Usually, the first thing I think of when I awake in the morning is my "Abba", my Daddy. Most often, the last thing I remember before falling asleep is praising Him for my blessings.
This morning, snuggled down in the covers, I thought about my life before Him. How many years I went without Him crossing my mind at all. Even during Christmas and Easter. I may have given His name a fleeting thought, but I didn't pray or even recognize Him as real. He was, more or less, just the name of some person, power that lived way up there. I believed He loved others and was involved in their lives. I just never believed or felt He looked at me in the same way.
Yet, there was something within me that kept searching for that something I couldn't give a name. I knew there was a void within me, but didn't even see that it was a void. I was hungry, rather starving, but couldn't put my finger for exactly what. No matter how much alcohol, drugs or men I consumed - I still continued to search. I see now that I was searching in a pitch black room with my eyes wide open, and seeing a glimpse of light here and there. It was towards that light that I would head and be pulled off track by some worldly fix.
As He had been, from the beginning.
I was finally out of that black room. The door had been there the whole time.
Not even locked.
How many times had I stumbled right by it,
not recognizing the light as an outline of a door.
"So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him"
This I have been doing and will continue until my last breath. I have chosen Life. I have chosen Him to fill all my voids. No longer do I walk in the shadow of death, progressing through the dark room to hell. Such relief I feel knowing that my choice in teaching them of Him, which began at their birth, has led our children to an intimate relationship In Him. I almost vomit when I think where my previous choices could have led them to stumble and live in the dark room. I send up praise to Him, knowing that our grandchildren will be taught of Him as their fathers - from birth. I pray that the cycle of Him will continue.
It is only by "holding fast to Him", obeying His voice, that I am enjoying this ride of living. Of life. That no longer am I in that dark room.
I am so deeply, head over heels, in love with my Abba, my Daddy. I yearn to hear His voice, spend time with Him, receive His love as it showers over me.
I love that He led me to the choice of Life.
God so blesses.