"Hoarding" - 1 Chron 26:1-28:21

  "the closets for storing all the holy things"(1 Chron 28:12)

I love how He gives me the verses each day. Before reading,I pray to hear when He "speaks" to me. It is such a delight when I actually feel my stomach do a little flip when I "hear" Him.

This morning as I was reading through about the security guards, the financial affairs, military organization, tribal administrators, the temple plans, etc. I kept thinking, "I'm not hearing Him". And then, almost at the end of reading - it leaped out at me - "the closets for storing all the holy things". I immediately thought, "what? what in the world - closets?". I drafted this verse and a couple of others because I was so sure I had "heard" Him wrong.

And tonight, when I opened up my draft - there it was staring me right in the face. And I knew. I had heard Him correctly.

There is an old story about Jesus coming into your "heart" and wanting to have every "room" within. It takes you through the living room, He talks about the TV and what you watch. The kitchen, bath, bedroom, etc. and as you guide Him through - you give over to Him each "room". That is until you come to the end of the hall to the closet. It is there you change from gracious to rude host. You stand in front of the door and are unwilling to open it because you do not want Him to see inside. It's in the "closet" that you have "hidden" everything that serves self and not Him. When I hear of persons walking off and leaving everything, except what is in their closets, then I again recognize that is where their treasure is.  Why God wants to see and know what we keep there.  

It almost physically pains me when I have to "hurry up and hide something" in my organized drawers or closets. That is why I am stressing out over my closets and things not getting gone through this winter.

Curt is a digger. He also doesn't organize very well - doesn't utilize space. He is a "hurry up and put it away" guy. It used to drive me nuts when he would dig through organized areas. Then God transformed my heart and I realized it is a blessing to have him in my life - and "share" my organized areas with him.

This verse tells me that God does provide closets. They aren't a bad thing. It's what you put in them. Are they holy things? Would I be ashamed if I could see persons going through my things when I am gone? How about when God goes through my "closet" in my heart? Sometimes when I am watching something on TV - I hear Him say, "is this holy". It isn't pornography or anything like that - it's just worldly things. I love murder mystery shows, and sometimes the violence is so worldly. I am finding things I really enjoyed - not so much anymore. One good thing about this Blog through The Word is most nights after work, I am writing rather than watching TV. Even reading the paper. satan wants us to become numb or tolerant of the worldly things.

That is why it is so essential to fill my "closet" with His Words to overcome the words of the world. As far as being ashamed. Yes, I fail so often. At times I will catch myself thinking unloving thoughts......towards someone who has "done me wrong". I need to be praying and forgiving. At times, I am totally focused on "self" and not Him. At times I allow anger to stew and the words that come forth, aren't Christlike. At times I am self righteous, judgemental, envious, coveting, lazy, procrastinate, all about self. Right there in the middle of the top shelf. And if I am not submitting to His "cleaning", that stuff will totally consume all of me and my heart.

I am so very thankful that His grace and mercy and all things holy, are also stored in there. He is helping me feel the urgency to "clean" when I am around hoarders. Those that have their "closets" crammed full physically, spiritually, and mentally. It drives me to come home and throw out!

How thankful I am that He is bigger than anything in my "closet" and He is "helping" me clean out my closet.I know that until I die there will always be little dust balls here and there. But, I also know that He will keep on "cleaning" with me no matter what.

All I have to do is stand back and open my "closet" door.

"PROCRASTINATE" -- 2 Sam 24:1-9, 1 Chron 21:1-6, 2 Sam 24:10-17, 1 Chron 21:7-17, 2 Sam 24:18-25, 1 Chron 21:18-22:19

"You're all set—get to work! And God-speed!"  (1Chron 22:16)


David went to such great lengths to prepare the materials Solomon needed to build The Temple. He did it not for the bragging rights that his family was the one, but he did it for the glory of God. David was so excited -you can hear it in his voice.






God brought to my mind the many times He has excitedly prepared me for His work, down to the smallest detail, and instead of jumping on board - I procrastinate.

How many times as a mom did I come up with some "awesome" activity to share with the boys and I was met with the "later mom".

It took the wind out of my sails.

Why do I think that I don't do that to God? Here He is - wanting only the best for me - preparing everything that I need - knowing me better than I do and having on hand the blessings that touch my heart.

And I will greet Him with, "later".

So often I come up with some really lame excuses - "I don't know the right words to say" - "they don't want to have me around" - "I'm tired" - "I'll look really dumb and embarrass you" - really lame.

Then He reminds me yet again - He is in control - it isn't by chance He has me planted where I am, how I am, who I am with - it is all part of His design. And He has "prepared" me.

How selfish I am in the times when I decide "my way" is more important. My body is His temple. He has supplied me with the knowledge of salvation, opportunities to share it, and I say, "later". It is during those times I have decided to choose "self" instead of Him. It is during those times that I missed an opportunity to reach "one more" for Him. It is during those times that I allow all the materials He prepared for me to go unused. To sit idle.

And I don't know why I do this.

The times I jump up in excitement and begin to "build" I receive more blessings than I can even acknowledge. It is the times of serving "Him" instead of "self" that I am really living.

I am praying that no matter the situation - in faith I will "get to work" and never greet Him with, "later".

MY KING - 2 Sam 22:1-51, Psalm 18

Psalm 18

1 I love You, God— You make me strong.
God is bedrock under my feet,
the castle in which I live,
my rescuing Knight.

My dearest Daddy, it is only You, and You alone where I am able to obtain a strength that overpowers anything that comes in my path. You are the solid that I can be sure of when all other steps of life have been in quicksand. You are the King of the Home in which I reside. A castle that is fortified to protect me, to keep me, to treasure me. You are my "rescuing Knight" as no other has ever been to me.


2My God—the high crag
where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout.

You are The One whom I climb up to, where I escape to, where I am hidden and protected, safe and secure in the Palm of Your Hand - The Hand that created all - That is in control over all.


3 I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty,
and find myself safe and saved.

My voice is only able to proclaim of You and Your glory - Only You are Worthy of such a song. The music envelopes me and wraps around me - consuming me in You.

4-5 The hangman's noose was tight at my throat;
devil waters rushed over me.
Hell's ropes cinched me tight;
death traps barred every exit.

I once walked in the world - not even aware that I was within the clinches of satan. His lies were deceiving, conniving, they were drawing me in. I was entrapped in a world of darkness, of no hope, of ashes and soot. There was no beauty - only death.

6 A hostile world! I call to God,
I cry to God to help me.
From His palace He hears my call;
my cry brings me right into His presence—
a private audience!

And from the world of lies and death I called out to my God, my Daddy. Please - rescue me, take me into Your care. And You did. Without hesitation, without any anger, only with love. You saved me - You saved me. You took me, ugly in sin. You cleansed me and clothed me in Your Holy wardrobe. You hold me tightly in Your arms. I am Yours and You are mine.

7-15 Earth wobbles and lurches;
huge mountains shake like leaves,
Quake like aspen leaves
because of His rage.
His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke;
His mouth spits fire.
Tongues of fire dart in and out;
He lowers the sky.
He steps down;
under His feet an abyss opens up.
He's riding a winged creature,
swift on wind-wings.
Now He's wrapped himself
in a trench coat of black-cloud darkness.
But His cloud-brightness bursts through,
spraying hailstones and fireballs.
Then God thundered out of heaven;
the High God gave a great shout,
spraying hailstones and fireballs.
God shoots His arrows—pandemonium!
He hurls His lightnings—a rout!
The secret sources of ocean are exposed,
the hidden depths of earth lie uncovered
The moment You roar in protest,
let loose Your hurricane anger.

And as my Daddy, You are my protector. You listen and hear of all the lies that held me in the world. You are angry. You are set on destroying those who have hurt the one You love so much - me. In all of my thoughts, never have I imagined the love, the loyalty, the protectiveness, as You defend me. Nothing can escape You - Enough is enough - no more will You tolerate any one to cause pain to me.

16-19 But me He caught—reached all the way
from sky to sea; He pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.

You never had me out of Your sight - even when I was walking in the depths of sin. You always knew how to reach me - and You did. You rescued me, Your hedge of protection was about me as I served self and followed the way of the world.

They hit me when I was down,
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

Those who I thought loved me, loved only themselves. They felt power as they walked on me, not caring if I was hurt or not. But You never left my side. You took some of their blows so I would live. You took me to Your meadow and I was awestruck by the beauty of Your love. I was ashamed. You loved me at my ugliest - You made me beautiful.

20-24 God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before Him.
When I got my act together,
He gave me a fresh start.

You took this wreck I called self and rebuilt it into Your image. I continue to give You my all and You continue to rebuild, repair, reconstruct In Your own way. You have taken my "stumbling blocks" and made them into Your "stepping stones". In Christ I have been given a new start - my slate has/is wiped clean. Your grace and mercy have covered me.

Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways He works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step

Today, I read Your love letter to me every single day. I look at every Word and chew on it, put it into my heart. I never take for granted, what You have brought me from and into. I look at every step I take, every breath I breathe, for You. I look at every person I encounter, what is it You want me to do. I am whole only because I am In You. I never, ever want to return back to the world. I am finally complete. I am at Home In You.


God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.


You have always desired me to be with You. To celebrate my life In You - You saved me from a death in the world, an eternal life in hell - You changed my ending when You took me In. You have given me an eternal life in You. You have captured my heart - forever and then some.

25-27 The good people taste Your goodness,
The whole people taste Your health,
The true people taste Your truth,
The bad ones can't figure You out.
You take the side of the down-and-out,
But the stuck-up You take down a peg.

I walk In Your goodness, it consumes me and makes me Complete. You have filled each and every void that my heart has ever had. I know In You my soul is not ill, it is not broken down, it is not growing weary and old. I drink in Your truths - a refreshment like non other - in a world filled with lies. Those who don't know You can not comprehend how it is You work. How it is that we who walk In You, are as we are In You. You take those the world sees as low, as kind, as weak, as nothing - and make them Your best. The ones who are full of self - You will one day show - it is You who they should be full of. They will never, ever be satisfied with self.

28-29 Suddenly, God, You floodlight my life;
I'm blazing with glory, God's glory!
I smash the bands of marauders,
I vault the highest fences.

And at those moments, when I think I can not go over one more hurdle in life, You pick me up and carry me through. It is not on myself I have to rely - it is not the way of the world to light up my path - It is You, Your Son, Your Holy Spirit, Your Word. In You there is nothing, nothing that can destroy my soul. It is safe In Your Hands.

30 What a God! His road
stretches straight and smooth.
Every God-direction is road-tested.
Everyone who runs toward Him
Makes it.

I love You my Daddy! There aren't any traps or hidden tricks that You haven't cleared from my path. You step before I step ensuring that I will be safe. My road to You is paved with Christ blood, there aren't any sink holes to entrap me - I know that You have made this road to You one that I am able to run quickly on and not tire. Your arms are outstretched as a parent to a baby learning to walk. Your Word is encouragement and guidance. I am not alone on this road. I have You.

31-42 Is there any god like God?
Are we not at bedrock?
Is not this the God who armed me,
then aimed me in the right direction?
Now I run like a deer;
I'm king of the mountain.
He shows me how to fight;
I can bend a bronze bow!
You protect me with salvation-armor;
you hold me up with a firm hand,
caress me with your gentle ways.
You cleared the ground under me
so my footing was firm.

There is no other like You. None can compare. I was so lost, so alone and then I found You. I was never prepared, protected, until You. I was stumbling about - unsure of where, when, to go or to stop. You direct me, You supply me with what I need. I have a purpose. I can recognize the enemy and those in his clutches. Those who I need to rescue, to tell of You - so they may be In You too. I stand confident In Your armor, I follow Your lead - knowing You are all knowing, You build me up, you hold me accountable, You groom me and nurture me. You have made me strong and ready to fight. For You. For the lost.


When I chased my enemies I caught them;
I didn't let go till they were dead men.
I nailed them; they were down for good;
then I walked all over them.
You armed me well for this fight,
You smashed the upstarts.
You made my enemies turn tail,
and I wiped out the haters.
They cried "uncle"
but Uncle didn't come;
They yelled for God
and got no for an answer.
I ground them to dust; they gusted in the wind.
I threw them out, like garbage in the gutter.

You have opened my senses to the ways of the world. No longer am I trying to fit in, to be one with it. The things I once delighted in, I can not stomach. They disgust me, they make me angry. I see they are not of You and want to destroy them. It saddens me that people, and sometimes even myself, throw sin in Your face, without any fear, any respect and without any love. I don't see many who are torn to the core when they realize their sin rips Your heart out - because it separates us from You. It saddens me of the many, many who worship and depend on self and their gods. Being one In You makes me so much more aware of the emptiness I once had outside of You. Of what they are experiencing.



43-45 You rescued me from a squabbling people;
You made me a leader of nations.
People I'd never heard of served me;
the moment they got wind of me they listened.
The foreign devils gave up; they came
on their bellies, crawling from their hideouts

You have allowed me to be a vessel for You, for Your glory. It amazes me the many times that You provided words to be spoken to others. It amazes me that You are able to use one such as I, one who was and is such a sinner. It shows me just how amazing You are to be able to take a chunk of coal and make it into a diamond - much as You have done with me.

46-48 Live, God! Blessings from my Rock,
my free and freeing God, towering!
This God set things right for me
and shut up the people who talked back.
He rescued me from enemy anger,
He pulled me from the grip of upstarts,
He saved me from the bullies.

I love how You have completely transformed my life - how You have taken me from the pits of hell and given me a taste of heaven while here on earth. I love how You have changed my focus onto You and what really matters. I love how Your truth always, always, comes out and conquers the lies. I love how You have taken me and given me worth. How You have enabled me to love me as You love me. To see myself through Your eyes. How You have shown me what is real. How You have taught me to use Your measuring stick and not the world's or my own.



49-50 That's why I'm thanking You, God,
all over the world.
That's why I'm singing songs
that rhyme Your name.
God's king takes the trophy;
God's chosen is beloved.
I mean David and all his children—
always.

I pray that the Holy Spirit will moan and groan to You how much I love and thank You for what You have done in/with my life. I pray that I will never be able to keep quiet about You. I pray that every conversation I have will have Your name sprinkled throughout. I pray that all who look at me, see only You. I pray the way I live will draw others to You in wonderment of what it is I have. I pray that they too will want You. I pray that all the generations that come from Curt and me will be Yours. That they will go out and make disciples one by one until the end of time. I pray that all of our generations will be Your Warriors.

I pray that I will not waste one moment that You give me.

That I will see all as Your children.

All.

"When I am old(er) and gray(er) - 04/30/12 - 2 Sam 19:32

"Barzillai was a very old man—eighty years old! He had supplied the king's needs all the while he was in Mahanaim since he was very wealthy."(2 Sam 19:32)


I have a very dear friend, Wilma, who is 82 and has been widowed for a number of years.  This past summer she and another lady went to Morocco to visit her granddaughter.  Wilma is always on the go for Him.  She is always finding ways to utilize her time, gifts, and talents for Him. 

This is what I pray for.....that I will choose to utilize me for Him - up to the last moment.  The biggest difference I see when looking at some of the elderly is their focus.  When you speak with Wilma it is about Him, opportunities she has been given and taken, she is almost always smiling or laughing.  She delights in life. 

I pray I  become like that.  I so pray that my face will always reveal the delight and laughter that is in my soul because I stay focused on Him.  I am not concerned anymore about what is my purpose here in life.  It has finally connected that my purpose isn't about "all my life", but "my minutes in life".  My purpose is to "go and make disciples".......no matter my age! 

So many places in scripture God gives us the ages of people.  In the old testament they are at times well into the 100's.  Can you imagine!  I am thinking if He can use Sarah and Abraham in their 80's/90's to parent the father of a nation - He'll be using me!! There isn't a valid excuse I can offer up to not be used. 

At times, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes wince at the wrinkles and excess rolls of fat laying there.  Then He kicks me in the butt and has me really look.  Past the image in the mirror.  Into His eyes.  He is seeing His daughter - beautiful, fearfully, wonderfully made.  In His image. 


No matter my age.

"Wise Counsel" - 04/28/12 - 2 Sam 15:1-17:14

(God had determined to discredit the counsel of Ahithophel so as to bring ruin on Absalom.) (2 Sam 17:14)

It amazes me how often we as humans think we can usurp God.  How we can "outsmart" Him, slide one by or the best one, "He'll never notice".

God will do as He sees fit - not using "our" way of thinking, but His.  I think about all the pain and suffering that went on because of Absalom.  I greatly admire David in what I have learned about him through scripture.  I admire foremost His love for God.  I admire how he came from being a shepherd to being a king and did so much good for God. 

But, I don't admire him as a parent.  Because he chose to bury his head in the sand - his family was able to ruin so much.  Absalom had to have had some good in him at one point as he killed because of his sister.  Maybe that's why God tells us more than once to let Him handle revenge?  I don't know, but there aren't too many "happy endings" when you read about "us" taking it into our hands.

Perhaps if David had of stepped up to the plate when they were younger, different choices would have been made.  I don't know.  I do know though that God doesn't bury His head in the sand.  He will use any method to save us. 

That's why it is essential to draw our counsel from Him - and from those that are In His Word. 

"Courage" - 04/27/12 - 2 Sam 12:26-31, 1 Chron 20:2-3, 2 Sam 13:1-14:33

Courage! You can do it!" "We all die sometime. Water spilled on the ground can't be gathered up again. But God does not take away life. He works out ways to get the exile back." (2 Sam 13:28, 14:13-14)


All day yesterday, while mowing, I prayed and God cleansed my heart.  How so very mighty is He. 


God did one amazing thing.  He cleansed me.  He has been "washing" from me all anger and bitterness these past few months and yesterday it was like He put me through the rinse cycle!  All that was left in my heart was total forgiveness.  Just as in His heart He has total forgiveness for me. 

I just kept coming back to this verse.  The past is exactly that - the past.  It is, "Water spilled on the ground can't be gathered up again".  God reminded me through this verse that, "But God does not take away life. He works out ways to get the exile back".  Just as I was once an exile. 

With God all things are possible.

"God works out ways to get the exile back". 

So clearly I see that His cleansing my heart is one of, "His ways". 

I  continue to pray every day for Him to use me. 

To have "courage" In Him.

 

"streching out" 2 Sam 17:15-29, Psalm 3, 63, 2 Sam 18:1-19:30

But you, God, shield me on all sides; You ground my feet, you lift my head high; With all my might I shout up to God, His answers thunder from the holy mountain. 5-6 I stretch myself out. I sleep. Then I'm up again—rested, tall and steady, Fearless before the enemy mobs Coming at me from all sides. 7 Up, God! My God, help me! Slap their faces, First this cheek, then the other, Your fist hard in their teeth! 8 Real help comes from God. Your blessing clothes your people!(Psalm 3:3-4)

I love how His Word reminds me over and over again that He is my shield, my grounding, my pride.  I love how I am able to stretch myself out. How I am able to sleep in peace.  I love how because of Him - I am rested, tall and steady. 

The truth always comes out.  Just as in light overpowering darkness - so is truth over lies. 

I think with this whole ordeal regarding some people - it is the lies that are wearing me out.  Constantly being on guard with what enters my heart - do I or don't I believe.  Some people are a house of cards that is falling apart.  I am praying that when they hit bottom they will rebuild In Him, not in the false sense of self they have before. 

I am so thankful that He is my shield on all sides.  Even though I am standing firm In Him - I still need - need - His protection.  I am praying for discernment with words that are spoken from everyone.  I am praying for the lost souls, which are so very lost, but think they have the world by the tail.  I am praying for others not to fall victim to anger/bitterness - that they will draw strength from God. 

I love that I am free to stretch myself out. 

When I picture this, I see me - my arms open wide, outstretched to heaven, standing on the tips of my toes.  Trusting completely that I am completely protected.  I am totally vulnerable.  Even in the midst of this battle - I stand grounded In Him - His Truth.



I love that I hear His voice of truth over the voices of lies.

HOW HIGH - 04/21/12 - 2 Sam 3:6 - 4:12

"I'll help bring the whole country of Israel over to you.  "Great",  said David. "It's a deal. But only on one condition: You're not welcome here unless you bring Michal, Saul's daughter, with you when you come to meet me."   David then sent messengers to Ish-Bosheth son of Saul: "Give me back Michal, whom I won as my wife at the cost of a hundred Philistine foreskins."   Ish-Bosheth ordered that she be taken from her husband Paltiel son of Laish. But Paltiel followed her, weeping all the way, to Bahurim. There Abner told him, "Go home." And he went home."(2 Sam 3:12-16)

This verse has always gotten "my dander up".  I know that women back then were a possession.  That Michal was David's wife first.  I know that she should have been with him.  But, she wasn't.  And for her husband to show his love/grief for her without thought of others seeing him, showed how deep a love they had for each other. 

Was her being with him that bad?  David already had other wives, did he really need to have Michal back?  Was it more of an honor thing or pride?  And how was she about leaving Paltiel?  Scripture tells us that at one time she did love David.  Did she ever stop?  Was she thankful to be back with him?  When she is full of scorn watching him dance in the streets later on, I am thinking there are some anger and bitterness issues going on. 

The thing is - I can not see the whole paradigm.  Yes, I have lots of questions - but I don't know everything that is going on.  Or all the traditions, etc. of that time.  What I do know is that there are many times when God doesn't make sense and I react the same way. 

I ask why, why, why.

I am learning also through Scripture that there is much in His Word I haven't a clue about.  The same goes for life.  It isn't my place to know "why".  My place is to follow and act. 






To actually say, "how high". when He says, "jump".   I also have learned that my heart needs to be free of scorn, anger and bitterness. 


It goes back to Focus, Faith, and Trust.

Even when it doesn't make sense. 

"THE SHUFFLE" - 04/22/12 - 2 Sam 5:1-3, 1 Chron 11:1-3, 12:23-40, 2 Sam 5:17-25, 1 Chron 14:8-17, 2 Sam 5:6-10, 1 Chron 11:4-9, 3:4, 2 Sam 5:13, 5:4-5, 5:11-12, 1 Chron 14:1-2, 13:1-5, 2 Sam 6:1-11, 1 Chron 13:6-14

"Go up," God replied. "Count on me. I'll help you beat them." (1 Chron 14:15)  "When you hear a sound like shuffling feet in the tops of the balsams, attack; God will be two steps ahead of you, slaughtering the Philistines."(2Sam 5:20-21)

I have always loved this verse from the first time I read it.  I love to imagine how it would have been to be in the midst of a battle and stop. 

Stop to listen for "a sound like shuffling feet in the tops of the balsams". 

I love that He is two steps ahead of us, "slaughtering the evil that is in our path".  That He has cleared the way through Christ.  That I can count on Him.  That He is my ultimate Helper.  My triumpant Leader.

I love God's imagination - His using the "out of the ordinary" to have faith and depend on Him.  It makes me wonder how many rushed forward to attack and how many held back saying, "are you sure we're hearing what we're to be hearing".

Humans. 

I love how differently He created us.  And all of us are in His image.  Each different, unique, interesting, part of us is in His image.

We are our own worst enemy. 

Tonight in group, one shared that they feel so inadequate, ill equipped to be a leader, to tell others about Christ.  That is exactly what satan wants us to believe.  The neat thing is - God gave him a blessing and reinforcement that he is a leader and a witness.  He had a man come up and tell him that because of him, he was able to pray with his wife and son - for the first time ever.  He then told him that he gains much strength from the Christ example that he is living.  

I love how God gets in our face to show us that through the eyes of satan or even self we do not see see ourselves accurately.  How He sees us.  How we really are In Him.  Through Him.  Because of Him. 

I am just as guilty in believing the lies.  In believing that my weaknesses are much greater than His Will.  How bold of me to think that I can get in the way of Him.  He is able to use all things/people for His glory.  The lies I believe at times.  I love how His Word sets me straight.  To listen to His truths and not hinder my job in reaching others for Christ. 

I love how His Word is training me to "hear a sound like shuffling feet in the tops of the balsams". 

IT'S SPIRITUAL - 2 Sam 8:15-18, 1 Chron 18:14-17, 6:16-30, 6:50-53, 6:31-48, 2 Sam 9:1-10:19, 1 Chron 19:1-19

Yesterday after turning my phone back on,  I saw I had missed a call. 

As soon as I saw who from, it was happening.  I could feel the fear, deep down within my inner core.  Wanting to actually throw up.  I thought I had gotten control over that fear.  I hate confrontation.  I hate to see people arguing, afraid that they are going to turn and direct their anger towards me.  Even if they are complete strangers and I am standing 20 ft away from them.  I hate the feeling that comes over me and I will automatically reach for something to stuff into my mouth.  While I was stuffing Trail Mix into my mouth, I suddenly recognized what I was doing.  Instead of praying about this fear, giving it to God - I was trying to bury it.  It hasn't been removed from me, just hidden away. 

 It makes me sad, brings tears to my eyes, and pulls at my heart over the relationship I share with this person.  I am thankful though that I do hurt,  If I didn't, it would mean my heart is totally hard toward them.  I do love them, just do not approve of some of the things they have and are doing.  I can't support those things.  I won't - they aren't scriptural. 

There is so much drama going on right now.  It can be overwhelming at times.  I know we are in the middle of a spiritual battle - it's so plain to see. 

"If the Arameans are too much for me, you help me; and if the Ammonites prove too much for you, I'll come and help you. Courage! We'll fight might and main for our people and for the cities of our God. And God will do whatever he sees needs doing!"(1 Chronicles 19:13)

I love how He reminds me I am not alone in this.  My Curt is such a steadfast, grounded in God, strength for me.  This verse reminds me that this is what being in God's family is all about.  We are all in the middle of a spiritual battle - sometimes the fighting is more intense for some!  "If it is too much for me, you help me:  and if it proves too much for you, I'll come and help you."  I am not alone!  He has provided so much support and prayers for me through my "family" In Him.  As I have been, will be for them. 

"Courage"!

Courage In Him.  I walk In Him - He walks before me.  He has so many angels fighting before, around, and after me.  I can take courage in knowing I am following His lead.  Even when the evil feels overwhelming, I KNOW He is "I AM". 

That He is there in the midst of all the drama.  I have to remember this is about winning souls for Him.  It's about turning it over to Him and trusting.  To not take things personal.  Even when it looks like evil is winning - it isn't.  He is in control.  I am In His protection.  All the manipulation and hurts that are surfacing, He is bigger.



             "And God will do whatever He sees needs doing".




I

In the Storms of Life - 2 Sam 7:1-17, 1 Chron 17:1-15, 2 Sam 7:18-29, 1 Chron 17:16-27, 2 Sam 8:1-14, 1 Chron 18:1-13, Psalm 60

 "Before long, the king made himself at home and God gave him peace from all his enemies."(2Sam 7:1)

This morning before reading, He had me on my knees with my head in His lap.  His arms wrapped around me as I wept.   Tears of sorrow, repentance, regrets.  I was making myself "at home" IN Him.  I didn't want any distractions this morning before He spoke to me.  I wanted/needed a focused mind and heart, to let Him have my full attention.

The tears I feel are more about how He is hurting.  The regrets of choices that have led to today by people.  I have such sorrow as I look at others in their pain.  Pain has been such a constant.  When looking at persons, who  have tried/trying to cover up the results of serving self.  Who are struggling right now because of a wrong turn.  Those that do not have an intimate relationship with Him.  Those that "think" they do because they go to church - sometimes -  read His Word - sometimes and missing out the greatest Bestest Friend you will ever have.  I am seeing the results of persons who have taken His Word and twisted it to meet their words - the results of that is a life of turmoil.  It doesn't work.  At all. 

As I prayed, I couldn't help but speak aloud.  Before I never wanted to do that in fear that satan would hear and know my weaknesses.  "Not putting much faith in God there, Deby".  Faith that He is bigger than satan and has His hedge of protection around me.  God is fortifying me right now and I am so relying on His Word.  Digging in.  There are already signs of scabs being knocked off and wounds being reopened.  Scabs there because they have never been allowed to heal properly - through Him not self.  There has to be this cleansing of me so I may be a vessel for Him.  I can so see that satan is in the middle of peoples lives causing great damage.  But, I also see His people (including myself), in the midst of storms,  He has given us peace - even joy.  Actually, all the fruits of the Spirit.  Tammy told me they just studied Gentleness in group.  It means "controlled strength".  I love that......Controlled STRENGTH - not weakness.  I can feel I have that too.   He is also showing me that satan is the enemy here.  He will use anything and anyone to attack us.  We have to remember, this isn't personal - it's spiritual. 


"please, just one more thing: Bless my family; keep your eye on them always. You've already as much as said that you would, Master God! Oh, may your blessing be on my family permanently!" (2Sam 7:29)

I find such encouragement through His Word today.  He knew I would need these exact Words on this day, this morning, this moment.  How awesome is that!!!!   I know I am not reading more into it - I know it is Him speaking to me.  To me.  Through my own personal Love Letter from Him.  That is why His Word is so alive.  It is able to meet the needs of all who are IN it.  When they need it.

"Who am I, my Master God, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? But that's nothing compared to what's coming, for you've also spoken of my family far into the future, given me a glimpse into tomorrow and looked on me, Master God, as a Somebody. What's left for David to say to this—to your honoring your servant, even though you know me, just as I am? O God, out of the goodness of your heart, you've taken your servant to do this great thing and put your great work on display. There's none like you, God, no God but you, nothing to compare with what we've heard with our own ears...... And you, God, became their God.

So now, great God, this word that you have spoken to me and my family, guarantee it forever! Do exactly what you've promised!.....That's how I was able to find the courage to pray this prayer to you. God, being the God you are, you have spoken all these wonderful words to me. As if that weren't enough, you've blessed my family so that it will continue in your presence always. Because you have blessed it, God, it's really blessed—blessed for good!"(I Chron 17:16-27) 

The family that I have with Curt, Adam (even his future bride), Nichalas, Amber and our future generations "it's really blessed—blessed for good".  I can say that with utmost confidence because He has promised me that.  Because He is not only my Daddy - He is our Daddy.  I can not express the joy, the relief, the blessings I have knowing we all walk In Him. That He is the Head of our Family. 

I see that only through Christ are we able to bring others to Him and become His family. It is our job to make disciples for Him.

In all things He brings about His glory. Even in the middle of storms - He shines. 

I am so thankful that my focus is on Him - so I am able to see Him shining through wreckage.

I am so thankful that my faith is In Him - so I am able to know He will carry us through to the other side.

I am so thankful that my trust is In Him - so I may live In His hope that He is my "I AM" and will do as He promises. 

ENDINGS - 2 Sam 6:12, 1 Chron 15:1-28, 2 Sam 6:12-16, 1 Chron 15:29, 2 Sam 6:17-19, 1 Chron 16:1-43, 2 Sam 6:19-23

  "When she saw King David leaping and dancing before God, her heart filled with scorn."(2Sam6:16)

During times in my life, when I would watch from the edges, the not being included or accepted,  brought about bitterness, anger and at times jealousy. For the past few years it has been my utmost prayer that He would remove those from my heart. There have been close prayer warriors in my life lifting me up. It is with great joy that in the past few months I am finally living without the "scorn". I have finally started to release the anger and bitterness within my heart to Him.   I am learning to stand firm and know I am accepted and loved by Him.  

I told Curt though, the hard part of not having a heart filled with scorn is that it is so open and tender. No longer hard. It would be so much easier if I were able to hate, to separate myself and when hurt is inflicted - to have apathy. I am thankful though that He has tenderized my heart. Instead of relying on me, my defenses - I am relying on Him.

"Michal, Saul's daughter, was barren the rest of her life."(2 Sam 6:23)

This verse is about not having children. While reading it though, God made me aware that it could have also been my heart. I know that He is always preparing my heart to be a warrior for Him to reach the many lost souls.  They are throwing sin into the face of God and if they were to die right now - because of their fruits - I know they are living outside of the covenant. Outside of Christ.  They would be going to hell.  And that is what tears my heart apart. I may be the only vessel for Him they encounter.  Does my "self" get in the way? 

Even though it hurts so badly, I am so thankful that He has changed my heart, that it is not barren, and I am able to love - even those who are "unlovable". It is right now that they need God's love and others love more than any other time in their lives.  Not when it is right for me. That is why when I pray, as I live - please may I not be seen - but, Him. That all will see Him - not me.

"And David went home to bless his family."(1 Chron 16:43)

I am so thankful that I am in the intimate relationship with Him for not only this time, but all of times. I pray that others with a barren heart will come to know Him and bear fruit for Him. There are so many in this world who are lost, lost souls. Living in a world of evil, darkness and they don't have to.

The verse that grabbed my heart today was one that gives me strength, comfort, assurance and hope:

"Give thanks to God, for his love never quits!"(1Chron 16:42)

How very thankful I am that at any moment, I am able to climb up in my Daddy's lap and feel His arms around me. Knowing that His heart is breaking more than mine, because He loves so much more than I can. Knowing that He is holding me tightly as WE go through this journey TOGETHER. Knowing that He is/will be using me for His glory.

Knowing that He loves all more than I can imagine.  Not just those who are in a covenant with Him - all.  May I see the urgency to love the lost to Him.

I just pray, pray, pray, all will know this too.

Before it is too late.

"NO" - I Sam 26:1-27:7, I Chronicles 12:1-7, I Sam 27:8-29:11, I Chron 12:19, Psalm 56 - 04/18/12

"I'm proud to praise God,
proud to praise God.
Fearless now, I trust in God;
what can mere mortals do to me?
God, you did everything you promised,
and I'm thanking you with all my heart.
You pulled me from the brink of death,
my feet from the cliff-edge of doom.

Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life." (Psalm 56:10-13)



"Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life"

In the past few years God has taught me a very powerful, life sustaining word.

"No".

It used to be that I was a lot like a chicken with it's head cut off.  I said "yes" too often.  Part of it was because my heart was in it and I felt directed to.  Most of it though, in all honesty, was about being accepted.  Fitting in.  Being a part of something.  Even if my heart wasn't in it.  And then whatever "it" was - became a burden.  This burden would then stress me out, affect my role as a wife, mom, friend, etc.  And then life would become totally unbalanced.

The turning point came (and still is) when His Word seeped in and changed my heart.  Filled it actually.  It amazes me how He took the voids and filled them.  Recently, I was asked to decorate for the upcoming women's garden party at church.  I was going to be working with a woman who owns a decorating shop and really thought that would be nice getting to know her.  There was also a part of me that thought it would elevate me to another social circle.

I am being very transparent here - it was the part of me that wanted to belong to the "in" crowd.  I am still a work in progress!  And I say progress with great God-fidence! 

The funny thing He did and I am thankful that I recognized it - that I submitted to His lead and didn't plow on through - I wasn't coming up with any decorating ideas.  Usually He bombards me with them.  Not now. 

I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place to do this.  Our work schedule is very busy to say the least.  Last night was another night when we yet again got home at 8:30 and ate at 9:00.  I have many, many projects that need attended to in our home and outside.  I have no business being involved in an outside project.  There isn't any way I could do my best at it.  And that isn't the way I want to serve Him.

A good friend of mine gave me some great advice when I was thinking out loud to her about this.  I said I just didn't love the idea of doing the decorating.  She said, "then you need to step back and let someone else do it that would love to".  I did and feel so much lighter!  I love the feeling of being able to actually enjoy life because, most often

 "Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life"

That is pretty much my guideline to saying "yes" anymore.  After I pray about it, I check to see if I would "love" to serve in that way.  Even jobs I don't particularly care for - do I love to do it.  You see, when I find myself "loving" to do it - I know not only is my heart in the right place - so is my focus. 

I know then I am loving it because I am serving Him - not self. 

Storms - 1 Sam 30:1-31, 1 Chronicles 12:20-22, 1 Sam 31:1-13, 1 Chron 10:1-14, 1 Chron 9:40-44, 2 Sam 4:4, 2 Sam 1:1-27

"David strengthened himself with trust in his God.  Then David prayed to God"(1Sam 30:7,8)

I love David.  His example of how often he relied on God.  How often when I become fearful do I react like he did or go running scared?  What a lesson I get from these verses.  Life isn't always fair.  Sometimes when you feel like you're "walking in sunshine", storms will suddenly sweep in. 

One of the many things I love about standing firm in Him is that He helps me be aware of the storm clouds that are coming.  He also surrounds me and protects me. 

I can remember being young and sneaking out onto the front porch during storms to watch the sky, the effects of the wind.  I love storms.  I think it would be so neat to be a storm chaser.  But, I love storms when I am watching from a safe place.  As an adult I have I have learned that porches are not a safe place, lightening can strike you even while watching from a window. 

David was in a storm of life and he knew that he would have to go into the middle of it.  He also knew that He would be safe because he used the most powerful weapon he had - "he prayed to God".  Most times God does allow us to watch the storms from a safe distance, but sometimes we are required to go in the middle of it.  Being thankful during these times isn't my strong suit.  Afterwards, when reflecting - I am.  Weathering the storms helps me grow in Him and also in becoming who He created me to be.

Another thing I remember from my youth living in the country, were all of the underground storm shelters that people had in their yards.  They were usually quite close to the house and also used to keep their canned goods and vegetables in.  This wasn't a space used only for storms - it held their foods to live on during the winter months.  Also, by keeping their foods in them, they would have something to eat if their homes were destroyed.  It was also something that had to be maintained and cleaned.  The brush had to be kept back from the door for quick, easy access.  Yearly cleaning of the inside, removal of any spoiled foods, snakes, rodents, etc.  I can remember helping my great aunt dust off her shelves and cleaning off the jars. 

His Word is exactly that to me - my own personal storm shelter.  I have it in my heart and it is my spiritual food to live on, to keep my heart clean and organized.  I know though that for years I really didn't utilize it all the time.  It sat there in "my yard".  As I walked by it, mowed, lived around it, I became so used to it that I didn't see it.  How thankful I am that He made me aware of it without having to weather a major storm! 

David prayed - how is my prayer life?  How often do I really step down into my "storm shelter" and just pray?  Perhaps that is why He keeps waking me up in the middle of the night.  Our life is so busy now during the day - He knows that this time of morning is still.  Kinda like the calm before the storm - He is preparing me for the day ahead.

"Strengthened myself with trust in my God" for any storms that will come up. 

Not may - but will.

  

Not a loser - 1 Sam 22:1-2, Psalm 57 & 142, 1 Chronicles 12:8-18, 1 Sam 22:3-23, Psalm 52, 1 Sam 23:1-12

"So David got away and escaped to the Cave of Adullam. When his brothers and others associated with his family heard where he was, they came down and joined him. Not only that, but all who were down on their luck came around—losers and vagrants and misfits of all sorts. David became their leader. There were about four hundred in all."(1Sam 22:1,2)

This summer will be my 35th High School reunion. Wow, that looks even older when actually written out than when I say it! The fifth and twentieth are the only two that I have attended.

I was never part of the "in" crowd. Awhile back I wrote about being a misfit - enduring the joys of being made fun of, not included and even bullied. For some reason I still allowed myself to be pressured into attending the fifth reunion. The 20th I mainly went to bury some ghosts. I am thankful I did as God really opened my eyes, not only to myself and how He sees me, but also to those who used to intimidate me. I stress "used to".

The invitation I received a few weeks ago brought up memories that I had buried deep. Not deep enough obviously. In trying to fill a void, to fit in, I did many things that I am so ashamed of. Thankfully, God reminds me that I haven't been that person for over 30 years. It isn't that I am embarrassed to attend this year, I just don't want to.

What I find humorous is that then all I wanted was to be included. Now - I don't care. It's because He has filled the void. He has blessed my life with grace and mercy. He has given me so many treasures - Curt, Adam, Nichalas, and Amber to name a few. My life is very rich and very full. I love so many and am loved back. I love truly belonging to this wonderful family of "misfits"! There just aren't enough words to express how very much I love the "family" He has blessed me with. And every day He introduces me to more siblings. How great is our Daddy!


The funny thing is that I am still a misfit in this world. I look at the people that Christ surrounded Himself with and they were mostly the same as the band that David had. Losers and vagrants and misfits of all sorts. Many of those in High School that were in the "in" crowd never grew out of High School. I see that being a misfit was actually the best thing that could have happened to me.

I so love that God is able to take the "losers" and make them winners. I love that He is able to take my shame and remove it from me with His forgiveness, grace and mercy. I love how He has taken my sins and used them for His glory. Most of all though I love how He took the world's rejected and made them totally accepted. I love that He has exchanged the world's measuring stick for His own.

But most of all, I love that I am one of His "misfits".