As soon as I saw who from, it was happening. I could feel the fear, deep down within my inner core. Wanting to actually throw up. I thought I had gotten control over that fear. I hate confrontation. I hate to see people arguing, afraid that they are going to turn and direct their anger towards me. Even if they are complete strangers and I am standing 20 ft away from them. I hate the feeling that comes over me and I will automatically reach for something to stuff into my mouth. While I was stuffing Trail Mix into my mouth, I suddenly recognized what I was doing. Instead of praying about this fear, giving it to God - I was trying to bury it. It hasn't been removed from me, just hidden away.
It makes me sad, brings tears to my eyes, and pulls at my heart over the relationship I share with this person. I am thankful though that I do hurt, If I didn't, it would mean my heart is totally hard toward them. I do love them, just do not approve of some of the things they have and are doing. I can't support those things. I won't - they aren't scriptural.
There is so much drama going on right now. It can be overwhelming at times. I know we are in the middle of a spiritual battle - it's so plain to see.
"If the Arameans are too much for me, you help me; and if the Ammonites prove too much for you, I'll come and help you. Courage! We'll fight might and main for our people and for the cities of our God. And God will do whatever he sees needs doing!"(1 Chronicles 19:13)
I love how He reminds me I am not alone in this. My Curt is such a steadfast, grounded in God, strength for me. This verse reminds me that this is what being in God's family is all about. We are all in the middle of a spiritual battle - sometimes the fighting is more intense for some! "If it is too much for me, you help me: and if it proves too much for you, I'll come and help you." I am not alone! He has provided so much support and prayers for me through my "family" In Him. As I have been, will be for them.
That He is there in the midst of all the drama. I have to remember this is about winning souls for Him. It's about turning it over to Him and trusting. To not take things personal. Even when it looks like evil is winning - it isn't. He is in control. I am In His protection. All the manipulation and hurts that are surfacing, He is bigger.
"And God will do whatever He sees needs doing".