Thursday, March 22, 2012

03/22/12 - Through sands in the hourglass.........

"Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." (Joshua 1:8,9)

It blows my mind at times that I have seen 52 years already. There are parts of my life that went by in a blur. Other years seemed to have stayed around for a long time. I'm not upset about aging - wouldn't do any good! Do I look forward to it? Not really. Even though I know that when those in Christ die, they are with Him eternally, selfishly I want to keep some persons in my life forever. Without the aging process for some of us!

My g'ma is going to be 92 this year. My parents are in their 70's. Curt turned 55. We'll be together 30 years in June. Adam is now closer to 30 than 25 and Nichalas and Amber are inching towards middle 20's. Where did the days go?

Then there's my body! Weight won't come off. I feel fat rolls as I sit, walk. My skin has lost that youthful glow. And the cottage cheese look on my legs is so not good for wearing shorts! No longer am I able to lift as I once did. Not only because of ebbing strength, but my lower back. Sleep comes earlier in the evening and leaves even earlier in the morning. I can see signs of aging with Curt too. He is still strong, but I see him weakening. Getting tired faster. No - I do not embrace aging. Scripture says that gray hair is a sign of glory. Maybe for a man. I can not believe what a hassle it is to color my hair and how often! And no - I am not going natural.
Sometimes I think about death. Statistics say usually women outlive men. Thinking I may have a life without Curt brings tears to my eyes. How I love him - my best friend. No one has ever put up with me as he has and loved me so - except God. I've known quite a few women who have buried their children. We have two in heaven, but selfishly I do not want to bury Adam, Nichalas, Amber or those to come.

If I allowed myself, thoughts of death could consume me. Scare me. Become my obsession. God tells me to meditate on His Word - day and night. He promises me I'll get where He wants me to go, if I stay focused on Him. Life isn't an easy journey. But, walking in Him there are blessings in all things, situations. I also receive strength and courage through Him.

He also has shown me to savor each moment. Do I look back at the end of my day and smile at how I chose to spend my time? I started keeping a separate journal this year listing only in it what made me smile that day. I don't want to forget, or take for granted, the big or small smiles He gave me. I don't want to let fear of growing older, of death rob me of those.

He tells me not to be timid. Embrace my fears, get to know them - dance with them - then they can no longer have a hold on me. He is with me every single step of the way. Being in His Word every day has transformed my heart and focus. He is everywhere I look. He is enabling me to savor life, set my priorities to His measuring stick not mine. That living here on this earth really isn't what it is all about. That really living is living with Him eternally.

There is nothing that can stop time except to die. Until that happens - it does march on. I am blessed with many memories. Blessed with the fact that I dread seperation from us that death brings for those I love, because He taught me how to love deeply. Blessed with the promise as long as I am alive, there will be more smiles. Blessed in knowing He conquered death.

So my lesson from Him - "Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going" - be it with thoughts of aging, death, memories, etc. My number one job in my journey of life is to go and make disciples. Too many are dying not knowing Him. Too many moments are being spent without Him being the focus. Too many are living in total fear of death.

And He has also shown me to cherish each and every moment.

Time goes - too fast, too soon.

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