Friday, February 24, 2012

02/24/12 The "needs" of life

Leviticus 25:18-22 "Keep my decrees and observe my laws and you will live secure in the land. The land will yield its fruit; you will have all you can eat and will live safe and secure. Do I hear you ask, 'What are we going to eat in the seventh year if we don't plant or harvest?' I assure you, I will send such a blessing in the sixth year that the land will yield enough for three years. While you plant in the eighth year, you will eat from the old crop and continue until the harvest of the ninth year comes in."

I marvel at our God. He knows we need rest, but a year! Throughout this passage, (Lev 23:1-25:23) He commands that we rest. Our Sabbath. Time to worship, reflect, and trust in Him.

It is hard for me to just "rest". I struggle with getting my worth in my work. He is helping me to realize this and work for His glory. I think about how hard it is to trust that He will provide as we rest. I can only imagine what some of the persons were feeling regarding a whole year off. Provision for their family, livestock, etc. What would they do for a whole year?

We started following Dave Ramsey Financial Peace quite a few years ago. I need to get back on it totally. It doesn't make sense on paper, but it works. It works because it puts God first. Sets priorities. Not only for the material, but also for the spiritual. It causes me to see that this is just a temporary place. That things I see, want, are only temporary. It causes me to rethink things - is it a need or a want.

Visiting Adam - so thankful for this time, has been a time of rest. So hard for me to not be cleaning, organizing, decorating, just to rest. I've been reading, cooking, exploring. I've also been able to drive our Envoy, which Adam has here in NY. We have his "96 Camero. We also had a loan approved and went looking for a replacement for the Envoy. After prayer, not feeling a peace, we came to the conclusion. Right now replacing the Camero is just a want. We laugh that it's the getting in and out that is so hard because we are so old and out of shape and it is sooooo low!

I love the peace that comes from trusting in Him. To know He will provide. He does - every time. Even when we had nothing - He provided. After having Adam, after losing part of our insurance, my income, because I had to stop working and go on almost complete bed rest - or lose Adam - after losing a new home we were in the process of building - due to loss of income - we were so broke. We ate one small meal a day. I breastfed Adam. There was just enough money to pay rent, utilities, bills, and gas.

I had so much pride - I was so foolish. A girlfriend, Teresa, called me one day and wanted to come by on her lunch hour. She asked if she could bring me anything and I said no - on a diet. Reality was I had too much pride and wouldn't accept her gift of food. I didn't want anyone to know how broke we were and I didn't have any money to reimburse her - too much pride to accept that she wanted to buy me lunch. As she left, she wrapped up half her uneaten hamburger and fries, then threw it in our trash. When she was gone, I went over to the trash, got it out and ate it. I was starving. I didn't recognize He was providing a gift of food through Teresa - which I refused.

A blessing.

I have a hard time accepting blessings. I love to give them though. Sign of control and power. Over the years when I begin to decline a blessing from someone, God brings to mind Teresa. In my refusing to accept her blessing, I wasn't allowing her to give a blessing. He is helping me change. To rest, have faith He will provide. That doesn't mean being lazy, or being a bad steward. It means being a good steward of what He is giving me. To share - not find my worth in what I have and do.

He is changing me to help me see this time with Adam isn't about working. It isn't about what "jobs" I can do for him to feel needed. It's about harvesting, building on our future, giving me treasures to fill my heart.

It's about the needs in life.

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