Friday, August 29, 2014

"Closer Still" - 08/26/14 - Lamentations 3:37-5:22

"You came close when I called out.
You said, ‘It’s going to be all right."(3:57)
Keeping busy helps. It helps me from thinking, counting, wishing, crying.
But then there are moments of stillness and my heart is physically aching.

Aching for our Nichalas.
Aching for our Amber.

How blessed I am for being in an age of modern technology, to be able to speak or even see them through Skype. How blessed I am for remembering and taking out special memories to carry me through until the next time of being together. How blessed I am to have Adam home. After having them all three gone at once, I don't take any moments for granted. My life over runneth with blessing.

But sometimes.......
Working on Adam's home together, the three of us when it had always been the four and now five. Watching Curt and Adam as they talk or goof around, missing the third man of our hearts. Hearing bits of conversation from Adam's end when talking to Nichalas, the missing him coming through his voice. Hearing him say, "I love you" before hanging up. Knowing they speak almost daily. Having some of our "kids" over for supper and wishing I could pick up the phone and include Nichalas/Amber.

Just being able to see them face to face and be in their presence.

I was peeling potatoes at the sink last night and my heart was hit with that deep down ache. Knowing it will be another four months, making it a total of six, before seeing them again - I shook it off and tried to "buck up". Even this morning, thinking about our phone conversation last night, hearing his voice, I am trying not to cry -
these darn hormones.........

And I think about how much ABBA missed His Son those three days when separated after The Cross. I think about how much His Son missed His ABBA - His Daddy. What I am experiencing is nothing compared to what they endured.

Endured because of Love. Endured because it was the only way I could be, we could be, with our ABBA - eternally.

Blessed and thankful for this ache in my heart - it is a reminder of just how much my ABBA loves and desires me.
Because all He desires - is to see me face to face and be in my presence.


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