such an air of trusting God about him.  After sharing his first dream to his family, and they got angry, he then shared the second dream he had.  I think I would have kept my mouth shut after the first one.  He is in a high position under Potiphar and then after being chased by Potiphar's wife, she accuses him of trying to rape her.  Scripture doesn't record if he tried to defend himself, or if he was allowed to.  Regardless, he ended up in jail.  He is then made in charge of the prison by the head jailer.  Even in low places, God put Joseph in a position of authority.

And finally after two years he was brought before Pharaoh.  There had to be something about Joseph that stood out and caused Pharaoh to entrust Joseph (a foreigner) with the power that he gave him.  Joseph was second in command.  He was right after Pharaoh in the ranks.  I wonder if Potiphar was a little concerned?  After all, he was one of Pharaoh’s officials and the manager of his household.  Did Potiphar's wife have fear running through her veins?  They all had to have realized that there was something different about Joseph. 

How he allowed God to shine through him and gave God all the glory.  Because of how Joseph forgave his brothers, I am able to see that Joseph probably forgave Potiphar and his wife.  Along with being a person of integrity, loving, he was humble.  He gave God the glory for his abilities.  He wasn't concerned about a pat on the back.  I don't know what the proper procedure was for the speaking of different ranks, etc., but the head jailer had to have some connections.  Did Joseph ever try to get out for good behavior?  for knowing the dreams of the cup bearer/baker?  Was he waiting on God's time?

So much to learn from Joseph. 

How many moments do I grow angry and shake my fist, when things don't go my way or life is unfair?  How many times do I get wrapped up in patting myself on the back, or having others praise me, and not give glory to Him?  Joseph never took his focus off of God.  No matter where he was or the situation he was in.  Always - God came first.  He had the opportunity to brag on himself, he could have held on to anger and bitterness, after two years of sitting in prison.  And in reply to Pharaoh trying to give him the glory - he replied, “Not I, but God."


 ^"Then Pharaoh gave Joseph an Egyptian name, Zaphenath-Paneah (God Speaks and He Lives)." (41:45) 

Because of Joseph and the way he lived Pharaoh's name for him represented what he saw - "God speaks and is alive".  What do people see when looking at me?  Do I live for Him and never lose focus on His face?  Do I make the most of all situations in trust and faith?  Do I give God the glory? 

 ^"Joseph had two sons born to him before the years of famine came. Asenath, daughter of Potiphera the priest of On, was their mother. Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh (Forget), saying, “God made me forget all my hardships and my parental home.” He named his second son Ephraim (Double Prosperity), saying, “God has prospered me in the land of my sorrow.” (41:50-52)

He gave God the glory in the name of his first son.  He was able to forget and move on.  In the name of the second son,  he gives thanks.  That even in the land of his sorrow - God prospered him. 

God never left him - as He never leaves us. 

Joseph - such an example to follow...........

"Even through the bad, the ugly, comes God" - 01/14/13 - Genesis 37:1-39:23, I Chronicles 2:3-8

"Judah said, “Brothers, what are we going to get out of killing our brother and concealing the evidence? Let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites, but let’s not kill him—he is, after all, our brother, our own flesh and blood.”  (Gen 37:26-27)

His Word - there isn't one word that is there by accident.  Each and every Word is God-inspired, God breathed.  It isn't by chance that in the middle of the story of Joseph growing up to being in jail - there is a section of Judah's life. 

Joseph is the continuing history of the Israelites - the story of Judah brings us back to the Savior - our Savior - my Savior.  Both stories, of Joseph and Judah, show us how humans bring mess into God's plan  - again.  How favoritism continues to breed jealousy, division, evil in the family.  It brings back to mind ^"God spoke to Cain: “Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won’t you be accepted? And if you don’t do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.” (Gen 4:6-7)

Life 101 - It is unfair. 

There are times we do our best and still get the shaft, which is why it is essential to keep our eyes focused on His face, His ways.  To utilize His measuring stick, His Word.  To have faith that no matter what, He is in complete control and loves us more than anything.  Remember - He gave His only Son - for you. 

We are "His" favorite.

If we don't live life like this, we will live it in the opposite manner.  We will allow sin to pounce on us and get us.  It will "master us".  This is a struggle we will have as long as we live on this world.  A struggle we will fail to win at times. 

Thank the Lord for His grace and mercy!!!!

I find great hope in the life of Judah.  While researching Genesis 38, I learned the following about the people Judah had separated himself from his brothers to go and become a part of:

"The Canaanites were descendants of Can the grandson of Noah.  the religion of the Canaanites was an agricultural religion, with pronounced fertility motifs.  Their main gods were called the Baalim (Lords), and their consorts the Baalot (Ladies), or Asherah (singular), usually known by the personal plural name Ashtoret.  The god of the city of Shechem, which city the Israelites had absorbed peacefully under Joshua, was called Baal-berith (Lord of the Covenant) or El-berith (God of the Covenant).  Shechem became the first cultic center of the religious tribal confederacy (called an amphictyony by the Greeks) of the Isreaelites during the period of the judges.  When Shechem was excavated in the early 1960s, the temple of Baal-berith was partially reconstructed; the sacred pillar (generally a phallic symbol or, often, a representation of the ashera, the female fertility symbol) was placed in its original position before the entrance of the temple.

The Baalim and the Baalot, god and goddesses of the Earth, were believed to be the revitalizes of the forces of nature upon which agriculture depended.  The revitalization process involved a sacred marriage (hieros gamos), replete with sexual symbolic and actual activities between men, representing the Baalim, and the sacred temple prostitutes (gedeshot), representing the Baalot. (Judah visiting the prostitute was actually his act of worship.)  Cultic ceremonies involving sexual acts between male members of the agricultural communities and sacred prostitutes dedicated to the Baalim were focused on the Canaanite concept of sympathetic magic.  As the Baalim (through the actions of selected men) both symbolically and actually impregnated the sacred prostitutes in order to reproduce in kind, so also, it was believed the Baalim (as gods of the weather and the Earth) would send the rains (often identified with semen) to the Earth so that it might yield abundant harvest of grains and fruits.  Canaanite myths incorporating such fertility myths are represented in the mythological texts of the ancient city of Ugarit (modern Ras Shamra in northern Syria; though the high god El and his consort are important as the first pair of the pantheon, Baal and his sexually passionate sister-consort are significant in the creation of the world and the renewal of nature.

The religion of the Canaanite agriculturalists proved to be a strong attraction to the less sophisticated and nomadic-oriented Isreaelite tribes.  Many Isreaelists succumbed to the allurements of the fertility-laden rituals and practices of the Canaanite religion, partly because it was new and different from the yahwistic religion and, possible, because of a tendency of a rigorous faith and ethic to weaken under the influence of sexual attractions.  (Kind of sounds like the direction our world is going today.)  As the Canaaanites and the Israelites began to live in closer contact with each other, the faith of Israel tended to absorb some of the concepts and practices of the Canaanite religion (another proof of how essential it is to walk In God and His Word).  Some Israelites began to name their children after the Baalim; even one of the judges, Gideon, as also known by the name Jerubbaal ("Let Baal Contend").

As the syncretistic tendencies became further entrenched in the Israelite faith, the people began to lose the concept of their exclusiveness and their mission to be a witness to the nations, thus becoming weakened in resolve internally and liable to the oppression of other peoples".  (This hits so close to home and "how is my walk", "am I an oppression"?)

Why great hope in the life of Judah?  Because, God took from this lineage and brought from it our perfect Christ.  When you trace back Christ lineage, you find those who allowed sin to master them.  The persons listed in this family tree are not perfect - they lived and absorbed the ways of the "Canaanites of the world".  

Just as I have and do and will.  

Being a child of God, I am listed as part of the lineage of Christ.  My part of the family tree isn't perfect, beautiful - it's really a branch when looked upon that should be cut off!  And that is where my awesome Daddy comes in.  He takes what is rotten - the bad and the ugly and creates good from it.  Just as He did with the life and choices of Judah - and all the others in Christ lineage. 

I sit here looking out the window at the barberry bush.  It is very ugly right now without leaves, full of little thorns - much like the ugly cross and the thorns they put on His head.  But it is full of life.  Within the branches there is constant movement from the little birds that are feeding off of it.  I see them all puffed up, moving from branch to branch.  Even when the bush looks completely dead in its dormant stage, they are given food from it to continue living so they may bring forth new life this spring.  As He did when it was thought all was lost, when Christ died on the cross.  Even the little birds know to come to the bush, their feathers protecting them from the thorns.  It amazes me how their little bodies keep from freezing in this weather.  Am I drawn to the cross, to Him in such the same way?  It brings to mind how He loves me so much more than the birds.  How He provides and takes care of me.  How He has given me protection from the cold and thorns of life.  He has given me His Word to keep from becoming a part of the "Canaanite world" I live in.  He has given me eternal life with Him.

I stand amazed that He has taken my "Judah like steps" to become the "steps of being Christlike".  How He prevails.  How even through the bad, the ugly - comes God.  

How He took the ugliness of the Cross and gave us Good......


  

"His family tree" - 01/13/13 - Genesis 36:1- 43, I Chronicles 1:35-2:2

 "This is the family tree of Esau" (Gen 36:1)  









Although Esau gave away his birthright and was tricked out of the firstborns blessing, God provided for him.  I often wonder what kind of man Esau was.  He clearly accepted his brother back when he greeted him with 400 men and a kiss - instead of 400 men and death.  He invited Jacob to come back with him, didn't threaten him or scare him off.  And instead of moving Jacob out when their possessions became too great for the land to support them, he honored his father's blessing and took all he had and moved.  How God took the "nothing" that Esau thought he was left with and built a family tree from him.  In speculation it seems that Isaac and Esau were closer than Esau was to his mother.  After the tricks she pulled, I would think it was hard to trust her.  Abraham and Isaac were probably close too.  Isaac obeyed his father to the point of laying himself down on the alter to be the sacrifice.  And Abraham - through scriptures I discover he was a man who loved deeply.  Perhaps that type of love is what was in Esau's core to make him the man he was - even after being deceived. 

That is one of the many things I find amazing about our Daddy.  Even when it seems someone else gets the "best", He still takes care of us.  He takes what we are and if we allow it, He builds a tree.   He loves us in a way that is best for us.  It could be there was something about Esau that got in the way of being in the place God put Jacob.  When looking at things through my narrow vision, it doesn't seem fair that Jacob got the "prize".  There were many things that happened that didn't make Jacob's life a bed of roses.  But, God does use everything for His glory.

When I look back at my life, I don't even feel that I am the same person who lived those years.  The "Deby" outside of Christ is dead and gone.  Thankfully, He has used all my past stumbling blocks as His stepping stones.  These stones have enabled me to have an intimate relationship with Him and help others find that intimacy in Him too.  He has used my past mistakes in persons lives today to help encourage them, help prevent them from taking the same steps.  He has given me more of the gift of empathy, but not as great in mercy - which is pretty much empathy in action.  I smile when I think that He has given Curt the exact opposite and how we help balance each other out.

He has taken the life that I lived without Him and has grown it into a lineage for Him.   There were too many episodes in my life that I should have died.  From drugs, the pits of depression and suicide , to the places and people I surrounded myself with.  He took a sapling that was trying to survive in the muck of the world and transplanted it into His fertile soil.  He has given me a marriage that is a miracle in itself.  Two sons and a daughter-in-law that follow Him.  Restoration between family members. Forgiveness for past hurts.  And forgetfulness.  He has changed my heart - my eyes - my mind.

I am so blessed that our family tree is His family tree. 

"His Vessel" - 01/12/13 - Genesis 32:1-35:27

"Isaac was now 180 years old. Isaac breathed his last and died—an old man full of years. He was buried with his family by his sons Esau and Jacob." (35:39)

Curt and I have spent a lot of time in the hospitals this week.  My dad had a partial knee replacement and was in for two days.  This morning his mom was taken to ER because she was having heart palpitations.  They released her this afternoon. 

For the past two days we have enjoyed having my mom stay with us, instead of her driving all the way back home.  Curt said we really don't look alike, but we share the same laugh when we get silly. How I enjoy just watching my mom.  She has the most beautiful blue eyes that come alive and twinkle when she laughs.  As I sit and watch, I can see the years fall off of her face and picture her as a young girl. 

Today while sitting in the hospital room, Curt was in a chair beside his mom's bed.  It was neat to see their faces so close together and search for similarities.  There were other siblings there, even those who haven't spoken to each other in years.  Although they danced around each other in the small room, you could see the regret and sadness on a brothers face.  His pride has prevented him from enjoying his sister and her family.  Besides my mom, Curt and I were the only ones to stay with dad.  My one sister would have liked to be there, but she had to work. 

I was thinking while reading these scriptures today - what a heartache the separation of Esau and Jacob had to be for their father.  It was a blessing for Isaac to see them together.  I don't know if our families will see that mending.  So much deception, drama, pride in the works.  As Curt sat in the room with my dad and I sat in the room with his mom, we both knew we were there not as respective in-laws, but because we are a team. 

This morning before heading to ER, we prayed that God would use us with all who came into our path.  I know that his mom was very glad we were there by her reaction.  His one sister was thankful for our love and support, because she is the one who is being ignored.  We knew He was using us within the family.  It wasn't until we went down to the Tea Room for a cup of coffee that He showed us why we were to be there today.  I do not believe in chance or coincidences.  He is in complete control - always.

As we were heading over to the counter to place our order, I happened to look down at a young man sitting alone at a table.   We were afraid to ask why he was there as he and his family mean a lot to us.  His grandparents are getting older and that was our first thought.  He then told us that his wife had just delivered their stillborn baby son.  She was 18 weeks and they couldn't hear a heartbeat earlier this week.  He had just left their room after comforting her.  He then shared with us about how it was to hold their perfect little son, counted his toes and fingers, said their goodbyes the same time said hello.  Curt and I have two babies in heaven.  Our first I carried for 17 weeks and the second for 9 weeks. 

God used us this morning to comfort this young man.  When I think back to the perfect timing of our encounter, our exchanged words and hugs, there is no other explanation but God.  How thankful I am that God mends hearts.  That He heals us when we think at the time we will never heal.  How He repairs relationships that seem forever broken.  I thank Him every single day that He has allowed me another day to create memories with those that so much time passed not being together. 

One of the most important things He has done for my heart and my life is to teach me to forgive.  To hand over to Him the bitterness and anger that I have been carrying for too long.  If I hadn't, I would have been one of my dad's children that didn't go to the hospital.  My mom wouldn't have been staying with us.  Curt and I wouldn't have went to ER this morning.  I wouldn't have healed from the loss of our children, let alone comfort another parent who had lost a child too.  Carrying anger and bitterness would have prevented that.

It's highly unlikely that I will live to be 180 years old.  I pray though that our sons will bury me together - that there isn't separation in our family.  That they will always remain close and the years we have together, that go too fast, too soon,  are made of creating memories. Not only for our enjoyment, but for the relationships of their children and beyond - to keep this family together In Him.  I pray that all our generations won't allow revenge, bitterness, anger, or other sin to get in the way of being vessels for Him.  That their eyes will be open for any opportunity He places before them.

Because He will.

"The Boss" - 01/11/13 - Genesis 30:25-31:55

 “In the twenty years I’ve worked for you" (31:38)

Curt and I each had our first jobs when we were very young.  Being raised on farms, that wasn't all that unusual and I would not trade that experience for the world.  I love that I am a farm girl.  It taught us the value of hard work, to be resourceful in tight situations, the joys and hardships of working in the elements, to wait for the harvest.  It taught us how to work with others and alone, to recognize how we were part of a chain that contributed to the care of others.  If we didn't work, someone else had to pick up the jobs and still do their own.  It taught us the importance of a person's word, the helping out of others and allowing others to help you out.  To be part of a community - yet still be on your own.   

It also taught me the difference between the big and little farmers.  The ways that some accumulated their wealth and the ways some lost it.  I recognized very early on that farming is a gamble.  You depended on so much for your "paycheck" at the end of the year - the weather, the soil, the markets, your equipment not breaking down, time.  Through the hard physical work, it strengthened my body to do the jobs I do today.  I know that I will probably pay big time for the wear and tear in my later years! 

God has blessed our business throughout the years.  He has taken it and grown it, even when the economy is failing.  Only because of Him.  We do work hard, but He is the one in control.  I used to become so anxious and worried about bills, savings, the future.  Not anymore.  It finally hit me that this isn't our business - it is His.  We work for Him - He is the Boss.   In every single aspect of it - it is up to Him.  With every bid I send out, I send it knowing it doesn't matter if the figures are right, etc.  If He wants us to have the work, we will.  He has me see that when working for self/man you really never get ahead.  The bank account may get bigger, but how is my relationship with Him. 

Do I depend on the dollar for my security, my worth, my sense of being or Him.  I am so thankful that through our roots of being farm kids, we recognized Him in it all.  It has helped both of us become a team and work together for His business.  I am so blessed that my husband is on board of using His business to bless others.  That he watches for ways we can help someone out and we look forward to doing so together. 

So - Who is your Boss?  Who do you work for?  Where is your security?  What is the measuring stick for your work ethics, your work performance?  Do you depend on Him or the paycheck?  Jacob worked for Labon 20 years.  And throughout that time Labon tried to take everything from Jacob.  God is bigger - He provided.  And today, Curt and I work and it seems the government is taking everything from us.  We are getting older, our bodies are feeling the affects of our labor, we are getting tired.  And I could worry about our future, but I don't.  We continue on being stewards of what He has blessed us with.  We continue to look for ways to serve Him.  

We rest in Him knowing,  as He did for Jacob, He does and will provide. 

Why?  Because He is "The Boss"......

"IF ?????" - ‎01/10/13 - Genesis 28:6-30:24

"Jacob vowed a vow: “If God stands by me and protects me on this journey on which I’m setting out, keeps me in food and clothing, and brings me back in one piece to my father’s house, this God will be my God. This stone that I have set up as a memorial pillar will mark this as a place where God lives. And everything you give me, I’ll return a tenth to you.” (28:20-22)

Jacob had just had an encounter with God - who gave him an immense blessing, set up and anointed a memorial pillar, and then put stipulations on his response to God.  "If" God stands by me and protects me" then Jacob will have this God be his God.  And in his graciousness he will "return a tenth to Him". 

Oh how easy it is to look down upon people from my self appointed, self righteous, throne I put myself upon.  How often sitting on that throne gets in the way of being a vessel for Him.  When it becomes all about me and not Him.  There aren't enough words to express how thankful (and blessed) I am for His grace and mercy - which I know without a doubt are continually pouring down upon me. 

It is while sitting upon my throne that He points out the "board in my eye".  The three fingers pointing back at me while I point one towards another.  God has immensely blessed me over and over, and there are often times that I reply with - "If".  Bargaining with God - thinking that I am lording over Him. 

What a joke. 

Last night in group, while studying Ephesians 1, it connected about my adoption into His family.  It isn't until I die that the adoption is complete.  Up to that point, I have the choice of accepting Him as my Daddy.  He isn't going anywhere - He won't be moving the house - it is me that can decide to accept His adoption into His family - to belong to Him.  And how many times when I say, "if", am I taking steps back from accepting His adoption?  Because each time I put "if" into the equation, I am actually putting myself before Him.  I am not following - I am fooling myself that I am leading - not Him.

My utmost prayer requests:  That I may be a vessel for Him.  To break my heart for what breaks His.  To create in me a pure, Christlike mind and heart. 

And there I am going along, and be darned if I don't mess it up. 

Recently, we ran into a "thorn".  I didn't stand there and pray about our relationship, I didn't thank Him for the opportunity to allow Him to shine.  No - I stood there and pretended to be nice while thinking, "I really don't like this person because of the hurt they have inflicted on me and my family". 

I "if'd" the opportunity. 

My heart was basically saying, "if" this person were nice, Christlike, didn't create turmoil in our lives, "if" this person loved me like they "should", then "yea, I'll love em like Christ instructed.  I'll be a vessel for Him.  I'll even let Him shine through me". 

But I didn't.  I didn't stand in faith that He would take care of my heart if I became vulnerable for Him.

I "if'd" again.   

We then separated and we went on to our Bible Study group. 

How Christlike is that!  Again - His grace and mercy rain down.  I am so thankful that He knows my heart and my struggles.  That He knows I don't want to "if" the situations.  That He knows I desire to please Him.  For Him to use me. 

And He will.

My heart is convicted.  My eyes are refocused.  My feet are again on the right track.  May I be more into Him than into me.

May I not "if" again......

`

"Family Division" - ‎01/09/13 - Genesis 25:27-28:5

 

^"Esau seethed in anger against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him; he brooded, “The time for mourning my father’s death is close. And then I’ll kill my brother Jacob.”

 When these words of her older son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she called her younger son Jacob and said, “Your brother Esau is plotting vengeance against you. He’s going to kill you. Son, listen to me. Get out of here. Run for your life to Haran, to my brother Laban. Live with him for a while until your brother cools down, until his anger subsides and he forgets what you did to him. I’ll then send for you and bring you back. Why should I lose both of you the same day?” (27:41-45


Wow!  What a number Rebekah is.  Is she serious when she thinks Esau will "forget about what you did to him"?  I like how she uses "you" instead of "we".  Did Jacob pick up on that? 

The Blame game is played throughout these chapters.  Esau blamed Jacob for stealing his birthright, which he actually traded it for stew.  I wonder how long Jacob sat in wait for the opportunity to arise.  And then the scheme of fooling Isaac!  Goat skins??????  It is so hard to imagine how they duped Isaac when you read the story.  It is so easy to become self-righteous in my thinking that I could never fall for such a stunt, but I have - do - will.  How very often satan/self put on the "goat skins" and I fall for it. 

One of the saddest parts of this is that Rebekah knew this would be the straw that broke Esau's back.  It doesn't say what kind of mother she was to Esau, it only says, "but Rebekah loved Jacob".  Did she feel he needed it because Isaac loved Esau better?  I do know from the scriptures that Jacob was trained by his mother in the art of manipulation.  He chose to go forward with the deception.   He played his role as Esau so well, he fooled his father. 

I wonder if they thought they were also fooling God?  Rebekah told him not to worry about a curse, she would take it upon herself.  She was putting herself and her son in the place of God.  They were doing things their way - not God's.  There was no honor or respect about them - only the play acting to get what they wanted. 

"Why should I lose both of you the same day?”  Was she upset that she was now going to lose Jacob too?  How long did she think she would have to live without Jacob?  Did it really bother her to sacrifice Esau?  How did Isaac react?  

Having two sons, I can not even imagine not loving them the same amount.  I praise God that they have always been close.  Since the moment I found out I was carrying Nichalas, Adam was involved.  He went with me to every doctor visit and listened to his little brother's heart while he was inside my womb.  They talk to each other almost every day.  Curt and I both prayed that our sons would grow up as best friends.  We didn't want division between them as it has been throughout our families.  Rebekah was intentional about dividing her sons.  Her family. 

And for what?  Material blessings.  Stuff.

So much deception, manipulation, division, over stuff. 

I wonder if she was so far removed from being a Christlike mother - did she ever lay awake at night thinking about what she had created?  Or did she roll over and go to sleep thinking she had gotten her way. 

It is so essential to be a Christlike mother for the sake of our families. 

This generation and beyond. 

‎"Who do you go to" - 01/08/13 - Genesis 25:1-26, 1 Chronicles 1:28-34

"She went to God to find out what was going on." (Gen 25:22)

I stand in the supermarket line and my eyes wander over the covers of the magazines taking in the latest news.  There are affairs, divorce, weddings that cost millions, diets to make you thin yesterday, visits from aliens, the crash of the economy, and other tidbits of info. 



I listen to people in public places - eavesdrop if you will - and hear the emotions of life around me.  A parent speaking lovingly to their child,  babies laughter ringing through the crowds.  The harsh yell a child receives from their caregiver, anger at the price of an item or the outrageous tax.  The voices of entitlement as rudeness prevails.  The grumblings, the snide remarks, the compliments, the happiness ringing out in seeing a long lost friend. 

I watch people - their eyes, their faces.  Some are so excited to walk through this world - even in a crowded place.  Some you read anger, irritation as they bully their way through the crowd.  Others are bent so low to the ground you are unable to take in their eyes, their face.  They walk without hope. 

The news is on and I wait.  I am waiting to hear it.  They report about all the bad, the evil in this place and so little about the good.  Is it no wonder our focus tends to be on the bad side of life? 

All these outlets of information to let me know what is going on.  God designed me to be aware, to absorb - even when I don't want to.  As I listen to the world about me, I am overwhelmed at times.  The state of this world - so many do not even know His name - let alone Him.  The economy - that no matter how hard we work and save - it is being taken away from us to be used by those who don't work.  If I focus on the world, I could become so scared.

Where do I go to find out what is going on? 

They "tumbled and kicked inside her" so much she turned to God.  We walk in a world that is "tumbling and kicking" about us.  So much of it doesn't make sense as it goes against the Garden of Eden - the way He designed our world to be.  Before sin. 

I learned yesterday a former classmate and friend of Nichalas' died from cancer.  My heart goes out to his very close knit family.  It hits so close to home  - how quickly your life can change in a way you don't know if you would ever fully recover.  The phone rang this am and my best friend from HS, who He has had me reconnect with, shared that her daughter gave birth to her first grandchild last night.  It is hard to comprehend that so many years have passed since we were sharing life as young kids - laughing, crying, thinking we were so much older than what we actually were.  Believing we had life by the tail! 

There were times when I was so overwhelmed by the communication of this world, the emotions, the memories, the anxiousness about the future, the worries - I felt like I was on the treadmill of life - and it was at top speed.  I was so afraid of falling, not being able to keep up. 

Then I learned to go where it really matters.  To Him for truth.  To dig into His Word and learn that He is the foundation and there is nothing new under the sun.  That the world is made up of  lies that do nothing but spark fear within,  quickly turning into a raging fire - out of control. 

He taught me that no matter what the world is presenting, He is bigger.  He has trained my ears, eyes, heart to focus on Him, His ways.  To look and see Him in the crowds.  In the despair, the anger, the fear - the evil - to see that He is there all around.  He has placed His people - of which I am one of - warriors for Him  - at post throughout this world. 

I went from the world - "to God to find out what was going on".

I learned to "be still and know that He is God". 

‎"Mountain of God" - 01/07/13 - Genesis 21:8-24:67, 11:32

“On the mountain of God, He sees to it.” (22:14)

Mountain of God. 

To get to there, we have to go through the valley - or a flood. 

Until we die - the journey continues - down through the valleys to the next mountain top.  Noah waited in the ark for 375 days before the next journey to a valley.  Abraham - a lifetime.

I can only imagine what was going through his mind.  How at times he probably wished that his faith wasn't so great.  How at times he wanted to take his Isaac and run back to the valley from which they had come.  To run away from God who he had chosen to obey - no matter the cost.

He had left his comfort zone, sent away his other son,  and now was told to use his remaining son as a sacrifice - all commands from the God he loved.  Looking back over his lifetime of memories as they climbed the mountain - he had to think how does this make sense.

Only God knows the whole paradigm.  We can't - so there will be many, many times in our journey of life that situations do not make sense.  At all.

What does make sense is that God wants us to give up everything to Him.  He wants to be our most loved, most cherished, most everything - our "I AM".  Because that is what is best for us.  Because that's how much He loves us.  Not every mountaintop experience is joyful, but the view enables us to see more than when in a valley.  It brings us closer to Him when we climb upward.  We have to lift our eyes up as we climb.  I am reminded of Lot's wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt.  I wonder what prevented Abraham from turning back too.  Was it the knowing if he did it would turn his life to salt only instead of a life full of seasonings.  That it would be a life that lead to separation from God.  I don't know.  What I do know is he did exactly as commanded.  Even to the point of raising his knife to kill Isaac.

That. is. faith.

That is putting God first.

This passage of scripture is one of my most favorite because it shows me that God wants me to sacrifice "my Isaac" to Him.  That "my Isaac" is coming between Him and me - even if it is a "good Isaac".  The times when life is overwhelming - "God sees to it!"  Just as He supplied the ram for Abraham - He "sees to it" for me.  Nothing is too big for Him or out of His control.  I also love how this account between God and Abraham holds me accountable. 

What is my Isaac?  What do I need to sacrifice to Him?  To put Him first?  What do I love more than Him? 

What needs to be on my alter on the mountain of God?

"Where are you settled in?" - ‎01/06/13 - Genesis 18:1-21:7

^"Lot was dragging his feet." (19:16)         

Lot has went from pitching his tents near Sodom to living in this city of flagrant sinners.  And even after being told that it was going to be destroyed - to run and get out - he drug his feet.

The spiritual leadership role he neglected cost him his wife, who looked back, and the moral choices of his daughters.  His grandsons through them were his sons.  His choice of "settling in with sin" cost him a price that affected generations even today. 


^"Then God said, “Shall I keep back from Abraham what I’m about to do? Abraham is going to become a large and strong nation; all the nations of the world are going to find themselves blessed through him. Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe God’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that God can complete in Abraham what he promised him.” (18:17-19)

Scary what different choices persons from the same family can make - the lives they live.  Curt and I are so thankful that our sons follow Him.  We continue to pray that their relationship with God grows more intimate with each passing day, that He will be seen through them and their lives.  This isn't a prayer for our glory as parents.  We pray it for our future grandchildren and the generations to come.  We pray it so that all who come into contact with them will have the opportunity to know God.  I am often reminded that people living the Christlike life are the only "Bible" the lost will read. 

We come from families that are divided because of choices.  There are many that are in bewilderment because when asked why, they really don't know.  And then when finding out the reason or reasons, you wonder, "really".  When I became a parent, I made the choice to limit the contact of our sons with unhealthy atmospheres.  It was more important to protect them, than to submit to the peer pressure.  Curt and I were talking about this after dropping Adam at the airport today.  Even though today the boys aren't close to their extended family, God has provided a Christian extended family. 

Wherever they have moved, one of their top priorities is finding a church to attend.  Whenever they stay with us, they are in church with us.  We discuss the scriptures, we pray together, we hold each other accountable in Him.  This didn't just happen.  It came about because of where we "settled" our lives. 

Our home is "settled in"  in His home. 

I am getting better about looking at the positive in my parenting.  Instead of guilting or beating myself up over what I did/didn't do correctly, I am now trying to focus on the positives.  The positives that are seen in my fruits.  Our sons and their choices. 

One of the many promises I stand on is, "Yes, I’ve settled on Deby as the one to train her children and future family to observe God’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that God can complete in Deby what I promised her.” (18:17-19)  It isn't by chance that I am blessed with Adam and Nichalas.  God planned for them to be my sons.  How thankful I am that I made the choice to raise them up in Him.  That He has walked beside me and continues to in this role He gave me.  How exciting to think of the lives that will be harvested for His Kingdom throughout the years, because of the choices Curt and I made. 

Not for my glory, but for His.

‎"Good /Bad - No! None" 01/05/13 - Genesis 15:1-17:27

“Don’t be afraid, Abram. I’m your shield. Your reward will be grand!” (Genesis 15:1)






Dana and I laid in bed talking during the wee hours of morning about loving someone who doesn't love you back.  Her words, "love without expectations" keep running through my mind and are becoming etched within my heart. 

"Love without expectations". 

God whispered to me as I was falling asleep, "This obedience includes "bad" expectations too". 

Such is the way that Christ loved and continues to love.  He reacts to all actions with kindness.  He loves unconditionally regardless of the conditions - regardless of if His love is reciprocated or rejected. 

He loves without expectations.

"The angel of God said, “Go back to your mistress. Put up with her abuse.” He continued, “I’m going to give you a big family, children past counting.

From this pregnancy, you’ll get a son: Name him Ishmael;
for God heard you, God answered you.
He’ll be a bucking bronco of a man,
a real fighter, fighting and being fought,
Always stirring up trouble,
always at odds with his family.”

 She answered God by name, praying to the God who spoke to her, “You’re the God who sees me!

“Yes! He saw me; and then I saw Him!” (16:12-13)

I pray that I may have the attitude Hagar has here.  Yes, God said He would take care of her - but it sounds like a curse and still she praised God!  Without expectations!  Her focus never left His face - "He saw me; and then I saw Him!".  (16:12-13)

But look at the first word out of her mouth - "Yes!". 

She was an abused woman, running away from a situation that God was telling her to go right back into.  He told her the child she carried would be a son, to name him Ishmael, but the life of her son would consist of fighting and being at odds.  What mother would want that for her child? 

Yet, she still is thankful that God saw her. 

When God tells me, "put up with her abuse",  I then strive to walk away from the sin of pride, self righteousness, anger, bitterness, defensiveness and react as Christ.  It breaks my heart that I allowed my "self" to dictate how I "loved" many times.  That I didn't see past myself and failed to see it as the greatest opportunity to shower His love.  That I didn't love without expectations.  It isn't that I treated others badly, just withheld.  I wasn't me.  The me He created me to be.  I fell back upon my old self defense strategies instead of using His spiritual battle plan.  My soul feels sick that I screwed up so many opportunities.

How thankful I am that He is bigger than my mistakes.  That He allows us numerous "second chances" as long as we have repenting hearts.  That He is preparing me for the next opportunity.  I love knowing that I am forgiven and He knows my hearts desire is for unity.  He is showing me that not only must - must - I love as He does for Him.  I also must - must - love like this because it is what is best for my growth in Him.   In His growing in others. 

In loving God, how then am I able to be so selfish and not love without expectations?

To transform takes focusing on His face.  Utilizing the wisdom I have/will receive from His Word.   Obeying the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Living and loving as Christ did and does.  Living and loving without fear.  Having faith that He is my shield to protect my heart and that my "grand reward" isn't about material stuff or the relationship between people and me - but Him and me.  The hope and joy I receive knowing that He knows the desires of my heart are in align with what He wants.  Even when I fail I am striving to become more like Him.. 

To love without expectations.

"Open your eyes - look around" - 01/04/13 - Genesis 11:1-14:24, 1 Chronicles 1:24-27

^"Lot looked. He saw the whole plain of the Jordan spread out, well watered (this was before God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah), like God’s garden, like Egypt, and stretching all the way to Zoar. Lot took the whole plain of the Jordan. Lot set out to the east.

That’s how they came to part company, uncle and nephew. Abram settled in Canaan; Lot settled in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent near Sodom.

The people of Sodom were evil—flagrant sinners against God.

 After Lot separated from him, God said to Abram, “Open your eyes, look around." (Genesis 13:10-14)

When the boys were little and something had to be divided, I had one divide and the other choose, to prevent any squabbles about unfairness.  Lot had the option of first choice and from the description, he chose the best.  At least what his eyes thought was "the best". 

And Abram...........

It doesn't say why God instructed him to, "open your eyes, look around".  I wonder if it is because Abram was envious and coveted Lot's choice and couldn't see that the land that remained was actually the "best choice".  If he allowed jealousy to seep in, blinding him of what God was giving him.

It does make me think of the many times I have been guilty of that though.  Of  when I am so focused on what I didn't get that I can not see what I am getting.  The times that I believe "the grass is greener".  How I am not focusing, not having faith in what He has given me. 

Abram's faith is so astounding!  He up and left all he had, taking his family with him, not knowing where they were heading, following God's command.  He was 75 years old.  I don't know how people aged back then, if 75 was compared to our 20's.  I do know that Abram left his comfort zone and headed out into the unknown - at any age that is hard.  I read of a man who had such faith and yet came up with his own plan for safety in saying his "knock out" of a wife was his sister.  And God used this plan to prepare Abram materialistically - he came out of this a very rich man. He and his family also came out of this alive.  God uses everything for His glory. 

So, the times I feel that I have been given the short end of the stick - do I "open my eyes and look around"?  Do I continue to allow sin become such a part of my heart that I don't recognize it in front of me?  How long do I stay in the self-pity state?  Do I become tolerant of sin?  The scripture points out in the middle of all this great land Lot was receiving there was the city of Sodom. 

"The people of Sodom were evil—

flagrant.  sinners.  against God." 

What is flagrant?  Disgraceful, monstrous, egregious. Flagrant, glaring, gross, outrageous, rank are adjectives suggesting extreme offensiveness. Flagrant with a root sense of flaming or flaring, suggests evil or immorality so evident that it cannot be ignored or overlooked: a flagrant violation of the law. Glaring meaning “shining brightly,” is similar to flagrant in emphasizing conspicuousness but usually lacks the imputation of immorality: a glaring error in computing the interest. Gross which basically signifies excessive size, is even more negative in implication than the foregoing two terms, suggesting a mistake or impropriety of major proportions: a gross miscarriage of justice. Outrageous describes acts so far beyond the limits of decent behavior or accepted standards as to be totally insupportable: an outrageous abuse of the public trust. Rank with its suggestion of bad odor, describes open offensiveness of the most objectionable kind, inviting total and unalloyed disapprobation: rank dishonesty, stinking to high heaven; Only rank stupidity would countenance such a step.

Lot freely settled in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent near Sodom."  Not pitched his tents temporarily, but "settled in".  He set up his home.  He was playing with fire.  He was allowing his comfort zone to be near the place of sin.  As a leader, he was conditioning his family to be tolerant and to "live" close to sin.  We need to "settle in" with God.  As far from sin as possible, for He is Holy and can not be a part of sin. 

Where do I "settle in"?  What sin do I tolerate?  Ignore?  Allow to become "the norm".  How often am I looking over the other side of the fence, desiring it so badly, that I am blind to the sin?  How often do I go on in faith with what He has given me? Where He is leading me?  How is my faith in "His choice"?

How often do I "not open my eyes" to the blessings that He has given me in the "short end of the stick"?

‎"And then" - 01/03/13 - Genesis 7:1-10:32, 1 Chronicles 1:5-23

^"Noah was 600 years old when the floodwater's covered the Earth. Noah and his wife and sons and their wives boarded the ship to escape the flood. Clean and unclean animals, birds, and all the crawling creatures came in pairs to Noah and to the ship, male and female, just as God had commanded Noah. In seven days the floodwater's came." (Gen 7:6-10) 

In seven days.  He had to be ready - family and all of the animals. 


At times when we come up against our "floods",  we think, "no way" will we make it through and He provides.  We usually focus on the obstacles - not Him.  Then we are in awe and call it a miracle.  Something that we start to believe happens once in awhile - when in reality- miracles occur continuously all about us - because that is how He works.  We just don't see it - because we aren't looking in the right place - His face.

^"The floodwater's took over for 150 days.

 Then God turned his attention to Noah and all the wild animals and farm animals with him on the ship. (Gen 7:24-8:3) 

His time. His way.

Can not imagine how the passing of one year and ten days was for them.  How at times they probably felt completely forgotten - frightened - alone.  The first shifts of the ark as the waters began to raise and it began to float.  The fear of not knowing if their abilities in building created a vessel that would float, last until when?  Noah was 600 years old.  When living that many years, did he wonder how many more he would have to live on the ark?  Their ears hearing the sounds of death outside the ship.  Cries of voices pleading to be let in - some probably calling out their names.  Faces running through their minds of family, friends, adults, children.  Hands pounding against the wood of the ark, tools used to try and break through. 

People desperate to live. 

The sound of the rain beating against the ark. 

And then - beyond the noises within the ark - only the sound of the great wind. 

No more cries, no more beating, clawing.  No more rain. 

And the continued rocking of the ark. 

There they lived - sealed within - by His command. 

And then - God turned His attention to them.

Nichalas and I were discussing this.  About if the window Noah opened to release the raven and then the dove, was this the first time it was opened?  Did God have all of the animals and people in a hibernation state?  Did they eat normal daily food provisions? Did they reproduce?  What about all that waste!  We were wondering if God will have "story hour" in heaven by all the persons we have been reading about through His Word. 

We also discussed how God provides the "ark" for us during the "floods" of life.  In it we are not alone, He provides all of our needs, we are there for the time He sees fit and safe enough that He can go on about His business until we are in the place for Him to "turn His attention" back to us.  This isn't saying that God has forgotten us.  It just says that sometimes we need to be in the ark in order to depend on Him. 

Totally. 

^"On the seventeenth day of the seventh month, the ship landed on the Ararat mountain range." (Gen 8:4)

No green pastures, flat terrain, but on a mountain range.  Noah is now 601 years old and gets to climb down the side of a mountain.  The things God does to make us stronger will seem to be things that will destroy us - IF we focus on the side of the mountains and not His face.  His promises.   

In the storms of life that cause my "floods", I strive to look for the sign of His covenant.  His promise that He is indeed here with me.  That with each mountain top I have to climb down from - there is a rainbow. 

"I’m putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth".  (Gen 9:13)



 

"Like me?" - 01/02/13 - Genesis 4:1-6:22, 1 Chronicles 1:1-4

^"God spoke to Cain: “Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won’t you be accepted? And if you don’t do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.” (Genesis 4:6-7)

^"Cain had words with his brother. They were out in the field; Cain came at Abel his brother and killed him." (Gen 4:8)

"God said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?”
He said, “How should I know? Am I his babysitter?” (Gen 4:9)

I think about the times that I am like Cain.  How I allow the sins of jealousy, coveting, envy, malice (just to name a few), go from "lying in wait" to becoming part of my heart.  I recognize the times that I am "throwing a tantrum, sulking" because things didn't go "my" way.  Even the times when I can see as plain as the nose on my face, that things are going God's way. 

I can be so immature.  So into me.  So......unlikeable. 

I can become so wrapped up in my immaturity that I become disrespectful to my Daddy.  Yesterday, the verses He gave me pointed out again that He is the creator of all.  That He took nothingness and made it into something.  He pointed out again - He is "I Am". 

And yet, I will speak to Him as Cain did - total disrespect, defiance and arrogance.  Just like Cain - I at times see myself in a higher power than He is. 

And still He loves me unconditionally, but does He like me?  Does He like what He sees in my heart, my actions? 

For every single choice I make - there is a consequence.  At times, even when I do the Christlike action, the consequences from others may not be Christlike and I will be affected by that.  But, the real issue isn't about them and me.  It is about God and me.  He knows my heart.  He knows it better than I do. He knows that when I fail, when I feel the sick feeling from the conviction of the Holy Spirit, when I feel the overwhelming sadness from hurting my Savior, my Christ - who gave His all.  He knows that I so want to please Him.  Because I so, so love Him.

" Cain said to God, “My punishment is too much. I can’t take it! You’ve thrown me off the land and I can never again face you. I’m a homeless wanderer on Earth and whoever finds me will kill me.”
God told him, “No. Anyone who kills Cain will pay for it seven times over.” God put a mark on Cain to protect him so that no one who met him would kill him.
Cain left the presence of God and lived in No-Man’s-Land, east of Eden." (Gen 4:13-16)"

God is so much about giving us chances.  He doesn't want to lose us.  He "desires" for us to be with Him - for eternity.  He could have easily killed Cain.  Cain didn't get it.  Cain was so concerned about getting killed, he couldn't see that he was going to be cast away from God.  "Cain left the presence of God and lived in No-Man’s-Land, east of Eden".

To me - that is hell on earth.

I pray that I will not dehumanize people.  That I will see their God value - to look at them through Christ eyes.  To see them as they live in "no-man's Land".  I pray that my heart will overcome the choice of taking things personal and instead stand firm in Him for this spiritual battle He has placed me in.  That I will love and see something likable in everyone.  To not be judgmental, self righteous, or defensive.

I pray that when God looks at me He sees what He saw in Noah. 

Surrounded by a world that was totally evil.  A world that God was going to destroy because of sin.  I pray that I may be like Noah and follow God's lead - even when it doesn't seem fair or make sense - that I will be "different".  

              


       "Build yourself a ship"  
        (Gen 6:14) 

Up to this point, the world had never experienced rain.  I don't know if Noah was familiar with boats, rivers, seas, but he had to think at some point God was off His rocker.  Noah was human - just like me.  It doesn't say if God provided the resources or if Noah was a carpenter.  I can only imagine the ridicule and rejection he received for being "different".  How was his relationship with his wife and sons?  Did they submit to him willingly or with resentment? 

And the vastness of this ark. All he had was the spoken instructions - and the promise.  The promise that God would be with him.  Guiding him.  Much like He does with me.  I too have His spoken instructions - His Word.  I have His guidance - The Holy Spirit.  I have my ark to save me from the world, its' evil, the flood - my Savior.  And I have the promise that He is with me - as we journey through my life here.  

What encouragement I receive from Noah's life. 

His choice was God.  And God promised him, "I’m going to establish a covenant with you." (Gen 6:18)

So when the going gets tough.  When things don't make sense.  When I want to submit to the "sin that lay waiting", I remember Noah.  "Noah did everything God commanded him to do." (Gen 6:22)

The reason. 

I want to please my Daddy.  Because I love Him.  I like Him.  I pray that He likes me, because it pleases Him.  I want Him to use me for His glory - not mine.  I want others to not see me, but to see Him.  I so want His light to shine through me in this dark world.  I pray that He will stand out against the darkness of the world in my choice to be different and follow Him. 

I pray that when He looks at me, I remind Him of Noah.

"But Noah was different. God liked what he saw in Noah." (Gen 6:8)

"From Nothingness" - ‎01/01/13 - Genesis 1:1-3:24

"First this: God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see. Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness." (1:1-2)

There are often times that I take His greatness for granted.  That I take His power, His being in complete control, His being the one and only "I AM" , and think that I am.  That I am able to do it all, control it all, have things go my way.

What a God we serve. 

"Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness."

From this - "God created the Heavens and Earth—all you see, all you don’t see."

I marvel of Him.  That He was able to see it in His mind and just speak everything into being.  Waking up this morning to another breathtakingly, beautiful day.  Mounds of white snow covering the trees and bushes, reflecting the light from His sunshine.  His perfect blue sky the background of the crisp, clean colors. 

All of this from "a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness."

The first day of 2013. 

I woke up reflecting on the past years He has brought me through.  How my life was an inky blackness, a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness.  How He has filled it, used it for His glory.  How He has transformed my life to be that of beauty "in" Him.  I am so thankful for the way His Word is taking my focus off myself and onto His face.  That I am able to count my blessings more often that wallowing in self pity.  That He is growing my faith in knowing that through trials and tribulations, He is in control.  To wait upon His timing.  After all, He decided to create all of everything in six days, not in one spoken word. 

I was thinking about what I wanted to get done today.  One of them was putting the clean sheets on Nichalas/Amber's bed.  It suddenly hit me that the earliest they'll be back to sleep in them may be in seven months, but more likely in two years. 

Two years.

And after tomorrow, Adam's won't be slept in again for seven months. 

Seven months.

So much will happen in that time.  I look back at how much has passed in my 53 years and stand amazed how quickly it went.  I stand amazed that when He was creating the world He knew I would be here.  This very moment, using a computer to share about Him. 

Doesn't that blow you away? 

To think that in His whole creation, a little speck in the whole picture of things, He knew. 

And He did it all for me.  For us. 

Humans.  His creation.  Reflection of Him.

"God created human beings;
he created them godlike,
Reflecting God’s nature.
He created them male and female.
God blessed them:
“Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth.”  (1:27-28)

I am so thankful that each moment is a new beginning.  That my Savior has wiped my slate clean.  That as long as I breath, I have the promise of new steps.  Of new years, new days, new moments.  To know now, from the moment of creation the stars were on their journey to line up at the exact time of our Savior's birth.  Our Savior for a new life.  The beginning of the new covenant in Him. 

Separating day from night.  Evil from Good.  Eternal Death from Eternal Life.

New.

^"God spoke: “Lights! Come out!
Shine in Heaven’s sky!
Separate Day from Night.
Mark seasons and days and years,
Lights in Heaven’s sky to give light to Earth.”
And there it was." (1:14-15)

He knows my numbered seasons, days and years.  He has given me Light to mark them. 

My Light is His Son.  My Savior.

My Light is The Holy Spirit.  My  Helper.

My Light is His Word.  My Guide.

My Light is My Daddy - the Creator of all. 

And My Daddy holds me in the palm of His hand.

New beginnings from nothingness..............only He can do that.