"Favorite of His" - 03/11/16 - Deuteronomy 1-2

"Don’t play favorites; treat the little and the big alike; listen carefully to each." (1:17)

^" I tried to relieve your fears: “Don’t be terrified of them. God, your God, is leading the way; He’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what He did for you in Egypt; you saw what He did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God" (1:29-33)


I always thought it was the disrespect from others  which angered me - it isn't.  It is double standards.  It is when one is favored, allowed to do and others are not.  The damage of favoritism is felt throughout the world, the church, and into our homes.   

Favoritism has been around since Adam and Eve were kicked out of The Garden.  It is a fertile breeding ground for entitlement, narcissism, dictatorship, selfishness, jealousy, manipulation, and other unChristlike behavior.  Throughout Scripture, historical documents, we read the examples of favoritism and its consequences.  Producing a ripple which is carried down through many generations causing so much division, bitterness, hurt, loss.  Wars are created because of it. 

One of the best things about my Abba - He doesn't rule with double standards and as a member of His family I:

 "Don’t play favorites; treat the little and the big alike; listen carefully to each."

It has taken a leap of faith to actually live and believe this in such a "me" obsessed world, because if I don't stand up for "me", favoritism will run me right over.  Our world seeps with favoritism.  Be it in a store, waiting in line and completely ignored, while the clerk waits on an obvious friend who just walked up.  Hearing of medical bills being written off for someone who knew someone, while one who is really struggling - continues to struggle.  Standing with a mom and listening to her heart break as she shares of her young son being bullied, and nothing is done to the bully.  Watching so many work their hardest, at school, their job, and being passed over for that award or promotion, for someone who is favored.  When watching the news,  hearing instances of injustice to the victim.  So often I would become angry and speak malice.  But never to the persons. 

I would do anything to avoid confrontation because of fear.
Now, I know God is my defender and He has removed from me the fear and vengeful anger.  He has taken my anger and helped me to look upon those with Love and to earnestly pray for them.  I have learned and feel - our ABBA grieves.  It breaks His heart how sin is running rampant in this world and destroying those He has made in His image.  Us.

He has also taken from my heart the "need" to defend "me".  
For He is my commander in Chief  - who is not in a tent behind the army.   

He is front and center before me. 

How can I not trust Him when He says He has my back?  Why ever would I continue trying to defend myself, when He does that for me?  He knows my heart, He knows the situations I will end up in.  It continually blows me away when I look back to what and where He has brought me.  Through all those minefields - He has brought me here. 

To today.

"you saw what He did in the wilderness, how God, your God, carried you as a Father carries His child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here. But now that you’re here, you won’t trust God, your God"

It isn't just for me He has done this.  He has done this for all of His Beloved.

However do we not rely on Him and His strength?  However do we not have faith and trust in He knows what is best.   He unconditionally loves us more than we will ever comprehend. 

Ever.

No matter the situation, I have to let Him be who they see.  Who they hear. He is who holds them accountable.  I have to concentrate on my relationship "in" Him and making Disciples.  I have to see the spiritual battle for what it is and not take things personal what someone may say.  What they do or say is now between them and God. 

Being His Beloved protects us from being the victim. 
He has our back.
We are all His "favorites". 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Leaving Behind" - 03/10/16 - Numbers 35-36

"Don't desecrate the land in which you live. I live here too - I, God (35:34)









Some time ago we were conversing with Nichalas and Amber about hiking and camping and they shared with us news regarding Mt. Everest.  Decades of mountaineering have taken a toll on the peak, which is strewn with rubbish from past expeditions, including oxygen cylinders, human waste and even climbers' bodies, which do not decompose in the extreme cold.  Because of this, there is a vast amount of garbage littering the mountain earning it the nickname "World's Highest Garbage Dump".

   Climbers scaling Mount Everest will have to bring back 17.6 pounds of garbage, plus what they carry in, under new rules designed to clean up the world's highest peak, a Nepalese official said Monday. 

When visualizing the beauty of these mountains, garbage never crossed my mind.  I started thinking about how people are here, closer to home.  When mowing,  it still amazes me how anyone can roll down their window and throw out all the garbage from their fast food meal.  When did this become an act of "normal" or "accepted" behavior.  What is even sadder, often times I am very hesitant to pick up others trash for fear of what is in it or contaminated with.

Isn't it amazing how there is "nothing new under the sun", and we still don't learn.  How we simply think so much of what is convenient for ourselves, we neglect to see past the end of our nose.  So many times we throw out our "trash" believing it won't matter or affect anyone else. 
But it does. 

Every single action we take, or don't take, causes a ripple across the expansion of time. 

What our ancestors did hundreds of years ago, is still a part of our lives and will be a part of the lives of future generations.  You can't escape from it - it is a part of your makeup.  Either in your genes or traditions handed down. 

There is a story I have heard about a new bride fixing a ham for the first time.  Before putting it into the pan, she cut off the ends.  Her husband inquired why she was wasting so much meat and she replied it was how her mother always prepared the hams.  Upon asking her mother why, she realized it was because of following the example of her mother.   When asked why she did this, the grandmother replied, "because the pan was too short". 

In this Scripture, I apply it not only to the land I walk in, but my spiritual journey.  Our future generations have enough of their own battles to fight without having to haul around my trash.  This is why I take my lead of life from His Word.  It is The Truth for all situations.  It is what I want to hand down to my future generations.

I am so thankful my Savior went up the mountain and gathered all my "trash", disposing of it. I am so thankful His clean up is all I will ever need and I have been power washed clean.    

"His Land" - 03/09/16 - Numbers 33-34

"

^"But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then it shall be that those whom you let remain shall be irritants in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall harass you in the land where you dwell. Moreover it shall be that I will do to you as I thought to do to them."   (33:55-56)

I shall always love the smells of spring.  I miss the smells and the look of a field freshly plowed.  The rich, dark dirt turned over, preparing for the seed to be planted. Reminding me of how He has taken my heart. 

"drive out the inhabitants of the land".  the inhabitants of my heart. 

How thankful I am in how He has and is transforming the "land of my heart".  How He has come in and driven out the parts that are not of Him.  Preparing it.   Planting in it.  Harvesting from it. 

Our Christ shares with us the parable of the seeds - the different soils, the conditions - His Word - our hearts.

It is so easy to forget, when my heart did not have Him in it - when I lived outside of Christ - and become judgmental, impatient to those who are where I once was.  When I was young, I went with the flow.  Everyone was "accepting" Christ, so I did.  Because I didn't want to be left out.  Most of us didn't have a clue what intimacy "in" Him really meant, we just wanted to belong.  To not stand out as an outsider. 

And now, my desire is to be an outsider in this world and belong to Him.

Funny how that turned out.....

Especially when His seed fell on rocky ground. 

There are times when I am mowing by the bluffs and I have to just sit and stare.  In places - somehow, someway, a seed sprouted, took root, and became a rather large tree.  There in the rock the little roots wove their way into the cracks and hung on.

Looking back at the time when my heart was a rock, when I wasn't interested in following Him, I am able to see He found the cracks in my heart of rock and "drove out the inhabitants of the land".  His Word wove His way in and grew. 

He has transformed the rock of my heart into rich soil.  Soil that is growing seeds for Him. 

I stand amazed at how He has drawn my heart to Him, covering me in His Grace and Mercy. 
How I now run after Him, drink Him in. 
How my heart, my all, is head over heels in love with Him.  

"Scattered Scent" - 03/08/16 - Numbers 31-32

"you can be sure that your sin will track you down."(32:23)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Growing up around coon hounds, I know once they are on a scent, they don't get off. When they tree their target, they'll stay at the bottom of the tree until they are told to move off.

What a warning God gave us. It could be very scary, without hope, if I were not residing in Christ.

 

Belonging to sin is a dark, evil place, totally seperated from our ABBA. I know I do not want to be alone when being tracked by sin.

 

And I am being tracked.

The more I grow in Him, the more satan wants me to be destroyed.

There's another thing about tracking. Sometimes, something or someone will "scatter the scent" and the dogs are not able to track - they lose the scent.

 

This is exactly what our Christ does for His. He came behind us and covered over our tracks with His Blood.

 

 He laid down His life to cover my tracks - all so that sin can not track me.

 

 I know we are in spiritual warfare. I see sin all about me. Each day I fight to resist leaving tracks for sin. I know I can not do it alone. This is yet another reason I am so thankful I have Him.

The runaway slaves - without the underground railroad, they would have run without destination, without places to stop, hide, rest, as the hounds came after them. God's plan is much like the underground railroad which was a group of well organized, loyal members, gathering in and making disciples, saving lives. And often they were Christians.

Until I am in Heaven, sin will be tracking me, trying to entrap me. I am running in His underground railroad. I am helping others to escape through it too.

 

I rest in the assurance that He is "scattering my scent".
Knowing sin will run right on past me as I hide in Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Intervention" - 03/07/16 - Numbers 28-30

'But if her husband intervenes when he hears of it, he cancels the vow or rash promise that binds her. And God will release her." (30:8)


Through the years of walking with Him, how He has and is transforming my heart, my mind, my all.  Thankfully, He encourages me in seeing I am learning.  Still occurring, but not as frequently, do I hear myself speaking before thinking.

Not as often when I am offended, is there a need to defend myself. Not as often am I nervous due to an empty space between conversations, which I believe needs filled.

But sometimes, I get caught up in the excitement of the moment and words just tumble out.

Yes, there are still moments I need a zipper on my mouth.

And it needs to be zipped more than unzipped.

During those moments when an enthusiastic "yes" will pop out before I have thought things through, what is entailed, and most times - my heart really isn't in it.  I walk away knowing I have said "yes" for the wrong reasons. 

Be it excitement, guilt, shame, my own glory.

Wrong reasons.

He is continually teaching me throughout the years it is best to be quiet and just love, listen and serve. Those times I don't say "yes", is a time someone else does, because God wants them in that place.  He is teaching me it is okay to not do, because He has something coming up in which He needs me to do.  Something in my future I hadn't planned to be in my journey.

It talks in scripture your word is to be taken for what it is - a yes, is yes.  a no, is no. 

So many times I have given a "yes", and broken my word.  Or even in the saying of "no".  How often have I said "no" to sin in my life and at the end of the day looking back, see my "no" became a "yes". 

My "Husband" is my Savior. 
He is my Christ.

"He intervenes when He hears of it, He cancels the vow or rash promise that binds me. And God will release me."

This isn't a ticket for a ride to do as I please. 

I have entered into a covenant with Him and each time I sin - I am breaking my vow.  Much like the wedding vows I took with Curt.  There will be consequences of my words.  Some will seem almost unbearable, but "in" Him - "we" get through it, covered in His Grace and Mercy. 

The more in love with Him I fall, the more I don't want Him to have to cancel my vow or rash promises.  Each time He has to, it breaks His heart. 

I want to please Him. 

To give Him joy.

I am rest assured. 
There is no question.

For although my Husband, my Christ, has gotten the short end of the stick.
Still -  He loves me.
My Christ - my Husband - He keeps His vows. 

"His Soup" - 03/06/16 - Number 26-27

"The Spirit is in him!" (27:18)

There is an old story, "Stone Soup",  I remember reading to the boys when they were little.

A beggar asked alms at a lordly mansion, but was told by the servants they had nothing to give him.  "Sorry for it," said the man, "but will you let me boil a little water to make some soup of this stone?"  This was so novel a proceeding, that the curiosity of the servants was aroused, and the man was readily furnished with saucepan, water, and spoon.  In he popped the stone, and he begged for a little salt and pepper for flavoring.  Stirring the water and tasting it, he said, it would be the better for any fragments of meat and vegetables they might happen to have.  These were supplied, and ultimately he asked for a little catsup and other sauce.  When fully boiled and fit, each of the servants tasted it, and declared that the stone soup was excellent.

How thankful and blessed I am when I came to my Lord, I didn't have to beg.  He welcomed me with open arms and gave me all that He has.  Even though my status was that of a beggar, He treated me as His princess. 

Because that is what and whom I am.

His princess.

My King!  When I gave my life to Him, I became His daughter. 
He gave me not only the gift of eternal life through Christ, He gave me The Gift of His Spirit to live within me - His temple.  How often I take it for granted, do not think of it at all.

I am His temple. 

His Spirit lives within me.

The God who created this universe and all it holds - lives within me. 

Wow. 

His Spirit who guides, protects, comforts, moans and groans relaying my heart to Him, celebrates -

lives within me.

My heart is a vessel He filled with water, pure and clean, in which I made the choice to put in His stone. 

My rock. 

When I first received my Rock,  I couldn't make sense as to why He wanted it in my heart.  But then His breath blew into the embers and the flame that came from Him began to heat the water.  He added to my heart My Savior, His Son - the marrow bones becoming a broth.  Through His Word came the seasonings.  The Fruits of the Spirit, of life, His Armor, Him.  The Holy Spirit constantly stirring.  Through His family surrounding me, came the ingredients (gifts and talents) I didn't have.

And as I looked into my vessel I could see floating on top amongst the ingredients God had put in, inedible items which were poison in my soup.  Items served up on the platter of doubt by satan.  Items which I had taken off the platter and put in myself, thinking they were needed to enhance the flavor.  Sticks and decayed leaves of fear, insecurities, anger, bitterness, items of sin. 

And The Holy Spirit lifts up the slotted spoon, straining out the items bringing poison into the soup.  It isn't until I am with my Abba that we will eat of the soup.  The soup  He created out of my nothing - my emptiness.  The soup, that with continued stirring brings up the hidden sediments laying in the bottom or the ones plainly seen floating on the top, which He removes. 

Making it a perfect soup.
It is on that day we will taste of it together and He will declare it excellent! 

"HIs Living Word" - 03/05/16 - Numbers 23-25

"The utterance of him who hears the words of God,
And has the knowledge of The Most High,
Who sees the vision of The Almighty,
Who falls down, with eyes wide open" (24:16)

"All Scripture is given by Inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:1-17)

"Before I invited Christ to lead my life, I thought The Bible was just another book.  I knew it was popular and included some good teachings, but I thought of it as a book of legends that happened to teach moral lessons.  In fact, The Bible was so unimportant to me that when I needed a copy to prepare for a debate, I had to go into my basement and rummage through a box of stored books that I wasn't sure I would ever read.

But, then it happened.  I started reading The Bible - The Gospels, to be specific - and God's Living Word pierced my heart.  Waves of Truth washed over me, and I knew for sure that The Words I was reading were true and that Jesus was real.  At that moment my spirit was resuscitated, and I was born again.  And I was never the same again!

That was by far the most important change that God's Word has brought into my life.  However, over the decades since, His Truths have directed my steps and instructed me how to live.  Here is one of the most amazing benefits that you and I, as children of God, can have:  His Holy Word will speak to our spirits and bring about inspiration, motivation, understanding, and change.  It's as if we have a backstage pass to access the hidden , mysteries of our faith life.  As we open our hearts and minds to Him, we receive abundant downloads of Truth so our lives (and hearts and minds) can be transformed.

As you study God's Word during your time of prayer, recognize that The Bible is not "just another book"  The Word is alive.  Every precept comes from The Most High and Holy God.  He has created this instruction manual for us - His people - so we can live the amazing life He has designed for us.

That's Great News!!!"

copied Susan Gregory - The Daniel Fast daily devotions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"ATTENTION!!!" - 03/04/16 - Numbers 21-22

"ATTENTION!!!"

God said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it on a flagpole: Whoever is bitten and looks at it will live." (21:8)

It used to be I was really bothered by this verse, for it was almost as if God was putting up an idol of sorts. Why not have them bow down before Him while He is there as a cloud or a pillar of fire?

Then I realize. 

Humans. 

How fickle we are. 

 

How often God is right there before us, and we can't see Him because we have gotten "used" to Him, taken Him for granted, need something bigger and better to worship. 

 

How often has He showered us with blessings, and we begin to grumble soon afterward. 

Much like a small child opening presents, ripping through the paper to the next one and when finished unwrapping, wonder where are the others - not enjoying the presents.

Sometimes, He gives us "a snake on a flagpole", because it is the only way to get our attention.  That will turn us away from the selfish, self-absorbed, self-gratifying, self-centered worship we are centered on. 

 

Even when we are being bitten and dying.

 This is what happens when our focus turns away from Him.  We get caught up in the snake infested world we live in, just like the snake charmer.  We are risking our souls for eternal death. 


And when we do stop and look at the snake on the flagpole, we need to look past it and focus on Him.   

Otherwise, we begin to worship the snake.

 

Be it the building we feel comfortable worshiping in, ministers who deliver His Word, people or things that draw us near to Him.   


We need to stay focused on our Christ and what His sacrifice did for us. Freed us from.

For if we stay focused on His death and not His resurrection, we miss the reason for our Christ, our Savior. We miss The Hope. We miss The Grace and Mercy.

He doesn't want us to stop at The Cross. He wants us to continue onward. Making Disciples as we go and grow.


 But sometimes, He gives us a snake on the flagpole, as a signpost on the road. 
                                                 
                                                                                 To head us in His direction.
To eternal life............................

 

 

 

 

 

"Our Climb" - 03/03/16 - Numbers 18-20

"So take Aaron and his son Eleazar and lead them up Mount Hor. Remove Aaron's clothes from him and put them on his son Eleazar. Aaron will be gathered there; Aaron will die." (Aaron was 123 years old when he died on Mount Hor."(20:26)

 

During our visit with Nichalas and Amber last month, they took us to Zion National Park, Utah. 

There aren't enough words to describe, nor does the camera capture, the breathtaking beauty of our ABBA's Awesomeness. 

 

Driving into the bottom of the canyon and looking up or trying to capture in video what my eyes were taking in,  I was moved to tears.  Even now, just thinking about our time there in His "marvelous works", my heart moves my soul and my eyes tear up.

 

In reading today, I was reminded of the many moments while hiking the trails with Curt, Nichalas and Amber, I would think about the accounts in Scripture of the climbing of mountains by different persons. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               This is a picture of Mt. Hor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think about Moses receiving these commands from his ABBA in regard to his brother and wonder how their climb was. That's quite a mountain to climb at any age. What did they talk about? Their life together, growing up- while apart - growing old - the journey God had taken them on? How was Eleazar feeling? Did he know, have any idea? Did Moses share with Aaron what God had said - or did Aaron already know? Did they bury him or leave his body to the elements? Did God bury him? I imagine this climb was as hard on Moses as Abraham's was with Isaac, knowing he would be coming back down the mountain without his brother. 

Even when we have faith and know without a doubt where one in Christ will go - death is hard......Bittersweet.

 

 In my selfishness I desire the person to remain here with me. I think often of those who have gone before me - and how I miss them.  Our two babies - wondering what they'd look like - be like. They would have been 29 and 26 this year.  I think often about how different our lives would have been with them here.  My three grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends - missing them even more so as years go by.

The other night as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about the fact I am on the downhill side of life. At times it scares me, how quickly time flies - the years. It motivates me to get my life organized - my home, etc. It gives me a sense of urgency to look/act on opportunities and Divine Appointments He puts before me.  I look and see all of the "Moses" He has put into my life and heart, making this climb with me.

I remember in 1989, while living in Kearney, MO, God suddenly weighed upon my heart for days to call my cousin, Cyndi. I hadn't spoken to her in years and although I didn't have her contact information, I had ways of obtaining it.  

While ignoring His urging and not making that call or writing a letter, I received a call. 

 

A call telling me Cyndi had suddenly died on her couch.  During her autopsy, it was discovered she had congestive heart failure. She was 30 years old.

 

Whenever I think about not following ABBA's urging then, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Talk about wishing for a do-over. I think about her life, how lost she was, and wonder if God was trying to use me as a lifeline to Him. Or maybe just to touch base and give her some joy in reminiscing about our past times together. We were very close growing up, and unfortunately our lifestyles, choices, distance had drawn us apart. No fights or anything - just drifted apart.

 

But perhaps, He wanted to use me as a "Moses" in her climb up the mountain. 

 

I know I can not be a "Moses" to everyone, but I can be a light for Christ to everyone I meet. Even if only for a moment. He is so strong, so Awesome, and can do so much more in a moment than I can in a lifetime.

We discussed in Bible Study last night what tool in His tool box do we think we are.  I feel it depends on the season, the job, the need, is what determines the "tool" we are.  As I age, I pray I do not ignore His urging and am the whatever and however needed "tool" for Him.  I pray I will choose to be His tool to others, so they don't have to climb through this life alone. 

 

For everyone is dying, making their journey to their mountain top.

To remove their clothes and be gathered there.
Everyone will die. 



 

"The Flood" - 03/02/16 - Numbers 16-17

 "Back off from the tents of these bad men; don't touch a thing that belongs to them.
Lest you be carried off on the flood
of their sins."(16:26)

How often do I flirt with sin?
Do I run up and touch it - then dash away?
Do I bat my eyes at it, thinking I am in control?

Sin is so real.

"Carried off on the flood". Not a trickle, or a small stream, or even a river.

Not a flood, but The flood.

One small bite of a forbidden fruit - flood over the whole world - our Savior crucified on the Cross - separated from God - resurrected - conquering the grave.

One small bite.

How do I go among the world and not allow sin to touch my soul? Not allow it to penetrate my life? To not be curious about it and stop to check it out?

Only by being totally enveloped in Him.

 

His Word - directs me - leads and supplies me.

The Holy Spirit - fills and protects me.

Christ saved and instructs me "be wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

My ABBA - He carries me in the palm of His hand.

It is when I decide to take control and do things my way - instead of His. Then sin touches me.

 

satan is the father of lies. he knows what will entice me - draw me - catch my eye. To draw my focus off of God onto him or myself.

 

 Through Him I am able to really see - a sin is a sin. Outside of Christ, sin separates me from God.

It is all about keeping my focus on God.

Not to be curious or flirt with sin. After all, curiosity did kill the cat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How Quickly" - 03/01/16 - Numbers 15, Psalm 90

                                                                                                                                   Psalm 90:12



From the study notes in my Bible:

Counting Our Days.

This prayer of Moses, probably written near the end of his life, gives us some excellent insight into living.  We need to seek Wisdom, be sober-minded and diligent, and seek to use our time wisely, living in light of The Lord's commands.

                        *  Life is often painful, sometimes very painful, but survivable.

                        *  We perpetually fall short of God's plan for us.

                        *  We are loved by an all-powerful yet merciful God who knows all about us.

                        *  The only true satisfaction is in knowing and obeying God.

                        *  Serve God to your fullest, because your time here on earth is short.
                            (very, very short.)

 

"Following Passionately" - 02/29/16 - Numbers 14

“But My servant Caleb—this is a different story.

He has a different spirit; he follows Me passionately.

I’ll bring him into the land that he scouted and his children will inherit it."  (14:24)


It wasn't until I drew into an intimate relationship with my ABBA, that I found where I fit in.  I was always different from those around me, much like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  I was thinking just yesterday how He helped me realize it has always been because of Him - working on me - even before I knew Him. 

And now, I am so head over heels in love with Him.  My ABBA.

I love how He has given me a different spirit and I am a woman running after His own heart.  I love following Him passionately.  Even when the noise of ridicule, rejection, rebuke, rumbles in the background from the voices of those who don't know Him intimately.

We are often blessed with the gift of being in worship with at least one of our children.  Just a week ago, we were standing along side Nichalas and Amber in the upper balcony, our heads almost touching the ceiling, hearing the singing voices rise up to Him on their way through the rafters, at the Dream City Church in Phoenix.  Yesterday, we were standing with Adam and Ashley.  The sound of her beautiful voice gave my heart such joy, as we sang in worship together to our Lord.  My heart burst knowing our grandchildren, Charlie and Ella, were in their classes.  Learning.  Singing.  Worshiping.  Rest in knowing they are being trained up "in" Him. 

 

No matter where, the words of praise songs overwhelm my heart.   

My heart is on fire for my Lord. 

His Hand is holding mine, as I can not help but raise it to Him during the songs.  The words wash over my heart as I sing them as prayer, tears spill out of my closed lids and streak down my made up face. 

It matters not. 

It matters not that my mascara has went from my lashes to dark lines running down my face.  It matters not that my voice is not one of harmony.  He has told me, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made", including my voice. 

And now I sing. 

I sing loudly. 

I want Him to know my heart sings for Him. I want Him to know my heart beseechingly sings prayer to Him.

It is there, standing with my Curt. It is there, standing beside our young sons and daughter-in-loves.  It is there, in the same building as our grandchildren.  My cup runneth over with joy and peace.  Knowing their hearts are sold out to Him.  Knowing one day we will not be separated by distance, one day this family of ours will be together with Him.  Eternally.  Together.  Face to face.  With our ABBA.

It matters not that I have made mistakes in my role of their mother.  There are many moments I am so thankful they don't remember.  Moments which did not form who they are today, because our Abba stepped in and covered them, protected them from those errors.  He grew all of us through those moments.

 But - what does matter is -  they see I have "a different spirit; that I  follow God passionately" and were drawn to becoming that way too.

What does matter more than anything - is one day their children, and their children's children, shall see them in the same way. 

 

 I pray with all that I am, His ripple will continue on until He comes again and they will always be -

 

Different from the world.

"One with a different spirit; that follows their Abba passionately."



 

"The Doubting Grumbler" - 02/28/16 - Numbers 11-13

 

 

 

 

“Tell the people, Consecrate yourselves. Get ready for tomorrow when you’re going to eat meat. You’ve been whining to God, ‘We want meat; give us meat. We had a better life in Egypt.’ God has heard your whining and he’s going to give you meat. You’re going to eat meat. And it’s not just for a day that you’ll eat meat, and not two days, or five or ten or twenty, but for a whole month. You’re going to eat meat until it’s coming out your nostrils. You’re going to be so sick of meat that you’ll throw up at the mere mention of it. And here’s why: Because you have rejected God who is right here among you, whining to His face, ‘Oh, why did we ever have to leave Egypt?’” 

 (11:18-20)

 

 

 

Doubt was taking over the camp and faith was faltering.  The focus had fallen from The Lord.  The People fell to grumbling over their hard life.  Of not having meat to eat.  Moses "grumbled" to God because he had to take care of the dissatisfied people.  . Miriam/Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married.

And God heard.

He sent quail, fire, and leprosy for Miriam. (Why did Aaron get off again?) I wonder if when God called them out before Him, were they trembling? Were they even aware God knew what they had said?

I began to think about how often I am so focused on self, my way, me, me, me - and believe as I grumble, "He can't hear me". My grandma Dorothy used to say when we talk to ourselves we are really talking to the devil, as we say things we wouldn't say otherwise.

He does hear. And yet I would still falter in my faith and begin to grumble and complain. Paul tells us, "to be thankful in all things". I would try. I would find myself trying to look and see others lives whose are far worse than mine. I try not to compare - to covet - to be jealous. And often, when life wasn't fair, I grumbled.

Because I had lost focus. When Moses grumbled to God about all the responsibilities and he couldn't handle them all - God listened. God then provided Moses help. He opened my eyes to how often  I would try and do it all and could not. God would provide me with help and in my pride I would refuse it.  And then grumble about being stressed and overloaded.

I was having a hard time letting go. The "power", control, doing things my way.

 

My greatest teaching moment came five years ago when Nichalas and Amber's rehearsal dinner was held at our home. I was attempting to do it all by myself.  Thankfully, God provided.  Even when I refused to admit there wasn't any way I was going to get everything done.

Our home was descended upon by our friends. They invaded! Washed windows, scrubbed floors, cabinets. One even scrubbed our toilets by hand after not being able to find my brush. (That is love.)

 

Our home was invaded by Love.

Not everything on "my list" was completed and in the end, it didn't matter. The funny thing is, most everyone was outside and all the work inside went unnoticed. Our family of friends made sure we enjoyed ourselves. Not once did someone come up and ask Curt or myself a question about what to do. They all took care of us. They made sure we were able to celebrate our children without any concerns.

 

He takes care of us. Because we belong to His family. He has surrounded us in Love. Real Love.

 

I read these Scriptures this morning and smiled at how far He has brought me. What freedom has come from the time I was failing, because "I" wasn't relying on Him to stop grumbling, to where He has brought me today. He is always listening. He is continually removing doubt from my mind and bringing about my focus onto Him - not "me". He is in control - and He loves me.

I have also learned - be careful what I ask for and rely on Him to provide. To not try and dictate to Him what "I" feel is best.

 

The quail were over three feet deep and as far out as a day's walk in every direction. (Num 11:31) Can you imagine! I needed to let go and let Him. His way. His time. Not mine. He has grown my faith and trust in He knows and desires what is best for "me".

 

"God answered Moses, "So, do you think I can't take care of you? You'll see soon enough whether what I say happens for you or not." (Num 11:23)

 

 

 

"What Is Your Most Important Decade?" - 02/27/16 - Numbers 8-10

"But Hobab said, "I'm not coming; I'm going back home to my own country, to my own family."  (10:30)

How often do I hear, read, know God's promises - and say "I'm not coming, I'm going back home to my own country"? How often does "back home" look better to me than what He has in store for me? How often do I become too attached to "back home"?

Sitting beside Nichalas this past Sunday, listening to their minister, Luke,  I heard him ask, "What has been the most important decade in your life".  Instantly, so many memories rushed through my mind.  Marrying my Curt, the birth of our sons, our different places in setting up a home, the additions of our daughter-in-loves, our grandchildren.  And through all of those life changing events, it was the past 10 plus years which struck my heart.  These have been the years in which I have chosen to be in His Word each and every day.  These have been the years I have sat and gleaned from Him, listened to His voice.  These have been the years I have grown to know what intimacy "in" Him really is. 

These have been the years in which He has taken and grown my heart to be more like Him.   Changing the all of me.  I can see myself focused on Him with more and more of my steps. How He is no longer "out there", but here within me. I love how His Word is continually growing me and drawing me closer to Him.

A few years ago we completed the Downline Disciple course. His Word is over and over again telling me - "Watch - Do". I pray each day for closed doors - they are easier to see - in the areas where He doesn't want me to go.  I pray each day to be at the ready for His Divine Appointments.   (Every encounter I am wondering, "Is this the one".) I eagerly look forward in my day for the adventures He is sending me on.  It has been by refocusing on Him, I have the true freedom to enjoy life in the fullest, no matter the circumstances.

Moses countered, "Don't leave us..... If you come with us, we'll make sure that you share in all the good things God will do for us." (10:32)

In Numbers 10:1-10,  bugles were blown to notify the people if they were to march, stay, fight. Whatever His call they were to do as He instructed. Just as He never instructed them to go back to Egypt, their earthly home, it is the same for us. It isn't about going "back home". It is about where He is taking me.

I have recognized I have been too wrapped up in the past. I have been clinging to the "good" memories, trying to fill the void from the hurts which my past has left. Only He can fill that void. Good memories are just that - memories. And even though I have felt they fill me, actually they are robbing me of my present.

 Particularly with our sons. It is hard, no impossible, to treat them as adults if I am constantly remembering/focusing on them as babies and being young. God has blessed me with two awesome adult sons and their families.  I need to march on with them. Creating new memories, which are okay to take out with the old ones and look at - occasionally. Not to live through them.

"Blow the bugles.....they will keep your attention on God. I am God, your God." (Numbers 10:10)

How His Word has become, as His bugles, in keeping my attention on Him.
Telling me.
I am God, your God.

"His Dwelling" - 02/26/16 - Numbers 7

"When Moses finished setting up The Dwelling, he anointed it and consecrated it along with all that went with it. At the same time he anointed and consecrated the Altar and its accessories."(7:1)

 

 

It was a little different waking up this morning from the previous couple of weeks. The sunshine wasn't coming in, along with the refreshing, gentle breeze, through the open window. I couldn't hear the murmur of voices in the next room as Nichalas and Amber prepared for their day of work. We weren't greeted by their smiling faces upon opening the door to our bedroom. 

 

I lay thinking about what they were doing at those moments. There is comfort in being in ones home and able to picture them as they live there, going about their daily routine. Tears leak out from the corner of my eyes remembering the last glimpse of Nichalas standing beside their car, waving, as we drove away. Headed out. Distancing ourselves from them with many miles and hours. Knowing it will probably be another four months before being with them again.  

 

The furnace kicked on as I glean from His Word. The sun is struggling to overpower the grayness of the day. Trees are naked and stark, the grass is dormant. There is beauty here as well, but what a difference a day can make. 

   

Knowing Adam, Ashley, Charlie, and Ella, are here, as well as all those we share life with, somewhat eases the pain from the distance between Nichalas/Amber. How the heart can be torn while loving so many.

 

I am thankful ABBA has taken from me the feelings of self-pity and turned it into prayers for them. He has turned the time apart to be one of praise - for I have seen first hand how He is using them for His Glory. 

 

Adam and Ashley - their home. A stand alone building. A yard. Neighbors close by. Nichalas and Amber. Four walls - a floor plan identical to those units surrounding them. Children's voices intermingled with the sounds of traffic, barking dogs in a distance. Both homes built with the same type of materials.      

    

 

 

 

In the times shared with our children, He has given us a taste of Heaven, for our ABBA is the center. He is the foundation, He and His Word lives totally with them. Within their hearts, their souls, their minds. 

 

He has shown me, it isn't the building. No matter where our children place their heads to sleep, they have Him living within them. 

 

 

 

 

 

Their whole beings are His Home - The Dwelling. 

 

Such comfort knowing wherever they place their feet to dwell, He is with them. They follow His lead and look forward to Divine Appointments. There is no greater blessing than knowing the pieces of our hearts are held in the palm of His Hand. Eternally. For they, and all of His, have been anointed and consecrated by our Christ. 

We are His Dwelling.